RE: Getting over it

RE: Getting over it (Full Version)

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Sunshine119 -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:39:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr What really gets to me, is that this kind should be in professional therapy. So what do they do instead? Look for a freak with a whip and a hard-on to 'fix' them. Some people's children.[8\|] My thoughts exactly.

missturbation -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:40:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level *pokes head in to see this thread going well [:D]* I would say a dominant does not "owe" a submissive punishment, or "punishment", for that matter. And a submissive that engages in melodramatics or topping from the bottom is doing neither themself nor their dominant a good service. I never said a dominant owed a sub punishment so please dont put words in my mouth. I said that a dom and sub should communicate about these things. Telling your sub to get over it bitch is not a healthy form of communication when it comes to matters such as this.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:42:06 AM)
I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't hurt me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the pain. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes.

missturbation -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:43:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunshine119 quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr What really gets to me, is that this kind should be in professional therapy. So what do they do instead? Look for a freak with a whip and a hard-on to 'fix' them. Some people's children.[8\|] My thoughts exactly. Your judgement is pathetic - both of you. You know nothing about what others seek and why. Get over yourselves to quote a phrase

juliaoceania -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:43:54 AM)
OK sunshine... I reread and perhaps misread, but we do not know what sort or "loser" "get over yourself bitch" that caretakr was involved with...smiles... and even someone with this sort of disorder may have problems, but it doesn't mean they are not redeemable...again, just my opinion (Disclaimer: Im a bleeding heart liberal that believes all human beings are valuable)

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:44:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't hurt me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the pain. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes. You don't get the connection, due to not being nuerotic. The ones in this thread who are, are showing it to us with thier drama. They can't help it-that's the problem. Lack of control.

juliaoceania -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:49:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie I'm still looking for the connection between this and emotional masochism. As an emotional masochist, I don't crave punishment. My emotional masochism deals with my owner inflicting emotional pain on me, which luckily happens as a by-product of who he is and how he lives his life. He won't cater to my needs specifically in that regard. Getting punished and absolved of wrong-doing wouldn't hurt me emotionally. I don't see the connection at all. Perhaps, you mean people who beat themselves up for doing wrong? It would seem to me they would not want to be punished and absolved of their wrong-doing. It would stop the pain. I don't beat myself up over things gone wrong so that is not one of my triggers. I don't get the wanting punishment though, that would stop the pain..seems totally opposite from what an emotional masochist likes. You don't get the connection, due to not being nuerotic. The ones in this thread who are, are showing it to us with thier drama. They can't help it-that's the problem. Lack of control. Ok, you start a post designed to cause a flame war and upset certain people, use inflammatory language about submissive kind, call women losers... and then insist they are the ones with the "drama" problem.. I think I see the problems in your last relationship.. but then again.,.. that is just my opinion and I could be wrong

MHOO314 -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:50:02 AM)
You put it out there, you are going to get opinions from all aspects---perhaps the drama is really yours.

agirl -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:55:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun. How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better. In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous. Hello missturbation, While, years ago, my Master may have punished me in a cathartic way........it would have been impossible for that to continue. I would have HAD to move on from that position..to remain static would have implied that bugger-all he'd invested had had any impact. At some point I had to grasp that nasty nettle.....of doing some work on myself. In fact, the best eye-opener I had was when he told me that he was doing more work than I was and so was abdicating until I got involved in MYSELF. I soon got a grip. I can't expect anyone to invest in me indefinately, if it's evident that I'm not going to utilise the skills I'm being handed....OK, it may have taken a withdrawing of support..but needs must. If I'd sunk , then I'd certainly not be with this inspiring person in this way. How could we have proceeded if I was unable or unwilling. I DO actually get punished..but it's not a cathartic ritual...it's a pretty basic cause and effect situation. It's not emotionally charged and it's not play either. I don't punish MYSELF hugely , because if I do something, (wrongly or rightly), I pretty much went into it whole-heartedly...If I choose to flout a rule or instruction and managed to bury my head in the sand for a while, or was a slave to the moment ...I STILL know that there's a price to pay, ultimately. My Master HAS taken the time to understand me....He's not the kind of person that chucks away someone because they have a basic nature.....He finds out, decides on the procedure that's best all round and implements it. He is probably pragmatic and unemotional. I like that. I haven't actually let HIM down.. that I know of.......I have pissed him off a bit......and let MYSELF down quite a few times, though. When he's read this, I'm sure he'll correct me, if I'm mistaken....lol agirl

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:56:13 AM)
I set this up to push some buttons..The responses are very telling, and pretty much as I predicted. It only reenforces a decision I made years back. Notice the polarization between the two camps, what does that say?

juliaoceania -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:57:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I set this up to push some buttons..The responses are very telling, and pretty much as I predicted. It only reenforces a decision I made years back. Notice the polarization between the two camps, what does that say? It says that you are a divisive person not wanting to make peace, and therefore no one else can give it to you... that's all it means.. it says more about you then the people that responded to you

missturbation -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:57:40 AM)
For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment. It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses. It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy. Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help. We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people.

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:57:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun. How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better. In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous. Hello missturbation, While, years ago, my Master may have punished me in a cathartic way........it would have been impossible for that to continue. I would have HAD to move on from that position..to remain static would have implied that bugger-all he'd invested had had any impact. At some point I had to grasp that nasty nettle.....of doing some work on myself. In fact, the best eye-opener I had was when he told me that he was doing more work than I was and so was abdicating until I got involved in MYSELF. I soon got a grip. I can't expect anyone to invest in me indefinately, if it's evident that I'm not going to utilise the skills I'm being handed....OK, it may have taken a withdrawing of support..but needs must. If I'd sunk , then I'd certainly not be with this inspiring person in this way. How could we have proceeded if I was unable or unwilling. I DO actually get punished..but it's not a cathartic ritual...it's a pretty basic cause and effect situation. It's not emotionally charged and it's not play either. I don't punish MYSELF hugely , because if I do something, (wrongly or rightly), I pretty much went into it whole-heartedly...If I choose to flout a rule or instruction and managed to bury my head in the sand for a while, or was a slave to the moment ...I STILL know that there's a price to pay, ultimately. My Master HAS taken the time to understand me....He's not the kind of person that chucks away someone because they have a basic nature.....He finds out, decides on the procedure that's best all round and implements it. He is probably pragmatic and unemotional. I like that. I haven't actually let HIM down.. that I know of.......I have pissed him off a bit......and let MYSELF down quite a few times, though. When he's read this, I'm sure he'll correct me, if I'm mistaken....lol agirl Perfect example of evolving past the problem, thanks for sharing![:D]

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 11:58:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation For me personally this thread has become much more than a discussion on punishment. It has brought to light a lot of judgemental posters who cannot see past their own noses. It also raises the question of communictaion about important matters. There appears to be a lack of it between certain subs / doms here and that really isnt healthy. Then theres the name calling, i alone am a loser who is selfish and in need of proffesional help. We all have our opinions about things but when a person begins to state theirs as fact it is worrying for all those involved with those people. I never reffered to you as a loser-you did that. why?

missturbation -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:04:23 PM)
Hi a girl, I am not questioning anyones ways of running their relationships. If caretkr chooses not to punish that is his perogative but to refuse to discuss it and tell his sub to get over it bitch is not healthy grounds for building a relationship. Theres also the judgement issue which i find annoying. Caretkr does not know me and should not judge me by his own standards.

WyrdRich -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:11:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals? Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right? I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you.

ImpGrrl -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:16:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich When you bring a new puppy home, do you expect it to behave like a properly trained adult dog? Making a choice not to employ a physical punishment is fine but things don't happen just because we want them to and would rather not be bothered with the process. We are adult humans entering into adult human relationships. We're not children, or "new puppies" in need of house-training. There will always be mistakes - more in the beginning than later on, if it's all done right. But we're still already adults, before entering into the relationship.

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:18:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals? Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right? I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you. I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.[:D]

ImpGrrl -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:20:39 PM)
In my relationship(s), if the s-type takes it upon themself to punish when the d-type has corrected/forgiven - it's a wrongful focus. It's focusing on themself and their feelings, rather than the desires and goals of the d-type. It's not how I desire my d/s relationships to run. quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Ok so now im a loser and selfish. I really wish i got off on being insulted by complete strangers cos then this would be fun. How can you presume to know what is going through a subs head when she continues to punish herself unless you discuss it with her? Maybe if you took a little time to talk to your sub / slaves about these things more you would understand them a little better. In my opinion a Master who takes no time to understand his slave is selfish and dangerous.

juliaoceania -> RE: Getting over it (7/22/2006 12:22:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr You come across as contemptuous of adult behavior. Are you accustomed to child-like individuals? Do you mean childish behaviors like throwing little temper tantrums all over the place and pouting about having to repeat a task until it is done right? I suspect we have very different defintions of maturity and immaturity. I'll stick with mine thank you. I'll be happy to leave you with as many piddly puppies as you could possibly desire.[:D] He is in a happy relationship, Im sure he knows what he is doing.

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