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RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 9:44:37 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I agree. But that wasn't really the question. If we are going to talik of behavior that needs (or does not need) punishment, but never define it, can we not talk of what constitutes "extra good" behavior as well? Wouldn't that, likewise, deserve some extra attention - some extra praise?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/23/2006 9:52:20 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 281
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 9:51:30 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Ever wonder at how easy buttons are to push?

Or  how easily we allow it?

Not really. But I do wonder about people who have nothing better to do than try and get adverse reactions out of others when it is so easy to do because it is really isn't much of a challenge. I also think it is counterproductive when one is trying to be provocative and make people think, because by pushing buttons like that you only make them think you're an asshole and then they don't listen at all.


< Message edited by happypervert -- 7/23/2006 9:54:52 AM >

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 282
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 9:52:52 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I agree. But that wasn't really the question. If we are going to talik of behavior that needs (or does not need) punishment, but never define it, can we not talk of what constitutes "extra good" behavior as well? Woureln't that, likewise, deserve some extra attention - some extra praise?

- Susan


No,t hat's bargaining with a Dom for control. Or do you want a "service top" to cater to you?

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 283
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 9:53:51 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

Ever wonder at how easy buttons are to push?

Or  how easily we allow it?

Not really. But I do wonder about people who have nothing better to do than try and get adverse reactions out of people when it is so easy to do. It is one thing to try and be provocative and make people think, but by pushing buttons like that you only make them think you're an asshole and then they don't listen at all.



Some will,but they are far fewer in number than the ones who pay attention. I'm not worried.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 284
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 9:55:52 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I agree. But that wasn't realil the question. If we are going to talik of behavior that needs (or does not need) punishment, but never define it, can we not talk of what constitutes "extra good" behavior as well? Woureln't that, likewise, deserve some extra attention - some extra praise?

- Su
 
A quick answer........ I'm not actually sure how I can be *extra* good.

In the same way that you can't *define* the reasons or dynamics for *punishments*...how can you define things that deserve *extra* praise/attention?

Crikey, praise ITSELF is really quite a decent thing. It doesn't matter if I've done *good* or *EXTRA* good..........Mostly I KNOW perfectly WELL if I've done good things. I don't really need my Master to pat me on the back for them.

agirl





(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 285
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:01:10 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
Not really. But I do wonder about people who have nothing better to do than try and get adverse reactions out of others when it is so easy to do because it is really isn't much of a challenge. I also think it is counterproductive when one is trying to be provocative and make people think, because by pushing buttons like that you only make them think you're an asshole and then they don't listen at all.


Sometimes it's not really about trying to communicate a message effectively.... It's just all about standing on the soap box and doing look at me!  Getting a message out is rather secondary


editted to add:

Oh yeah... when you call them on it' they draw on childish dramatics.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 7/23/2006 10:22:17 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 286
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:04:41 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
Not really. But I do wonder about people who have nothing better to do than try and get adverse reactions out of others when it is so easy to do because it is really isn't much of a challenge. I also think it is counterproductive when one is trying to be provocative and make people think, because by pushing buttons like that you only make them think you're an asshole and then they don't listen at all.


Sometimes it's not really about trying to communicate a message effectively.... It's just all about standing on the soap box and doing look at me!  Getting a message out is rather secondary


And it's even more fun to get attention on somneone else's coat tails isn it? So you can be Mr. "Lookit me in my awe inspiring perfection"' without catching the shit?

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/23/2006 10:05:21 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 287
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:06:33 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		Thank you, Shigglyboom.  You called it.

Yes, we did email at one time, never with any animosity or disagreement, and never with any knowledge on my part that anything that I revealed about myself personally I would have thrown at me on a public forum in order to silence me.  There was no 'dumping' that took place by either party, nor was there a relationship to be dumped from. 

And now Caretakr would like us all to applaud his great 'honesty' in alluding to my personal issues and questioning my motives for engaging in the lifestyle, inferring that I am looking for a Master to "fix" me. 

I spoke up against increasingly reckless verbal abuse of women and look what happened?  The venom was turned towards me in a personal attack and threat.  Imagine that.




(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 288
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:12:15 AM   
shigglyboom


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

I don't know either of you and I don't know what's been going on in other threads or real life that may have led to this exchange, but I find the above threat, Caretkr, to be rather appalling and immature. Surely someone with your self-awareness and reputation on these boards doesn't need to threaten people to try to silence them, or try to gain stature by claiming to have dumped them. Perhaps I'm reading this wrong?

Or did you intend us to admire your supposed self-restraint and conclude that the other party is not worth our respect?

If so, you underestimate the intelligence of the people on these boards, and vastly overrate your own.



I was being straight forward with her. We had discussed quite a bit in private, that I will not divulge here. And knowing her past history, I feel that she is getting into this for the wrong reasons.

And when I was honest enough to tell her so-you can see the reactions I got. I'm the asshole, for screwing with her fantasies.


If you are really a caretaker, "Caretakr", I can't imagine why you think it is ok to try to stigmatize someone who confided her history to you in private (my assumption) by referencing it these boards. Or maybe that's not your intention.... but it still seems to be rather callous treatment of someone else's trust. Just my opinion. Maybe you could just take the high road and ignore rather than attack her back?

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 289
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:19:33 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom


quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

I don't know either of you and I don't know what's been going on in other threads or real life that may have led to this exchange, but I find the above threat, Caretkr, to be rather appalling and immature. Surely someone with your self-awareness and reputation on these boards doesn't need to threaten people to try to silence them, or try to gain stature by claiming to have dumped them. Perhaps I'm reading this wrong?

Or did you intend us to admire your supposed self-restraint and conclude that the other party is not worth our respect?

If so, you underestimate the intelligence of the people on these boards, and vastly overrate your own.



I was being straight forward with her. We had discussed quite a bit in private, that I will not divulge here. And knowing her past history, I feel that she is getting into this for the wrong reasons.

And when I was honest enough to tell her so-you can see the reactions I got. I'm the asshole, for screwing with her fantasies.


If you are really a caretaker, "Caretakr", I can't imagine why you think it is ok to try to stigmatize someone who confided her history to you in private (my assumption) by referencing it these boards. Or maybe that's not your intention.... but it still seems to be rather callous treatment of someone else's trust. Just my opinion. Maybe you could just take the high road and ignore rather than attack her back?



Not when she's slammin my rep.

Gloves come off, when you go there baby.

(in reply to shigglyboom)
Profile   Post #: 290
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:24:16 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Not when she's slammin my rep.

Gloves come off, when you go there baby.


yup... hard to load their gun if you have gloves on

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 291
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:36:23 AM   
shigglyboom


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

If you are really a caretaker, "Caretakr", I can't imagine why you think it is ok to try to stigmatize someone who confided her history to you in private (my assumption) by referencing it these boards. Or maybe that's not your intention.... but it still seems to be rather callous treatment of someone else's trust. Just my opinion. Maybe you could just take the high road and ignore rather than attack her back?



Not when she's slammin my rep.

Gloves come off, when you go there baby.


The irony is, when you respond you give her power. When you ignore her you give her none. ;)

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 292
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:47:30 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Not when she's slammin my rep.

Gloves come off, when you go there baby.


yup... hard to load their gun if you have gloves on


You have a stiffy for me dude?  Cuz you seem to be trying to TOP me here. And I am not your type. Go Dom your women,it's definity going to be more fun.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/23/2006 10:55:50 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 293
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:48:53 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom


quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: shigglyboom

If you are really a caretaker, "Caretakr", I can't imagine why you think it is ok to try to stigmatize someone who confided her history to you in private (my assumption) by referencing it these boards. Or maybe that's not your intention.... but it still seems to be rather callous treatment of someone else's trust. Just my opinion. Maybe you could just take the high road and ignore rather than attack her back?



Not when she's slammin my rep.

Gloves come off, when you go there baby.


The irony is, when you respond you give her power. When you ignore her you give her none. ;)


I said what I needed to-only responding to you gave her any more. And you have no idea what a rejected and whining prospect can do behind your back. Better to get it out in the open.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/23/2006 10:49:43 AM >

(in reply to shigglyboom)
Profile   Post #: 294
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:52:04 AM   
Dauric


Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		...... I haven't really read all of this thread, I just hit the "recent post" link...

...but...

<twitch>

Dominance is not an excuse for uncivil behavior.

...Ahem...

We return you to your regularly schedueled thread.

$0.02

Dauric.

(in reply to shigglyboom)
Profile   Post #: 295
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 10:54:15 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dauric

...... I haven't really read all of this thread, I just hit the "recent post" link...

...but...

<twitch>

Dominance is not an excuse for uncivil behavior.

...Ahem...

We return you to your regularly schedueled thread.

$0.02

Dauric.


And it's not an excuse to let people use you for a carpet.

(in reply to Dauric)
Profile   Post #: 296
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 11:22:41 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Caretakr,

Just a few questions, if you dont mind.  It sounds like youre just looking for a confident partner with self-esteem intact.  Am I understanding you correctly?  One that knows she makes mistakes like everyone else and accepts her mistakes rather than allows them to work counterpart to her self-esteem and as a result is constantly "needy" for her self-worth to be validated?

Geeeeesh, I'm getting exhausted just asking you these questions, much less have to deal with someone who is constantly "needy."  I know there are times when we hurt our submissives, unintentionally and only realise our error because of their reaction to what we've said or done.  That's one thing, but a clinging, pouting, needy sub is something else.  Actually a big pain in the ass, if you ask me.  As for drama outside the intensity of everyday life, I need that like I need hemorrhoids. 

Look, nobody's perfect but how can one expect a Dominant to fix what they didnt break?  That's just not a fair burden to lay upon anyone's shoulders except those of the offender, who probably doesnt care anyway or they wouldnt have done it to begin with, or a therapist.

Caretakr, if this is similar to what you had in mind when you posted, I'm with you conceptually but I would use my own verbage as not to put salt into her already deep wound.  I'd love to read your reply.

LeatherBentOne

(in reply to stanton)
Profile   Post #: 297
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 11:42:20 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		 
i think we all want partners with their self esteem intact, but there is a universal law that sometimes prevents that....water seeks its own level

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 298
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 11:54:16 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You have a stiffy for me dude?  Cuz you seem to be trying to TOP me here. And I am not your type. Go Dom your women,it's definity going to be more fun.


What a peculiar thing to say... not to mention amusing as well.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 299
RE: Getting over it - 7/23/2006 12:00:45 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

You have a stiffy for me dude?  Cuz you seem to be trying to TOP me here. And I am not your type. Go Dom your women,it's definity going to be more fun.


What a peculiar thing to say... not to mention amusing as well.


Exactly why ARE you my daddy then?  I'm really curious as to the motivations for your harpy stalking. Does it amuse you to push my buttons?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 300
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