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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/5/2016 11:44:33 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell
the only way I am controlling things is verbally. That may not fulfill a sexually dominant ideal but I really don't see it as the girl being dominant when she is on top. I mean it's not like I lose control. I'll just tell her how to fuck me.

Because if I were on top of you, and you told me how to fuck you, I would disobey you and refuse to obey and do things my way, and I would deliberately do that. You have failed in dominating me. How would you get me to co-operate with you? I already am feeling my dominance rise up and I am gonna challenge your dominance when I am on top of you. And gonna make you my sub and take you however I want. And then after that, you're no longer a dominant to me, and you wouldn't have your way.

I guess I really love being physically dominated. I love feeling a man's weight crushing me, I love to feel his physical strength restraining me or taking over control of my body. I don't see how a man can physically dominate me into fucking him from on top the way he wants. But if a guy could, it'd be pretty cool. The most awesome way I have been on top, is a man with one foot on a side table, standing up, he lifted me and bounce me on top of his dick. That was pretty physically dominating me. He was a body builder, so he was strong, and I was like nothing, him just lifting and bouncing me, taking my full body weight on top of his dick. It was probably one the ways I enjoyed being on top and dominated and I didn't feel like I could take over control in that position, as I was completely reliant on his strength to keeping me up there on top of him.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/5/2016 11:55:08 PM >

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 41

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 7:47:45 AM

Cell

Posts: 409
Status: offline

quote:

...and you wouldn't have your way.

Where there's a will there's a way.

And besides, disobedience would basically take sex off the table. I'd probably throw you off the bed to boot =P but it's interesting to hear your thoughts about that nonetheless... it makes me wonder how common that way of viewing dominance is amongst submissives.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 42

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 8:16:15 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I don't think that is common at all. Greta, like us all, has her quirks and ideas about what constitutes dominance and submission; but that particular? That's all (or mostly) Greta.

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 43

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 8:24:56 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell
the only way I am controlling things is verbally. That may not fulfill a sexually dominant ideal but I really don't see it as the girl being dominant when she is on top. I mean it's not like I lose control. I'll just tell her how to fuck me.

Because if I were on top of you, and you told me how to fuck you, I would disobey you and refuse to obey and do things my way, and I would deliberately do that. You have failed in dominating me.

And as cell said - that would be you being disobedient and sex would deffo be OFF the table and probably followed by some non-sexual punishment.
Just because you are physically 'on top' doesn't imply that you should be the dominant one.
Bad Greta!

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 44

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 8:31:27 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

And as cell said - that would be you being disobedient and sex would deffo be OFF the table and probably followed by some non-sexual punishment.
Just because you are physically 'on top' doesn't imply that you should be the dominant one.
Bad Greta!

But that won't work, since I never do D/S with any punishment dynamic. Pain is for pleasure, not for hate and violence. Trust would be broken if any punishment was ever used against me.

I would safe word that punishment IF it was executed.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/6/2016 8:32:34 AM >

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 45

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 8:33:03 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

...and you wouldn't have your way.

Where there's a will there's a way. And besides, disobedience would basically take sex off the table. I'd probably throw you off the bed to boot =P but it's interesting to hear your thoughts about that nonetheless... it makes me wonder how common that way of viewing dominance is amongst submissives.

Chances are, I wouldn't be with you very long. A man who deprives me of sex, I would leave. Better off as platonic friends.
But basically, this is all about incompatibility. There will be submissive who loves riding, and those will be great for you.

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 46

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/6/2016 6:20:09 PM

Cell

Posts: 409
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I don't think that is common at all. Greta, like us all, has her quirks and ideas about what constitutes dominance and submission; but that particular? That's all (or mostly) Greta.

It might be a tough question, but what is dominance to you? I'm curious if your current situation has changed your views much.

What Greta seems to be talking about is a type relationship where roles are based in what one does, which is fine. I suppose I differ in that I prefer a relationship based on who one is, though there may be little difference in the end.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 47

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 5:31:37 AM

spellslave

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/16/2015
From: England
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I'm submissive, and enjoy riding. It doesn't make my Master any less dominant, certainly not when one hand is tangled in my hair guiding me and his other hand is at my throat. He can pull, push, thrust and even pull me completely off him if he so desires in that moment - thus, hardly submissive/passive in the slightest.

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(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 48

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 5:56:06 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

And as cell said - that would be you being disobedient and sex would deffo be OFF the table and probably followed by some non-sexual punishment.
Just because you are physically 'on top' doesn't imply that you should be the dominant one.
Bad Greta!

But that won't work, since I never do D/S with any punishment dynamic. Pain is for pleasure, not for hate and violence. Trust would be broken if any punishment was ever used against me.

I would safe word that punishment IF it was executed.

Sorry, you wouldn't get a chance to 'safeword' given those circumstances.
If you can't be what the established dynamic was supposed to be - you'd be out the door never to return.
If you are supposed to be the /s, then you start to dominate where it wasn't wanted... you'd be out.

Sorry Greta, you have a weird sense of what D/s is all about and it wouldn't fit my expectations.
And given many of your posts across the spectrum, your insular world in Singapore, a tiny microcosm, seems to have skewed much of your perspective on a number of topics.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 49

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 6:01:52 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spellslave

I'm submissive, and enjoy riding. It doesn't make my Master any less dominant, certainly not when one hand is tangled in my hair guiding me and his other hand is at my throat. He can pull, push, thrust and even pull me completely off him if he so desires in that moment - thus, hardly submissive/passive in the slightest.

I think your description here is exactly the epitome of a submissive.
The fact that you not only acknowledge the power exchange but stick with it no matter what your dominant does and even when he's not the one 'on top'.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to spellslave)

Post #: 50

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 6:17:22 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I don't think that is common at all. Greta, like us all, has her quirks and ideas about what constitutes dominance and submission; but that particular? That's all (or mostly) Greta.

It might be a tough question, but what is dominance to you? I'm curious if your current situation has changed your views much.

What Greta seems to be talking about is a type relationship where roles are based in what one does, which is fine. I suppose I differ in that I prefer a relationship based on who one is, though there may be little difference in the end.

I don't, necessarily, know what dominance is - but, I know it when I see it.

I know it when I'm around it, because I instinctively feel the desire to let my defenses down and trust them to take charge.

I suppose the dominant energy/behavior I respond to dictates my belief in their dominance and my desire to relinquish control to them.

This happens less and less. Not because I've met less dominant people; but because I've less and less desire for it. I am content in the moment to lead my own way. I guess that's the switch in me. Then again, could just be menopause

(in reply to Cell)

Post #: 51

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 6:43:23 AM

Cinnamongirl67

Posts: 854
Status: offline

Greta

Lol.
I've read a lot of your posts, and this is strictly just my opinion but you seem more dominant then submissive.
Maybe I am misunderstanding but it appears you want to call the shots and if a man agrees he is then called a dominant to you then.
It's a mind bender to me and don't quite understand it.

_____________________________

Balanced Chakra
http://youtu.be/Gl9AGlbe3YU

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 52

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 6:52:05 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

Join the club of the majority of us

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Cinnamongirl67)

Post #: 53

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 8:06:29 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

A simple question yet so difficult to answer:
1. I married one, a long long time ago, and that ended in divorce. So that did not go well, well I just didn’t like her – and her me perhaps
2. I tend to date the person/soul or if you like whether they are kinky does not really come into it with me. It does not make the whole so to speak, a mere fragment, a piece of the jigsaw - and there are always 1-3 lost pieces
3. Tis just case of saying would you like to try, this and that – eg would you like to be blindfolded, told to get on your knees, stand in the middle of the room (blindfolded) undress yourself – undress them
4. I would avoid scorched earth scenarios like would you lile to be thrashed with an electrical cord and the toaster still attached – not my thing and o really do not understand it…perhaps I have other things for the rarest of souls. But if anyone meet criteria 4 the other should know quickly what they are getting into
5. Wrap the person head in tinfoil and run fridge magnets over it – James does not condone any form of conditioning – and you can never really help/reprogram the damaged
6. Sometimes you will awaken the nymphomaniac within

did i say that the first time - cant remember

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 54

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/7/2016 9:42:10 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cinnamongirl67

Greta
Lol.
I've read a lot of your posts, and this is strictly just my opinion but you seem more dominant then submissive.
Maybe I am misunderstanding but it appears you want to call the shots and if a man agrees he is then called a dominant to you then.
It's a mind bender to me and don't quite understand it.

Being submissive isn't about living a life of suffering doing things you hate doing, unless of course that's your kink, then go forth and do it.

So to refuse to do things that you hate doing isn't equal being dominant.

But yes, many dominant men tell me I don't seem very submissive. But that depends on what they mean by submission? Someone to suffer for them?

For me, beyond sub/dom, kink/sexual compatibility is very important for the D/S part to work.

End of the day, there is still reality and consent required. It's not real slavery.

And I love being managed, and I love a man who can convince me to co-operate with him happily. But the way to manage me is definitely not through punishment. I grew up on corporal punishment, in school and at home, and the more I get beaten or punished, the harder I will fight back, negative re-enforcement techniques are usually ineffective in the management of me. And if that's the only way some doms know how to manage their sub, then, clearly yea, it's not gonna work for subs like me.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/7/2016 9:50:37 PM >

(in reply to Cinnamongirl67)

Post #: 55

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/8/2016 4:34:43 AM

Cinnamongirl67

Posts: 854
Status: offline

That gives me a clearer understanding. Not that it matters but I like the answer too.

_____________________________

Balanced Chakra
http://youtu.be/Gl9AGlbe3YU

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 56

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/11/2016 3:41:19 PM

newatdis

Posts: 117
Joined: 2/7/2016
Status: offline

If the husband was dominant and you were submissive, wouldn't the relationship be D/s anyway?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Oh, that could get real personal, I'll mail you on the other side.
My hubby is nilla, we went quite the way into it too.
It didnt work out, hes a dominant kind of guy but has no desire for D/s and not exploring kinkier stuff than was bedroom play anyway.
anyway, I will send you a message soon. :")

< Message edited by newatdis -- 2/11/2016 3:43:16 PM >

(in reply to Lucylastic)

Post #: 57

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/11/2016 3:43:18 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

But im not submissive...theres the spanner in the works

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<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to newatdis)

Post #: 58

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/11/2016 3:45:34 PM

newatdis

Posts: 117
Joined: 2/7/2016
Status: offline

Got ya, thanks. I am NOT even going to ask how you guys got together. Seems like you would have butted heads.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

But im not submissive...theres the spanner in the works

(in reply to Lucylastic)

Post #: 59

RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 2/11/2016 3:51:05 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

heh I met him on the wed night, I moved in the thursday night.
almost 31 years ago.
Its been lively but I did not explore it BDSM more fully until 20 years ago.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to newatdis)

Post #: 60

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