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RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 4:12:42 PM   
subbybound


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/27/2015
Status: offline 		A lot of people are making good points. Points I never thought of.

I always gave her an one hour therapeutic massage each time she came over. She said she is so happy because otherwise she would have to pay for it. Would it be fair if I told her,
"What, you would be paying someone else for this massage? The same massage I'm giving you? Well, I want to be paid each time I give you a massage."

(in reply to HAK1M)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 4:36:27 PM   
HAK1M


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/2/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

A lot of people are making good points. Points I never thought of.

I always gave her an one hour therapeutic massage each time she came over. She said she is so happy because otherwise she would have to pay for it. Would it be fair if I told her,
"What, you would be paying someone else for this massage? The same massage I'm giving you? Well, I want to be paid each time I give you a massage."

OK lets make things clear first. and excuse my french LOl.
1st off she is not there to get a massage, and she does not need it. she was not in fact mainly " enjoying the massage itself" she was enjoying your hands on her body.
2nd she is a WOMAN. hope this explains a lot.
3rd she comes visit you as your dominant or Mistress, so it is her rules and her say. and above all, and regardless she was domme or sub. she is a woman after all. and women dont like to share their possession with other women.
so saying, the only options you have now are (2).
1st option) if you like the girl and want her to be around then scrape up some money and pay her for one session, it is the best way to make it up to her and heal her ego you have already injured. she may exempt you from paying after you make the first payment.
2nd option) you know what.

< Message edited by HAK1M -- 11/13/2015 4:40:20 PM >

(in reply to subbybound)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 4:49:08 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

A lot of people are making good points. Points I never thought of.

I always gave her an one hour therapeutic massage each time she came over. She said she is so happy because otherwise she would have to pay for it. Would it be fair if I told her,
"What, you would be paying someone else for this massage? The same massage I'm giving you? Well, I want to be paid each time I give you a massage."

You're not comparing apples to apples.

More comparable would be her laying there while you're massaging her saying - "On my birthday, I'm going to spoil myself and go to a real masseuse"

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to subbybound)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 5:16:07 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yep, telling your play partner, "On my birthday, I'm going to spoil myself and pay someone to do the job right," most assuredly wasn't your brightest moment.

How do you fix it? No clue.

Sorry

WinD

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 5:31:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah there is no fix.
If he doesn't get it he never will.
Comparing it to paying for massage vs topping, is ludicrous.
SHE didn't bring in a paid masseuse to take care of the job in front of him.
He got what he deserved, no partner without pay.
Love it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Yep, telling your play partner, "On my birthday, I'm going to spoil myself and pay someone to do the job right," most assuredly wasn't your brightest moment.

How do you fix it? No clue.

Sorry

WinD



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 7:15:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You feel that the massage you gave is equal in value to the topping you received. And you're allowed to feel like that.

But she feels that it isn't. And she's allowed to feel like that.

You aren't going to change her feelings. Her feelings are valid. As are yours.

They simply aren't compatible.

Should you get an offer of such a situation in the future, which is doubtful, then you will need to sit down and talk out what you are each giving and whether you each feel it's sufficient to equal what you're receiving. You didn't talk about this upfront and you offended her beyond repair.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 7:44:23 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You feel that the massage you gave is equal in value to the topping you received. And you're allowed to feel like that.

But she feels that it isn't. And she's allowed to feel like that.

You aren't going to change her feelings. Her feelings are valid. As are yours.

They simply aren't compatible.

Should you get an offer of such a situation in the future, which is doubtful, then you will need to sit down and talk out what you are each giving and whether you each feel it's sufficient to equal what you're receiving. You didn't talk about this upfront and you offended her beyond repair.

wut she said

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 9:58:45 PM   
Bunnicula


Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline 		Boring troll is boring

_____________________________

"You are THE MAN!!" - some_random_internet_asshole
"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock


Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to HAK1M)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 10:01:03 PM   
Bunnicula


Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

Is that the best you can do, Kevin?

Sadly, it pretty much is.

Kevin, are you still on the dole or have you joined the rest of productive society yet?


At some point he'll get a boyfriend (or rent one) and realise that actually being a decent human being makes life a lot easier.

Until then it's him, little Kevin and his over-used right hand.


_____________________________

"You are THE MAN!!" - some_random_internet_asshole
"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock


Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 11:02:44 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

She is the one that told me she is only available for play.
She is currently in a vanilla relationship.
We are not having intercourse, so I'm not "looking to park my dick."

It's not about me "using her." It's about we had a friendship. If she told me she would like to introduce her vanilla boyfriend into the scene and bring him along that would be fine with me.
I did apologize and told her I won't see the Pro-Domme. I wasn't going behind her back.

Friends are supposed to talk and work things out. Listen to each other.

You may not really be "friends." According to what you said, you don't spend vanilla friend time together, only kink play time. If you get arrested she isn't gonna' come bail you out or help you bury a body. I think you are fooling yourself thinking she is a friend. You have a mutual kink that you were both getting off on... you are a booty call.

So, I really think you screwed the pooch. You taught her you were willing to pay for that booty call that she was doing for free. Now she sees the rewards for playing with you can or should include money. Sometimes that is exactly how whores learn to become hookers. Someone offers to pay and they learn they can earn.

Good luck with your dilemma. I've been in the lifestyle since 1971 and in all my experience I see no help to undo what you did other than try to negotiate a "token" price you can afford. You created the monster and I think you should look at WickedsDesire as your fortune teller.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to subbybound)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:49:56 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

A lot of people are making good points. Points I never thought of.

I always gave her an one hour therapeutic massage each time she came over. She said she is so happy because otherwise she would have to pay for it. Would it be fair if I told her,
"What, you would be paying someone else for this massage? The same massage I'm giving you? Well, I want to be paid each time I give you a massage."

No
not the same..
derp
you did the damage by wanting to have two women to play with at once.
Anything after that can be simple retaliation for being a presumptuous dunderhead..



_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to subbybound)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:50:04 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Yeah there is no fix.
If he doesn't get it he never will.
Comparing it to paying for massage vs topping, is ludicrous.
SHE didn't bring in a paid masseuse to take care of the job in front of him.
He got what he deserved, no partner without pay.
Love it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Yep, telling your play partner, "On my birthday, I'm going to spoil myself and pay someone to do the job right," most assuredly wasn't your brightest moment.

How do you fix it? No clue.

Sorry

WinD





Maybe she wants to get paid to get "a real massage from a pro"

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:56:11 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Yeah there is no fix.
If he doesn't get it he never will.
Comparing it to paying for massage vs topping, is ludicrous.
SHE didn't bring in a paid masseuse to take care of the job in front of him.
He got what he deserved, no partner without pay.
Love it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Yep, telling your play partner, "On my birthday, I'm going to spoil myself and pay someone to do the job right," most assuredly wasn't your brightest moment.

How do you fix it? No clue.

Sorry

WinD





Maybe she wants to get paid to get "a real massage from a pro"

get someone to show her how to do it properly eh?



_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 4:43:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound
A lot of people are making good points. Points I never thought of.

I always gave her an one hour therapeutic massage each time she came over. She said she is so happy because otherwise she would have to pay for it. Would it be fair if I told her,
"What, you would be paying someone else for this massage? The same massage I'm giving you? Well, I want to be paid each time I give you a massage."

We have a guy in my area who goes by the name Pedicure XXXXX. He is an amazing hit at all of the FemDom parties because he honestly does salon quality work. If he opened a shop tomorrow, I, and at least twenty other women I know would be patronizing it.

Like many Dominant women, I have the experience of s-types who brag about being great at massage, and it's not true at least 75% of the time. I've run across three (maybe four) who were actually good at it. Two had been licensed massage therapists in the past. (Gj and chosen.) Must say that tk was good at it. Mxxx was pretty decent but he actually studied.

If you're qualified to work at an actual business, then yeah, you have the skill level. If not, it's hot air.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to subbybound)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 8:22:30 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Massage
1. throw a bucket of oil over her - the more the better and that's pretty much it.
2. Ask her 3 seconds later when is it my turn and do it till I fall asleep

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:30:30 PM   
cindyluvNY


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/29/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
You may not really be "friends." According to what you said, you don't spend vanilla friend time together, only kink play time. If you get arrested she isn't gonna' come bail you out or help you bury a body. I think you are fooling yourself thinking she is a friend. You have a mutual kink that you were both getting off on... you are a booty call.


I agree with what RS wrote.
I know that posters are saying you are insensitive, being a jerk, unforgivable offense, etc. No relationship is perfect and everyone screws up. If it's a relationship you talk things out and work things out. If you have a "thought" of seeing a Pro-Domme and tell her and she freaks out and ends it - it wasn't a friendship to begin with. For someone to break off a relationship because you "thought" of something and asked her about it - it wasn't a relationship to begin with. You were just a booty call.

You asked "why does she think this way?"
Because she wasn't a friend and you were just a booty call.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:47:45 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		call me old if you like but i thought a booty call was a sexual thang.
He said there was no sex. thats a pretty shitty version of my experience in booty calls
he said....For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
Now she may well be using him as a no sex "submissive" we dont have the full story or even her side..
But Im ONLY going on what HE said.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to cindyluvNY)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 3:58:34 PM   
HAK1M


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/2/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
You may not really be "friends." According to what you said, you don't spend vanilla friend time together, only kink play time. If you get arrested she isn't gonna' come bail you out or help you bury a body. I think you are fooling yourself thinking she is a friend. You have a mutual kink that you were both getting off on... you are a booty call.


I agree with what RS wrote.
I know that posters are saying you are insensitive, being a jerk, unforgivable offense, etc. No relationship is perfect and everyone screws up. If it's a relationship you talk things out and work things out. If you have a "thought" of seeing a Pro-Domme and tell her and she freaks out and ends it - it wasn't a friendship to begin with. For someone to break off a relationship because you "thought" of something and asked her about it - it wasn't a relationship to begin with. You were just a booty call.

You asked "why does she think this way?"
Because she wasn't a friend and you were just a booty call.

NO, it was a relationship in its primary stages, and it
could have developed into something more substantial if he had not moronically screwed things up beyond repair.
NOW he gotta pay for his stupidity.
knowledge and wisdom are not free.

(in reply to cindyluvNY)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 4:00:57 PM   
cindyluvNY


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/29/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

call me old if you like but i thought a booty call was a sexual thang.
He said there was no sex. thats a pretty shitty version of my experience in booty calls
he said....For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
Now she may well be using him as a no sex "submissive" we dont have the full story or even her side..
But Im ONLY going on what HE said.



The OP wrote, "She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me."

He is assuming that they were good friends. In my book, a good friend doesn't discard the relationship just because someone "thought" of something and soon realized it was a mistake. Good friends, whether they are or aren't having sex, just don't do things like that. They weren't good friends to begin with.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/14/2015 4:18:22 PM   
HAK1M


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/2/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

call me old if you like but i thought a booty call was a sexual thang.
He said there was no sex. thats a pretty shitty version of my experience in booty calls
he said....For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
Now she may well be using him as a no sex "submissive" we dont have the full story or even her side..
But Im ONLY going on what HE said.



The OP wrote, "She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me."

He is assuming that they were good friends. In my book, a good friend doesn't discard the relationship just because someone "thought" of something and soon realized it was a mistake. Good friends, whether they are or aren't having sex, just don't do things like that. They weren't good friends to begin with.

IT TAKES ONLY ONE MISTAKE IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS.

(in reply to cindyluvNY)
Profile   Post #: 40
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