RE: Does BDSM require "sex?"

RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Does BDSM require "sex?"

Yes

26% (19)

73% (54)

Total Votes : 73

(last vote on : 9/13/2023 10:27:47 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

ResidentSadist -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 10:33:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: verbatimguy quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Most BDSM has sexual elements or motivations... but it does not require the 'sex act'. In fact, for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism to be a paraphilia, it is has a sexual content. Paraphilia (also known as sexual perversion and sexual deviation) is the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, or individuals Sadism is the sexual or social pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. Masochism, the counterpart of sadism, is the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure I didn't mean intercourse when I wrote sex. I meant the male or female sex. I should have wroted "Does BDSM requires a sexual component" instead. Which is a static sexual compnent for most of us. My exmple would be that I would never want to ever lick a guy. That would not be bdsm to me but just disgusting. It would not mater WHAT the male wanted to do - it would ALL be disgusting. For me BDSM is ONLY with WOMEN. And I wondered if others had the same atitude that BDSM is always with teh same sex for them whatever that might be for them in the rest of their life. Sexual sadomasochism, bondage and the other elements of BDSM were removed from the DSM as illness. Stating that their non sexual counterparts were diagnosed by other symptoms of mental illness... so the DSM doesn't list them as a disorder anymore. Just like when they removed homosexuality. It is just consider part of the human sexual condition now. As I clarified, there has to be a sexual context to BDSM to some degree for it to be kink. If someone is practicing the components of BDSM outside of a sexual/sensual desire or pleasure, they have a personality disorder or mental illness, not a sexual kink. Domination, becomes oppressive and tyrannical.... tying people up, caging them, torturing them for the sake of torture is sadism (not sexual sadism). People who do that pulled the wings off of a flies or tortured animals when they were growing up. So before anyone proclaims their is no sexual context, sensual stimulation or desire from practicing the BDSM arts, think about the alternative in that your are proclaiming you are a sociopath or even a psychopath. BDSM is all about sex, not always about having sex, but about being sensual, feeling sexy, fulfilling passionate desires or as a substitution for them. I am the boss at work. It doesn't turn me on, it's my job. I am the head honcho at home and boss of my slave, that does turn me on. If being in charge of my slave didn't light my passions, it would just be like having another job.

dcnovice -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 12:14:23 PM)
FR I'm far from an expert, but my humble take is that the only thing "required" in a scene/encounter is whatever satisfies the participants.

verbatimguy -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 12:42:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: verbatimguy quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Most BDSM has sexual elements or motivations... but it does not require the 'sex act'. In fact, for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism to be a paraphilia, it is has a sexual content. Paraphilia (also known as sexual perversion and sexual deviation) is the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, or individuals Sadism is the sexual or social pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. Masochism, the counterpart of sadism, is the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure I didn't mean intercourse when I wrote sex. I meant the male or female sex. I should have wroted "Does BDSM requires a sexual component" instead. Which is a static sexual compnent for most of us. My exmple would be that I would never want to ever lick a guy. That would not be bdsm to me but just disgusting. It would not mater WHAT the male wanted to do - it would ALL be disgusting. For me BDSM is ONLY with WOMEN. And I wondered if others had the same atitude that BDSM is always with teh same sex for them whatever that might be for them in the rest of their life. Sexual sadomasochism, bondage and the other elements of BDSM were removed from the DSM as illness. Stating that their non sexual counterparts were diagnosed by other symptoms of mental illness... so the DSM doesn't list them as a disorder anymore. Just like when they removed homosexuality. It is just consider part of the human sexual condition now. As I clarified, there has to be a sexual context to BDSM to some degree for it to be kink. If someone is practicing the components of BDSM outside of a sexual/sensual desire or pleasure, they have a personality disorder or mental illness, not a sexual kink. Domination, becomes oppressive and tyrannical.... tying people up, caging them, torturing them for the sake of torture is sadism (not sexual sadism). People who do that pulled the wings off of a flies or tortured animals when they were growing up. So before anyone proclaims their is no sexual context, sensual stimulation or desire from practicing the BDSM arts, think about the alternative in that your are proclaiming you are a sociopath or even a psychopath. BDSM is all about sex, not always about having sex, but about being sensual, feeling sexy, fulfilling passionate desires or as a substitution for them. I am the boss at work. It doesn't turn me on, it's my job. I am the head honcho at home and boss of my slave, that does turn me on. If being in charge of my slave didn't light my passions, it would just be like having another job. You say the best of everyone! Without the sexual component, it doesnnt belong to kink. It belongs to sickness.

peppermint -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 3:14:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: verbatimguy You say the best of everyone! Without the sexual component, it doesnnt belong to kink. It belongs to sickness. Hold on there one minute. He said sexual or SENSUAL. I practice the sensual side, not the sexual side. If you want to believe I'm sick in the head, go for it. You don't bother me at all. And please, don't send any more mails that I'll have to delete. Didn't have to open it to know it was garbage.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 3:59:02 PM)
I'm with Peppermint on that one.

stef -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/22/2016 8:14:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: verbatimguy Without the sexual component, it doesnnt belong to kink. It belongs to sickness. You're wrong. Again.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 5:03:36 AM)
you know dude you are just a vanilla guy trashing the BDSM and kink people if they do not have sex in their relationship (s). Those of us that don't have sex in our relationships don't appreciate being called sick because you are one stupid vanilla who knows nothing of alternative lifestyles. I'm going to tell you something, you don't deserve to know but I'm going to tell you anyways. When I lost my virginity over 20 years ago I was raped, the idea of sex scares the living daylights out of me. When I'm in a relationship with a Dominant I tell them this straight off the hop. I like Peppermint are very sensual in our relationships, there is a difference between sexual and sensual. So I don't appreciate you calling me and others here names like being "sick" or whatever other word you choose to suit your mood. What happened to me is the reason why sex is a no go in my relationships. However my submission together with the S & M aspects are not only wonderful fixing me physically and helping me mentally but my relationships are very sensual in many ways. Now how are you going to twist my words around this time?

MrRodgers -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 7:26:59 AM)
Yes, LIFE requires sex. Look kinkroids, because we have no choice but to obey the etymology of the words, I offer the following: Bondage itself has acted as foreplay to sex. (especially when practiced unclothed, the 'binder' enjoying and the bound also...the tease aspect) Discipline does not require sex but does also often act as foreplay to sex. Sadism: the word is derived from the Marquis DeSade who inflicted pain as foreplay to sex and very often while simultaneously having sex and has subsequently been described as a kinky, sexual, fetish pleasure. Masochism the origin of which followed Sadism by a few years, is defined as pleasure derived from receiving pain with that pleasure being almost exclusively but not entirely...as sexual foreplay or on occasion, simultaneously enjoyed during the act of sex.

peppermint -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 8:24:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrRodgers Yes, LIFE requires sex. Look kinkroids, because we have no choice but to obey the etymology of the words, I offer the following: Bondage itself has acted as foreplay to sex. (especially when practiced unclothed, the 'binder' enjoying and the bound also...the tease aspect) Discipline does not require sex but does also often act as foreplay to sex. Sadism: the word is derived from the Marquis DeSade who inflicted pain as foreplay to sex and very often while simultaneously having sex and has subsequently been described as a kinky, sexual, fetish pleasure. Masochism the origin of which followed Sadism by a few years, is defined as pleasure derived from receiving pain with that pleasure being almost exclusively but not entirely...as sexual foreplay or on occasion, simultaneously enjoyed during the act of sex. I will agree that much of BDSM "can" include sex. However, so much of it does not include sex. Sex is not a requirement to be part of BDSM. If you don't believe me wait until you're 75, diabetic, bad heart, transplants. Guess you'll have to give up BDSM then as your BDSM world won't be all about sex. I can look up meanings of words too. Sadism Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on causing pain or degradation to others. Compare masochism. 2. any enjoyment in being cruel. 3. extreme cruelty. OOPS? Two definitions of sadism that do not include sex. Masochism Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering physical pain or humiliation. 2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, especially the tendency to seek this form of gratification. 3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself. 4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc. OOPS again. Sex mentioned in one definition and not in 3. Did the dictionary get it wrong? Perhaps they need to consult you before deciding on the meaning of words.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 8:42:22 AM)
gotta love your wording Peppermint. One of the problems I have with the OP is he's vanilla masquerading as someone that knows what BDSM actually is. I tried to explain the concept of what a good S & M session is to me, it's very sensual and subspace is very erotic in itself. All I get from him is because I don't have sex I'm "sick." So what do vanilla people say about hookers? Many people think they are sick because they sell themselves for sex but if we don't have sex in our BDSM relationships we are considered "sick" by the vanilla people like the OP. Yesterday I had a good little session with a small impact instrument that did the job. I got into a small subspace where I couldn't stop laughing for an hour, it was very sensual and I lost a game of gin rummy afterwards where my head was still in the clouds. Because it was a small session I got back to normal later on while he was still there, so while I rested, he cooked supper, did the dishes and than held me in his arms until I was fine and he went home. That doesn't sound sick to me.

BitaTruble -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 9:03:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint I will agree that much of BDSM "can" include sex. However, so much of it does not include sex. Sex is not a requirement to be part of BDSM. If you don't believe me wait until you're 75, diabetic, bad heart, transplants. Guess you'll have to give up BDSM then as your BDSM world won't be all about sex. ::licks:: Mmm.. tastes like peppermint. I'm going with this flavor. Demo's, lectures, catharsis, endorphins, adrenaline, creation, sound bites, retail sales, weight loss, rituals, protocols, finding boundaries, setting boundaries.. .. the list goes on and on as to what BDSM is 'used' for and as is clear.. it is used for many things .. not just or even necessarily for sexual or sensual entertainment choices. MMV and that's the crux of it.. MMV and it doesn't mean you are 'sick' just because it.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 9:18:25 AM)
agreed I have a few minor physical disabilities, when I first started M/s or D/s in the 90's I didn't even entertain the notion of S & M until 9 or 10 years ago, a Dominant that I was in service to introduced me to it and boy physically I never felt better than after a real good session. Something that doctors or surgeons could never fix fully, after hard play, physically I feel great.

Shandirra -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 10:52:46 AM)
~FR~ As to the OP; it depends on the recipient of the query. Personally; I enjoy non-sexual BDSM play with non-romantic partners. This includes people of any gender or orientation as long as they understand that my orientation remains static. That of a dominant sadist. For sex to be involved, it must be with my monogamous, romantic partner (if I had one) and it would also be within the structure of a D/s relationship. For others, it's foreplay. For some; it's very act of sex itself with BDSM elements incorporated within the moment. There is no right or wrong answer, despite whatever definition the dictionary supplies or the acronym entails. It's highly interpretative and remains the purview of the individuals practicing the act. Playing devil's advocate; it is helpful to know what the acronym stands for. For all participants, there must be some common denominators of the language to have common comprehension and make discourse viable. That has been provided. It is up to the individuals to apply said knowledge to their own participation.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 10:57:44 AM)
the OP has no clue what the acronym stands for, I asked him before what does BDSM mean and he ignored the question. Interesting enough those that contacted me for sex I asked them what the acronym BDSM meant in those letters and if they supplied an answer I asked them why are they sending a message to a submissive for sex.

Shandirra -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 11:03:11 AM)
@LilJuly76 - The OP is lucky that several posters supplied him with such information. Sadly, most people have the manners of a boor when contacting a strange woman in an email. My suggestion; block/delete. Don't deal with the idiots. It's very draining upon your personal energy.

LilJuly76 -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 11:08:11 AM)
yup that's what I have done I don't even reply to him PM's anymore. a bunch of us gave him excellent information in regards to BDSM, he chose to ignore it, invented his own interpretation, called people sick if they didn't have sex and took what people said and twisted it around to fit his own selfish needs.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 11:30:16 AM)
quote: Without the sexual component, it doesnnt belong to kink. It belongs to sickness. Oh I don't know about that, There is sex in all the shit me and the Fellas do, and some of it is pretty sick.

MrRodgers -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 7:06:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint quote: ORIGINAL: MrRodgers Yes, LIFE requires sex. Look kinkroids, because we have no choice but to obey the etymology of the words, I offer the following: Bondage itself has acted as foreplay to sex. (especially when practiced unclothed, the 'binder' enjoying and the bound also...the tease aspect) Discipline does not require sex but does also often act as foreplay to sex. Sadism: the word is derived from the Marquis DeSade who inflicted pain as foreplay to sex and very often while simultaneously having sex and has subsequently been described as a kinky, sexual, fetish pleasure. Masochism the origin of which followed Sadism by a few years, is defined as pleasure derived from receiving pain with that pleasure being almost exclusively but not entirely...as sexual foreplay or on occasion, simultaneously enjoyed during the act of sex. I will agree that much of BDSM "can" include sex. However, so much of it does not include sex. Sex is not a requirement to be part of BDSM. If you don't believe me wait until you're 75, diabetic, bad heart, transplants. Guess you'll have to give up BDSM then as your BDSM world won't be all about sex. I can look up meanings of words too. Sadism Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on causing pain or degradation to others. Compare masochism. 2. any enjoyment in being cruel. 3. extreme cruelty. OOPS? Two definitions of sadism that do not include sex. Masochism Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering physical pain or humiliation. 2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, especially the tendency to seek this form of gratification. 3. the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself. 4. the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc. OOPS again. Sex mentioned in one definition and not in 3. Did the dictionary get it wrong? Perhaps they need to consult you before deciding on the meaning of words. Didn't refer to definition, I referred to the etymology or the creation of the word. The so-called definitions of words and the publications there of, have assumed the right to be very malleable over the years. The creation of the word Sadism comes from DeSade and he gives us no choice in the matter and had nothing whatever to do with degradation or cruelty. Those additions to the so-called definition which were added, much more describe the reaction to such sadism as in 'that must be cruel or degrading.' but were not in anyway defined as cruelty or degradation. And no, these publishers do not need to consult me when they take it upon themselves...to ADD to the meaning of many, many original words. Masochism was also created for the reasons I give. Even some of [his] subjects made it plain that they found DeSade's actions neither degrading or cruel....they were aroused. If one reads the original purpose for the creation of the word as in at least two, sadism and masochism it reflects that they were created as the original definition i.e., a sexual reaction to giving and receiving pain...nothing more. Adding these words to psychiatry in medicine...came later and of course, it multiplied their patients.

TheCabal -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 7:14:05 PM)
No. Of course BDSM doesn't require sex. It MAY involve sex, but for chastity players, it might actually FORBID sex.

peppermint -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/23/2016 7:35:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrRodgers If one reads the original purpose for the creation of the word as in at least two, sadism and masochism it reflects that they were created as the original definition i.e., a sexual reaction to giving and receiving pain...nothing more. Adding these words to psychiatry in medicine...came later and of course, it multiplied their patients. I was not using the words as they were originally coined. I was using today's meaning of the words. Language is ever changing. Words change in meaning. For example nice used to mean silly or foolish. Awful used to be used as something that was full of awe. Naughty used to refer to someone who had nothing or naught. A hussy used to be a housewife.

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