quote:

In D/s we like having clearly defined expectations.

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ORIGINAL: cloverodella


This is what I hear you saying.

You talked to a Dominant woman at a munch or some such. You asked if she's a Pro-Domme, she said no. You then proceeded to ask this woman, who does not sell sexual experiences, to provide you very specific sexual services, suited to your taste anyway. She is a lifestyle Domme, with whom *you* wish to engage, yet you offer nothing to hold up your end of an actual dating relationship. So maybe she figures she doesn't mind training you, provided she gets something for her time and energies. Because if you wanted an "authentic D/s relationship", you would treat this woman as a person first, foremost, and only.

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ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

In D/s we like having clearly defined expectations.

I just love the way you interpret your preferences as the only way.

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

In D/s we like having clearly defined expectations.

I just love the way you interpret your preferences as the only way.

This isn't "my preference", it's the fact reflected in the classifications we take upon ourselves: Dominant, submissive, poly, "closed triad"... that's all defining expectations. So are the various "rules of engagement" in each dynamic.

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

you do realize that it's about defining expectations and not slapping on labels? And while using a label is a quick and dirty way of defining your expectations it is not the only way.

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ORIGINAL: cloverodella

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
I'm not looking for sexual intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, no "release" on my part. I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.

Yet, this person interprets it as me asking her for specific sexual activities![/color]

You want her to sexually dominate you, or you would not be at a BDSM event. That you won't stick it in any of her holes or find release does not make make the whole thing any less sexual. A D/s relationship is a dynamic between partners of Dominance and submission, so yes, wanting to be "trained", "her pet", or "her slave" are all specific BDSM activities that not everyone into D/s is interested in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

I've been going to a BDSM function and met a Dominant woman. I asked if she was a Pro-Domme and she said no.
We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
I'm not looking for sexual intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, no "release" on my part. I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.
She told me she is very busy and is only able to see me once a week, maybe twice.

She gave me her address and told me what time to show up and what to wear.
She then says she expects a gift each time we meet. However, if I'm too busy to buy her a gift I can give her cash instead.
I asked her how much should the cash amount be? She said $200 is reasonable - however, it should only be under emergency conditions, when I'm not able to buy a gift.
I told her that she initially said she isn't a Pro-Domme, so why is she charging me?

She said Pro-Dommes charge money for services rendered and this is their main income.
She isn't a Pro-Domme because she doesn't charge money and she isn't offering a service. This is an authentic D/s relationship. And I'm the only one she will be seeing.

She said to think of it this way. If you are in a relationship and your significant other is constantly asking you for something you will want some type of appreciation or else you would feel used and abused. In her case, gift = appreciation.

Honestly, I don't know what to make of it.

(By the way, I'm not looking to have my profile critiqued, or have someone bring up my past posts)

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

In all of OP's stories, he jumps straight to submissive play with these women. He takes no time to be their friend. He picks them, and he picks them deliberately for what he feels are their potential to fulfil the role of his fantasy Domme. He is happy as long as he gets to feel "submissive" on his terms. He is not unusual, nor necessarily immoral, but people like him, and there are lots of them, think "relationship"and "lifestyle" is code for "free" the same way some think "kinky" is code for "slut".

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ORIGINAL: heavyblinker
But if, as hard as it might be for anyone to believe, she actually wants the same thing... is he still using her?

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

In D/s we like having clearly defined expectations.

I just love the way you interpret your preferences as the only way.

This isn't "my preference", it's the fact reflected in the classifications we take upon ourselves: Dominant, submissive, poly, "closed triad"... that's all defining expectations. So are the various "rules of engagement" in each dynamic.

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ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
So really, no different from with vanillas then. Monogamous, boyfriend, wife, etc.

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ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks
I've been going to a BDSM function and met a Dominant woman. I asked if she was a Pro-Domme and she said no.
We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
I'm not looking for sexual intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, no "release" on my part. I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.
She told me she is very busy and is only able to see me once a week, maybe twice.

She gave me her address and told me what time to show up and what to wear.
She then says she expects a gift each time we meet. However, if I'm too busy to buy her a gift I can give her cash instead.
I asked her how much should the cash amount be? She said $200 is reasonable - however, it should only be under emergency conditions, when I'm not able to buy a gift.
I told her that she initially said she isn't a Pro-Domme, so why is she charging me?

She said Pro-Dommes charge money for services rendered and this is their main income.
She isn't a Pro-Domme because she doesn't charge money and she isn't offering a service. This is an authentic D/s relationship. And I'm the only one she will be seeing.

She said to think of it this way. If you are in a relationship and your significant other is constantly asking you for something you will want some type of appreciation or else you would feel used and abused. In her case, gift = appreciation.

Honestly, I don't know what to make of it.

(By the way, I'm not looking to have my profile critiqued, or have someone bring up my past posts)

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ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly
Lady Pact, if she is training him in a service and becomes the beneficiary of the service, does it alter any thing? (I am assuming there is no play involved, just the authority transfer)

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. It was a really hectic week. (In all of the good ways. )

I have some different ideas about service than some other people do. I come more from the 'there is not such thing as a selfless good deed' angle. Most forms of service, you're really not just doing it for me. Even something as simple as your job in this authority/service dynamic being to refill my glass when the diet pepsi runs out, isn't really just for me. That simple protocol sure looks like it's benefiting me because, yep, I get diet pepsi out of the deal. In the meantime, what is the other person getting out of it? I am (hopefully) teaching that person attentiveness, how the power positions are being fulfilled, that my casual wants because the person wants to please me, take precedence. Depending on how you look at it, it might appear that I'm getting the Lion's share of the benefit, because my glass stayed full. What did the person in service get from it?

Oddly enough, on our second or third lunch date, Engie and I discussed one of the things that he would like to benefit from in a dynamic with me, which would be a formal brunch or Ladies tea. Again, when we get to that point, it's really going to look like I'm just reaping rewards. What is it going to take me to get him ready for that? How to serve drinks, how to adhere to the protocol that **I** want, how to lay the table, etc, etc, etc. When we pull the whole thing off, it's going to look like I'm just being served. If done right, nobody is going to think of the hours that I put into it. Of course, Engie is twice the age of the OP, so I have more to work with.

To be quite frank, when I saw who started this thread, I was rolling my eyes. It's not uncommon for leather households (and I saw your location when you showed up on my "who's viewing page... You have some darn good leather households in your area) to take on a service boy or girl for the whole idea to teach them service, protocol, tradition, leather history, how to get the service mindset, and how to pass those things on.

What is this OP going to do in exchange? He's not exactly a critical thinker, has shown no skill in service, probably has few 'living life' experiences, and has shown numerous times that he is so wet behind the ears that he doesn't have any clue about how any of this works. He's foolish enough to fall for scams (if we are to believe him) repeatedly. Bought into what-his-name's "Master's class" for $99.95.

He got a certificate and everything.

If I were to be approached by the OP, I'd probably reject the offer of such "service" because he's such a wreck even I wouldn't know where to start.

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

Then I'm not sure what you're getting at.