dreamlady
Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Oneechan
I have a full time, live in sub, we've known each other for a couple of months. Things did move a bit fast, but we're very well matched and lived close by, so it didn't really seem like an issue.
He's very young, age 19, and so he has the common teenager problems of angst and hormones. But on top of that, he has some mental disorders, depression at the very least, bipolar disorder too.
How can i fix this broken kid?
As others have explained, you can't. You didn't break this toy, nor can you expect an out-of-control 19-year-old boy (because that's what he is) to be controllable.
In fact, your sub could be 40 years old and be acting out in a similar fashion. But, chances are, a 40-year-old has matured sufficiently to have lived on his own before moving right in with you after just a month or so. Your sub has the added handicap of lacking the fuller spectrum of having gained life experience, a lot of which you will never be able to provide him, the most significant of which is a mature sense of identity.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Oneechan
Does anyone have any experience dealing with mental health issues in D/s relationships?
This isn't limited to submissives only. There are already too many damaged people seeking to work out their mental health issues via a D/s relationship dynamic. Emotionally unstable persons have no business engaging in BDSM because they are unable to make sound judgment calls and can be a danger to themselves and to their play partners.
What I see scrawled upon the wall is CO-DEPENDENCY. D/s aside, I think you need to examine your own motives in why you are ignoring all the warning signs to perpetuate a co-dependent relationship. What are you getting out of it, and is what you're getting out of it psychologically healthy for you?
It helps for your compass to point to the True North position of self-empowerment for both partners. I actually see you giving your power away to your sub, rather than the other way around, and he isn't equipped with the right tools or coping mechanisms necessary to attain self-empowerment for himself.
Please take a moment to read about the Dunning-Kruger effect, a cognitive bias. A friend and I were discussing this just the other day, so it's fresh on my mind. While the Imposter Syndrome (an illusory superiority complex, like with Supremacist thinking) is more well-known, the flipside of this condition can be called "the anosognosia of everyday life":
Anosognosia is a deficit of self-awareness, a condition in which a person who suffers a certain disability seems unaware of the existence of his or her disability.
Both anosognosia and denial [a psychological defense mechanism] are almost always connected with damage in the right hemisphere of the brain.
Anosognosia can be selective in that an affected person with multiple impairments may seem unaware of only one handicap, while appearing to be fully aware of any others.
Those diagnosed with dementia of the Alzheimer's type, often display this lack of awareness and insist that nothing is wrong with them.
The term 'anosognosia' is occasionally used to describe the lack of insight shown by some people who suffer from anorexia nervosa. They do not seem to recognize that they suffer from a mental illness.
E. Fuller Torrey, a psychiatrist and schizophrenia researcher, has stated that among those with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, anosognosia is the most prevalent reason for not taking medications.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Oneechan
. . . i guess i'm taking on a motherly role here, and he views me as such. His doesn't get along well with his own family, an alcoholic, violent father notably. i'm not sure about his mother, but he hates her,
The first question that comes to mind here is whether you are both consensually entering into a MommyDomme/t[een]b[oy] dynamic? If so, then he has to be willing to accept your authority ALL of the time, but in his present unstable condition, you have to ask yourself, is he even in his right mind to give fully informed consent? He isn't, and your hand is being forced. Just because you feel he is not manipulating you on a conscious level and can't help himself, does not make this enabling situation fine and dandy. You need to step up as the more mature, responsible (Dominant) partner and issue a non-negotiable policy of Zero Tolerance. Hard Limit Zone. Or he has to go, no excuses, nothing.
The second issue has to do with a general policy (your choice) of not getting involved with any man who hates or disrespects his mother. This is a (vanilla) Hard Limit for me, personally. Such a man not only has big-time mommy issues, but will blame all women for his problems. Next, he will play the victim card and start blaming you for enabling him, as if he was a passive bystander and not the instigator.
DreamLady
_____________________________
Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti
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RE: Help me with my depressive sub - 
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