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FieryOpal -> RE: Does BDSM require "sex?" (5/30/2016 2:09:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: verbatimguy
I can tell the one with "follow your dreams" understands his own personality much more than you do because I can so easily just ask you if you use chastiaty on men and if you do then it is sexuel.
I could also ask if you do your dominantce work in the bedroom and again that would almost always show it is sexuel.
If you always do your dominance in the kitchen or in the back yard or in the pool or on the trampolene then maybe for you it is not sexual but if it moves to the bedroom then how can you say it is not sexual and still be honest with your self?
Your subject matter has to do with BDSM. BDSM stands for a combination of activities. Sex is also an activity.
There is Bondage.
There is Discipline.
These two elements were once tied (no pun) together as B&D, but they are separate elements. Think of BDSM as a mechanism.
There is Sadism.
There is Masochism.
These two elements form a dyad of sadomasochism, meaning that they get paired together as a dynamic unit.
I did not want your head to implode by interjecting D/s, which is Dominance & submission, another paired dyad.
However, D/s is not determined by activity level. It is a state of being. Think of D/s as an entity.
My womanhood is a state of being, anatomically and psychologically. My womanhood is independent from, and does not fluctuate with, the activities I engage in. It is a constant.
Neither a D/s ownership dynamic nor my womanhood - or your manhood - is contingent upon any other intersecting or overlapping structure(s).
By the same token, BDSM and D/s, AND Sexuality are independent constructs.
Nonetheless, both BDSM - in whatever combination, or stand-alone component - and D/s can have eroticism and sexuality interwoven throughout.
The fact that they CAN overlap and intersect and work in conjunction with one another, does not signify that they MUST or that they invariably DO.
Btw, I don't practice chastity enforcement, and see it more as a micro-lifestyle practice which incorporates elements of both Bondage and Discipline.
It does revolve around sexuality and the absence (or abstinence) of sexuality; however, it is not the same as having sexual relations between a chastity slave and Keyholder, and is commonly used for nonsexual service purposes (more D/s than BDSM). When there is the optional focus on Sexual Torment, then S&M enters the picture.
Cuckolding is another micro-lifestyle practice which can incorporate Mental Torment, and therefore sadomasochism. But it can also be practiced as more of the "Hot Wife" syndrome, there can be a voyeuristic motivation, optional "forced" bi, and so forth.
Bedroom D/s is simply that, as a subset of a D/s relationship, and is usually assumed to be sexual in nature. Having bedroom D/s along with non-bedroom D/s does not make the D/s dynamic a purely sexual one.
There is no set recipe that everyone chooses to follow, and this concept is what you are having such difficulty wrapping your mind around.
I believe that you do not understand what intimacy is. Intimacy can be sexual, it can be nonsexual, or it can be a combination of both.
Bottom line. BDSM and Sex are not a paired dyad. D/s and Sex are not a paired dyad. They can coexist and often do get coupled together interdependently, but are not dependent upon one another. You can have one without the other(s).
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