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freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Married men (9/4/2016 9:17:21 AM)
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I'm going to pick this apart in pieces rather than a page of text dealing with a page of text.
It is, of course, just my personal opinion, so make of it what you will.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
Thank you to everyone who responded. It's always interesting to read the different points of view. I try to take something positive away from every situation.
But I'm disappointed with the the assumptions that was made about me.
I don't think too many assumptions were made about you personally.
I think it's more that you took the responses personally rather than what they were - giving you insight to the general perspective from other BDSM'ers.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
If you did read my profile you would see that I'm not hiding anything, I'm being open an honest. If you were really interested in me and wanted to confirm that my wife does know, you could have just asked me if you could talk to her. I've done it before, and my wife had the chance to ask her own questions to my girlfriend.
The fact you aren't hiding anything is to be applauded. Kudos to you.
However, the fact is, 99.9% of those that claim their OH knows of their meanderings is lying.
That's just a point of fact, not questioning your honesty.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
Also, my profile states that my wife is an asexual. Did some of you consider that you can love your spouse without being intimate with them?
That their is more to marriage than just sex?
I think most people know that.
So that's sort-of stating the obvious.
And for most people, marriage is all about sex to one degree or another.
The fact that you are married to an asexual wife is a little unusual compared to most people.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
My situation may not be perfect, it may not appeal to a lot of women, but that's okay, I'm trying to make the best of my situation. I'm not the only one out there who can't fully commit to a relationship because of circumstances.
I'm going to be blunt here and I know it's not eched by everyone.
From my PoV, if you cannot commit 110% to your marriage, you shouldn't be in it. Period.
No, I'm not religious, so I can't be blamed for sticking to pious views and all that.
But to me, if you go so far as to get married, you really should be totally and utterly committed to it through thick and thin, regardless of the situation.
To not be, is rather disingenuous to your wife and somewhat unfair on her.
Have you not considered that??
Most people who cannot commit fully, usually get divorced or venture into a fully 'open' relationship.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
YES, I'm looking for sexual encounters, I'm looking for play partners to have fun with in a non-sexual way as well, it's not always about sex.
What's wrong with a man looking to have fun? I'm not hiding the fact, so you know what I'm looking for right up front.
For the majority of people, it most certainly is about sex of some sort.
If not penetrative sex, at least some steamy inter-personal intimacy.
For an awful lot of people, non-sexual play just isn't considered.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
Your telling me that married women aren't looking for NSA fun?
A lot of them are - but with clean (D&D free) play partners.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
The other woman isn't getting shortchanged if she understands the situation before going into a relationship with me.
Many don't understand the implications of herpes.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
I've been the " the other man" in an relationship. I understood that going into it. Being open and honest with everyone and making sure everyone understands what the situation is, you greatly reduce problems from happening.
But the main problem of herpes is not something people are willing to deal with.
As I said earlier, for me, play is severely restricted when intimacy is pretty much off the table.
Yes, there are other play scenarios, but unless they are also playing on a strictly non-sexual basis, that would rule out an awful lot of people.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
I've had my share of relationships. I've had relationships because I'm not just sitting behind a computer screen trolling this or any other site, just looking to score. I don't hide my profile from others to see. I'm very active in the scene. I go to local munches and dungeons on a regular basis. I'm out there meeting people and having these conversations in person.
It is good that you are getting out there.
But, you are trivialising herpes as if it is nothing more than a common cold.
Unfortunately, although it can be controlled to some extent, it does have some very serious issues.
Just by admitting to it and saying it is not serious is misleading many people.
It is a very serious health issue and for many, it is a red line and a deal-breaker.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
I'm here to learn as much as possible from others. Keep an open mind to suggestions, opinions, and advice. I just hope we can have a mutual respect of one another.
Then at least learn what people are telling you and take that on board.
Trivialising a highly contagious health problem is not to be trivialised at all.
Your attitude to herpes is something that many will not understand.
It is good that you are open about it but to make light of it is for many, a no-no.
I suppose it's a case of earning trust in partners.
If you are making light of herpes, people aren't going to trust you very much on other issues.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Rush30
If any of you want to talk about this further please PM me and we can talk some more.
Most would prefer to comment on the forums so that others can read and learn rather than private messages that they are not privvy to.
I wouldn't gamble on getting very many PM's.
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