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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:09:43 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly

She is in a relationship with him. Is she not appreciative of him? What gifts is she buying him as appreciation?



You're missing the point. If you are a massage therapist and your "significant other" asks you to give him or her a massage frequently, you are going to feel used by that person. The person receiving the massage should buy the person who is giving the massage a gift each time.

(in reply to MoxieMcfly)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:18:22 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		Exactly. So what services is she wanting appreciation for? If it is simply for being in a relationship, than shouldn't it work both ways? If he is serving her, maybe he should ask for "appreciation" since she is benefiting from the service. If he is showing appreciation for his training, does he value the training enough to believe it is worth the gifts that she desires. If not, he can set boundaries, renegotiate, etc.

Any type some one ask for money or gifts, you should ask your self, is it charity, is it bartering, is it a gift, is it an exchange in some way? And then decide if it is worth it. But if you are unhappy giving your money to some one, don't or renegotiate.

(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:34:20 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly

Exactly. So what services is she wanting appreciation for? If it is simply for being in a relationship, than shouldn't it work both ways? If he is serving her, maybe he should ask for "appreciation" since she is benefiting from the service. If he is showing appreciation for his training, does he value the training enough to believe it is worth the gifts that she desires. If not, he can set boundaries, renegotiate, etc.

Any type some one ask for money or gifts, you should ask your self, is it charity, is it bartering, is it a gift, is it an exchange in some way? And then decide if it is worth it. But if you are unhappy giving your money to some one, don't or renegotiate.



In the D/s relationship, the submissive male gets Her attention and training - that is the appreciation he receives. It's an honor to be of service to Her. She is showing him appreciation by giving him Her attention. He in turn must show appreciation by giving gifts or else She will feel used by him.

The OP doesn't want to show appreciation - with gifts or money. Someone said anytime a male submissive gives money, or a gift, for training, it's a Pro-Domme relationship. That just isn't true.

(in reply to MoxieMcfly)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:47:18 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		People have the opportunity to decide if the person wanting to receive gifts is worthy of appreciation. If not, they can communicate, negotiate, etc. If she is expecting gifts in exchange for training, then he has to decide if the training is worth the price of the gift. If not, he can ask for more from her. If she is expecting him to serve in the way that he was trained, what is he receiving from her, once the training is over? Or is the gift exchange over once the training is over.




(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 7:55:57 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		Stop being a male sub. It's why women treat you with such contempt.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 8:43:00 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly

People have the opportunity to decide if the person wanting to receive gifts is worthy of appreciation. If not, they can communicate, negotiate, etc. If she is expecting gifts in exchange for training, then he has to decide if the training is worth the price of the gift. If not, he can ask for more from her. If she is expecting him to serve in the way that he was trained, what is he receiving from her, once the training is over? Or is the gift exchange over once the training is over.




The male sub is receiving Her attention. This is Her gift to him.
Even when training is over, She is still giving him the gift of Her attention.
She is giving him the gift of Her time too and to be in Her presence.
I agree that perhaps the $200 gift isn't necessary once the training is over - but he still has to give Her a gift just to be in a D/s relationship with Her.

If this isn't clear - please let me know.

(in reply to MoxieMcfly)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 8:51:08 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge

Distinction without difference.

When I was growing up, we had a word for these kinds of females.



Michael

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 9:12:40 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		She is also receiving his time, attention and presence.
But no. He doesn't have to. He chooses to. He can choose to be in Ds relationship
with some one who doesn't require gifts or he can also choose to decide that he requires more
than "attention" in exchange for the gifts he is willing to offer.


The male sub is receiving Her attention. This is Her gift to him.
Even when training is over, She is still giving him the gift of Her attention.
She is giving him the gift of Her time too and to be in Her presence.
I agree that perhaps the $200 gift isn't necessary once the training is over - but he still has to give Her a gift just to be in a D/s relationship with Her.

If this isn't clear - please let me know.



< Message edited by MoxieMcfly -- 10/29/2016 9:13:03 PM >

(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 9:17:51 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Stop being a male sub. It's why women treat you with such contempt.

HEY NOW! I happen to ADORE the male submissive, in fact I'm friends with many of them, even if they don't happen to be "MINE".

I would say "contempt" is held more for the dumbasses who present "laundry lists" and expect Dommes to "perform".

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 9:29:25 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Stop being a male sub. It's why women treat you with such contempt.

HEY NOW! I happen to ADORE the male submissive, in fact I'm friends with many of them, even if they don't happen to be "MINE".

I would say "contempt" is held more for the dumbasses who present "laundry lists" and expect Dommes to "perform".


Charlie sheen is frequently credited with saying that prostitutes are not paid for sex, they are paid to leave once the sex is over. The same could be said of prodoms. One of benefits is that she is not expecting you to have an emotional connection prior to or after play. You have some one who doesn't require a relationship to play and you are paying to engage in bdsm and not have the expectation of a relationship. You could find a lifestyle domina. But then you have to be in a relationship with the person. You might come by a lot of incompatibility on both sides before ever getting to that point.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 9:44:50 PM   
cloverodella


Posts: 133
Joined: 8/8/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

I've been going to a BDSM function and met a Dominant woman. I asked if she was a Pro-Domme and she said no.
We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
...
I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.
She told me she is very busy and is only able to see me once a week, maybe twice.
...
I told her that she initially said she isn't a Pro-Domme, so why is she charging me?




This is what I hear you saying.

You talked to a Dominant woman at a munch or some such. You asked if she's a Pro-Domme, she said no. You then proceeded to ask this woman, who does not sell sexual experiences, to provide you very specific sexual services, suited to your taste anyway. She is a lifestyle Domme, with whom *you* wish to engage, yet you offer nothing to hold up your end of an actual dating relationship. So maybe she figures she doesn't mind training you, provided she gets something for her time and energies. Because if you wanted an "authentic D/s relationship", you would treat this woman as a person first, foremost, and only.

We all have been telling you the same thing over and over: TREAT WOMEN LIKE PEOPLE. If you stop treating women like they are potential providers of your sexual gratification, they will stop thinking of you as a personal ATM.

Will all seriousness here, find yourself a therapist. You need to figure out why you have this disconnect as to how to respectfully treat half the population.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:00:33 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella

This is what I hear you saying.

You talked to a Dominant woman at a munch or some such. You asked if she's a Pro-Domme, she said no. You then proceeded to ask this woman, who does not sell sexual experiences, to provide you very specific sexual services, suited to your taste anyway. She is a lifestyle Domme, with whom *you* wish to engage, yet you offer nothing to hold up your end of an actual dating relationship. So maybe she figures she doesn't mind training you, provided she gets something for her time and energies. Because if you wanted an "authentic D/s relationship", you would treat this woman as a person first, foremost, and only.

We all have been telling you the same thing over and over: TREAT WOMEN LIKE PEOPLE. If you stop treating women like they are potential providers of your sexual gratification, they will stop thinking of you as a personal ATM.

Will all seriousness here, find yourself a therapist. You need to figure out why you have this disconnect as to how to respectfully treat half the population.


IT'S SO HARD TALKING TO SOME PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY DON'T READ WHAT YOU WRITE - OR THEY HAVE POOR READING COMPREHENSION.
I WROTE:
I've been going to a BDSM function and met a Dominant woman. I asked if she was a Pro-Domme and she said no.
We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
I'm not looking for sexual intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, no "release" on my part. I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.

Yet, this person interprets it as me asking her for specific sexual activities!

(in reply to cloverodella)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:01:49 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		To be fair, it doesn't make the situation any different when you remove the word "sexual".

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:04:37 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

To be fair, it doesn't make the situation any different when you remove the word "sexual".



???? I only asked for an authentic D/s relationship - where she trains me to be her personal submissive/pet/slave. In the D/s relationship I'm the submissive. I'm now being "specific" in requesting that I'm the submissive?

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:12:37 PM   
Greatlilbabygirl


Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Stop being a male sub. It's why women treat you with such contempt.

You are probably one of the least helpful people on this message board

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:16:18 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		Her idea of what a relationship is might be very different from yours. It might come with a lot more expectations than you are comfortable with. "I only asked for an authentic D/s relationship" will mean very different things to very different dominas. So to say that "a Ds relationship" is the only thing you are asking for.....might imply a lot more than you really are asking for....

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:16:50 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		ilovestarbucks....

I sent you an email but it was "unread deleted"
It's impossible to try to argue with people on the forums. Whenever you post people will always attack and misread what you wrote.
You're fault is that you whine and you're not offering anything to her. If you want to be with her give her what she wants.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:25:15 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		I hope that you all realize that you're arguing over an encounter that is almost certainly a figment of young starbuck's imagination.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 10:34:56 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

???? I only asked for an authentic D/s relationship - where she trains me to be her personal submissive/pet/slave. In the D/s relationship I'm the submissive. I'm now being "specific" in requesting that I'm the submissive?


That sounds to me to be an exchange where you vaguely "be submissive to her" in return for her providing you with the experience of being trained as a pet/slave.

It's very simple. If you don't want to pay $200 then spend the time to find her a genuine present every time you make plans to see her. It seems instead of spending your time figuring out what would be an acceptable present, you're on the Internet griping about being expected to do it... who does that in a relationship they genuinely care about? These women you keep posting about sound like you look on them only as puppets to your fantasies and not as actual people with their own wants and expectations.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 11:37:22 PM   
heavyblinker


Posts: 3623
Status: offline 		I'm not sure that this is asking for a service. In normal relationships, long-term goals and plans are also a big factor in how compatible people are. But of course, when you approach someone and say 'I want to be dominated', it's similar to saying something like 'I expect blowjobs' instead of something like 'I really enjoy Hitchcock films'... but of course, I don't know this woman or what she herself expects from a relationship.

She could have said 'no, not interested in that/not interested in you' and then he would have moved on and found someone else. I think if I was in this situation and said something along the lines of 'this is what I want from a partner' and someone replied with 'I also want that from a partner', I would assume we were simply compatible, not that I was being demanding, that I was just supposed to assume it was part of the fantasy or that I needed to compensate her for the great sacrifices she was making by doing something we both wanted to do.

OP seems to be mostly wondering if he can trust that this person is sincere or simply leading him on in order to profit... maybe because it all seems to easy, but maybe also because subs are immediately making themselves more vulnerable due to the power dynamic. I don't think he's necessarily trying to get out of paying. It seems to be a trust issue where he's wondering if she's simply playing him for a fool.

If trust is an issue, maybe try slowing it down and even try simply dating first. Getting that personal connection established might help you to trust her more.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 40
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