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Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 1:15:50 PM   
TheMistressLucy


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		I have had a lot of male subs approach me here and in their first message tell me they are a loser or a failure or are not worthy and need to be controlled. At what point is this attractive to me and worthy of my time?

I prefer my subs to be successful and have made something of their lives, it doesn't mean you have to be CEO of a company but someone intelligent enough to know there is always more to learn, more to aspire to and be the best they can.

Any thoughts on this?

------------------------------------------------------
And before anyone points out, I know all subs are not like this :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 1:17:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I've always maintained that D/s is a power exchange relationship. If you don't have any power, you have nothing to exchange, and therefore nothing to offer.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 1:22:45 PM   
TheMistressLucy


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		Power over a weak perrson is not much of a challenge.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 1:53:10 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, an awful lot of sub men seem to think that by saying they are worthless makes them more desirable to Dommes.

I dunno why that is.
Despite being told umpteen times by others on these forums that it's not good bait for their hook, they still persist in doing it.
Maybe those that don't learn really are worthless.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 2:14:33 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Humiliation is big in porn. The folks whose education consists largely of porn may try this.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 2:20:52 PM   
TheMistressLucy


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		I can't imagine a submissive woman messaging a male dom with the same approach.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Losers and failures - 8/29/2016 6:13:54 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMistressLucy

I can't imagine a submissive woman messaging a male dom with the same approach.

It happens.
Not as much as I suspect it does the other way around but it occurs.
And most of them want the fantasy of that, but in reality want care and love...because human

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 1:50:13 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's porn.

Gonna cut the producers of porn a break. That sh^t sells! If I were going to produce porn, I'd go with the stuff that made me money, too.

Whether I (personally) like it or not, porn is a lot of people's indoctrination into BDSM. They "think" the stereotype is what it's all about. It works in the movies, right?

(Of course, in the movies, we all wear latex catsuits all of the time, the most prominent figure is the guy's dick, and the "money shot" is how everybody has sex.)

That doesn't mean porn is good education. I mean, did you go and see LotR and think when you stepped out of the theater, the whole planet was going to look like middle Earth?



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 4:13:49 AM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		what I hate about BDSM porn is that they have these hot looking 18-25 year old "submissives" who have no clue. When many of us are just average folk.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 4:25:34 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

what I hate about BDSM porn is that they have these hot looking 18-25 year old "submissives" who have no clue. When many of us are just average folk.

They do that for porn. lol.

Like LP said - it sells, even if it's not anything like reality.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to LilJuly76)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 5:21:47 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		TML, if you agree with OsideGirl that 'D/s is a power exchange relationship. If you don't have any power, you have nothing to exchange, and therefore nothing to offer'? If so, I'd put that in your profile(s).

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 5:46:49 AM   
chocolateboy1976


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/15/2016
Status: offline 		Really porn..where does it end?

In the past, taking cum to the face would have got an actress a bonus...then came anal ...then dp etc....now it seems as an actress to get paid more you have to go even further. Sadly the issue is that many folks (young and old) can't differenciate between reality and what they see on film/online.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 6:31:45 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chocolateboy1976

Really porn..where does it end?

In the past, taking cum to the face would have got an actress a bonus...then came anal ...then dp etc....now it seems as an actress to get paid more you have to go even further. Sadly the issue is that many folks (young and old) can't differenciate between reality and what they see on film/online.


Here's the thing, though... For us in the kink world it may be reality. Or at least a part of it.

After all, I have had multiple dominant women sitting around a naked man, teasing and humiliating him at one of my Women In Charge parties.

What most men who have watched that porn seem to not clue into is that happened at one social. With someone that I really like and who has made an effort to help and befriend many in our community. It was HIS fantasy, not ours (although we did have fun), and we liked him enough to fulfill it for him.

It is not and never will be a 24/7 lifestyle to live like that.

Yes, there are smokin' hot sexy times, and humiliation and group play and whatever in the kink world.

But we all gotta make the donuts, take care of the kids, have friend time and cook our dinners. And, as someone mentioned, we don't all look like porn stars, either (which is OK, few of the men approaching do, either).

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to chocolateboy1976)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 7:28:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chocolateboy1976
Really porn..where does it end?

In the past, taking cum to the face would have got an actress a bonus...then came anal ...then dp etc....now it seems as an actress to get paid more you have to go even further. Sadly the issue is that many folks (young and old) can't differenciate between reality and what they see on film/online.

Yep. Really. Porn.

It's what made the stereotypes popular in the first place. The lowly worm, the b^tch Goddess, the "punishment" scenarios that so often end with the male orgasm being the focal point, and a bunch of other stuff that appeals to the males buying it. Like a number of other things, a lot of people (het males) think if something is sexy to them, they think that's what turns on their female counterparts, too.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to chocolateboy1976)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 7:34:55 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		As most have said their knowledge wants and desires are gleaned from porn be it a clip, movie or solitary picture, and occasionally some especially mad ramblings on whatever the sites name story bored or forums…I usually just lump them all into the typical stereotype and all of what’s wrongs with most people’s opinions, or expectations, or what they errantly portray to be the lifestyle. It still saddens me upsets me to this very day.

But some men get excited at the prospect – with a fair eclectic mix of different scenarios. All some men want is to be that one piece of a jigsaw – and really that’s fair enough if that’s what they want, as opposed to be all the pieces, the bigger picture.

You could try correcting them – one or two may come back and surprise you. Your profile is clear and concise I suspect most of your mailers do not read it. Worrying they may be too conditioned to understand it.


< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 8/30/2016 7:45:16 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 7:47:13 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		The whole pathetic loser thing makes me want to gag for all the wrong reasons

I find the male chastity thing just as unappealing.

So you're a loser, and pathetic, then why the hell would I want you? You can't leave your dick alone, or stay loyal to me? again, I'd want you why exactly? Your whole experience is based on porn, or 50 shades of Guff, how dull.

I know exactly what I want from a man, and it isn't that malarky.

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 10:11:37 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		On a personal level you have the right to judge someone worthy of your time or not. Hopefully you can be mature enough to be compassionate in your rejection.

Calling oneself dominant does not give you anymore rights or stature than those you deem unworthy. They are just looking for something different.

We are blessed in this lifestyle that most human idiosyncrasies that are considered depraved by many in the vanilla world are accepted with tolerance here. Perhaps you should develop more tolerance and spend a minute or two politely rejecting suitors… maybe they will learn from it.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 10:41:49 AM   
TheMistressLucy


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		On the porn subject... I have a youtube channel with a few videos, I made a couple of videos that youtube would not allow (nothing racy, just a slideshow of male chastity photos) so I figured I would make a profile on xhamster and display them there. The messages I have received on there are so disgusting and selfish, their minds are so full of porn they cannot think clearly. The profile states I am a dominant female and that I am only interested in male chastity, I thought that would put them off but they ignore it and message me like I am a submissive female, even though the videos are femdom related. They make the average Collarspace "do me" member seem sane.

If anyone knows of a better adult site to host videos please let me know.

(BTW I have nothing against porn, only those who let it affect their every day interactions)
(I'm also not complaining about messages I receive, I'm just stating facts)

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 10:46:55 AM   
TheMistressLucy


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
Perhaps you should develop more tolerance and spend a minute or two politely rejecting suitors… maybe they will learn from it.

Butch


A lot of assumptions there. I did politely reject them for a long time, but it seems to encourage them to carry on the conversation. Not replying seems the best way, although I do politely reply if they have shown they have read my profile and put some effort into their message.

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Losers and failures - 8/30/2016 10:55:42 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		kdsub its profile is clarity - none can ask for more.

TheMistressLucy you are allowed to post those links feel free to do so....long as you do not demand gold.


(in reply to TheMistressLucy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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