Newbies self identifying as painsluts (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:21:31 PM)

Please...don't do it.

Tonight I spoke to yet another newbie who made the mistake this past weekend of telling a Dom she was about to play with that she was a real pain slut. Well guess what? It was far more intense than she ever dreamed it could be. Now she is saying this lifestyle isn't for her...this is downright abusive....it was WAY too intense. Part of the scene was a caning....her first. When I asked her why she would have told him such a thing she said that she really gets off on a really hard spanking, so she thought she could "take" alot. She had no real understanding of just what "alot" might be like...and to be honest...she still doesn't.

Please people, if you don't have real time experience with actual sadists....until you know what it actually feels like....don't call yourself a masochist or a painslut. You just might be talking to someone who is going to take you seriously and give you exactly what it is you are claiming you want.



abytchgoddess4u -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:32:26 PM)

I totally agree.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:34:22 PM)

Nothing else to add, I totally agree here.



SavageEu -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:35:35 PM)

Hrm, I have never had that done to me, about the best I have been able to stand is breaking a crop on my back, poor little think was all bent up and missing the leather on the end after only an hour. Remember people, cheap crops do no one any good.. well ok it was good but man my wife was pissed that I just ruined the new crop. I think I'll stick to the real ones at Atwoods. 



Homestead -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:37:29 PM)

Yes.

Never talk with an alligator mouth, if all you have is a mosquito ass to cover for it.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:37:53 PM)

and as long we have your attention newbies do not feel ashamed to use your safe-word it is not: a fall from grace, you will not ruin the scene, you will not hurt the doms feelings, and you are not topping from the bottom...you are at your limit, and that is what it is there for.



mistoferin -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:44:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

and as long we have your attention newbies do not feel ashamed to use your safe-word it is not: a fall from grace, you will not ruin the scene, you will not hurt the doms feelings, and you are not topping from the bottom...you are at your limit, and that is what it is there for.


I am soooooo glad you mentioned that because this is also another case where she was "too embarassed" to use her safe word. I don't personally believe in the use of safewords...I think that straightforward communication is much more effective. But holy shit, if you are given a tool to stop the action and you don't use it OR any other form of communication to signal a problem...who's fault is it when things go sour and you walk away unhappy????? You have a responsibility for yourself....it is NOT all on the Dom.



outlier -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:44:17 PM)

mistoferin

I just made another post about a totally different topic, motorcycle racers.
in it I mention synchronicity

Then I open your post and I find that a quote from Gordon Jennings, the
motorcycle racer and motorcyle and automotive writer works as well here
as it did there. More synchronicity!

I liked the quote so well I have made it my sig line for awhile

Outlier



akisha -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:46:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Yes.

Never talk with an alligator mouth, if all you have is a mosquito ass to cover for it.


LOL i love that, soo true and cute too.




PlayfulOne -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:47:07 PM)

Erin,

"I am a masochist"  ,  "I am  a pain slut", what exactly do those two statments mean?  I see people all of the time who think they are but they meet an actual sadist and go "Oh Shit".  Personally it doesn't matter to me what someone calls themself.  I can't play that heavy with someone I don't know.  I have to do the dance, and interact with them 2 or 3 times to actually get a feel for their reactions and levels.  I just can't play that heavy casually.

I can not respect a dominant who would lay it on someone who is new no matter what they calim to be or think they are.  They are new and inexperienced, they really haven't a clue only an idea which needs time to develop.

K

edited to add
and by all means the submissive should use her own damn common since and say, "hold up"



gooddogbenji -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:49:19 PM)

But I AM a painslut.  I took an hour long thrashing with a rabbit fur flogger, and then got 10 strokes with a crop.  Granted, I collapsed, but who wouldn't with that kind of pain???????????

Yours,


benji



crouchingtigress -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:51:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferinI am soooooo glad you mentioned that because this is also another case where she was "too embarassed" to use her safe word.


I have been too embarassed to use one years ago when i was just a n00b, and it almost cost me a freindship.
 
There is a learning curve to this wiitwd, and i think folks think they can some how cheat, but like in your freinds case, they end up having a train wreck and blaming everyone but them selves.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 7:51:37 PM)

I think sometimes newbies forget they can speak up. It your ass being caned so if it is too much then let the Dom know. They aren't mind readers, though they think they are.[:D]



SavageEu -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:00:33 PM)

So curious question here since everyone seems to be around. What is considered 'heavy' play? I mean is it leaving bruises and welts, can't be bleeding because thats really easy with horsehair floggers, or if you can't set for the next three days (atleast my ass still remembered some of those crop hits)? 



juliaoceania -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:00:40 PM)

I just read this thread to my Daddy, and he said that I should post his response for him (he is moving and no access to his pc)...

"Its a good thing that safewords, like green yellow and red, are considered such a bad thing in our lifestyle. Who knows what horrors she would have been subjected to if she had a way to communicate with her top." ~ Sinergy

He wanted me to be sure to say, this is just him and he could be wrong.



mistoferin -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:05:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne
"I am a masochist"  ,  "I am  a pain slut", what exactly do those two statments mean?  I see people all of the time who think they are but they meet an actual sadist and go "Oh Shit".  Personally it doesn't matter to me what someone calls themself.  I can't play that heavy with someone I don't know.  I have to do the dance, and interact with them 2 or 3 times to actually get a feel for their reactions and levels.  I just can't play that heavy casually.

I can not respect a dominant who would lay it on someone who is new no matter what they calim to be or think they are.  They are new and inexperienced, they really haven't a clue only an idea which needs time to develop.
edited to add
and by all means the submissive should use her own damn common since and say, "hold up"


I totally agree. But I didn't say he was a Dominant worthy of respect...  This girl did everything that I would caution a newbie against. She totally disregarded everything that I personally told her. She had her head all swimming with excitement and just threw caution to the wind. She met this guy a few weeks ago on the internet, had dinner with him and went to his hotel room. She said..."but I had a safe call". Yes, she made her safe call...but tell me, what the hell good does your safe call do for you when you make it....then you are bound and getting beat? It doesn't do a damn thing to keep you safe.

But see, if I made a post and said safe calls aren't a valid means of keeping you safe...safe words aren't foolproof....don't play on a first meet....don't call yourself a painslut....and a million other things that I have learned by trial and error....then I would be called an alarmist for making such a post. I have to tell you that right now I am pissed off and frustrated. I guess the only thing I can feel good about right at this moment is the fact that it turned out better than it possibly could have. But I shouldn't say that either right....alarmist again!!! Shit!



Homestead -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:05:28 PM)

Too Heavy play is usually whatever goes beyond your ability NOT to wish to see the Top dropping dead in about the next three seconds.[;)]



gooddogbenji -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:07:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

So curious question here since everyone seems to be around. What is considered 'heavy' play? I mean is it leaving bruises and welts, can't be bleeding because thats really easy with horsehair floggers, or if you can't set for the next three days (atleast my ass still remembered some of those crop hits)? 



I think what's important is telling the Top before play begins what you have done, what you have liked, and what you want to try.  Everyone, Top and bottom, has a different definition of heavy, so it's best to come to an understanding of experience in advance.  It's called COMMUNICATION.

Yours,


benji



mistoferin -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:09:48 PM)

Exactly my point julia....she HAD a way....did it do her a damn bit of good? As I said in the other thread about safe words....too often I've seen the failures. If being given a safe word really kept people safe....why is she crying now?



SavageEu -> RE: Newbies self identifying as painsluts (7/25/2006 8:09:48 PM)

True, I was just curious if there was a generally held definition for it. *Feels the presense of LuckyAlbattros swooping in* :D



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