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RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:36:46 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think many people, regardless of lifestyle have dysfunctions, some worse than others.  A broken person is a broken person, regardless of kink.

Any Dom who would repeatedly put up with ridiculous behavior from a sub is not much of a Dom, or perhaps he's a maso.  But he's not anything a strong sub would ever respect.



Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road.

But of course, that makes me cruel and sad and all sorts of nasty things. Why do subs seem to have this conflict with wanting a strong guy who caves in?

Can you see how much of an oxymoron that is?

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 241
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:43:17 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Bearlee thats not entirely true ... it was something he began to articulate in later posts when his opening post was called into question ... only took 237 posts to get to the gist of it all but whoop there it is ...

Caretkr ... I didn't respond to your earlier response to my original post, lol and a bizillion pages later it seems kind of redundant to do so ... but in light of what you have now said ...something I totally agree does happen ...if a sub of mine is pouting all over the place, he does indeed get told to get over it...but being pouting mr sad sack is an entirely different beast than a subservient aware of the boundaries and limits I've set down for them...if punishment is required ...I'm happy to dish it out ...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 242
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:43:58 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I'm becoming more and more amused at the outrage being expressed by simply stating that people should be accountable for their own feelings and deeds.
I guess there is an attitude of arrogance that really DOES consider Dominants to be superior, godlike creatures who can "fix" any fuck up who happens along.
ROFL....I guess that emotional masochism is not reserved for subs alone.


Being punished seems such an emotive issue. It's actually surprised me.

I'm not entirely accountable for my *feelings* ........but I'm accountable for my behaviour surrounding them.....my Master doesn't pander to either and it would be disaster if he did. He will NOT be manipulated. What would *I* gain if I could manipulate? Absolutely fuck-all.

I get punished when I deliberately and knowingly disobey..that's about it. WHY would I DO that in the first place?......because my desire at the TIME is to do what *I* want, and I can manage to bury my head in the sand long enough, sometimes to *forget* what it's like to be in great pain.

There's no big emotional drama....I don't *need release* from my guilt...I don't always even FEEL guilty!......but it's * You do this, then THIS happens*...At least 8 times out of 10 I'll choose to do the *right* thing.......being hit really isn't a fun project nor a balm for my wounded soul. It actually fucking HURTS.

No, I'm not a submissive soul but I do try to respect the reason that I asked to be his slave and am aware that he isn't in *need* of an arse to whack.

agirl









(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 243
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:46:25 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDeAnnya

...I will not enable someone who wants to push my buttons for punishments sake. Sorry Im not down with that. Those who are, are encouraging deal breaking behaviour. Thats on you all. To each thier own.

A good Dominant says "you do that again Im leaving you" and they mean it. Not play kiddy games and spanky poo. A good Domme sticks to his/her guns, and leaves the worthless tripes behind.



Mistress DeAnnya,

Very well said.

To address Caretakr's post directly, I align with the overall crux. I know I certainly have a low tolerance level for game playing. Self-styled "brats", players, energy vampires and kid glover romantics are always filtered out—leaving a very few remaining. If the right raw material is present in a girl (or pretty boy) they can be shaped, otherwise they will not add to your advancement and gain. I seek slaves because I like to be served, and served well. I am not here to hand out charity.


(in reply to MistressDeAnnya)
Profile   Post #: 244
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:48:41 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Bearlee thats not entirely true ... it was something he began to articulate in later posts when his opening post was called into question ... only took 237 posts to get to the gist of it all but whoop there it is ...

Caretkr ... I didn't respond to your earlier response to my original post, lol and a bizillion pages later it seems kind of redundant to do so ... but in light of what you have now said ...something I totally agree does happen ...if a sub of mine is pouting all over the place, he does indeed get told to get over it...but being pouting mr sad sack is an entirely different beast than a subservient aware of the boundaries and limits I've set down for them...if punishment is required ...I'm happy to dish it out ...


I think agirl said it very well. Emotions cannot always be controlled, but how they are expressed can be.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 245
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:50:11 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Hands you a coffee 
 


_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 246
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:51:25 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road.


Hello?  I was able to say it without calling a sub a "bitch" or a Dom a bastard.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 247
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:51:40 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		& yes, agirl...once again well said ...I do enjoy your postings

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 248
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:52:20 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDeAnnya

...I will not enable someone who wants to push my buttons for punishments sake. Sorry Im not down with that. Those who are, are encouraging deal breaking behaviour. Thats on you all. To each thier own.

A good Dominant says "you do that again Im leaving you" and they mean it. Not play kiddy games and spanky poo. A good Domme sticks to his/her guns, and leaves the worthless tripes behind.



Mistress DeAnnya,

Very well said.

To address Caretakr's post directly, I align with the overall crux. I know I certainly have a low tolerance level for game playing. Self-styled "brats", players, energy vampires and kid glover romantics are always filtered out—leaving a very few remaining. If the right raw material is present in a girl (or pretty boy) they can be shaped, otherwise they will not add to your advancement and gain. I seek slaves because I like to be served, and served well. I am not here to hand out charity.




That's pretty much it. Some material is going to be suitable for service-most will not be. The motivations behind desiring to serve are very important. Using a Dominant as a crutch, is not a worthy motivation.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 249
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:52:56 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

& yes, agirl...once again well said ...I do enjoy your postings


Same here. She is quite unique.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 250
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:54:20 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road.


Hello?  I was able to say it without calling a sub a "bitch" or a Dom a bastard.



I got my emotive point across. Then we were able to examine the reactions. Interesting.

Ever wonder at how easy buttons are to push?

Or  how easily we allow it?

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 251
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:56:21 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Uhhhhh... here is the OP:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I've had past girls who thought I was an absolute bastard, for a certain attitude I had. You see,I won't punish. I don't think I should be enforcing someone keeping her word to me. And I don't feel that I should be catering to a girl atoning for HER guilt-when she childishly insists on beating herself up for screwing up.

Here's why. I won't be held responsible for someone eles's lack of emotional self control. If I cater to this nuerotic impulse, I only further reenforce it. I really hate having my time wasted by someone moping around-when there are things to be done. Get the fuck over yourself and deal with it, bitch.
And drama only encourages more.
You see,taking punishment is very catholic. There's really not a lot of consequence in avoiding the sin-if all you have to do is to pay some quick and easy penance. What I want to see happen, is work.
I can try to all the outside reenforcement in the world-and it usually won't work. The real nitty gritty and improvement comes when you force someone to take the proper personal accountability-and make them do the internal work, that corrects the attitudes and feelings that made the problems to begin with.
Rather than slapping a bandage on the "boo boo". 


Maybe it's just me, but it looks like he's been fairly consistant in what he was trying to say...though perhaps more coffee DID improve his attitude!  LOL
 
I think he's a lot like I am; likes to post ideas he wants to think about and read what other's have to say; but he doesn't suffer fools well.  I think some write better than do others, and certainly punctuation can be an issue; so much is lost in online communications.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 252
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 7:57:49 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		When I hear about threads and button pushing, that Pauly Shore looking guy comes to mind, zenowhatshisname.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 253
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:00:58 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I  know, it's really amusing to watch him  twisting panties, until people scream in rage. Such a waste of emotional energy.........and the man has never even had real flesh under his hand.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 254
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:01:56 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
I think many people, regardless of lifestyle have dysfunctions, some worse than others.  A broken person is a broken person, regardless of kink.

Any Dom who would repeatedly put up with ridiculous behavior from a sub is not much of a Dom, or perhaps he's a maso.  But he's not anything a strong sub would ever respect.


I mostly agree, except for the very last part. In some situations, the D/s or M/s dynamic is irrelevant...not even detectable...and the one putting up with the situation may be doing so out of love. Giving it his/her best shot, as it were, and putting up with things that would be patently unacceptable in a relationship with a healthy person.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 255
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:02:50 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		The pissiness came from me taking a sledge hammer to fantasies Bearlee.

I broke the toy,I am an evil evil man.

How DARE you inject reality into my situation!

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/23/2006 8:04:41 AM >

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 256
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:07:39 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
Well...we know bandaids don't work if it's broke.  I'm for RT, anyway.
 
Regarding pissiness, I had the feeling you enjoyed watersports!  LOL
 
<grinz broadly>
 

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 257
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:09:43 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hmmm, that depends dear.

Speaking of which..........

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 258
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:10:27 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Bob:

You have a big heart as your Achilles' Heel.



What you describe could also be seen as textbook style "co-dependence." Sometimes enough has to be enough and you must kick someone to the curb - the reality is that by breaking the cycle of co-dependence on your end you provide an opportunity for the person to becomes well by no longer supporting and collaborating in their bullshit. There is also a chance that the person you are trying to help will just go seek another co-dependent, such is life.

Hey, I'm a benevolent dictator and not nearly as mean as I may come across in this kind of forum. At the same time I don't allow my generous nature to be a weakness. That just will not happen.

P.S. Save that unconditional love for the cats. Humans are not worthy!

< Message edited by Chaingang -- 7/23/2006 8:13:27 AM >

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 259
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 8:11:16 AM   
subneicy


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Kudos to you Caretakr!

As an attention whore myself,  I often find things to do to garner attention.   As a great MASTER recognizes this and corrects appropriately.  I am not a masochist, so a swift swat often cures the problem.  However, I  have noticed with a masochist this is simply foreplay so ignoring them often works better.

Although the submissive will be hurt, ultimately you are doing a great service toward their growth.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 260
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