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RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 1:42:58 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

ah but it is what you do with the things that are out of your control, that is the control over your thoughts you do have...

say the thing that is out of you control is a car accident or cancer, you have the choice of making that event the best or the worst thing that has ever happened to you, and that then becomes your legacy your destiny..."when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" ~some smart person dont know who though

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Dont you dare believe something so silly...you create your own life!

thoughts create words, words create actions, actions create your personality and your personality creates your destiny....

I have a Personality alright...and while its a great one...some road blocks happen that are out of our control...is that Fate or Destiny...A little of both I say.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 81

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 1:46:41 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Fate or Destiny? That is an eternal question and a philosophical one, too.
The more I read and think about it, I don't get why some think that free will does not coincide with some overall destiny where free will can still be at play. I tend to think that just might be the case.

Otherwise, can anyone explain to me why I was born and have lived most of my life in Nebraska, when Hawaii would have been:
1) Prettier and 2) Probably more fun - at least I could swim and surf more. I am not complaining about my goegraphical location per se, but really - why was I born in 1960 and not 1980? Why Nebraksa and not Australia? Know what I mean?

I am tending to think, lately that there must be a grand plan I am not aware of...I do think so - have no idea what it is though.I think "things" are also at play about which I know not much re: The people I find myself in proximity of, netwise, or otherwise, too.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/25/2006 1:47:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 82

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 1:57:18 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

well what if Hawaii was your destiny? what if in order to appreciate it you needed to be born in Nebraska? what if in order to get to Hawaii you had to surmount a number of personal challenges and become very strong and grounded in your belief, wouldn't that be an interesting legacy?

i think free will is the tool we are given to create any destiny we want....do i believe there is destiny one has at birth? nope...i am a believer in manifest destiny, the destiny you create as you live your life, the legacy you leave when you leave the earthy plane...

the grand plan if there is one, would be that you go to the places that nourish you mind body and spirit and then just like in legends of old, you set out on an adventure that is rife with enemies and obstacles but each time you defeat them you become a stronger person...and smarter persno...a better person...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Fate or Destiny? That is an eternal question and a philosophical one, too.
The more I read and think about it, I don't get why some think that free will does not coincide with some overall destiny where free will can still be at play. I tend to think that just might be the case.

Otherwise, can anyone explain to me why I was born and have lived most of my life in Nebraska, when Hawaii would have been:
1) Prettier and 2) Probably more fun - at least I could swim and surf more. I am not complaining about my goegraphical location per se, but really - why was I born in 1960 and not 1980? Why Nebraksa and not Australia? Know what I mean?

I am tending to think, lately that there must be a grand plan I am not aware of...I do think so - have no idea what it is though.I think "things" are also at play about which I know not much re: The people I find myself in proximity of, netwise, or otherwise, too.

- Susan

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 83

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:09:57 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

LOL, Susan, I've often asked myself the same question about being born in Boston in 1950 instead of say Ireland during the potato famine.
You play the cards you're dealt I guess.
Yes, I was kind of "lost" in my twenties as well. I think we all were!
As for this thread I think a good Dominant would want to be just a little "dangerous" to a sub in that she would never know what I'm going to do or,...when. Or capable of doing. Or to what degree.
Of course you don't ever do anything that would hurt or permanently injure your sub but it's nice to "push the envelope".
But then there's the dynamic of a sub becomming a slave where the only limits are mine.
A little danger can be mentally stimulating (without giving anything away) and the same goes for fear.
I think there would be more of a fear factor in being a slave vs a sub because of the no limits factor. This may tie in a bit with Julia's "empathetic masochist" thread.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 84

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:19:10 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

P.S. looking at the title of this thread women certainly do finish "last" with some guys.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 85

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:20:24 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Susan, all,

In my experience, nice guys are not necessarily the ones who finish first.

I do not believe in pushing, in a profile, in emails, in chat. I want to meet before anyone invests too much emotion on someone they ultimately don't connect with. (I'll hop a plane any day to prove it.) Prior to that, I try to seem knowledgeable, understanding, caring (just as I am in real life). I go slow, because I know what I have to offer. I also know that the people whose ads I respond to I have a lot of competition in the 'marketplace'.

Ultimately, I am usually not one's first choice. Best choice, probably, but that information never quite gets across. I'm not on a 'woe is me' kick.

For the record, I am that 'quiet' dominant type. Things get done for me, not because I'm a bully, but because of who I seem to be to the outside world. I don't really alter my persona around a submissive partner, but I know my presence is felt in a relationship. I do have certain expectations. I can be quite easy to please, but a little difficult to serve. I touch, I kiss, I make people melt (if that's what I want from them). It's very natural. I'm also polite and gentle and caring and loving. I take responsibility for my actions, and the person in my charge, when one exists. I can play rough, soft, or not at all.

I view my responsibility as a dominant to lead a submissive on their journey. It is rarely about me. I don't often show what my needs are, rather I arrange for them. I live for the intensity that I give, for the obsession I become.

I wait. One day, maybe first. Until then......

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 86

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:21:10 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

agirl: Good point. It's what he means to you that counts. And I am not opposed to fear, necessarily, for myself, in moderation. There is a thread on this now in the "Ask a Master" section. It's a personal preference, and one I can see appreciating for myself (just haven't yet. I have little experience, but some). I know what you mean by not knowing someone's complete depths - that part is attractive to me also - it's nice to be with someone who is "deep" and also adds some mystery (but I also have to trust them, as I am sure you do, too). The ability to be kind counts for a lot with me - a lot.

- Susan

Well yes...I DO trust him, I'd be an idiot to belong to him if I didn't. I have good reason to have a healthy amount of *fear*.....and respect.....*he who holds the bullwhip etc...* ...LOL

It's not WHAT he does, necessarily, it's what he is speculatively CAPABLE of.... I do not have to *test the water* too often.....it hasn't proved wise.

A couple of posts recently reminded me of my Master, one was by John Warren and the other was by Noah..... It's a mixture of knowing that this is the best thing that ever happened to you AND the most challenging.....a mixture of security and trial...a heady combination of knowing that you're completely understood but NO concessions will be made, all the same.

Yes, I'd choose a *nice* man EVERY time.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 87

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:24:37 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

there must be a grand plan I am not aware of.

There is no grand plan. Your life is yours to do with as you see fit and hopefully do it without hurting others in the process or infringing on their rights (consensual hurt/infringement excepted). You may have to do some work to find comfort in your life. But it doesn't have to be grand to be good. Life isn't fair, sometimes bad people have good things. Sometimes good people don't see the blessings in the life they have.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 88

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:31:15 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Susan, all,

I

For the record, I am that 'quiet' dominant type. Things get done for me, not because I'm a bully, but because of who I seem to be to the outside world. I don't really alter my persona around a submissive partner, but I know my presence is felt in a relationship. I do have certain expectations. I can be quite easy to please, but a little difficult to serve. I touch, I kiss, I make people melt (if that's what I want from them). It's very natural. I'm also polite and gentle and caring and loving. I take responsibility for my actions, and the person in my charge, when one exists. I can play rough, soft, or not at all.

I view my responsibility as a dominant to lead a submissive on their journey. It is rarely about me. I don't often show what my needs are, rather I arrange for them. I live for the intensity that I give, for the obsession I become.

I wait. One day, maybe first. Until then......

Jeff

Hello Jeff,

The words that I highlighted in red are ones that resonate with me in my relationship.

I have often talked about this with my Master.

I don't have to *worry* or think about what he *needs* or desires because he just has things running in such a way that they are sorted out. That is a rather wonderful thing, in my book.

agirl

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 89

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 2:35:28 PM

cheshireboy

Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

nice guys may not finish first, but in the long hall, they are still the ones left standing, relaxed, self assured, not ready to race again, but ready to finally enjoy the fruits of the race.

cheshire
"if it was only just a smile"

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 90

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:05:29 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

Good point Popeye!

"I don't think being kind, polite, having manners or being a Gentleman *ever* goes out of style.
It's been my observation in life that the so-called "tough guys-bad boys" are the ones who finish last in life.
They don't live life life rides over them. Life is the hammer and they're the nail.
Most of that type I've had the misfortune to run into in my life just didn't seem to be good with things like keeping a job, finances, investments, changed "friends" a lot, being a good provider and a lot of them had "legal problems." Very immature. In a word, Losers. "

Glad you mentioned that! After thinking about it...you're right! Some of the "bad boys" I was reffering to in my post have either died, been killed or fucked up on crank,booze...in and out of jail,etc. I've been there myself and used to run with a ruff crowd but gave it all up...so I understand the "bad boys" somewhat (just never really was one myself).

I hate labels so I'll mention this....don't take offense....I sure didn't. I've been riding bikes since I was 12 and HD's for 26 yrs now (I'm 52)...long before it was "cool" and I've always hated the term "Biker".....hated it then...hate it now. I answer to it because it's just common place and I guess I fit the mold or look the part?. I've never really considered myself a "biker"....just an avid HD rider back then and still....long before it got popular. Don't take offense....just had to mention that because the term still bugs me.

Good post and take care!

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 91

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:16:32 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Do I have to swim across the ocean, though, to reach Hawaii? Because if I can just hop into a plane instead, it will save me some energy I'll need for the rest of my life....I am teasing. I loved your answer and think you are indeed probably right.
I always love your posts, crouchingtigress.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 92

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:17:35 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I agree w/cheshire boy, They have energy left for the good stuff.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cheshireboy)

Post #: 93

RE: Do nice guys and women really finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:19:27 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thans for the reply, Katie. I appreciate the thoughts

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/25/2006 4:01:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 94

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:20:58 PM

scottjk

Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Good point Popeye!

"I don't think being kind, polite, having manners or being a Gentleman *ever* goes out of style.
It's been my observation in life that the so-called "tough guys-bad boys" are the ones who finish last in life.

Well, being polite is always good, but I like to mix it up a bit. <evil grin>
For instance, I never hold a door open for ANY woman.
I open a door to ensure she goes where I want. ;)

See what I mean? :)

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 95

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:23:04 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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agirl: Yes, I like "interesting", "mysterious", "intelligent", "deep", "sort of sarcastic",
"creative", and other things, too. BUT - If it's not mixed in, or founded with, a good helping of "nice" (for me), there is little or no trust there. And then any foundation cracks for the other stuff. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 96

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:24:34 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

scottjk:Well, you're just a conniving son-of-a...hey, it probably works, doesn't it?
Well, okay then.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to scottjk)

Post #: 97

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:27:07 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Very nice post, mstrjx. Says much in a few words. Thank you for the contribution.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/25/2006 3:31:31 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 98

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 3:58:24 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Stkglvr, I agree.
I have a Navy buddy (I was in Both the Navy and the C.G.) who's a "Biker." He rides a "Road King" Harley.
But, he's also a C.P.A. and going to school to get another degree to be able to teach.
Almost all the "Bikers" I know are nice people.
What do they call the bad ones that give everyone a bad name? Is it "One Percenters" or something?
My brother was a Biker but now he's a Lt. on the Boston Fire Dept. He has two young daughters, that's why he "used" to be a Biker!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 99

RE: Do nice guys and women reallly finish last? - 7/25/2006 4:12:45 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Susan, great subject and thread as usual!
I don't think being kind, polite, having manners or being a Gentleman *ever* goes out of style.
It's been my observation in life that the so-called "tough guys-bad boys" are the ones who finish last in life.
They don't live life life rides over them. Life is the hammer and they're the nail.
Most of that type I've had the misfortune to run into in my life just didn't seem to be good with things like keeping a job, finances, investments, changed "friends" a lot, being a good provider and a lot of them had "legal problems." Very immature. In a word, Losers.
("Let me borrow $20 and I'll take you out to dinner!")
About twenty years ago I was in a bar talking to this woman who I knew, not trying to pick her up or anything like that just talking.
This "bad-boy" type comes over,(who we both knew,- the Police "knew him" too! (a real "Mr. Harley Davidson" type) horns in on the conversation and kind of "steals her away" from me though I really wasn't "after" her.
Long story short, she gets knocked up by this clown, ends up in Sect 8 housing and on welfare.
I heard the Sherriff went right to this bum's workplace with a Court Order to pay all back child support within 90 days or go to the "Crowbar Hotel."
That must have been classic; "Here you go TOUGH GUY, you've been Served!" lol He was then working TWO full-time jobs to stay out of jail. And, no more Harley Davidson, he had to sell it! lolol
I felt bad for the woman and her child. I'd be driving and see her wheeling the kid down the sidewalk and she'd always look away and down when she saw my truck. She was a nice person who got involved with a loser. (One time I mailed her a $50 bill anonymously.)
There's no shortage of guys like that.
In our lifestyle I don't think that there's any reason for truly "abusive" behavior. I see that kind of behavior as indicative of insecurity. And, it usually escalates into domestic abuse and violence.
And a lot of them have sociopathic tendencies and some just don't like women.And yes, a lot of them have drug and/or alcohol problems.
James Dean was an "image" and nothing more.
Do some women just like being screwed over? It would appear so.
Of course a Dom/Domme can and should be a nice person to their sub or slave.
I like it when a woman "expects" me to open a door for her. That shows me that she "sees" me as a Gentleman.
With privilidge comes responsibility.
To my way of thinking a Dominant/Master is "responsible" for his sub/slave. For her safety, well being, health, happiness and all the things that go into wiiwd.
I like it when a woman is on my arm in public as it shows to all that she is "mine."
Would you rather be spanked by a "bad boy" who you know is going to leave you in the dust and couldn't care less about you or someone who you know cares about you and there could be a "future" with?
Choose wisely.
I know some real "macho" type guys. They're retired Firefighters, Cops, Military types. Almost to a person they're Gentlemen, would help a stranger, help charities, and are just all around nice guys.
I'd rather be in a fight with a "biker" type that most of those guys.

Sorry, but I just gotta......

This post disturbs me because I think it is a clear illustration of the stereotypical view that many have of anyone donning a leather jacket. While the gentleman referred to in the post may indeed have been an asshole and a loser, to paint all biker types with the same brush is quite a generalization.

I am a biker type myself...the word is not offensive to me...I am proud to be one. My closest friends are bikers. None of them are losers. I don't make friends with losers...or drug addicts...or alcoholics....or those who are rude, arrogant, obnoxious or beligerant. I don't make friends with cocky, mouthy idiots who live to fight. I don't make friends with those who make unemployment a career. I don't make friends with people who shirk their responsibilities in life. I don't make friends with people whose pictures are displayed at the post office. I don't make friends with people who are abusive.

My friends are of the type who sustain long and meaningful friendships....several of them have been like my own family, maybe even closer, for over 25 years now. They are the kind of people who are first on the scene when times are bad. When my ex was injured they were right there...bringing food, chopping wood, doing yard work...and sticking money in my purse to help us get through.

Yup my friends are bikers...and some of them are even Cops, Firemen.....and alot of them are Military men.

Sometimes the "baddest looking boys" are the nicest guys.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/25/2006 4:14:47 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 100

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