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RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/14/2015 12:55:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
The problem is that stalkers smell fear, they thrive on it, so if you hesitate contacting authorities because you're worried about the kink connection, it's encouragement for them...

And, this is exactly why I think our rates are higher in kink land. People not being 'out' is just another thing some of these folks use. People shouldn't think that just because somebody participates in their kink community or even presents at major cons does not mean they are out to their employers, their school, family, or other vanilla associations. That's why it becomes an effective method (outing) for some in the kinky, poly, and/or LGBT communities.

<Fast reply not directed to any specific person.>

I don't want to attribute this to a poster because I don't think it's what was meant. The idea of tell no one is a very, very bad piece of advice.

Your neighbors should know in case the stalker shows up to your home. Your employer/school should know if the stalker comes there. Your family should know in case they get contacted because the stalker is trying to find you. Same goes for friends who you socialize with on a regular basis. If you go to munches/events/clubs, you want to tell the organizers. It's better to tell and have nothing happen rather than not tell and then something does.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 41

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/14/2015 1:17:45 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

The "Get In There First" is important, you get your view over first, if the stalkers gets there first you end up defending yourself, which puts you in the weaker position

Isolating the victim is one of the classic moves of a stalker

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 42

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/14/2015 1:27:00 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

My stalker story began with when the father-->(Scott) of my child left us to go live down in the states. (I was at the time living in AK).

His best friend--> (James) decided upon himself to replace Scott, to watch over me and my daughter --->(The understanding male friend) Would show up at my house uninvited--->(To make sure we had everything we needed) Bring me things I never asked for or wanted, would call my friends to snoop into where I was-->(Keeping track of my movements) And went as far as started calling me at work on the companies business phone.

After about 2 weeks of this, he showed up at my house uninvited once again and I bluntly told him I didn't want him around anymore and to stop contacting me PERIOD.
This infuriated him. To this day I have never seen or experienced someone go from A to Z so quickly.
The next thing I knew he had me down on my back on the kitchen floor holding me down by my neck, screaming 2 inches from my face that he was my owner, I was his whore, I was born to serve him and with his other hand was slapping me so hard across the cheek/mouth area that blood was pooling down onto the floor. (Thank goodness this happened on a weekend and my child was staying at her aunts house).

I finally was able to calm him down and told him l was going outside for a smoke. Of course I booked it as fast as my 2 legs could carry me down the street to where I worked and called the police.

He was gone by the time they arrived and they suggested I get a restraining order as at this point it was just my word.
I stayed at a friends house until the following Monday when I went in front of a Magistrate, told him of the incident and back-story; and he granted me a 30 day restraining order.

The next day (Tuesday) I was at my workplace and received a call from my daughter's daycare. I was told a man that looked to be in his 20's had shown up and tried to have them release my daughter to him, saying he was a friend of mine and that I had asked him to do me this favor as "my car had broke down."
Of course they didnt and asked him to leave. They then noticed he was lurking on the other side of the street from them. That's when they called me to find out if I knew anything about what might be happening. I explained there was an active temporary restraining order in place and to call the police. I left work to go over there for verification purposes if they were needed and to gather my child.

Of course once again James was long gone by the time the police arrived.

That's when I knew that it was time for street justice. I couldn't sit and wait for something horrendous to happen to us at the hands of this madman.

I made a phone call and .....
For some reason; James left Fairbanks quite suddenly - I believe he had an elderly mother down in the states he needed to care for.

Moral of the story = sometimes you will end up dead before the law can or will intervene.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 43

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 6:58:22 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

For JanahX,

Nobody with even a particle of empathy could say anything against what you wrote. I knew this recount from before but I can't tell you how I appreciate you being willing to cover it again. Thank you very much for your contribution.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 44

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 8:33:40 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalking and creating merry hell for amusement in the message threads you goddamn pervert!

Perverts need love too. When ya'll gonna be in alabama I am sure my cuz bubba and his o'lady would like to meet up wich ya'll, they are perverts too.

(in reply to hineywhinny)

Post #: 45

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 8:43:00 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalking and creating merry hell for amusement in the message threads you goddamn pervert!

O.0

(in reply to hineywhinny)

Post #: 46

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 8:44:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's always funny until somebody needs a hospital.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 47

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 9:25:30 AM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalking and creating merry hell for amusement in the message threads you goddamn pervert!

Perverts need love too. When ya'll gonna be in alabama I am sure my cuz bubba and his o'lady would like to meet up wich ya'll, they are perverts too.

If they are smart they will stay away from Alabama. We are a bunch of gun nuts, ya know. And we don't take kindly to trolls.

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 48

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 9:38:49 AM

zombiegurlsos

Posts: 434
Joined: 10/17/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalkin

Yaa DR. Bently is still working on a cure for Alabamian inspired xenophobia...

_____________________________

would of preferred to be known as the singer formerly known as prince, but that tagline was grabbed already

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 49

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 10:04:36 AM

Cell

Posts: 409
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalking and creating merry hell for amusement in the message threads you goddamn pervert!

O.0

I always suspected WD was perverted! >.<

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

People not being 'out' is just another thing some of these folks use.

This stuff is so fucked I wouldn't know where to start, but yer the 'not being out' definitely adds a lot of weirdness to the whole thing...
I wouldn't know if the kinky rates are higher or not but I have noticed it brings out some weirdness in people that's for sure.
(I can't really articulate well tonight, half asleep but nice topic, I can certainly sympathise with a lot of things I've been reading.)

< Message edited by Cell -- 11/16/2015 10:05:14 AM >

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 50

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 10:47:56 AM

zombiegurlsos

Posts: 434
Joined: 10/17/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

I had one, fortunately only for a few weeks.

Talked to him on cs, met for a coffee in a city centre. Realised quite quickly he was not what I was looking for. Poor personal hygiene, green furry teeth, hands everywhere on me in a crowded coffee shop.

I made my excuses and left. He ran after me, shouting that I had to stop and talk to him about this and when was I going to see him again. I told him I wasn't interested and I was going home. He became angry and I had to get the local transport police (luckily nearby) to talk to him while I made my escape.

He threatened me by text (he had my 'burner' phone number). Told me he was outside my house and if I brought anyone home he'd set fire to it. Threatened to wait outside my work and grab me and rape me.

By this point we'd chatted online for 2 weeks and spent 20 horrific minutes together in a coffee shop. He didn't know my job, where I worked or where I lived.

But I was scared.

I called the police and expected to be fobbed off but they were surprisingly supportive. He'd told me where he worked so they went to see him to warn him off.

It worked and he left me alone, but all these years later it still upsets me.

are you sure this story happened to you?? because i read a similar story on the news.

This looks like anarchy are you able to say this to anyone with more posts than you? your cutting edge... I guess

_____________________________

would of preferred to be known as the singer formerly known as prince, but that tagline was grabbed already

(in reply to HAK1M)

Post #: 51

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 1:38:50 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

People not being 'out' is just another thing some of these folks use.

This stuff is so fucked I wouldn't know where to start, but yer the 'not being out' definitely adds a lot of weirdness to the whole thing...
I wouldn't know if the kinky rates are higher or not but I have noticed it brings out some weirdness in people that's for sure.
(I can't really articulate well tonight, half asleep but nice topic, I can certainly sympathise with a lot of things I've been reading.)

One of the main reasons for not reporting in general is shame, pretty much like rape, now just imagine how much higher the shame factor is if you aren't out and you are worried to explain a kink involvement to LE...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 52

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 3:12:46 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For JanahX,

Nobody with even a particle of empathy could say anything against what you wrote. I knew this recount from before but I can't tell you how I appreciate you being willing to cover it again. Thank you very much for your contribution.

Thanks LadyPact.
I think this is one of the best topics - as I believe it happens more than people know and also - the way the system is set up, there is a lot of room for something really bad to happen as - many times the way the law is set up, the police cannot do anything until SOMETHING happens. That something may or may not be a thing that the stalkee can live with.
This is the kind of shit that you might have to nip in the bud sooner than later - just to protect you and your own. Your very life can be at stake.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 53

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 10:06:56 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

My experience was with someone I thought I knew well. I broke it off with him for reasons I won't go into here. He did not know my address so I was not really worried about my safety, ( I had always gone to his town to meet him) He did not stalk me in the true sense of the word but called repeatedly (I never answered the phone or responded to his messages) For YEARS he sent me e-cards for all the major holidays----I had blocked him on e-mail but the messages were from the e-card company. I don't know if he realized it or not but I couldn't delete or ignore the card because when I tried to do that, the card company would continually 'remind' me that I had an e-card from R. So I would play the card while I was out of the room and I never responded to him about the card. I did not move because of him but I did for other reasons.(800 miles away) Since the holidays are upon us I am hoping to not receive a card this year.
I know how uncomfortable his persistence made me feel He knew what he had done was unforgivable, yet persisted in seeking my attention. I cannot imagine what you and the others felt like or went through, but my little taste of being stalked makes me realize how vulnerable we all are, even with folks we thought we knew and could trust.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/16/2015 10:56:06 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

My experience was with someone I thought I knew well. I broke it off with him for reasons I won't go into here. He did not know my address so I was not really worried about my safety, ( I had always gone to his town to meet him) He did not stalk me in the true sense of the word but called repeatedly (I never answered the phone or responded to his messages) For YEARS he sent me e-cards for all the major holidays----I had blocked him on e-mail but the messages were from the e-card company. I don't know if he realized it or not but I couldn't delete or ignore the card because when I tried to do that, the card company would continually 'remind' me that I had an e-card from R. So I would play the card while I was out of the room and I never responded to him about the card. I did not move because of him but I did for other reasons.(800 miles away) Since the holidays are upon us I am hoping to not receive a card this year.
I know how uncomfortable his persistence made me feel He knew what he had done was unforgivable, yet persisted in seeking my attention. I cannot imagine what you and the others felt like or went through, but my little taste of being stalked makes me realize how vulnerable we all are, even with folks we thought we knew and could trust.

Oddly enough, I tend to say the same thing. The stories that escalate to some form of bodily injury, I really almost don't have words for those. The cases that don't involve physical injury but come up with the weirdest sh^t a person has ever heard of, I'm left baffled at times. On another thread, I mentioned the person who started leaving dead animals on the other person's porch. Who comes up with that kind of thing?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 55

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/17/2015 7:59:46 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: hineywhinny

Well missy you are the expert at stalking and creating merry hell for amusement in the message threads you goddamn pervert!

Perverts need love too. When ya'll gonna be in alabama I am sure my cuz bubba and his o'lady would like to meet up wich ya'll, they are perverts too.

If they are smart they will stay away from Alabama. We are a bunch of gun nuts, ya know. And we don't take kindly to trolls.

Sweet darlin' what was it I said that might lead you to believe that I felt those sort of folks possessed an iq beyond two digits?

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 56

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/17/2015 8:02:11 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

Yaa DR. Bently is still working on a cure for Alabamian inspired xenophobia...

Isn't that why we have passports?

(in reply to zombiegurlsos)

Post #: 57

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/17/2015 8:04:28 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Cell

I always suspected WD was perverted! >.<

If she ain't then I have wasted a lot of ink

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 58

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/17/2015 8:12:39 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oddly enough, I tend to say the same thing. The stories that escalate to some form of bodily injury, I really almost don't have words for those. The cases that don't involve physical injury but come up with the weirdest sh^t a person has ever heard of, I'm left baffled at times. On another thread, I mentioned the person who started leaving dead animals on the other person's porch. Who comes up with that kind of thing?

And some of it is so seemingly innocent---what was I to complain about? He sent me e-cards on Thanksgiving and Christmas and my birthday............and if confronted today, he would deny any wrong doing. I almost didn't write on this topic because he never threatened me. Thanks for your response.
And as for your question, my mind cannot grasp how a stalker can think their behaviors show "love". It defies comprehension!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 59

RE: Stalking in kink land - 11/17/2015 9:27:43 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

No worries! I'm a happy pervert.

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 60

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