UllrsIshtar
Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Danemora
quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Men should get as much as a say as women do when it comes to deciding what happens after an unplanned pregnancy happens. Which includes claiming the child, or giving up all claim to it... just like women can...
I do agree that both parents should get a say. However it won't work in all possible scenarios after an unplanned pregnancy.
I gave birth 2 years ago. Had I wanted to abort the pregnancy and my son's father did not, how exactly would that situation get resolved fairly? Force me to carry a pregnancy I didn't want to term and then force me to give birth to the baby so his father could get his equal rights as far as being a father goes?
The woman decided whether to carry to term or not. After she decides to carry to term, the father now has the same options as the mother to claim the child, or relinquish claim to the child.
Personally I don't think a woman should tell a man she is pregnant until after she's decided to carry it to term. There's no need to burden a man with the knowledge that you're mind is set on aborting a child he might want to keep. He doesn't need that on his conscious.
However, after a woman -independently- decides she's carrying the child to term, the man should have the same choice on whether he wants the child or not, and if he doesn't, should be able to relinquish claim to the child, even when she decides to keep it.
Likewise, I think a woman should give serious consideration to carrying a child she doesn't want to term when the father really wants to keep it, but likewise she should be able to relinquish her ties with the child to him, and make him solely responsible for the child she didn't want, after giving birth.
I've done that. I've gotten pregnant, and would have aborted if it wasn't for the fact that my ex really wanted the child. So I totally understand what an imposition it is to go through a pregnancy you don't want, but I still think that when possible, if the father wants the child, it's the right thing to do. Legally speaking I don't think women should be forced in such a situation (but again they should also keep their mouth shut to the father if they're aborting anyways without considering his wishes).
After giving birth, I've stepped away, and he's raising the boy all by himself by our mutual agreement. However, legally I cannot give up my rights and responsibilities, so legally speaking I could interfere with how my ex decides to raise the boy at any time (hell, I could insist having an input in what school he goes to despite not being otherwise involved, or I could insist on visitation rights or 50/50 custody, even though I moved to another continent) and he could demand child support at any time. Neither of us uses the law to fuck with the other that way, because it's just not the kind people we are. But there are tons of other people -mostly men- who got 'stuck with' a child they never wanted, with the other parent constantly using the law to interfere with the other parent's life, when they never had a choice to begin with on whether or not they wished to be a parent in the first place.
_____________________________
I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for
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RE: 'Legislative slut-shaming': How the German 'Cuckoo ... - 
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