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Telephone fun..... - 7/25/2006 9:10:31 PM   
DameDarkness


Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ok i know what you were thinking.... there would be a joke. Well it sorta is a joke and rather funny.  Have you ever had an erge to answer your telephone saying something else other than normal?  I have and do all the time.  HELL I HAVE DONE IT!!  I have answered Dame's whore house ...... sluts all shapes, sizes, genders, race what can i set you up with to fuck........... or Dame's Bitches R US..... you call you dickless wonder? ...... or Dame's mortuary you stab em we grab em and wrap em what size coffin can i do ya for...... and so on and so forth.  I have also had an answering machine that had morgue type music and had the message you have reached Dame's Mortuary... We are sorry we arent available to answer your call however we are right in the middle of dressing a corps and digging a grave but if you leave a message after the tone we will get back to you because we know you are just dying to get through to us.  ~BEEP~  tee hee hee...... people really thought it was a morgue.  ANYWAYS my question to you is WHAT WEIRD AND ZANY THINGS have you done with your phone/answering machine???


D 

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Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/25/2006 11:56:37 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		i answer mine "this is jennys whore house we are having a 5 for 5$ special on blowjobs, this is susan speaking, how may we service you?"  i get weird looks when i answer it like that in ihop.

my best friend will answer my cell in his bill cosby voice and ramble about how jello and my phone being on vibrate both wiggle and jiggle alike.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to DameDarkness)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 5:48:54 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		I like to answer the phone with, psychiatric ward. That usually stops people for a moment.

(in reply to DameDarkness)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 7:29:56 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		(party noise)
hello? hello? I can't...I can't hear you, hang on a sec, I'm going to go some where a bit quieter hello, hang on, hang on, hello, can you hear me? thats better. right. Hi, this is J____'s answering machine, I'm at a party and can't be arsed to take a message, so call back later"

J

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 1:12:37 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You have reached the (your town here) sewer and water department.  Our charts and surveys show that we got about all the shit outta you we're gonna take.

Hello.  Zerks Hardware.  If it ain't made, we ain't got it!  Kinney speakin'   

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 1:15:27 PM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		Lol I had a sales person call once and actually leave a message and a 1800 number and asked me to call them back so I did. I was like hey, so what's up. How was your day? What are your plans for the weekend? Long time no talk. They were all confused and though i was insane and never called me back again :P

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Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 1:37:56 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I used to work for a company whose phone number was one digit off from another local business that manufactured and sold nuts and bolts.  A few times, I'd answer with our company name, and the voice on the other end would hesitate, and then say, "Is this the nut house?"

I'd answer, "Yes it is, how can we help you?"

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 3:33:54 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		LOL my mom ansers the phone "nut house head nut here" and this was befor we had caller ID and she could tell who she was saying it too LOL she usualy only did that if the phone call came during dinner but it was always so funny

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Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 5:59:23 PM   
maskedsow


Posts: 137
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		i got a call from a telemarketer the other day asking for the home owner i said sorry noone called homeowner here you must have the wrong number and hung up :)

(in reply to enigmabrat)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 7:57:28 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I never answer my own phone wierd but I love to answer other peoples phones and be naughty.

My favorites are:

"Good day you've reached Joey's House of Porn, How can we help you?"
This one in my naughty sexy voice "Hi You've reached 1-900 SPANK ME, What's your fetish"
I use this one to answer my dad's phone he thinks it's hilarious.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to maskedsow)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 8:29:51 PM   
ThatLilBrat


Posts: 149
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline 		I was a cop's wife for many years. Our phone number was on speed-dial of many fellow cops and different departments. ...  Me, being the smart ass that I WAS... opps ... am ... got a bit tired of middle of the night wake up calls for my husband. Sooooooo ... <cheeky grin>

I did the city morgue and actually had cops and the Sgt. fooled.  That's what they get for waking up my sleepy ass at 3am.


Of course, I also did "vice' department, whore house, Wal-Mart lost and found, bus station, Maternity ward, VD clinic and of course ... "sorry Lt. ... he can't come to the phone right now. I have him restrained. I'm making sure his hand cuffs are functional before his shift and I can't find the damn key.... Can he call you back ???
 
Smiles to all

_____________________________

Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others; and
Responsibility for ALL your actions and accept the consquences of your decisions

(in reply to DameDarkness)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 8:40:26 PM   
WhiplashGirlChld


Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		I worked for a Burglar Alarm monitoring center and our number was 1 digit off from a psychic hotline.  But the best was my DH who's poor Dad still gets calls asking for "Pep Boys" since thier number is so close.  A few times they jjust answwred the phone "Pep Boys" and then took special orders for rare auto parts.  NO ONE has brake pads for a '38 Willys anymore.  LOL.

< Message edited by WhiplashGirlChld -- 7/26/2006 8:42:40 PM >

(in reply to ThatLilBrat)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/26/2006 9:44:32 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		I always answer my phone "Talk to me" my boyfriend gets mad at me.... But when I know who's calling, I answer it "Dick's house of Hotdogs... if you like Hotdogs, You'll LOVE Dick's!!!!"  hehehe! that's my favie

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--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to WhiplashGirlChld)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/27/2006 11:17:24 AM   
pqwinny


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline 		heard this one on someone's answering machine recently.
'Nature called right before you.  Leave a message'...i couldn't, i was laughing too hard!

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/27/2006 11:24:25 AM   
DameDarkness


Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		these are priceless........ well i have a new one to share..... my fiance answered the phone today.  I was  asleep at the time.  He ended up waking me cause of his unusually louder voice and i knew it wasnt a good phone call.  So I asked him who was on the phone.  He said his ex friend Tom.  I knew the story behind him.  Well I point said GIVE ME THE PHONE.   So my fiance did and I said then.  Hi Tom we know we owe you some thing but I just cant think of what it is because you seem to call ALL THE TIME for no real apparant reason and bother us which is harrassment... If you continue such manners I shall be forced to take drastic matter and hang up on you everytime you call.... however if you call back at a later time i might be in a good enough mood to deal with you and your inconsideration to other people just because you decided to do something completely foolish that we never asked you to do in the first place.  <quick story: we owe him some money cause he took a check that needed to be cashed for my fiance and it was a bad check from the person who gave it to my fiance to pay for some work my fiance did.... but we never asked him to take the money out of his own pocket and cover the check for us>  Anyways I ended the conversation with a fuck you and have a nice day oh and ps if you continue to harrass us i have a lawyer friend who would like to speak to you.   From his end of the phone i heard a lot of uh and hmm and ers...... think i scared him.   OOPS!  but when will men learn DONT FUCK WITH A WOMANS SLEEP.  tee hee hee ...... i had  such a good laugh from this one.     

_____________________________

Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/27/2006 1:07:56 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		If someone calls in the middle of the night I usually answer "Someone better be dead or you're going to be"  i can be cranky if i'm sleeping and woke up for no good reason.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to DameDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/29/2006 6:00:41 PM   
nelbot


Posts: 95
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		My favorite- though I rarely ever use it- is:

Bob's bargain basement abortion clinic: you rape 'em, we scrape 'em; no featus can beat us; group rates available.  How can I help you?





_____________________________

In life there are no winners, only saints and sinners
of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
what is a devil but an angel in bondage?

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Telephone fun..... - 7/30/2006 5:11:10 PM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Used to have these on my answering machine:

South TX Rustlers... sorry we aren't here right now, we are either, umm, aquiring new horses or court, leave a messege after the tone and we will get back to... if we aren't in jail.

Hello, if this is a bill collecter, hang up I'm not gonna call you back, if you are a friend or someone I care about, leave a messege after the tone... if this is anyone else...GET OFF MY PHONE.

(in reply to nelbot)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Telephone fun..... - 8/1/2006 12:24:04 AM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		Hi, this is the fridge. That damn answering machine ran off with the microwave, so leave a message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these little magnets.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to Saratov)
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RE: Telephone fun..... - 8/1/2006 1:17:25 AM   
SenpaiandMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline 		Road Kill Bar and Grill... You hit it I'll grill it!

City Morgue. You stab'em I'll slab'em.

That's all for answering, a couple times in college when those Magzine marketers would call, we would ask for horse or monkey porn... they usually hung up and didn't call back.

(in reply to fyrekittyn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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