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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 1:55:54 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
you answered the heart of my question,


OK re-reads LaT's question..... So the 'heart of the question' was along the lines of how do you react when faced with a strong person of the gender of prefrence?

In that case, respect, enjoyment (Of their company). Doesn't make them any less desirable however whilst it maybe acknowledged, it would never be acted on as I would assume someone I respected for their 'Dominance' would be as unlikely to submit as I would myself.... and that reaction isn't within me, so likely not within them either.So the attraction becomes a moot point, however the friendship could be a fun one


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:04:36 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		thank you so much ravin! very helpful....i guess part of what i was missing was that playing with them is different then feeling submissive in thier pressence....so i guess if play was not happening, but you were sexually aroused by them, and you admired them more then any one, would you not feel a desire to get them drinks, and serve them? would you not feel a desire to fawn over them just a little?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:09:19 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i think that we react in a primal level to our sexual attractions and i would hope that a Domme or Dom would come on this thread and prove me wrong and say that they have never felt a feeling of submissiveness (maybe too strong a word but something akin to it) in the presence of a person of the opposite sex they wanted to fuck... 
that would be interesting... 



I agree that we react in a primal way with our sexual desires. However, I don't think that means "being submissive". I have always wanted to be the aggressor sexually, even back 17yrs ago when I started having 'nilla sex. Those poor boys didn't know what hit'm! I would bite, scratch, hold them down, etc. This was two years before I even was aware of; and thought about, experimenting with BDSM.

Sure, I like to please my partner, but I feel I deserve to be pleased first. If they don't do a good enough job, I may not bother with making an effort on their behalf and they may not get a second chance.

14yrs ago, I did allow a partner to tie me up and I did not like it. It made me very uncomfortable...mind you, this person is the one I have trusted more than anyone else, ever. Even then, I did not feel submissive. I never got that "I'll do anything you say.", feeling at all. Anyone I trust less than I did he, I would not even consider to be worthy of trying it out.

Anytime I've felt sexual attraction, it makes me want to climb onto the person and just take them apart. That probably makes no sense; and I have no idea how to explain it more clearly, but it's true. I don't understand  how it would feel to want to fling myself down for them. Being turned on pretty much makes me want to consume the person...obviously not literally.

Now some sexual acts are seen as submissive, such as sucking cock...but I really don't feel that way. I love sucking cock, but b/c it makes me feel like I have all the power of a man in my mouth and could decimate him at my whim. I do it b/c it makes me get off on how helpless he is.

As regards people I admire(spiritual leaders, etc.), I haven't yet wanted to fuck one of them, but I would assume it would translate the same way. Movie/music stars, sure...I definitely would fuck the shit out of John Cusack, but I'd still do it my way. I can only hope that he would be willing to be tied down, caned, and facesat. ;D

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:11:08 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

thank you so much ravin! very helpful....i guess part of what i was missing was that playing with them is different then feeling submissive in thier pressence....so i guess if play was not happening, but you were sexually aroused by them, and you admired them more then any one, would you not feel a desire to get them drinks, and serve them? would you not feel a desire to fawn over them just a little?


Actually no, I tend to do the opposite. I want to get them to fawn over me. Weird huh...


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:15:55 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
thank you so much ravin! very helpful....i guess part of what i was missing was that playing with them is different then feeling submissive in thier pressence....so i guess if play was not happening, but you were sexually aroused by them, and you admired them more then any one, would you not feel a desire to get them drinks, and serve them? would you not feel a desire to fawn over them just a little?


No more than normal politeness. If I where going to the bar to get myself a drink and their glass was empty I would probably offer.... likewise if we where getting along that well I would expect them to do likewise if THEY where going to the bar.... usualy it falls into "Getting a round in"

You'd have to describe what you mean by 'fawn over' as I can't imagine me fawning over anyone! They have my company, attention and conversation... thats about it for me and 'fawning'


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:23:07 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: abytchgoddess4u


Only 16 post here? oh do post more you are awesome!
 
thank you for the great insight and perspectives...it is fascinating to me to peek into your mind.
 
why?
 
because i think a switches mind works differently (only speaking for myself) but i feel the same rip him a part stuff you do at certain times in my life....and at other times i feel the yes i will do what ever you want stuff....for me it is less about the person then it is about me and where i am at in my life...
 
i know lots of switches that say it is about the person and that is what triggers them and that is why i wrote the post.
 
the reason i worded it the way i did was i was hoping it would be incendiary and get lots of responses.
 
hehe
 
all in all this has been a very cool thread and i thank every one for trying, even when i did not get my point across very well....
 


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:23:11 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I can certainly say without a doubt that I am Dominant .. not switch in the least but then again I personally have told you this too .. and if some hottie like Angelina or someone else walked in I would do my best to Dominate them as well .. I will never be submissive nor act submissively in any fashion.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:28:44 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		 foreign to me, yes a little, but not weird....well the whole question is weird actually, i (and any one correct me if i am wrong) seem to be really out of step some how, the things that are important to me are a little obtuse and odd...i dont mind, i still like coming here, but i just feel like my contributions to the forum are a little off the wall in general...what do you think?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:31:12 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		hmmmmm fawning over....like the way people get when they see a new baby...all soft and mushy....


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
thank you so much ravin! very helpful....i guess part of what i was missing was that playing with them is different then feeling submissive in thier pressence....so i guess if play was not happening, but you were sexually aroused by them, and you admired them more then any one, would you not feel a desire to get them drinks, and serve them? would you not feel a desire to fawn over them just a little?


No more than normal politeness. If I where going to the bar to get myself a drink and their glass was empty I would probably offer.... likewise if we where getting along that well I would expect them to do likewise if THEY where going to the bar.... usualy it falls into "Getting a round in"

You'd have to describe what you mean by 'fawn over' as I can't imagine me fawning over anyone! They have my company, attention and conversation... thats about it for me and 'fawning'



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:32:19 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		that is why you are a top bananna!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I can certainly say without a doubt that I am Dominant .. not switch in the least but then again I personally have told you this too .. and if some hottie like Angelina or someone else walked in I would do my best to Dominate them as well .. I will never be submissive nor act submissively in any fashion.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:32:35 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Also I think it maybe worth pointing out 'context'... the 'rounds' thing with the bar was assuming I met the young lady AT the bar. However if I TOOK the young lady to say a resteraunt... *I* would be the one picking up the tab.

When I take my girl somewhere, sure she maybe the one running off to the bar to fetch the drinks, but I give her the money to do so. The one paying is the one controling (An upbringing thing) when I am accepting a drink bought for me in return I am allowing them to do so, my girl is usualy allowed to buy me a coke or something if I take her out so she doesn't feel too much like she is freeloading, but if I take her somewhere I pay... I required her attendance.

Just thought it maybe worth mentioning that if your outlook where diffrent in that respect, what is to me a way my Dominant and contoling nature works, maybe seen as 'fawning' by you if you don't see the motivation behind it.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:33:54 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
hmmmmm fawning over....like the way people get when they see a new baby...all soft and mushy....


LOL Daddy Dom is as near to 'soft and mushy' I get... I don't DO soft and mushy


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:34:16 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Actually that is a perfect example of those I would want to dominate!

But to answer the question in all seriousness. I have never met someone face to face that had the sort of presence and power that makes me feel that way. I think it would be good for me and scary in a good thrilling way, but nope, nothing close so far.



I feel the same way.

Any so-called famous people I might fantasize about I only fantasize about with them submitting to me. Like Keanu Reeves -- I can only picture him either sitting next to me with his eyes looking up at me as he talks softly or kneeling before me as we talk, his eyes doing the same thing.

The only reaction I've ever had toward someone/thing that might come close to some submissive feelings from me is the Divine. But the Divine does not want me to kneel or submit, only to be the best woman I can be.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:40:36 PM   
LordDarkPleasure


Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		It entirely depends on the reason a person is dominant.  Some people need to be dominant, and those will probably never switch.  Personnally, I am a Dom because it is where I am comfortable, though I am curious about if I could enjoy this should I find a dominant enough woman.  Others who are in BDSM in research for some balance ( a dominant secretary for example) could definitely switch should their life situation change (if that secretary gets promoted to a stressful management with lots of responsibilities for examble).  Also, I have been told that the best Dom/mes bottom if at least to know what the other person feels

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:41:54 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

that is why you are a top bananna!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I can certainly say without a doubt that I am Dominant .. not switch in the least but then again I personally have told you this too .. and if some hottie like Angelina or someone else walked in I would do my best to Dominate them as well .. I will never be submissive nor act submissively in any fashion.



yes Ma'am ... lmfaooooo

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 2:57:49 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		The person that i am describing in this response is not me, as i am not dominant. However, i do know a Domme, who when she plays non-sexually is very aggressive, always on top. But the minute the play turns sexual, she is sexually submissive not sexually aggressive. So i know that it can occur, but based on the responses seen here, it is not a common thing.

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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 3:26:22 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

~because i think a switches mind works differently (only speaking for myself)

~for me it is less about the person then it is about me and where i am at in my life...
 
~i know lots of switches that say it is about the person and that is what triggers them and that is why i wrote the post.
 
~all in all this has been a very cool thread and i thank every one for trying, even when i did not get my point across very well....


I agree, I think all peoples' minds work differently, but "types" generally fit in together. I believe myself to be what some don't even believe exists...a natural Dominant. In all aspects of my life I am a dominating force, always have been. From the time I was the instigator of fights amongst my siblings, to partying with my girlfriends and always being "troop leader" or protecting them from drunks, to being the one people come to for advice, b/c they know I will answer honestly...it's always been there.

I think a great many people into kink are turned on by the acts, humiliation, or the sexuality, I am not. I get of on the power exchange. I have no fetishes, but am a sadist who likes to get dressed up. I also like 'nilla sex, I don't "need" kink to get me off...but the dynamic is always there.

Most men feel threatened by me, subs included. Of course, most of them are fetishists in subs' clothing. I think I get along best with people who view themselves as slaves or other Dommes.

For me it's all about the person. Most are not worth my time and there are a great many stupid people in the world. If the dynamic isn't there, it will never work and I will not settle. Recently, I found myself attracted to a male Top, which has never happened before. I decided to go out with him just to see, to follow the impulse. We had a great time and the chemistry was definitely there. However, I also went to a private party he hosted the next night. At this party, I realised it could never work. There was a challenge/approval dynamic in the air and I called him on it...he was unaware of it. But, it solidified my decision that I want someone completely, utterly and unavoidably devoted to me.

However, I'm not looking for a LTR right now. I'm too focused on my career for that to be feasible. But, even for the more casual, "friends with benefits" relationship I am looking for, I want to feel that. I want to feel the yearning and passion a sub has for me and me alone...

I think you made your point very clear and thank you for making me clarify my thoughts today...:)

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 3:40:47 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		To get a proper answer to your question perhaps we should first clarify what the terms mean. Dominant and submissive are both personality types and help define us for who we are by our natures.

Top, bottom and switch are terms used to describe the role someone plays during a scene. Thus someone who is dominant in everyday life might bottom either for educational purposes or simply for their enjoyment. At one time it was common and believed to be the correct path for new dominants to start out as bottoms so that they might learn what it fells like and that later in life they would have a better understanding of those that kneel before them.

It is often said that during play time it is really the bottom that is in control. If you use a safe word and carefully negotiate that specific scene, then yes the bottom is in control. For as long as the top is simply fulfilling their role as defined by the bottom, the top becomes the tool of the bottom. If the bottom is in control would that not make the bottom the dominant or partner in control?

No where is it written that a dominant must top and that a submissive must bottom. There are many very dominant people that enjoy the stress release of being a bottom but that in no way makes them a submissive or slave.

Just because a dominant as bottomed, does not define them as a switch. Just something to ponder.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 3:46:09 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		    What a great topic.  I'm already a Switch but I can say that different people flip different triggers and I really can't put my finger on what it is exactly. 

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What dominants here think they are not a switch...? - 7/25/2006 4:30:40 PM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		I cant say that Ive ever experienced a feeling of wanting to submit to someone. Sometimes I want my boy to throw me down and ravage me, but even then it never occurs to me that I might not be in control. 

_____________________________

'"Where do we go when we die?" asks Billy. "I don't know. Where are we now?" is the gypsy's reply.'

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 40
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