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ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

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If you live in a house, doing housework in that house is not a 'job.' You might call it doing chores. Or you might call it domestic slavery as part of your kink, but it's not your job.

Yes it a job. In a situation like the one you describe those domestic duties are what one does in order to acquire the wherewithal to survive (food, shelter, etc.).

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal
Thanks LadyPact. It was a wonderful 12 years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But in the end, it was a release for her.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal
Thanks LadyPact. It was a wonderful 12 years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But in the end, it was a release for her.

It's a hideous thing, TC. I really am very sorry.

Back to topic.

Quite often, I am prone to wish that we had certain posters back on these boards. One in particular that changed my mind about this whole thing. I'm not exactly a spring chicken, either, so I've had to <cough> adjust <cough> to certain concepts that have come around in the last decade or so. Usually dragging my feet in stubbornness.

People always say, "I've never met a fin sub in real life." (More often than not, they have. They just don't know it.) When the opportunity presents itself, just listening to the person who really is getting their BDSM charge out of fin kink, it sounds like everything else. It's really the very same thing when talking to rope bunnies, spanking enthusiasts, or any other thing. That same quality, that thing that is hard to define? You can see it.

Changed my whole mind about the entire subject.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Roch? He certainly changed my mind about it.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal
Thanks LadyPact. It was a wonderful 12 years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But in the end, it was a release for her.

It's a hideous thing, TC. I really am very sorry.

Back to topic.

Quite often, I am prone to wish that we had certain posters back on these boards. One in particular that changed my mind about this whole thing. I'm not exactly a spring chicken, either, so I've had to <cough> adjust <cough> to certain concepts that have come around in the last decade or so. Usually dragging my feet in stubbornness.

People always say, "I've never met a fin sub in real life." (More often than not, they have. They just don't know it.) When the opportunity presents itself, just listening to the person who really is getting their BDSM charge out of fin kink, it sounds like everything else. It's really the very same thing when talking to rope bunnies, spanking enthusiasts, or any other thing. That same quality, that thing that is hard to define? You can see it.

Changed my whole mind about the entire subject.

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal
It's interesting that you should say that... because I actually get the kink angle from the fin-sub's perspective.

For the entirety of the topic, I think it's only fair to take household (meaning under the same roof) financial domination off of the table. The electronic thing is usually the different animal that gets these topics going.

In my limited capacity at open-mindedness about the online thing, the answer is usually *some*. Since we know that some people in real life get the charge from power/control/kink/whatever regarding the subject of money, we have to assume that at least some people on the net get the same vibe. To be fair, I'm sure there are also some people who just think it's a way to make a quick buck. Some are taking advantage of the hideous m/f ratio on a site like this, see the market, and take advantage of it. Various other reasons that make up the whole.

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I'll put it this way: to me, kink is something unusual that excites a person. I don't think liking to get money and gifts is unusual. If that's kinky, then almost everyone is kinky. And if everyone is kinky, no one is.

Kink, I would have to say yes in most circumstances. Certain areas such as authority and/or control are situational. Really, in most cases, telling a person to do X in a non kink sense, isn't going to trip my trigger. Do the dishes is different than do <insert kinky thing here> that turns me on.

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But liking to give money away... now that IS unusual.

I kind of say the same thing about different types of service that other people LOVE but if I were to say just how great it was for somebody to allow me to do their windows? Let's just say I didn't exactly keep a straight face typing that out.

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And I still really don't care what other people do to arouse themselves.

For the most part, I don't, either. I'm always amazed that some people do. Consenting adults? Everybody's happy? Nobody is getting their limits broken or going to the ER out of idiocy? Yeah, we're probably good.

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At the end of the day, though, I keep coming back to my main point: as it's typically practiced, it's simply not domination. The submissive isn't really submissive; and the dominant isn't really in the dominant role.

People tend to say the same thing about in-person sessions that are revolving around kink. For at least some of that, it might very well be more accurate to call some people pro tops. It's a judgement call. People who would be familiar with what a pro top was would figure out how to find one. People who aren't tend to know the word dominatrix.

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There was a very significant Dom-Daddy/little girl element to my relationship with my former slave. As part of that, I took her out shopping and out to dinner, movies... the normal date-night stuff most couples do. The deeper we went, the less she left the house. The last few years, she was to the point where she wasn't really healthy enough to go out except as absolutely necessary to see her doctors. So I did all the shopping for both of us. Looking at the two of us from the outside, it probably seemed as though I was like her errand boy. But the reality of it... and the reality for a 24/7 TPE relationship... is even though I was the one running all the errands, that also put me in control of what was purchased and what was spent.

As time went on, I'm sure a part of that was due to her declining health. When all of a person's energy gets sucked into the illness, care-takers tend to gradually take over certain responsibilities. I don't look at that as a D thing or an s thing. That's one person caring about the person with the illness thing.

I get you about the purchases, though. There's no dynamic in our household (we're a D/D couple) but errands are my area because I want the control. My other half, without a list, wouldn't know what to do in the grocery store anyway.

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To be in the dominant role, one must have a significant level of control over the situation they're in. If I go into someone's Amazon wish list, decide how much I'm going to spend, and select an item for her... I'm buying her a gift. I'm not submitting to her. Essentially all the decisions are mine. LOL... I've actually done that for someone I know here. I went so far as to find her a pair of shoes that I thought she'd really like, told her about them, and she added them to her list. At that point even the choice of what she was going to get was mine.

To exaggerate this a bit into a joke, I think there is myself and about half a dozen other women on the site that *don't* have an Amazon wishlist. (I think 'Amazon wishlist' squeaks just under the bar of the complaint'o'meter beneath terms like fin kink, fin domme, et all.) I think it's one of the reasons I'd make a really crappy fin Domme. Since it's not a kink of mine as in the electronic angle, I don't get that kink-charge out of it, so I view it differently for myself. Something like the shoes for the friend, that's you being nice. When certain instances occur where it's got that 'buy my affections' (time, attention, etc) vibe to it, there have been times I've told the person to take gift X right back to the store.

I think, more often than not, the fin kink threads get a little old. There have been a couple of good ones (one was mentioned earlier) where the topic is really a topic, rather than a complaint. Is it Domination? That is something of a matter of interpretation along with definition. Another good one was is fin kink a fetish. I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple more.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheCabal
It's interesting that you should say that... because I actually get the kink angle from the fin-sub's perspective.

For the entirety of the topic, I think it's only fair to take household (meaning under the same roof) financial domination off of the table. The electronic thing is usually the different animal that gets these topics going.

In my limited capacity at open-mindedness about the online thing, the answer is usually *some*. Since we know that some people in real life get the charge from power/control/kink/whatever regarding the subject of money, we have to assume that at least some people on the net get the same vibe. To be fair, I'm sure there are also some people who just think it's a way to make a quick buck. Some are taking advantage of the hideous m/f ratio on a site like this, see the market, and take advantage of it. Various other reasons that make up the whole.

quote:

I'll put it this way: to me, kink is something unusual that excites a person. I don't think liking to get money and gifts is unusual. If that's kinky, then almost everyone is kinky. And if everyone is kinky, no one is.

Kink, I would have to say yes in most circumstances. Certain areas such as authority and/or control are situational. Really, in most cases, telling a person to do X in a non kink sense, isn't going to trip my trigger. Do the dishes is different than do <insert kinky thing here> that turns me on.

quote:

But liking to give money away... now that IS unusual.

I kind of say the same thing about different types of service that other people LOVE but if I were to say just how great it was for somebody to allow me to do their windows? Let's just say I didn't exactly keep a straight face typing that out.

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And I still really don't care what other people do to arouse themselves.

For the most part, I don't, either. I'm always amazed that some people do. Consenting adults? Everybody's happy? Nobody is getting their limits broken or going to the ER out of idiocy? Yeah, we're probably good.

quote:

At the end of the day, though, I keep coming back to my main point: as it's typically practiced, it's simply not domination. The submissive isn't really submissive; and the dominant isn't really in the dominant role.

People tend to say the same thing about in-person sessions that are revolving around kink. For at least some of that, it might very well be more accurate to call some people pro tops. It's a judgement call. People who would be familiar with what a pro top was would figure out how to find one. People who aren't tend to know the word dominatrix.

quote:

There was a very significant Dom-Daddy/little girl element to my relationship with my former slave. As part of that, I took her out shopping and out to dinner, movies... the normal date-night stuff most couples do. The deeper we went, the less she left the house. The last few years, she was to the point where she wasn't really healthy enough to go out except as absolutely necessary to see her doctors. So I did all the shopping for both of us. Looking at the two of us from the outside, it probably seemed as though I was like her errand boy. But the reality of it... and the reality for a 24/7 TPE relationship... is even though I was the one running all the errands, that also put me in control of what was purchased and what was spent.

As time went on, I'm sure a part of that was due to her declining health. When all of a person's energy gets sucked into the illness, care-takers tend to gradually take over certain responsibilities. I don't look at that as a D thing or an s thing. That's one person caring about the person with the illness thing.

I get you about the purchases, though. There's no dynamic in our household (we're a D/D couple) but errands are my area because I want the control. My other half, without a list, wouldn't know what to do in the grocery store anyway.

quote:

To be in the dominant role, one must have a significant level of control over the situation they're in. If I go into someone's Amazon wish list, decide how much I'm going to spend, and select an item for her... I'm buying her a gift. I'm not submitting to her. Essentially all the decisions are mine. LOL... I've actually done that for someone I know here. I went so far as to find her a pair of shoes that I thought she'd really like, told her about them, and she added them to her list. At that point even the choice of what she was going to get was mine.

To exaggerate this a bit into a joke, I think there is myself and about half a dozen other women on the site that *don't* have an Amazon wishlist. (I think 'Amazon wishlist' squeaks just under the bar of the complaint'o'meter beneath terms like fin kink, fin domme, et all.) I think it's one of the reasons I'd make a really crappy fin Domme. Since it's not a kink of mine as in the electronic angle, I don't get that kink-charge out of it, so I view it differently for myself. Something like the shoes for the friend, that's you being nice. When certain instances occur where it's got that 'buy my affections' (time, attention, etc) vibe to it, there have been times I've told the person to take gift X right back to the store.

I think, more often than not, the fin kink threads get a little old. There have been a couple of good ones (one was mentioned earlier) where the topic is really a topic, rather than a complaint. Is it Domination? That is something of a matter of interpretation along with definition. Another good one was is fin kink a fetish. I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple more.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

For what it's worth, I do know a few people who enjoy the financial domination from the aspect of "money is power and to give up that power equals submission", since those are relationships I guess the added bit of having to get permission for purchases adds some spice to their dynamic.

Not my coup of tea, but I can see why it would float somebody's boat.

I've only done it for guys who were head over shoulders in debt and seriously wasted their money, for them it was financial domination and they didn't mind, for me it was just stopping somebody with a massive income being in debt before the middle of the month. Once the finances were in order again, we set up a spending plan, it felt more like being the responsible adult to me, but if it was kinky for them and helped them to stick to a budget, where's the harm if they actually enjoy it?

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal

Are you unable to tell the difference between a 24/7 TPE lifestyle and spending some time in the local dungeon?

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Of course slavery is illegal. But one of those scenarios approximates it as closely as possible. The other has the dominant and submissive roles backwards.

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal


As noted above, there are lots of sexual things that people enjoy that aren't really kinky. As for what you're describing here, it's sort of hard to tell whether what you're talking about can actually be called domination. I mean, there's a difference between having some level of control over something and dominating it. Maybe a sports analogy would work: if the Yankees are playing the Red Sox and are up by 2 in the 9th inning, you could say they have control of the game. If they're up by 20, then they're dominating the Red Sox.

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You've been arguing with me this whole time about my belief that Fin-Dommes get Domination and Submission backwards.

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Clearly you disagree with the way I see this.

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ORIGINAL: thishereboi
Your kink is no more real than theirs no matter how many times you claim it is.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: thishereboi
Your kink is no more real than theirs no matter how many times you claim it is.

Exactly.

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

For what it's worth, I do know a few people who enjoy the financial domination from the aspect of "money is power and to give up that power equals submission", since those are relationships I guess the added bit of having to get permission for purchases adds some spice to their dynamic.

Not my coup of tea, but I can see why it would float somebody's boat.

I've only done it for guys who were head over shoulders in debt and seriously wasted their money, for them it was financial domination and they didn't mind, for me it was just stopping somebody with a massive income being in debt before the middle of the month. Once the finances were in order again, we set up a spending plan, it felt more like being the responsible adult to me, but if it was kinky for them and helped them to stick to a budget, where's the harm if they actually enjoy it?

As noted above, there are lots of sexual things that people enjoy that aren't really kinky. As for what you're describing here, it's sort of hard to tell whether what you're talking about can actually be called domination. I mean, there's a difference between having some level of control over something and dominating it. Maybe a sports analogy would work: if the Yankees are playing the Red Sox and are up by 2 in the 9th inning, you could say they have control of the game. If they're up by 20, then they're dominating the Red Sox.

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ORIGINAL: TheCabal

There are a ton of profiles that say "I'm not even going to acknowledge your presence unless you pay me." (or some variation on that theme) it's pretty clear what this is about for most "fin-dommes."