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How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/4/2004 11:26:58 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		What have You learned about weeding thru fakes~~
What has it taught You~

Sincerely, knees2you~
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/4/2004 11:32:09 PM   
DesertMistress


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline 		The trolls float to the surface.

Desert Mistress

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/4/2004 11:45:54 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It's easier to fake through weeds.

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 12:28:21 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
It has shown me the difference between someone who is submissive and someone who just has submissive fantasy. It has reinforced the fact that actions speak louder than words. It has taught me that male subs will lie like crazy to get their submissive fix. And most of all, it has taught me there are way more wankers and trolls than subs.

How to weed through them? Any more I tell people who want to meet me what local munch I'll be attending. So far, only ONE out of about 50 has shown up. I figure anyone who can't set aside a fear of unknown social situations to meet me probably isn't sub/man enough for me.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 12:31:00 AM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		Seeing a fake is easy (most of the time) because they have NO CLUE of what is really important. They want me to kneel and kiss their feet before i even know their name. *LOL* yeah right -- C'mon How can someone submit to someone they don't know, trust or respect?

What i have learned -- well... that a good Dom is priceless *grins* and when i find the one who is perfect for me i will treasure Him always!!
i will do and give Him everything.
JMO
~jenn~

< Message edited by subbiejenn -- 12/5/2004 5:37:14 AM >

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 6:09:20 AM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		Agreed, the fakes makes the "in-the-know" Doms so wonderful to find. So there is a positive purpose for the fakes, But do the fakes really know they are fakes? Do they get the hint after a submissive tells them NO, time and time again? Can a fake become genuine?

(in reply to subbiejenn)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 8:38:59 AM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

What have You learned about weeding thru fakes~~
What has it taught You~

Sincerely, knees2you~

Some flakes uh fakes are easy to spot. They don't bother with a greeting, they start a conversation with what they want or with something about loving me or I am beautiful and they want to relocate to be near me. It is all about them and their fantasies.
Other fakes are harder to spot, they make coffee dates to talk to me, then don't show or show & pretend not to be there to meet me. Some fakes make it to actually serving me, but when they find out that they are not going to get laid or that I don't put up with late arrival without a reason not an excuse, or that they get sent home for being late or for whining and making excuses, they disappear.

I have learned to give a fellow the benefit of the doubt and not to take their being a fake personally, to chalk it up to his being another one for whom fantasy is more compelling than reality.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 8:43:25 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		In addition to the obvious trolls, there is a more insidious type of fake, I think. They appear to be trying to conform to an image of what they should be and mindlessly spout BDSM "cliches" to sound knowledgable. They appear to have no individuality at all, instead seeming to be made by a cookie cutter or computer program. I guess the test is "Do they seem like they are making an effort to tell you what you want to hear, or are they saying what they really think."

I really can't say if these folks are fakes are not because I haven't performed experiments (like having in-depth conversations) to determine if my hypothesis is true. But since the initial impression seems really boring I can't see any reason to waste more time on 'em.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 10:58:09 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		My method for deciding who needs to get put on my block list works kinda like this :


If someone gets mad at me for not playing on a first meeting....

or

if they expect me to play with them without my partner...

or

if they expect cybersex...

or

if they demand naked pictures...

or

if they insist I call them by titles or I allow myself to be called by titles, or that I adhere to non-standard rules of capping or modes of speach...

they MIGHT be a big jerk.


However, if after I have politely explained that I cannot/will not do these things they either...

...blow up in my face and call me rude names

or

...tell me that I'm lying either about having a partner or being my partner's submissive partner

or

... continue to harp on said issues getting more and more belligerant and then get upset when I forcefully refuse.

They ARE a big jerk and should be avoided.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 4:03:25 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

That patience truely is a virtue.


Take care,




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 4:50:16 PM   
collarmepls


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

it has taught me that male subs will lie like crazy to get their submissive fix. And most of all, it has taught me there are way more wankers and trolls than subs.


Yes and Dommes as well certainly arent immune as that is the way it is on both sides of the collar as well. i have had female Dommes lie to me as well and on a few occasions expected me to buy a airline ticket just so they could get laid. LOL Not that i have anything whatsoever against sex it just seems to me they should hire a hooker or john or whatever they are called if thats what they want. Seems to me ratios and popularity are meaningless in the final analysis.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

it has taught me there are way more wankers and trolls than subs.

Likewise it has taught me the same about many self labeled superior Dommes unfortunately.

What have i done. Well i took my pic and profile off. That instantly eliminated 97% of them. The remaining 3% is dependant on my abilities to figure them out in their profile prior to writing to them and finally 1% of them have what it takes to create a successful environment for growth and longevity. Interestingly i have found that the greater majority of legitmate Dommes have no pic or profile at all.

What have i learned beyond that about fakes?
Well most want me to buy a ticket within the first 2 weeks of discovering they exist, most do not have time or inclination to invest in getting to know me, most have psychological and related unresolved issues, most want you to trust them right out of the box rather than allowing trust to develope, many only want to abuse me in some way like being Domme and abusive go hand in hand, (not), some have unrealistic and unsustainable ideals. oh and the ones that expect you to live in a cage, i love to ask them what kind of retirement plan i will have should something happen They go duh? Well you will be slave for life. Right!!! at least until they have a bad hair day!! LOL Which is to say they want you to throw all caution to the wind.

i categorize them all as fakes as the greater majority, (at least those i have had the pleasure of getting to know), label themselves a Domme as result of the personal issues they have and rather than fix themselves they prefer to inflict their unresolved problems on another in the name of "tru sub". yeh yeh (not this sub)

The best way i found to tell the difference in even the most well honed fake is as old as human dating. Simply insist on a "long courtship" as inconsistancies will come to the surface and show up usually within the first 20 to 60 hours of "verbal" contact. Then of course when you confront them on an issue that was not in line with what was originally said or implied you can watch the armed gaurds spring to life in their brain to gaurd their monster so it can rear its ugly head and how fast they evade, tell you that you dont understand, that you are not a "TRU" slave to "DARE" question them, or outright lie to you and say they never said it in the first place and a better one is when they change the definitions of the words LOL, and the slicker ones answer a question unclearly or not to your satisfaction and then when you ask them about it again they tell that "we already discussed this why do you keep bringing it up" to blow you off. and it just goes on and on and on and on lol

Its very difficult to "take your time" when they say all the right words trust me i know but i believe if you take your time regardless you may wind up like me and not have much action in your life but the people you ultimately do meet will be much more in line with your needs as well.

Of course if you only want to play then finding someone is much eaier as none of this matters in that case ;)

Here is an edited example of a profile composed by Mspurrmeow that attracted me as sincere and real with the hi probablity of long term success.

Are you an intelligent, articulate man or woman who can grok the concepts of strength in submission, the rewards of service, or the empowerment of consensual slavery? I believe a slave to be a powerful individual who is rewarded by their role, their loyalty, and their actions. The heart of a slave should be nurtured, and nourished. The mind of a slave should be led and directed, but not brainwashed. The unique value and perspectives that you bring into a relationship with me will be honored, while the relationship will grow in power exchange and mutual happiness.

A relationship with me is not one of cruelty, abuse or sexual hedonism. I will honor, respect, educate, direct and lead the right slave to the rewards of service and protocol. I will introduce them to the joys of S&M play and bondage, and we will venture forth in the areas where our interests overlap.

I am a practical person with high expectations of honor and integrity in people I share my life with. I do not "dress the part" all the time, but I consider myself well put-together when I leave the house. I like much of life to be in order and well-managed, which will be more obvious as you get to know me.

You must have basic life skills, a willingness to follow healthy habits, and an aptitude for learning.

At this time, I want to meet people and start on the journey ahead. The intent of this and all of my relationships is always a lifetime commitment, but I also adore new companions and friends. I do not do cyber relationships nor do I immerse myself in fiction. My life is as real as this keyboard in my hands, and my home and family around me.

Unfortunately there are other nonrelated issues that this may not be a situation best suited to my needs but i believe this Domme is sincere and it would otherwise be an honor to explore and ultimately serve someone with this attitude.

How many fakes can even imagine much less compose something like that? i would guess not to many as a whole.

Hope this helps,
cheers!




(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 8:03:04 PM   
strongnsubmissiv


Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

It's easier to fake through weeds.


I haven't faked through weeds in ages... where have my early twenties gone? Think i'll call up my buddies and see if they still have thier faking shoes handy.

_____________________________

*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 8:24:14 PM   
111597


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		Weeding through players comes from experience.
Here is how I do it.
My first requirement of a male submissive is that they need to train with me on cam. I can tell by their reactions. If they have never put a clothes pin on their nipple, you can tell by their reaction on cam.
If they do not want to train on cam, then they can write me an essay and tell me what they feel their mission as my submissive will be.
Almost 100% tell me it is a fantasy form.
Here are a couple of clues: I am willing to try anything.
Another good one, My wife and I are going to get a divorce, but we live in the same house.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

http://groups.msn.com/DisciplineConnection/_whatsnew

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/5/2004 9:52:26 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:21:11 PM >

(in reply to 111597)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/9/2004 6:54:00 AM   
SirTender


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's unfortunate this type of thread runs so rampant through our community. The core of this issue in my opinion is people judging others. I've been personally drawn to this lifestyle and community because of my "perverted" desires being judged by the vast majority of society. I've found comfort that others have similar desires to mine. The thoughts I've always kept hidden until I'd built enough comfort with a partner to share them had finally been named. I know I'm not the only one to make it well into my adult life before a face was put on my tendencies. It's been an incredible awaking(6 years ago) to finally now know what others call this, and to be able to find others of like mind. While I'm not always the most original, borrowing ideas from others experiences whether here on this site or through friends I've made in the lifestyle, or simply searching the web. The simple fact remains this thread is about judging others as insincere, or fakes. The topic alone will tear our community apart. It makes those searching for their perfect match feel like there are some hidden standards in place, or a code you must follow in order not to be judged as fake. I'm personally tired of it. If you talk to me and aren't interested fine, move along, we're not a match "oh well". Don't be so presumptuous as to judge me, or try to call me out as fake, or troll, or anything the like. Just look at it as a missed connection and have peace with you are what you think you are, and I am as I know I am.

There are a few simple rules to live by I feel.

1. Don’t be stupid. – While exchanging power with a stranger can be exciting don’t get yourself into a situation where someone you barely know can hurt you. Simple fact of our world today is there are predators out there everywhere.
2. Don’t give your trust to someone that hasn’t earned it.
3. Don’t assume you know someone until you’ve communicated with them and have come to an understanding of who they are, what they are about, and know what your common ground is.
4. Don’t judge others. Just be comfortable with your assessment of other’s character, desires, attitude and person. Make your interests known and work from there.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/9/2004 12:33:41 PM   
merrymasochist


Posts: 156
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline 		i've found time to be the greatest and easiest weeding tool... most fakes will rush things at the utmost speed and tend to drop out just as fast when one moves slowly... and if a fake manages to break the time defense, time will eventually show their inconsistancies and one can weed that way too...

sincerely,
merry

(in reply to SirTender)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/10/2004 3:42:46 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		[quote]or that I adhere to non-standard rules of capping or modes of speach... [/quote] ..... This irritates me terribly!!! It's so annoying.

I made the mistake of entering a Yahoo BDSM Chat Room ~~ the land of the fakes ~~ and was chastised for having the audacity to introduce myself by saying "Good afternoon all .... " instead of "... this lowly one kneels at the door begging for permission to enter." Sheesh .....

(in reply to merrymasochist)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/11/2004 1:46:53 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		The main thing I've learned about weeding through fakes is that you've gotta grab them by the roots and make absolutely sure you got all of the main root mass, or they just grow back a few weeks later.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to knees2you)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/11/2004 8:20:44 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I made the mistake of entering a Yahoo BDSM Chat Room ~~ the land of the fakes ~~ and was chastised for having the audacity to introduce myself by saying "Good afternoon all .... " instead of "... this lowly one kneels at the door begging for permission to enter." Sheesh .....


OMG remind me never to go there.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to alwayzron)
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RE: How do you weed thru fakes?? - 12/11/2004 10:17:23 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline
quote:

I think it's unfortunate this type of thread runs so rampant through our community.


Kinda like the Skinheads calling the KKK a bunch of fakes because they wear bedsheets and have a strong belief in god?

quote:

The core of this issue in my opinion is people judging others. I've been personally drawn to this lifestyle and community because of my "perverted" desires being judged by the vast majority of society. I've found comfort that others have similar desires to mine.


Correction: As long as your views are almost identical to the majority, you will fit in. Deviate from that majority. . .and you will be labeled "fake" "dangerous" or some other derivative of those adjectives.

quote:

The simple fact remains this thread is about judging others as insincere, or fakes. The topic alone will tear our community apart. It makes those searching for their perfect match feel like there are some hidden standards in place, or a code you must follow in order not to be judged as fake


By many of the accounts given here as to what a "fake" is (and on other threads) I proudly wear the "fake crown." I don't have problems playing on the first meeting, I expect that anyone who contacts me make themselves available for my use, I take money money money from my boys, and I don't use safewords. Looks like a fake, walks like a fake, quacks like a fake. . . so I must be fake.

quote:

I'm personally tired of it. If you talk to me and aren't interested fine, move along, we're not a match "oh well". Don't be so presumptuous as to judge me, or try to call me out as fake, or troll, or anything the like. Just look at it as a missed connection and have peace with you are what you think you are, and I am as I know I am.


Bottom line is this: "Fakes" are an integral part of BDSM. I mean look at the number of threads and discussions devoted to the subject. The illicit more discussions than caning, whipping, and CBT combined. If the fakes drop off the planet of the earth. . .there wouldn't be shit else to talk about on these boards! People *can't possibly* just be happy with their own situations. . .NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . .we gotta all get together and see what Goddess Peggy Sue is doing and think of the many ways she is totally off base and agree to how fake she is. That bitch!!!!!

Jules



_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to SirTender)
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