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RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/1/2016 5:07:30 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		One incident of domestic violence is one incident too many, period!
China women chop off their husband's penis for cheating and strip and beat up his mistress in public with their girlfriends.
Yes women can be violent too, but domestic violence, should be strongly condemned.
On top of that, it's important to constantly educate the public about it, so that, the ones genuine victims know where to seek help or one genuine victim might feel empowered to seek help IF they read one of these things.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/1/2016 5:08:32 PM >

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/1/2016 5:15:59 PM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

I was more thinking along the lines of the cause of domestic violence (stress, uncontrolled emotions, lack of self- awareness and associated self- regulation, etc).


Abusers are typically insecure with a need to control life. Unless someone is aware of these issues within themselves doing Yoga isn't going to help.

In fact, I know a couple of people that are abusive that brag about how much Yoga they do.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to tamaka)
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RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/1/2016 5:21:41 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline 		Would that be true for both men and women abusers? I know there is a book, "Why Does He Do That?" that describes what you just mentioned.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/1/2016 9:27:33 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

quote:

I would agree that women can be just as violent if not more violent than men and the only difference is that since women are physically weaker, they might not be able to do as much damage.


Businessman, 54, was branded with an iron and had pushed burning cigarettes up his nostrils every time he refused to have sex with his violent girlfriend

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3890448/Violent-girlfriend-tortured-man-refused-sex.html



Well if he stuck around for the second time I'd say there was something wrong with him too... wouldn't you?


Would you say the same thing about a woman who stuck around.


Hell yes... Anybody, of any gender, who sticks around in that kind of situation has something seriously wrong with them. Especially in a country where they won't be penalized for leaving their abuser (it wasn't like he was going to get stoned in the town square for leaving or anything, even if you can make the argument that because of feminist culture law enforcement and domestic support agencies wouldn't have been there for him like they would have been for a woman).

Some domestic abuse victims -males AND females- feel more comfortable being a victim, and refuse to leave such situations even if they have every opportunity to do so. Some of them provoke their aggressors violence themselves by 'pushing buttons' because it's a sort of comforting way of dealing with their own stress reactions to other evens. A perverse type of self-flagellation if you will.

That doesn't make the abuse right, or excusable of course. But it does mean that with such victims, removing them from the situation is not a permanent solution. They have serious issues with their egos that need fixing if you really want to help them, otherwise they'll seek out a similar type of situation again in their next relationship.

Sometimes is a matter of bidirectional violence, where both parties fuel each other, and bring out the worse in themselves and the other party. In those cases both parties are equally at fault, even if the physical damage inflicted by one party tends to habitually be worse than the damage inflicted by the other party.

Either way, healthy people don't stick around in situations like that, and when somebody does it's absolutely clear evidence of the fact that they're something wrong with them.

_____________________________

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I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
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(in reply to BamaD)
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RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 12:42:20 AM   
Greta75


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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Either way, healthy people don't stick around in situations like that, and when somebody does it's absolutely clear evidence of the fact that they're something wrong with them.

Or they belong to some crazy extremist catholic church that God wants them to stay together through thick and thin.
I've fucking heard catholic pastors around here telling abused woman that it is the duty of their woman to stick to her husband and help him to the right path, as he has been influence by the devil and her devoted praying to God and continually being a good wife to her husband, and have faith will move and change her husband. But divorce is forbidden, blah blah blah. You don't leave your husband when he is lost.

Or they are Muslim women, where it is encouraged by their religion for their husbands to beat them, and they need to feel like they deserved the punishments.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 7:42:18 AM   
blnymph


Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		Even in catholic countries there are not many women who would consider a catholic priest having expert knowledge of married life.


(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 7:45:07 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Either way, healthy people don't stick around in situations like that, and when somebody does it's absolutely clear evidence of the fact that they're something wrong with them.
Don't let the sisterhood hear you say that. They'll accuse you of victim-blaming.


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(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 11:27:38 AM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: BamaD


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

quote:

I would agree that women can be just as violent if not more violent than men and the only difference is that since women are physically weaker, they might not be able to do as much damage.


Businessman, 54, was branded with an iron and had pushed burning cigarettes up his nostrils every time he refused to have sex with his violent girlfriend

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3890448/Violent-girlfriend-tortured-man-refused-sex.html



Well if he stuck around for the second time I'd say there was something wrong with him too... wouldn't you?


Would you say the same thing about a woman who stuck around.


Hell yes... Anybody, of any gender, who sticks around in that kind of situation has something seriously wrong with them. Especially in a country where they won't be penalized for leaving their abuser (it wasn't like he was going to get stoned in the town square for leaving or anything, even if you can make the argument that because of feminist culture law enforcement and domestic support agencies wouldn't have been there for him like they would have been for a woman).

Some domestic abuse victims -males AND females- feel more comfortable being a victim, and refuse to leave such situations even if they have every opportunity to do so. Some of them provoke their aggressors violence themselves by 'pushing buttons' because it's a sort of comforting way of dealing with their own stress reactions to other evens. A perverse type of self-flagellation if you will.

That doesn't make the abuse right, or excusable of course. But it does mean that with such victims, removing them from the situation is not a permanent solution. They have serious issues with their egos that need fixing if you really want to help them, otherwise they'll seek out a similar type of situation again in their next relationship.

Sometimes is a matter of bidirectional violence, where both parties fuel each other, and bring out the worse in themselves and the other party. In those cases both parties are equally at fault, even if the physical damage inflicted by one party tends to habitually be worse than the damage inflicted by the other party.

Either way, healthy people don't stick around in situations like that, and when somebody does it's absolutely clear evidence of the fact that they're something wrong with them.

Honestly, I thought that this was the common view now. I'm surprised that it is even having to be explained.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 11:30:29 AM   
Wayward5oul


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Joined: 11/9/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph

Even in catholic countries there are not many women who would consider a catholic priest having expert knowledge of married life.



That may be the case, but for devout Catholics they are the expert when it comes to the afterlife, so it is far too common that people stay in abusive marriages because of religious doctrine.

(in reply to blnymph)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 1:49:57 PM   
blnymph


Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul


quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph

Even in catholic countries there are not many women who would consider a catholic priest having expert knowledge of married life.



That may be the case, but for devout Catholics they are the expert when it comes to the afterlife, so it is far too common that people stay in abusive marriages because of religious doctrine.


That's the problem with every devout of whatever.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 4:31:39 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph

Even in catholic countries there are not many women who would consider a catholic priest having expert knowledge of married life.


In my country, part of being a religion is offering charitable services, and free counseling services with a paper qualified therapist or psychologist is one of the services they do offer. So people who can't afford real counseling, which cost 250bux an hour here, go to these free counseling sponsored by churches.

And since it's church sponsored, needless to say, the counselor hired by the church would be pushing that specific church's philosophy on marriage and relationships.

So just imagine like Philippines, a hardcore catholic country, that bans divorce and abortion by law.

So even badly beaten abused wives can't divorce their husbands ever. Over here, although anybody can divorce their husbands for abuse, even Muslims. And in some ways, Muslims women here always get a divorce because of getting beaten by their husbands. So there is nothing stopping them. And Islam got this thing also, where the husband need to have just cause to beat his wife.

But the religion will pressure their members not to is specifically extremist catholics. And will offer them emotional support to stay and "save" their marriage. Or any kind of support they need to make the marriage work, even in an abusive one. Like if the woman needs a place to get reprieve for a few days, they offer shelter. But still, they would encourage her to keep trying to fix it, AS IF, it's fixable.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/2/2016 4:36:07 PM >

(in reply to blnymph)
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RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 4:59:11 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		My next door neighbour went to her priest after her husband of 10 years knocked out 2 of her teeth because his dinner was cold...the priest signed her up for cooking lessons to learn how to obey his needs.
He told her it was her fault. He was tired.


_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:10:28 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

My next door neighbour went to her priest after her husband of 10 years knocked out 2 of her teeth because his dinner was cold...the priest signed her up for cooking lessons to learn how to obey his needs.
He told her it was her fault. He was tired.



I don't know why she went to a priest. I would have gone to my lawyer.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:15:54 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Because she was a devout catholic and her priest was her confessor.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:28:37 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

My next door neighbour went to her priest after her husband of 10 years knocked out 2 of her teeth because his dinner was cold...the priest signed her up for cooking lessons to learn how to obey his needs.
He told her it was her fault. He was tired.



I don't know why she went to a priest. I would have gone to my lawyer.


I would have gone to My toolbox and grabbed My biggest pipe wrench. That guy needs a taste of his own medicine.

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:30:11 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Because she was a devout catholic and her priest was her confessor.


Yes i understand. That religious stuff can really mess with your head.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:38:25 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

My next door neighbour went to her priest after her husband of 10 years knocked out 2 of her teeth because his dinner was cold...the priest signed her up for cooking lessons to learn how to obey his needs.
He told her it was her fault. He was tired.



I don't know why she went to a priest. I would have gone to my lawyer.


I would have gone to My toolbox and grabbed My biggest pipe wrench. That guy needs a taste of his own medicine.

This was before mandatory reporting at ER's, its actually probably part of the reason I started working with DV people in the first case, thru the samaritans.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 5:41:59 PM   
respectmen


Posts: 2042
Joined: 8/28/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

My next door neighbour went to her priest after her husband of 10 years knocked out 2 of her teeth because his dinner was cold...the priest signed her up for cooking lessons to learn how to obey his needs.
He told her it was her fault. He was tired.



I don't know why she went to a priest. I would have gone to my lawyer.


I would have gone to My toolbox and grabbed My biggest pipe wrench. That guy needs a taste of his own medicine.


That's because women are more likely to use weapons, which refutes the theory of women copping the most injury in DV.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/2/2016 6:20:35 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline 		http://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Domestic Violence - Let's try a touch of reality - 11/3/2016 3:26:53 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Because she was a devout catholic and her priest was her confessor.


Yes i understand. That religious stuff can really mess with your head.

lots of things can mess with your head, if you let them

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 40
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