Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (Full Version)

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Hotprofessor -> Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 6:22:58 AM)

HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor



Wulftooth -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 6:33:26 AM)

Don't know about BDSM, but on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.  On Urth it is more like collar you or let you go and have nothing more to do with you making you dead in essence to them.



KatyLied -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 6:45:47 AM)

quote:

on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.


Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.



Caretakr -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 6:50:15 AM)

I prefer not to have a comittment of that magnitude pushed on me.



DesertRat -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 6:53:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.


It does make for intense reading and roleplaying. Intense living? Maybe.

Bob



1fundom -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 8:13:19 AM)

Caretakr:

When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor



yourMissTress -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 8:19:05 AM)

quote:


When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor


Incredibly interesting.  How often do we see someone so blatantly switch profiles, and such vast differences between the two????
 
[Mod Note: HTML cut and paste of user ranking/avatar deleted]



juliaoceania -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 8:20:38 AM)

I have heard different views on this and no one knows your dominant's view but him. Asking all the doms on CM will not illuminate his view on such matters because some will think they want a sub to beg for acollar, others do not like it. Has he ever discussed collaring with you?



scottjk -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 9:23:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.


Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.



What Wulftooth is describing above is a fictional 'tradition', that fictionally evolved to create the impression to potential slaves of the following. "Be willing to die for what you ask for." And it's also saying to the Master, "Do not belittle such a request. It's a deadly serious matter."

The Gorean view is that if you're going to do something, don't do it half assed. That's all. :)

The Gorean act of submission isn't something to be dismissed or disregarded. It's considered an absolute discarding of one's previous life to take on a new one. For starters, the submissive has to consider that all that went before her submission into slavery, is not even considered history, it becomes nothing. It's literally a fresh start. For the Master, it's a pivital moment of his dominance, to carefully consider the life that is now in his hands as having infinite potential and therefore infinately precious. Either accept the offer or kill the one offering it as an act of mercy.

It's a very complex message. :)

Granted, we can't do that in reality, but in considering how it's played out in the books, it sends a very powerful message.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 9:50:52 AM)

quote:


I have been in relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us. I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared? Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotprofessor

HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor

Look you both have to say yes to it anyway, so I never saw the point in whether one persons says yes before another.

However, the only person to know what way they prefer is to ask the dom themselves.  Some prefer to be asked or begged, some prefer to do the asking.

It would be the right thing to do to be honest about your feelings no matter what.  I guess that's something else that puzzles me- if the relationship is fully honest on all sides, wouldn't it just be that whoever had those feelings would communicate them to the other when they came up?



thegunslinger -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 10:17:02 AM)

I'm agreeing with Lucky, if it's an open trusting relationship, go ahead tell them how you feel. Who knows, They could be waiting for you to ask.
/tounge in cheek
just get ready to run fast, move to another country, enter witness protection program if They are gorean and say no.
/tounge in cheek



Seekingoneslave -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 10:23:40 AM)

I have to agree with what's been said here. No one on this site knows your partner better than you do. If you think it's something he would want you to do, do it. If you're uncertain, ask him. Communicate with each other.

It's your relationship. The only protocol you need to follow is that set up by you and your partner. Don't base your relationship on what others do in theirs.



merrymischief2 -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 10:47:31 AM)

HP, I say ask away. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I know this forum is "ask a master" but wtf.

merry

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotprofessor

HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor



Hotprofessor -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 11:14:10 AM)

Merry:

Thank you very much for your comments and I totally agree....nothing ventured, nothing gained ...so I will be asking as open communication is what this relationship is all about.

Hotprofessor



yourMissTress -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 11:59:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 1fundom

Caretakr:

When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor


So, are you 1fundom or are you Hotprofessor  ?



Caretakr -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 12:10:14 PM)

Yes it is innapropriate to ask.

The Dminant should do so, if they feel the sub is worthy.



Dauric -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 12:15:16 PM)

Well, aside from the general consensus that there's no abolute right answer to that question, it depends on how much you need to go the next step with your Dom. If it's something that you want, but can be put off for much later then let it slide for a while. There are some studies that place commitment before two years as risky to the relationship, but these studies have little if anything to do with a D/s or M/s relationship, so they may or may not be valid in this case. It might not be a bad measurement to go by though. At 8 months of a relationship you've probably still got some discovery to do.

If you -really- feel that this is the right thing and you want to be collared, you could try rephrasing the question that you intend to ask. Don't ask "Will you collar me?" but instead say "What must I do for you to want to collar me?".  Put the onus of action on yourself, turn the question from "What I want." to "What do you want?"

But that's just my $0.02

Dauric.



Hotprofessor -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 12:25:43 PM)

Dauric:

What an excellent suggestion to put it back on to me and the ownership of the want.  This is defininitly a positive spin on the question and I appreciate your input into this.

Hotprofessor



Hotprofessor -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 12:27:26 PM)

Tress:

I am not sure how the ifundoms' picture got into this discussion.  I am hotprofessor and was asking Caretkr a question.

Hotprofessor



Estring -> RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? (7/21/2006 12:27:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulftooth

Don't know about BDSM, but on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.  On Urth it is more like collar you or let you go and have nothing more to do with you making you dead in essence to them.


Gors, you gotta love 'em. Lol.



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