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Lucylastic -> RE: Married men (9/3/2016 9:32:23 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
quote:
ORIGINAL: catize
Let's accept you are telling the truth about your spouse being OK with your extramarital fun. '
You need to realize that the 'other woman' gets the short end of the stick. Playtime will always be on your schedule, never hers. She can only call you when you say it's OK. She's not really a part of your life, she will be compartmentalized. What happens if your wife changes her mind?
It is a good chance the arrangement will turn into a train wreck.
Not many woman willing to put up with being second or on-the-side!
I wanted to add some thoughts to this and your post is the best way to do that.
What you are saying has a lot of merit. When a married and poly person such as myself dates a single person, that single person going into it already knows I'm only going to be a part time relationship. I'm not going to spend every weekend with them. I'm not always available at the drop of a hat. (Emergencies are different, of course.) The single person has to decide if what I bring to the table is enough, for lack of a better term.
This evens out a little bit if the person that I'm dating also happens to be married and poly. That makes me their secondary relationship, too. Not a big deal to someone like me because I already have a primary partner, so I don't care if I don't see the other person every week, etc. They have a life, I have a life, and time management works around that.
However, I'm much more in my comfort zone with poly people who have structured their agreements that are similar to my own. I'm actually not ok with people who have come to a 'don't ask, don't tell' agreement between themselves. Without that confirmation from the other person's spouse, I have no real way of knowing that is what's really going on or if it's a cheating situation. That potentially puts me in a bad situation and I'd rather not have that happen.
I state on my profile and always have that I am married. I was involved in a poly with my ex sub and he had his wife. I was ok with it being a secondary relationship we had our lives, we had some hard times, we had some good times, But I didnt sleep with him, until he had met my husband and I had met his wife. That went on for years, but even now, my husband is the biggest part of my life, and he would be well aware of any future BDSM partner before it went to sex.
Not informing someone that part of the poly is cheating and riding bareback is definitely a damper on a relationship in my mind.
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