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Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 2:26:53 AM   
submaleslaveuk


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline 		Dear A/all,

i am really confused and would like a few thoughts on approaching a Dominant Woman on here or other sites like this one. Is it right for the sub to approach or should they just wait until they are found??

Always find this quite a hard dilemma, as i always think out my first email, try not to go on about myself too much and always try and get across a bit of my personality too but very rarely do i get a reply. Not even a "no thanks" or a "not interested" or"not looking right now" . Which kind of destroys your confidence after a few times.

Is this just bad luck or do i need to just sit back, reply in the forums and let them all come knocking on my door ?? (lol in my dreams hey??!!)

Thanks all for your time

submaleslaveuk

darren
xoxo 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 2:28:59 AM   
MsGothUk


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: Nw London/UK
Status: offline 		I've spotted afew subs online, through their humour, I've enjoyed their posts, so emailed them & met up with them, just get yourself out there, be you, if it happens it happens

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 2:40:34 AM   
MzMinx


Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		hmmm your profile is pending review ....so its hard to say if  you should add more to it


but It does seem many  woman do not reply to mails ....  be they domme, submissive or vanilla .. so  it does seem to be just part of life online

have you looked to see if they are  even being read? .. look in your sent mail and check ...

I know I personaly  prefer  boys who send me a shortish  mail ...  with a  few sentances  that  share with me that  they have read my profile ... and  thought about it .... some thing nice and pleasent  maybe a few compliments .... a light hearted introduction.. polite and charming..

I dont want to hear  to much about their sex kink ...to start ... nor do I want to receive 20 paragraphs in a  first email .. and i am definitly tired of boys who tell me they  want to be my slave before they even say hello..  or have no limits ......  tell that they are  so much better than any other  slave  ... or  give me sob stories

I tend to respond to all the mails I get, unless they are quite rude, or a boy  doesnt seem to  be understanding me.


dont know if this helps much .... but  being in the forums  cant hurt and it might help you a great deal ... not only with being known ... but in learning

*laughs  * i feel  I  may have ranted a  bit ... hope your situation changes  *smiles*

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 7:22:18 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would say go ahead and mail a Domme, be polite, intelligent, humor helps and keep it light. No form letters man I hate those damn things and I'm sure many Domme's do. Then wait and see what happens.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MzMinx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 7:27:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		For me personanally someone who participates in the forums becomes more attractive than those who are simply looking.

If you can comment on something that she's said in a forum, that will give you something to talk about it. Just saying "I want to serve you" seems hollow to my eyes. Until someone knows me more how can he possibly know he wants to serve me?

Try to keep in mind that vanilla dating is difficult. Now increase that with every added in non-vanilla thing you like.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 7:33:40 AM   
badgirl64


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to agree with the other posts.  Be forward enough to send the email, but don't make it too long or too short.  Also, please use full sentences!  If there is one thing I hate is when a sub/slave can't write in full sentences or his/her writing doesn't make sense! 

Be polite, be yourself and you will find the Domme that is right for you.

Good luck!

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 8:38:18 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I think it is a good idea to continue e-mailing Dommes, even if the response rate is low.  If you wait for them to approach you, it might not happen.  They tend to be busy sorting through the replies they receive, and may not have time to go through  profiles and find you.  If you take the initiative, at least She will be aware of your existence.
 
I agree with the suggestions about keeping the response an appropriate length and geared to her profile.  A few well-written paragraphs is a good length.  I never respond to one-liners.  One the other hand, I have gotten some very lengthy e-mail from subs that go on and on and on.  In one case, it was so long, I didn't have time to read it then, meant to come back and read it later, but forgot.  Had it been shorter, I most likely would have read it on the spot.
 
It is also important to review the Domme's profile prior to replying.  In many cases (such as mine), they clearly state what they are and are not looking for.  If they have taken the time to do this, they are not seeking replies from people outside the guidelines and most likely will not reply.  Also, sometimes a Domme states in Her profile specific information she wants to see included in the response.  I do this as a filter to show Me if the sub actually read My profile or not.  If the information is included, I know he did and am much more likely to reply to him. 
 
Participating in the forums is a good idea as well.  Through discussion, you will get to know people, and vice versa, as well as learn.
 
Best of luck in your search!
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 8:40:54 AM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		In regards to messaging Dommes on collarme and other bdsm personals, it can indeed be intidimidating, even for female subs. In person and reallife, I think female subs have a better chance with Dommes than male subs, as long the gender preferences match, which I prefer than faceless online profiles sites. Hence why I arely message Dommes that interest me online as I not even sure what to write, and those that end respond have higher chance of being people do not want to be with at all, which is the same for most of the Dommes message me before until they stopped for some reason, which I now blame collarme breaking the messaging system for me.

-mellian


_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to badgirl64)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 9:13:51 AM   
submaleslaveuk


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline 		Firstly many thanks to the replies so far! i have already learnt so much!! i must admit i havent sent any mails yet on this site but when i do thanks for the information although should be obvious it isnt always that way!!

Any more advice please feel free to reply here or in a private message and thanks once again for some great advice. It is also nice to see most of the info did not contradict itself! A few paragraphs, so short but sweet, not too much kink included and try and keep it light hearted etc etc!!

Cheers all

submaleslaveuk
darren
xoxox

(in reply to mellian)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/23/2006 3:01:39 PM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		I agree with Tammy... I watch and see how much time they really invest in their search. Copying and pasting the same email to a dozen femdoms is it.

Good luck to you.

DV


_____________________________



(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/24/2006 2:58:40 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		Keep mailing, join in the forums and go to real life events and get yourself known.

Good luck,

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/24/2006 3:22:37 AM   
Sylph


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline 		When I was looking I had better luck with the pple I contacted. Most of the pple who contacted me did not even bother to read my profile- or had a huge reading comprehension problem.

A bit of an FYI, if you actaully get a bite, let the Domme proceed at her own pace. It is rather annoying to be talking to someone who appears to be on your level , only to have then freak out and decide you are not real because you have a busy work week and did not give them the attention they felt was due. Life has a way of getting in the way of your kink.

Sylph

(in reply to Oumae)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 9:08:01 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I'm ok with a potential approaching me, but there has to be the right information offered or I tend to lose interest very quickly.  I want to hear a little about the slave without having to go to their profile and read a diatribe. I also want to know what they are looking for (synopsis) as well as why they are mailing me specifically (something in my profile, I'm their type, etc).  His end goal needs to meet mine (LTR) and he really needs to be giving me the indication that he has at least some experience. 

An immediate disqualifier would be someone telling me they are married, that they have no experience (dreaming about it all your life doesn't count), or are seeking fetish fulfillment, especially in something that I have no interest in.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to submaleslaveuk)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 9:38:13 AM   
LadyLupine


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		darren~~

There are so many posers on this site, it does make it time consuming to sift through mail here. The mail you send should be something that stands out, catches the eye and interest of the domme you are interested in. For me, that is clearly that you have read my profile and comment on what interested you about it. What was it about **ME** that made you want to introduce yourself.  Mails that look like form letters tossed out en mass get trashed.

A little about who you are, what interests you have (kayaking, volunteering, etc) also lets me know you dont sit in front of a computer dreaming all day. No laundry list of fetishes in that first introduction.  No "do me" or "what would you do to me" mail. Include a picture. I personally have taken mine down here because I was sick of the one liner mails "You are sooooo beautiful" *blech*  lol...

I know many submissive men who are extremely shy..but step out there. Don't put all your eggs in the online basket. Go join a local group. Meet people face to face. Go to events in your area.  I send out email myself as I like to do my own shopping, but some of the best friends I have today emailed me as well.

I am also a bit different than some as I dont put alot of emphasis on forum postings. One I know has trouble with English as a second language ( speaks well, but finds writing articulately difficult).

Good luck!


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 12:29:19 PM   
BenignPlague


Posts: 52
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		Hello all and thanks for reading;

This could completely be my novelty shining through, but it seems, just by the overall tone of profiles and journals of dominant women on this site, that approaching submissives are expected to thoroughly read and praise the profile, while at the same time, include enough information about themselves in their email that the domme does not even need to read it.

From what I can tell, we all have busy lives, and time on anyone's hands is not a thing to be taken for granted.  I try to write a nice few paragraphs when I message people, but, even after including the most often sought after information in my profile, I feel like I'm stuck rewriting things about myself, or rather, reiterating them every time.  Also, while I'm not against compliments on a first email, they kind of lose their meaning if one is expected or required.

I'm wondering, from the dominant woman's perspective, where is the line between one liners and repeating our profile that men looking for dommes should strive for?

Adam

(in reply to LadyLupine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 12:48:07 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BenignPlague

Hello all and thanks for reading;

This could completely be my novelty shining through, but it seems, just by the overall tone of profiles and journals of dominant women on this site, that approaching submissives are expected to thoroughly read and praise the profile, while at the same time, include enough information about themselves in their email that the domme does not even need to read it.

From what I can tell, we all have busy lives, and time on anyone's hands is not a thing to be taken for granted. I try to write a nice few paragraphs when I message people, but, even after including the most often sought after information in my profile, I feel like I'm stuck rewriting things about myself, or rather, reiterating them every time. Also, while I'm not against compliments on a first email, they kind of lose their meaning if one is expected or required.

I'm wondering, from the dominant woman's perspective, where is the line between one liners and repeating our profile that men looking for dommes should strive for?

Adam



Frankly, Adam, I'm far more impressed by someone who comments on something I've said on the forums and gets a dialogue going that way. Shows they are looking for community over quick scenes in my opinion.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BenignPlague)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 1:43:13 PM   
SubtleCuriosity6


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Benign,
It's not that a Domme wants praise as much as they want to know what made you choose them.  If you look through a dozen profiles and pick one to email there has to be something about it that interested you. So tell them what what it was.   It also proves to them that you actually READ their profile.  The rest shows common courtesy and intelligence on the sub's part. 
 Repeating your profile is not a necessity.  Just put a few words in as to what you think you have to offer that she would be interested in.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 1:57:45 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		What has worked for me quite well is posting here.  Not only have a number of Dommes casually contacted me, and become friends, but it is also a good way to learn about Dommes and their methods of communicating online.

As to actually meeting someone for real life, give me real life munches and such any day!  In the 5 munches I have been to, I have met as many cool people in the lifestyle as I have in my years of online.

So post away, but get out the door, too.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 2:40:02 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

What has worked for me quite well is posting here.  Not only have a number of Dommes casually contacted me, and become friends, but it is also a good way to learn about Dommes and their methods of communicating online.

As to actually meeting someone for real life, give me real life munches and such any day!  In the 5 munches I have been to, I have met as many cool people in the lifestyle as I have in my years of online.

So post away, but get out the door, too.

Yours,


benji


Hey submaleslaveuk.  The advice from benji is dead-on.  Real-life munches are the best way to meet folks.  They're also a great way to learn about the lifestyle firsthand.  Don't be intimidated about going by yourself.  My guess is you'll meet some great people your first time out but just in case you don't, don't get discouraged.  Each group is a little different and the attendance varies so hang in there and make yourself known.  I'm too stupid to know how to post an internal link here but there's currently a post here in 'Ask a Mistress' titled "Munchies".  Check out that post for more good general information about munches.  

Good Luck to you brother! 

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Approaching a Dominant Woman - 7/25/2006 4:59:51 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubtleCuriosity6

Benign,
It's not that a Domme wants praise as much as they want to know what made you choose them.  If you look through a dozen profiles and pick one to email there has to be something about it that interested you. So tell them what what it was.   It also proves to them that you actually READ their profile.  The rest shows common courtesy and intelligence on the sub's part. 

EXACTLY.  This paints the picture to me as to what drives the fellow writing.  If he doesn't include that, and his email is fairly impersonal, I am led down the path believing that I am just a randomly cast email, hoping for a bite, especially if I'm half a continent away.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)
Profile   Post #: 20
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