RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ?

RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (Full Version)

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littleladybug -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 8:03:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal As for 'do as I say do.' By itself, no, I don't consider that domination. That's just a command. If your submissive obeys, that's obedience. If he doesn't obey, or doesn't care, what you've suggested is domination becomes impotence. It doesn't really become dominance until they don't perceive a choice. To be clear, this doesn't mean the choice doesn't exist... consent is an important part of this for all of us. What it means is that the submissive doesn't think about doing anything other than what you say do. It means they've accepted you as their Dominant and their place as submissive and serve in that capacity. That sounds to me more like internal enslavement. If that's what is required for it to "really become dominance", very few people will get there.

LadyPact -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 8:10:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal I didn't accuse you of doing anything (though I completely understand why you're hyper-defensive about it). I explained two very different understandings of Financial Domination using a hypothetical. Hence the sentences started with the word "IF." Well, at least you say there is some understanding. quote: And again, outside my household, I DGAF about what you or anyone else does or doesn't do. Though it's unlikely that you engage in kinks I don't endorse. I endorse (and have practiced) financial domination as I've explained it. Even the fake Fin-Domme (the wish lists, etc.) I described doesn't bother me. Actually, you do. Ergo, your participation. Right now, three houses down from you (in any direction) people are probably engaging in sex. Heck, their might even be a trophy wife involved. Do you care? If you don't, why do you care about other people topping and bottoming? quote: This is NOT about what people do or what gets them off. This is about LANGUAGE. It's about describing what you do in an accurate way, and understanding how the power dynamic actually works in a relationship. I am very clear about my language. Unlike most folks, I separate (usual) topping and bottoming from D/s. Power and play are two different things to me. I would be more than happy to discuss this concept with you, but it probably doesn't belong on a thread about fin kink. quote: As for 'do as I say do.' By itself, no, I don't consider that domination. That's just a command. If your submissive obeys, that's obedience. If he doesn't obey, or doesn't care, what you've suggested is domination becomes impotence. It doesn't really become dominance until they don't perceive a choice. To be clear, this doesn't mean the choice doesn't exist... consent is an important part of this for all of us. What it means is that the submissive doesn't think about doing anything other than what you say do. It means they've accepted you as their Dominant and their place as submissive and serve in that capacity. With no offense intended, this would make one hell of a thread! These are better concepts than this was intended. Should you chose to create the original, about Mastery, inherent submission, or anything else, I promise to pledge my support in such discussion. I will give such a thread every attention it deserves.

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 8:11:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal You clearly have never had a live-in slave. My last most definitely did NOT go to work, and rarely wore clothing. Not every live-in slave stays home without a job. So, just because that's your structure, doesn't mean that others can't do it differently. Never said they couldn't. In fact, apparently I'm the one who's doing it differently. Everyone else in here seems to think just throwing money at some chick on a website is financial servitude.

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 8:37:43 PM)
quote: quote: And again, outside my household, I DGAF about what you or anyone else does or doesn't do. Though it's unlikely that you engage in kinks I don't endorse. I endorse (and have practiced) financial domination as I've explained it. Even the fake Fin-Domme (the wish lists, etc.) I described doesn't bother me. Actually, you do. Ergo, your participation. Right now, three houses down from you (in any direction) people are probably engaging in sex. Heck, their might even be a trophy wife involved. Do you care? If you don't, why do you care about other people topping and bottoming? No, I really don't care. I think I've made it clear that my interest in this topic isn't what people do or don't do, but rather the difference between ACTUAL financial domination, and people paying others to pay attention to them. I don't consider the latter to be financial domination, and I have explained why. Whether or not people enjoy it is entirely irrelevant to me. You'll have to excuse me for being a bit vulgar, but I'm not sure how else to make my point. There could be a prostitute right now, three houses down from me, getting paid to have kinky sex with someone. If it's going to pay her rent this month, great. More power to her. But make no mistake about it: she's there providing a service to a client. If she fails to please him, she won't get called again. While she might be standing over him right now, trying to decide which testicle to put her lit cigarette out on, the actual power in that room is with the guy who's about to get his nutsack burned. Up until 2 years ago, there was a slave living in MY home... who's annual tax forms were my responsibility. Who was dependent on me for her basic needs. She didn't drive. She usually didn't wear clothing. She did cook and clean and make herself available to me. Almost all of her responsibilities were to me. She had panic attacks when I had to be out overnight for work because she didn't want to be left alone. She wasn't a prisoner... there was nothing keeping her from getting up and walking out of my house whenever she wanted. I even made sure her driver's license was kept up and she was on the insurance if she wanted to. Leaving was simply incomprehensible to her, and the power (and responsibility) in this house was with me.

LadyPact -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:13:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal No, I really don't care. I think I've made it clear that my interest in this topic isn't what people do or don't do, but rather the difference between ACTUAL financial domination, and people paying others to pay attention to them. I don't consider the latter to be financial domination, and I have explained why. Whether or not people enjoy it is entirely irrelevant to me. We're getting closer. (Believe it or not, I'm an elitist, too.) It's always such a fascinating thing. Especially from the 'pay-ee' side. Is it really the kink or, hmmm, maybe, that lil fin slave has some deeply rooted psychosis that they KNOW without the monetary equalizer, they don't feel that another will have any admiration for them. quote: You'll have to excuse me for being a bit vulgar, but I'm not sure how else to make my point. There could be a prostitute right now, three houses down from me, getting paid to have kinky sex with someone. If it's going to pay her rent this month, great. More power to her. But make no mistake about it: she's there providing a service to a client. If she fails to please him, she won't get called again. While she might be standing over him right now, trying to decide which testicle to put her lit cigarette out on, the actual power in that room is with the guy who's about to get his nutsack burned. I can assure you, I don't consider that vulgar. I don't do a lot of lit cigarette scenes. I had a great scene with ** about two years ago. Did he ask for it? Yes. We discussed it like anyone else would. Damn shame I can't post pics. quote: Up until 2 years ago, there was a slave living in MY home... who's annual tax forms were my responsibility. Who was dependent on me for her basic needs. She didn't drive. She usually didn't wear clothing. She did cook and clean and make herself available to me. Almost all of her responsibilities were to me. She had panic attacks when I had to be out overnight for work because she didn't want to be left alone. She wasn't a prisoner... there was nothing keeping her from getting up and walking out of my house whenever she wanted. I even made sure her driver's license was kept up and she was on the insurance if she wanted to. Leaving was simply incomprehensible to her, and the power (and responsibility) in this house was with me. Why did she leave? Or, did you dismiss her?

OsideGirl -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:24:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal And again, outside my household, I DGAF about what you or anyone else does or doesn't do. Though it's unlikely that you engage in kinks I don't endorse. I endorse (and have practiced) financial domination as I've explained it. Even the fake Fin-Domme (the wish lists, etc.) I described doesn't bother me. Judging by all your posts in this thread....that's not true.....

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:32:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal No, I really don't care. I think I've made it clear that my interest in this topic isn't what people do or don't do, but rather the difference between ACTUAL financial domination, and people paying others to pay attention to them. I don't consider the latter to be financial domination, and I have explained why. Whether or not people enjoy it is entirely irrelevant to me. We're getting closer. (Believe it or not, I'm an elitist, too.) It's always such a fascinating thing. Especially from the 'pay-ee' side. Is it really the kink or, hmmm, maybe, that lil fin slave has some deeply rooted psychosis that they KNOW without the monetary equalizer, they don't feel that another will have any admiration for them. nods That's one of the greatest things about doing 24/7 TPE if you can. It takes a while to really build up the mutual trust to the point where the masks can come off and you can see the twisted freak standing in front of you. But I believe we ALL have that twisted freak in us... we're just conditioned to bury him or her under layer after layer of facade so we can function in the vanilla world. When you're able to actually remove someone from the vanilla world, and let them be who they really are it is INCREDIBLE. Ironically, my former pet was one of the most naturally dominant women I've ever met. She ran the wholesale division of a manufacturing company out in the SF area prior to falling into my clutches and becoming my little girl. She was also 10 years older than me. Things here were really amusing in a lot of ways. quote: quote: Up until 2 years ago, there was a slave living in MY home... who's annual tax forms were my responsibility. Who was dependent on me for her basic needs. She didn't drive. She usually didn't wear clothing. She did cook and clean and make herself available to me. Almost all of her responsibilities were to me. She had panic attacks when I had to be out overnight for work because she didn't want to be left alone. She wasn't a prisoner... there was nothing keeping her from getting up and walking out of my house whenever she wanted. I even made sure her driver's license was kept up and she was on the insurance if she wanted to. Leaving was simply incomprehensible to her, and the power (and responsibility) in this house was with me. Why did she leave? Or, did you dismiss her? She left the only way a true slave can... she passed on. I lost her to cancer.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:33:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal You clearly have never had a live-in slave. My last most definitely did NOT go to work, and rarely wore clothing. Not every live-in slave stays home without a job. So, just because that's your structure, doesn't mean that others can't do it differently. Never said they couldn't. You're right you didn't. You just slammed anybody who does it differently by saying that they clearly have never had a live in slave. quote: Everyone else in here seems to think just throwing money at some chick on a website is financial servitude. Generalizations tend to fail and that one did. I don't think "throwing money at some chick on a website" is financial servitude. What I think is if that dynamic works for them....then it's valid. Just like if your dynamic works for you....it's valid. Just like if LP's dynamic works for her....it's valid. For someone that DGAF, you sure are busy judging everyone's kink.

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:36:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal You clearly have never had a live-in slave. My last most definitely did NOT go to work, and rarely wore clothing. Not every live-in slave stays home without a job. So, just because that's your structure, doesn't mean that others can't do it differently. Never said they couldn't. You're right you didn't. You just slammed anybody who does it differently by saying that they clearly have never had a live in slave. quote: Everyone else in here seems to think just throwing money at some chick on a website is financial servitude. Generalizations tend to fail and that one did. I don't think "throwing money at some chick on a website" is financial servitude. What I think is if that dynamic works for them....then it's valid. Just like if your dynamic works for you....it's valid. Just like if LP's dynamic works for her....it's valid. For someone that DGAF, you sure are busy judging everyone's kink. No, hun, I slammed ONE person who decided to judge my kink. Way to project.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:43:44 PM)
Aaaaqnd yet more of the one true wayism. quote: You clearly have never had a live-in slave. My last most definitely did NOT go to work, and rarely wore clothing. I see, and she did nothing all day while you went to work? Or did she do housework, you know as her job.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:45:24 PM)
quote: But one of those scenarios approximates it as closely as possible. And is thus just a performance.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:47:01 PM)
quote: It doesn't really become dominance until they don't perceive a choice. To be clear, this doesn't mean the choice doesn't exist... consent is an important part of this for all of us. What it means is that the submissive doesn't think about doing anything other than what you say do. It means they've accepted you as their Dominant and their place as submissive and serve in that capacity. And again with the one true way bullshit. Go you!

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:51:08 PM)
quote: No, hun, I slammed ONE person who decided to judge my kink. Nobody judged your kink, you are the one doing the judging of kinks. quote: Way to project. Oh the irony, it burns, it burns!

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:53:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick Aaaaqnd yet more of the one true wayism. quote: You clearly have never had a live-in slave. My last most definitely did NOT go to work, and rarely wore clothing. I see, and she did nothing all day while you went to work? Or did she do housework, you know as her job. If you live in a house, doing housework in that house is not a 'job.' You might call it doing chores. Or you might call it domestic slavery as part of your kink, but it's not your job. Or do you get paid to clean up after yourself?

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 9:54:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick quote: No, hun, I slammed ONE person who decided to judge my kink. Nobody judged your kink, you are the one doing the judging of kinks. quote: Way to project. Oh the irony, it burns, it burns! There is one of me and several of you who all seem to think I'm the one who's doing it wrong. So yes. Way to project.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 10:05:16 PM)
quote: There is one of me and several of you who all seem to think I'm the one who's doing it wrong. Really? Please quote where any of us has ever said you were doing anything wrong.

LadyPact -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 10:06:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal She left the only way a true slave can... she passed on. I lost her to cancer. Time out. I would like to take this opportunity to offer my condolences. No matter our differences, I would not wish the grieving from death upon anyone.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/4/2016 10:07:08 PM)
quote: If you live in a house, doing housework in that house is not a 'job.' You might call it doing chores. Or you might call it domestic slavery as part of your kink, but it's not your job. Yes it a job. In a situation like the one you describe those domestic duties are what one does in order to acquire the wherewithal to survive (food, shelter, etc.).

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/5/2016 9:52:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick quote: There is one of me and several of you who all seem to think I'm the one who's doing it wrong. Really? Please quote where any of us has ever said you were doing anything wrong. You've been arguing with me this whole time about my belief that Fin-Dommes get Domination and Submission backwards. Clearly you disagree with the way I see this.

TheCabal -> RE: Is financial domination a genuine part of BDSM ? (5/5/2016 9:53:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: TheCabal She left the only way a true slave can... she passed on. I lost her to cancer. Time out. I would like to take this opportunity to offer my condolences. No matter our differences, I would not wish the grieving from death upon anyone. Thanks LadyPact. It was a wonderful 12 years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But in the end, it was a release for her.

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