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RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/14/2016 8:46:15 AM   
cloudboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Perhaps I wasn't clear: I'd like to know if anyone *does* know of any femdom porn videos, that are aimed at femdoms themselves. I've never actually found any, to date, that I've felt has definitely fitted that bill.


I think you're talking about HGTV.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/14/2016 11:04:49 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Perhaps I wasn't clear: I'd like to know if anyone *does* know of any femdom porn videos, that are aimed at femdoms themselves. I've never actually found any, to date, that I've felt has definitely fitted that bill.


I think you're talking about HGTV.


Hmmmm....Property Brothers....

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/14/2016 6:10:27 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

For God's sake. 'camping porn', Crazyml said. I replied, 'Yes, the excitement is intense'. 'In tents'. Geddit?

I don't know why I bother, sometimes. : (

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RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 1:40:11 AM   
longwayhome


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Joined: 1/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Pounding a guy's balls into a board hold no interest, and actually prevents me from doing what I want with him.


I have a friend who says the same thing about guys that want permanent chastity and penis ruining. She likes penis, wants to be able to use it as she likes. But, it's a constant battle finding a male sub that thinks it's okay for her to determine how his penis gets used.


Yup. I explain every time a man approaches me, chastity in hand, that I have literally zero interest in a penis not completely under my control, to use as I see fit.



I always get the sense of missing something when I see subs who have a very defined idea about what they want sexually or otherwise.

There has to be a difference between a sub who is turned on by acts which you can give a sub "label" to, and being turned on by submitting. Many people seem to be so hung up on finding the person who wants to engage in right kind of sub or Dom/me sexual practices that the whole dynamic gets a bit lost.

Don't get me wrong I have no time for Dom/mes who are so far into "it's all about me" that they have no care for a subs well-being, and we all have preferences and limits, but looking for a Dom/me to have your specific sexual needs met just seems to miss the point entirely.

That's what often feels off about femdom porn; the sense that someone has produced a fisting video, for example, because there's a market out there of fisting lovers to cater for. Media that captures the sense of a developing dynamic, going down the rabbit hole, the tender cruelty and anticipation is so much rarer. There's a big difference between capturing the complex interplay of mental anticipation and outcome, and just watching someone pretending to be anxious on a storyboarded porn video because "that looks like a big dildo" or "that looks like a sharp nail".

Why be a sub anyway, if you just turn up with a checklist to be satisfied? There is nothing wrong with being kinky for the sake of it but the greatest part of my "joy" comes from the incorporation of what works for someone else, whether or not it feels alien to me. It is the way the dynamic works that catches my breath, not a specific kink that is tattooed to my forehead. I always think that being turned on by someone else's turn ons is a huge blessing.

I know everyone is different and I am not advocating "one true way" but if you are a sub and your attitude towards your other is to look for a packaged BDSM experience* driven by femdom porn, that's a long way from what I understand submission to be.

If there is not a great big slice of "use it as you see fit", I personally don't see the point.


* No offense of course to those offering packaged BDSM experiences.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 1:42:25 AM   
longwayhome


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

For God's sake. 'camping porn', Crazyml said. I replied, 'Yes, the excitement is intense'. 'In tents'. Geddit?

I don't know why I bother, sometimes. : (


I got it.

Your efforts are not entirely in vain.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 2:30:22 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

Why be a sub anyway, if you just turn up with a checklist to be satisfied?


It's the difference between a fetishist/bottom and a submissive.

I, personally, find it extremely annoying that the nomenclature among kinksters has gone in such a direction that most people assume that if you are the receiving party, that automatically means you're submissive, and automatically means you've got an interest in obeying commands, and it automatically means you're interested in pleasing the giving party.

It just doesn't work that way.

Just because you like being spanked, or tied up, or flogged, or have your balls trampled, or whatever else rocks your boat, does not mean you are submissive, like to please, or want to be dominated.

Some people like doing kinky stuff because it makes them feel good. Not because they've got a burning desire to 'be controlled' in any way whatsoever.

It would make things a whole lot easier on a whole lot of people if 'being submissive' was just seen as another kink that could be mixed and matched with other 'receiving' kinks, but wasn't an essential component of being on the receiving end of a kink scene.

As things stand, most people seem to assume that 'being submissive' is the starting point from which all other bottoming interests are derived. It all starts with 'being submissive', and so now you need to find a good Dominant to dominate you so that you have a shot at doing all the other stuff you really want to do.

Nope... just be honest that you want to be spanked/tied up/whatever, and find somebody interested in doing those things with you. Don't call it submission. Submission isn't necessary for being a receiver in kink.

The flip side of that is true toward the 'givers' too btw: just because you like spanking/tying up people doesn't mean you've got a single dominant bone in your entire body, and if you don't you shouldn't expect to defacto get to boss somebody around just because they want to be spanked/tied up by you.

Wanting to do depraved stuff to somebody else doesn't make you a Dominant.

D/s isn't essential for kink. We'd all be better of if we'd all stop acting like it was.

Heck, in my experience, most kinksters aren't really actually interested in D/s at all. Lots of so called submissives come up with mile long lists of hard limits, that basically come down to: don't order me around. And lots of so called Dominants don't actually do any kind of dominating (as in: exercise control over) during their scenes, they just perform previously agreed upon and mutually arousing actions to the bottom. They're not actually in control any more than a massage therapist is in control over their patient. They're just the one doing the application of whatever kink both of them are into.
And yet, both parties still insist that they just engaged in a power exchange... ya know... because without a power exchange you can't actually spank/tie up somebody, and seeing that's what they did, they MUST have been in a power exchange...

There's nothing wrong with just being a fetishist. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to be kinky with somebody else.
D/s isn't special. Or essential. Or better than other kinks. Or cooler. Or more edgy.
And from looking around in clubs and at kink events, as far as kinks go, D/s isn't really even all that popular. Most people just pretend that it is, because they somehow feel that's required.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to longwayhome)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 4:41:15 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		I agree entirely with the points you are making.

So much of people complain about in subs or Dom/mes seems to be linked to the confusion between being liking toppy/bottomy kinks and a D/s dynamic. People sometimes like to think that they are subs or Dom/mes based on the specific acts they find fun. As you say, there's nothing wrong with liking specific kinks, but there is something a bit incongruous about someone who identifies themselves as a sub but in practice says "Dom/me me like this" when referring to specific acts of sex/play.

I think you are right that many conversations, which seem to be about limits, are in fact about whether someone likes certain kinky acts, instead of what type of D/s works for them.

Going back to the subject of the thread, D/s can be a very subtle, complex and sometimes paradoxical thing, which is why femdom porn can all seem a bit mechanical to me, whoever it is aimed at.

It's all about context. That's why someone showing you something they like in a D/s context can have a whole different effect than looking for a certain type of porn online and finding it. Wanting to please someone, having conflicted feelings and sometimes being afraid in that context is a whole lot different to wanting to do kinky stuff and worrying about whether you can go through with it. I'm not sure I would describe D/s as a kink but that doesn't invalidate anything that you say.

The whole power exchange thing is something I can sometimes feel in my teeth, whereas a kinky act rarely does that in itself.

As you say there's no right or wrong in terms of how you approach your kinks or what dynamic does it for you, but being self-aware helps. Unfortunately no matter how self aware or open to possibility you are, communicating clearly about these things can be difficult when people often use terms so loosely.



(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 9:14:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


Wanting to do depraved stuff to somebody else doesn't make you a Dominant.

D/s isn't essential for kink. We'd all be better of if we'd all stop acting like it was.


There's nothing wrong with just being a fetishist. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to be kinky with somebody else.
D/s isn't special. Or essential. Or better than other kinks. Or cooler. Or more edgy.



I agree with this. I'll also add that kink isn't essential for D/s either.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 11:15:00 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


Wanting to do depraved stuff to somebody else doesn't make you a Dominant.

D/s isn't essential for kink. We'd all be better of if we'd all stop acting like it was.


There's nothing wrong with just being a fetishist. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to be kinky with somebody else.
D/s isn't special. Or essential. Or better than other kinks. Or cooler. Or more edgy.



I agree with this. I'll also add that kink isn't essential for D/s either.



I'd disagree with that, because I think D/s in and of itself is a kink. It's a fetish, 'something usually none sexual, being sexualized'.

When people go onto kink sites to find a Dominant, or a submissive, they don't do so because they're just platonicly interested powerexchanges. If they were, they might as well just get a job.

People look for D/s, because it makes them feel good, and sexually stimulates them. They prefer to have sex with somebody they're in a D/s relationship with, over having sex with those they don't have a D/s relationship with.

That makes D/s itself a kink. And so kink is essential when engaging in D/s.

It's just a matter that other kinks aren't essential to be added to it. Just because you're into D/s doesn't mean you're going to like any other kink as well. Maybe D/s is the only thing you're into, but even if that's the case, what you're doing is still essentially kinky, unless you would enjoy the D/s just as much without having it in the context of a sexual relationship.

But yeah, the same problem as with the whole idea that: all bottoms are submissive, also happens when people assume that all submissives are masochists.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 12/15/2016 11:16:29 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 11:35:38 AM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


Wanting to do depraved stuff to somebody else doesn't make you a Dominant.

D/s isn't essential for kink. We'd all be better of if we'd all stop acting like it was.


There's nothing wrong with just being a fetishist. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to be kinky with somebody else.
D/s isn't special. Or essential. Or better than other kinks. Or cooler. Or more edgy.



I agree with this. I'll also add that kink isn't essential for D/s either.



I'd disagree with that, because I think D/s in and of itself is a kink. It's a fetish, 'something usually none sexual, being sexualized'.

When people go onto kink sites to find a Dominant, or a submissive, they don't do so because they're just platonicly interested powerexchanges. If they were, they might as well just get a job.

People look for D/s, because it makes them feel good, and sexually stimulates them. They prefer to have sex with somebody they're in a D/s relationship with, over having sex with those they don't have a D/s relationship with.

That makes D/s itself a kink. And so kink is essential when engaging in D/s.

It's just a matter that other kinks aren't essential to be added to it. Just because you're into D/s doesn't mean you're going to like any other kink as well. Maybe D/s is the only thing you're into, but even if that's the case, what you're doing is still essentially kinky, unless you would enjoy the D/s just as much without having it in the context of a sexual relationship.

But yeah, the same problem as with the whole idea that: all bottoms are submissive, also happens when people assume that all submissives are masochists.


I think you can engage in D/s without it being a kink. For me it's about a "pecking order" so to speak. He's more alpha than I am, so he's the leader. I think that it's actually natural for one person to be the leader in a relationship (just like within a herd of horses or pack of dogs). I don't think that pecking order is based on gender and just because I'm below him in the pecking order doesn't mean that I won't be above someone else in the pecking order.

I think society has put forth this idea of equality that forces it's idea on relationships, so they end up being a power struggle rather than accepting that it's okay to have one part of partnership be the dominant personality.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: FemDom Porn Is Geared For Women - 12/15/2016 12:10:02 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I think you can engage in D/s without it being a kink. For me it's about a "pecking order" so to speak. He's more alpha than I am, so he's the leader. I think that it's actually natural for one person to be the leader in a relationship (just like within a herd of horses or pack of dogs). I don't think that pecking order is based on gender and just because I'm below him in the pecking order doesn't mean that I won't be above someone else in the pecking order.

I think society has put forth this idea of equality that forces it's idea on relationships, so they end up being a power struggle rather than accepting that it's okay to have one part of partnership be the dominant personality.



It depends on how you want to define D/s, I supposed.

Technically, according to the definitions of the words dominance and submission, we engage in those behaviors all the time with other people. Yet people wouldn't say that they have a D/s relationship with their boss. Or with a friend. Or with their siblings. Despite the fact that the underlying power inequalities are still there in those relationships, we don't call them D/s, because colloquially on kink websites, D/s has come to mean: being in a power differential relationship with a person to whom you become more sexually attracted by virtue of the power differential.
In other words: it turns you on when this specific person bosses you around/you boss them around.

And considering that we're now talking about heightened sexual attraction based on a thing that doesn't sexually attract most people, then you're by definition talking about a kink/fetish.

Of course, if you don't have a heightened sexual experience because of your D/s, and your desire to have it is platonic, just like it would be with a boss/coworker, then you're right, that's not a kink/fetish. But that's also not the type of dominance and submission people are specifically referring to when they're on a kink website.

There's various religious leanings groups, where it's expected that within the context of the marriage, the woman will submit to her husband. In a number of those marriages, both partners end up finding this arrangement very fulfilling. And yet, we wouldn't call those marriages D/s. Why not? Because there is no arousal tied to the D/s. In fact, most of the people in those marriages would take offense at it being called D/s (go try to explain to a minister and his wife that they engage in D/s), specifically because D/s has a sexual connotation, and the dominance and submission they engage in have a religious inspiration, not a sexual one.
On the other hand, there's a number of those people who then stray into 'taken in hand' type of relationships. Where they specifically incorporate corporal punishments, or the husband's authority as part of their foreplay routine/pillow talk/bedroom fantasies. Then, suddenly, we do call those relationships D/s. Why? Because the D/s is now sexualized. It's now kinky, which makes it fall under the colloquial term 'D/s' versus 'a relationship in which one member is in charge and the other one follows' like would apply to the random marriage of people with such religious believes.

If you're talking about D/s in a kink context, you're talking about heightened arousal/attraction by virtue of the D/s, which is what makes it a kink. If you take the heightened arousal out of the equation, and you're talking about a platonic desire for a pecking order, you're talking about something that usually doesn't fall under the colloquial term of what people are talking about when they're referring to 'D/s'. The fact that it's still dominating and submitting isn't what makes it D/s, because that's not were the term comes from. The term comes specifically from referring to people being aroused by dominating and submitting.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 12/15/2016 12:22:22 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
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