LadyPact
Posts: 32566
Status: offline
|
I'm going to trim some of this down for nuts and bolts.
quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Heh, no surprise there. Frankly, I wouldn't be very surprised if YOU were taking you out of the house about half a second after that incident.
This I'm leaving in because it's a testament to how well you know me. The BDSM/kink things aside, for me to be the physical aggressor, it does have to be something extreme. It's not that I don't believe in physical force ever. It's just that I have some very specific ideas about offense and defense.
quote:
Nobody [sane] would argue that some time to process isn't sometimes helpful or even necessary. For me, at least, my right to process ends the moment I've induced a sense of terrified confusion in Carol. That simply isn't an acceptable state for any number of reasons both common-sense and love-based. So I'd least control myself enough to offer her a general topic, an assessment of relationship severity, and a time to talk. Allowing her to just be lost and scared is exactly what I'd consider emotional abuse.
I think I may have misled you in this area. Since I used my step-brother's death as an example earlier, I'll go with that. It wasn't like MP came home and I just said nothing to him. It was "Sxxxx called; Rxx's dead". Then, I went to another room to be on my own for a bit. Until I've got my act together, I'm not ready for how did he die, was he alone, was it at home, did you call the florist yet, or the other dozen questions. You'll get it. Just give me a little time to breathe, first.
When I talked to MP about this thread yesterday, he asked me to add this. "After being married to her for all of these years, I know it's just better to wait. I know I didn't do anything wrong. If I push her, it's going to be worse."
I think he's right about that. Not giving me my time to process actually makes me reserved for longer.
quote:
Seems like a whole ton of communication to be called the silent treatment. How about if you just got visibly very angry and glowered at them while remaining uncommunicative? By the way, I've done the same with Carol complete with putting her in a pitch black room to help her focus with no suggestion as to when or where I would invite her out. I didn't particularly like that but I don't feel bad about doing it. Like with you, she understood everything that was going on. She was scared, I'm sure. But not lost.
This is a little different between you and I because you have to remember we have no D/s dynamic between MP and I. Punishment doesn't apply for him and myself.
In D/s, however, this isn't like it's a big surprise or anything. I don't believe in punishing in public, so there have been "wait until we get home" situations. Don't know what you did? I'll tell you but the rest will wait until we're in an appropriate place.
quote:
All of these commentaries were her thoughts as I was discussing this answer to you and making sure the things I was saying were accurate in her eyes also. And I surely would hope that if you ever thought Carol was being abused, however that came to your attention, that you would act as definitively as you were able to stop it. You'd do so with my thanks even were that abuser me although that's a pretty outlandish scenario.
I do have a prejudice here. When it comes to anybody involved in the kink world, PE, or whatever, I have a different standard. If vanilla couple across the street are fighting and one hits the other, I'm going with the odds that it isn't consensual.
Non vanilla folks of any type, I'm going to assume it's part of their dynamic and acceptable until I'm told otherwise. If somebody comes and tells me they are being abused, that's what it is. If I have to ask, I accept the answer that I'm told. (Meaning from the receiver, of course.) It's not my standards that matter. It's theirs.
quote:
Of course not. But if I came along and you were blubbering there on the curb and I had absolutely no freakin idea what else am I supposed to do offer sympathy for the thing I DO know. In this particular case, there was solid reason to think the hurt was caused by ME but I have no freakin idea what the issue is.
Kind of the point. You'd pretty much know if any of YOUR actions caused the skinned knee. If you didn't, we just clean it up and move on. Had you pushed me, bumped into me, etc, you kind of know you were a contributing factor.
quote:
I think that the false accusation is reprehensible on any number of levels not least of which is even contained social damage can be very harmful. That being said, in the absence of this bleeding out into the larger community and/or hitting the courts, the idea that the damage caused by the false accusation approaches that of actually being raped seems ludicrous. I've been surprised by things before and I'd be fascinated by an actual study to that effect, but I feel pretty comfortable with the "ludicrous" position.
I'm very concerned about false accusation also, but my concern lies in the areas you proscribed... legal, job, and nation-wide society where, as you noted, the stakes are so much higher.
Agreed. I'm also not saying that there isn't a negative impact that's within the kink community. However, it's not as rampant as I think some folks try to make it out to be. There really just aren't these thousands upon thousands of people being banned from kink groups because somebody lied about them. The number of banned individuals in any local kink community just doesn't play this out.
There are some things about gender imbalance in the kink community that I've had on some of Nick's threads because there are issues that I think do exist. One of them is not gender pricing/limiting guest lists at swinger events. If 90% of your attendees at your swinger event are single men, your subsequent events are going to fail. It's a logical business decision to keep your male/female ratio reasonable.
I tend to look at things that are actual problems, such as Dominant women being treated differently than Dominant men when they are the offender. If it's something you'd bounce a Dominant man out of your event for, the same should happen if it's the Dominant woman who is the perpetrator.
We've got something going on that male victims of consent violations at play spaces just aren't coming forward. Personally, I think there are a lot of contributing factors to this. Some of this comes from regular society, where it's harder for male sexual assault victims to come forward due to stigma, etc. In ways, this can actually be worse in the kink community. Male submissives shouldn't rock the boat, another male submissive would have loved it if it would have happened to him/you're so lucky, she couldn't have possibly violated you due to size, and so on. (Sarcasm definitely implied.)
Dominant men with female submissive stalkers? You guys are screwed. I have sincere empathy for that situation because too often, it's not taken seriously. "She's just a woman. She can't really hurt you." (Again, sarcasm.) It comes down to not treating victims equally based on gender.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
|
RE: In an effort to help Nicky out - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread