RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply

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BitaTruble -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 8:07:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DocStrange Bita, Maybe I feel this way because it was how I was raised to be courteous to others? DocStrange, Thank you for the thoughtful response. I think that's a large part of the nail head. Folks have emotional connections to their traditions and when those are pushed back we humans can get defensive and rather than question the tradition or the emotional response it's easier and more comfortable to call out the pinch rather than figure out why it hurt. That part is understandable but how does the tradition segue into debt collector? In other words, I "get" the feeling but I am looking for the logic. I find a filled out profile is a bit more interesting than blank and I suppose one could say owe a whole lot of debt and a fair amount of interest is owed because of it but I would respond it doesn't appear to have much of an impact on credit ratings [;)] Are you willing to rethink the word owe? Honestly consider whether the debt is in your head which is ruled by the tradition and if someone is lacking in your esteem because they hurt you or is the lack of esteem logically justified? Humans..we are flawed even when fearless and both fierce and have frailties .. perhaps think about the word forgive instead of owe..lots of folks have that as a tradition, too. quote: Treat others how you would want to be treated. I'd get arrested. [:D]

DocStrange -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 2:03:50 PM)
Bita, Lady Pact, Greta, Lucy, Shifty, for sharing your points of view. I knew what I posted would cause controversy. One of the purposes of the forums is to presents different points of view, even if said view may not be popular. My purpose for writing what I did was not to convince people I am right and they are wrong. It is more to understand various points of view. So thank you for taking the time to provide your points of view. Bita, on the term owe, I think you bring up a very good point. I should not have used the word owe. Many have posted that “I owe no one anything” or something to that effect. I actually agree wholeheartedly with that statement. I’ve had to actually re-read the post many times now because something was nagging me about the wording and why I felt a response was needed. Now I know what was bothering me about it as your post hit the nail on the head. For me there is a difference of “do you owe the person a response” or “should you respond”. Some or many may see this as the same thing due to the end result is the same. For me it is not the same. There is a big difference between to two. One implies a debt owed which is not right as there is no debt owed. The other implies what is morally the right thing to do. Mind you I am applying my morals to this situation. So under that context, If you are advertising for a sub and person puts together a genuine email enquiring about what you are seeking, then yes I think you should respond. Replying to all at this point: For the topic of “Some men just don’t get it” LOL I might change that statement to most men don’t get it. Well in reality, it’s more of the wankers don’t get it (in more than one way I might add). If you think my post here stems from rejection emails from this site or other websites, you would be wrong. I have seen firsthand the sheer mass of unsolicited emails a Domme gets from this site including the hate emails. The “fat and ugly” response seems to be the most common rejection response email. I think that is ironic in a way. If she was truly “fat and ugly” why did you contact her in the first place? Ah, but I digress. I did serve a Domme here from the boards for a good while years ago. I did see firsthand exactly what many on here have stated. So I do get it (and more the one way I might add [:)] ).

AtUrCervix -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 4:02:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick quote: And it's "shit for brains" thank you. No, it is cunt-for-brains if I say it is. Of course.....I sit corrected.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 5:17:00 PM)
Damn right you do.

Lucylastic -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 5:36:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DocStrange Bita, Lady Pact, Greta, Lucy, Shifty, for sharing your points of view. I knew what I posted would cause controversy. One of the purposes of the forums is to presents different points of view, even if said view may not be popular. My purpose for writing what I did was not to convince people I am right and they are wrong. It is more to understand various points of view. So thank you for taking the time to provide your points of view. Bita, on the term owe, I think you bring up a very good point. I should not have used the word owe. Many have posted that “I owe no one anything” or something to that effect. I actually agree wholeheartedly with that statement. I’ve had to actually re-read the post many times now because something was nagging me about the wording and why I felt a response was needed. Now I know what was bothering me about it as your post hit the nail on the head. For me there is a difference of “do you owe the person a response” or “should you respond”. Some or many may see this as the same thing due to the end result is the same. For me it is not the same. There is a big difference between to two. One implies a debt owed which is not right as there is no debt owed. The other implies what is morally the right thing to do. Mind you I am applying my morals to this situation. So under that context, If you are advertising for a sub and person puts together a genuine email enquiring about what you are seeking, then yes I think you should respond. Replying to all at this point: For the topic of “Some men just don’t get it” LOL I might change that statement to most men don’t get it. Well in reality, it’s more of the wankers don’t get it (in more than one way I might add). If you think my post here stems from rejection emails from this site or other websites, you would be wrong. I have seen firsthand the sheer mass of unsolicited emails a Domme gets from this site including the hate emails. The “fat and ugly” response seems to be the most common rejection response email. I think that is ironic in a way. If she was truly “fat and ugly” why did you contact her in the first place? Ah, but I digress. I did serve a Domme here from the boards for a good while years ago. I did see firsthand exactly what many on here have stated. So I do get it (and more the one way I might add [:)] ). I really wasnt having a ding at you Doc, you have my respect, for many reasons.

DocStrange -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 7:17:56 PM)
Lucy, I know you were not taking a poke at me. I have actually enjoyed the thread :)

DesFIP -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/4/2017 7:35:15 PM)
I was also raised to exhibit good manners. The problem here stems from the fact that it is only the woman who is pressured to do so. When some passerby on the street demands I smile at him, that's him objectifying me, not caring if I just lost my dog or have been diagnosed with cancer. He has decided I need to display an emotion he wants to see, regardless of how I feel. Where's the good manners there? Yet if I decide I prefer to be my authentic self, his next call will be threatening in tone and demeanor. "Bitch, I'm talking to you". If I decide it might be safer to smile, he won't then go away. He'll take that as proof that I am sexually attracted to him. When eventually I try to escape him, he will be even angrier than he was if I simply ignored hm the first time. Same with online. The onus is on woman to be polite for an interaction they did not want to begin with. And again, I see no reason to reply politely when fully 90 percent of the time, the response to a polite no thanks is a personal attack. Doc, I truly believe you are one of the rare ten percent who would not attack someone. But that's from reading your responses here. As a total stranger, that would be a risk I am not prepared to take. The only person who gets to decide if me receiving a death threat is traumatizing is me. Being told I have no right to have felt frightened is the very opposite of good manners. Invalidating my experience, demanding I run risks that I am not prepared to accept, all of these only convince me more that I'm behaving in the safest possible manner by not responding to unwanted messages written by people who demonstrate through the things they say to me that they are consent violators. The only way for women to feel safe responding with a rejection is for men to stop attacking us for so doing. And that's not something that's within any of our powers.

DocStrange -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/5/2017 2:33:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I was also raised to exhibit good manners. The problem here stems from the fact that it is only the woman who is pressured to do so. When some passerby on the street demands I smile at him, that's him objectifying me, not caring if I just lost my dog or have been diagnosed with cancer. He has decided I need to display an emotion he wants to see, regardless of how I feel. Where's the good manners there? Yet if I decide I prefer to be my authentic self, his next call will be threatening in tone and demeanor. "Bitch, I'm talking to you". If I decide it might be safer to smile, he won't then go away. He'll take that as proof that I am sexually attracted to him. When eventually I try to escape him, he will be even angrier than he was if I simply ignored hm the first time. Same with online. The onus is on woman to be polite for an interaction they did not want to begin with. And again, I see no reason to reply politely when fully 90 percent of the time, the response to a polite no thanks is a personal attack. Doc, I truly believe you are one of the rare ten percent who would not attack someone. But that's from reading your responses here. As a total stranger, that would be a risk I am not prepared to take. The only person who gets to decide if me receiving a death threat is traumatizing is me. Being told I have no right to have felt frightened is the very opposite of good manners. Invalidating my experience, demanding I run risks that I am not prepared to accept, all of these only convince me more that I'm behaving in the safest possible manner by not responding to unwanted messages written by people who demonstrate through the things they say to me that they are consent violators. The only way for women to feel safe responding with a rejection is for men to stop attacking us for so doing. And that's not something that's within any of our powers. DesF, I am not saying or advocating there is an onus that a woman should respond just because someone contacts her. I totally understand the reasons why you do not and probably should not respond to the unwanted contact. What I said, was I think you should respond if you are advertising you are looking for something and you get a genuine response to your advertisement. I think most people are raised with good manners. And my statements in my previous posts were not trying to say other people did not have good manors. It was more a reference of what was driving my logic. People’s manors/morality are not always the same. It is influenced by your parents, location, religion and other factors. Then end result being your manors/morality are not necessarily my manors/morality and I was trying to provide background on mine. I will be honest in that I do occasionally contact people who are not necessarily looking for a sub. I am guilty of that. My intentions are pure but I also know you have no way of knowing that. I travel globally for work. I can be gone 2 to 4 weeks at a time. And it gets very old going to work and then going back to the hotel each night watching TV. I am not a big social person but not a hermit either. So it is nice to get out. Usually I will write saying “ hey I say your posts in forums. I will be in your area for the next few weeks for a work assignment. If you are interested I would love to meet for lunch, dinner or a drink, my treat of course. I totally understand if you have no interest or would not feel safe. But if you are up for some conversation, I would love the opportunity to meet and chat”. When I make these cold calls do I think the person needs to respond to my request? Absolutely not. One of the first Dommes I met early one, invited me to her home for the summer. My only contact with her were letters up until a week prior to actually meeting. We did write back and forth for about 6 months prior. I was going to college at the time and was getting the last half the summer quarter off due to taking accelerated classes. I was floored when she invited me to spend my 6 weeks off with her at her home. We met and had a great time. Looking back at this I am still amazed this ever happened. I honestly do not think this type of scenario would ever happen in today’s world. Who would let a stranger into their home like that? I was young and naive at the time and really did not think about it much. She had a major fetish for mummification and was having trouble finding a willing victim. Thinking back I have often wondered if her fetish desire overrode any safety concerns? I will never know the answer to that. The safety issue for women is huge. Pile on top of that the extremely large amount of fakes or people just looking for sex. Digital technology has made it so easy for a person to contact 1000, 5000 or more people in a short period of time. So they just play the numbers game hoping to get their desires met. Technology has also made it much easier to track people down once you have any of their information. It is easy to understand that no reply is the way to stay safe. For the unwanted contact from this site, it would be nice if CS would update their email controls to help with that. That and have active mods again killing the fake profiles. But I think that will not happen.

WhoreMods -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 4:38:14 AM)
Doc, I think there's a difference between courtesy to others and bending over backwards to accommodate people with no courtesy themselves. I don't think anybody's entitled to a reply on an internet dating site any more than they're entitled to borrow a pen from you in a business meeting* because they didn't bother to bring one themselves. If somebody can't be bothered to make any effort themselves, they have no right to expect anybody else to waste any effort on them, and if feeling like that about them means that I lack common courtesy, then so be it. *(or post office, bank, airport, or wherever)

WickedsDesire -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 5:05:54 AM)
What’s wrong with sending splendid orbs – some of my finer work and I am not joking. Unfortunately there is a huge disparity re men v women. No point in explaining it fully as it would take too long. But my sympathy is with the genuine men nowadays. They have to compete with a ratio 5-100 married chancers talking their well scripted codswallop. It is complicated further: there is a better chance than not, percentage wise, his email is going to a scam ring, or a man pretending they are a women. Unfortunately to write a very long mail, or half decent one, can take time for 0 reply per 10-100 sent. Is no reply worse than 100-1000 shit (sometimes vile) emails women get daily/weekly. Absolutely. But its more to do with the ratio of men v women v whatever site. Forums etc aside if a women got the number of replies a man got, or got the email total a man gets, she would not be on any site..but women have to wade through an awful lot of shit. As for replies I always reply – they are not always good replies but that hinges on the profile beseeching my eyes and mind. MIRC IRC is different - ive not used those +12 years. My problem, sporadic handsome lunacy aside, is that I like to know exactly who I am talking too.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 8:22:55 AM)
quote: What I said, was I think you should respond if you are advertising you are looking for something and you get a genuine response to your advertisement. Yeah, we know, you have told us over and over, and we have told you why we think you are wrong, but you just continue to mansplain away. Here's an idea, how about you pay attention to the shit we say, instead of just continuing to insist that we owe anybody a response.

DesFIP -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 11:51:47 AM)
Unfortunately this is coming across as mansplaining. You invalidating our feelings and experiences and demanding we accept yours instead. And that, reducing us to objects or infantalizing us without our consent, is not good manners in my book. I was not brought up, nor did I raise my children, to believe that men are superior to women. Indeed, I find all bigotry to be rude.

needlesandpins -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 1:30:11 PM)
FR I'm wondering where how I was brought up, my level of integrity, morals, ethics, or anything else has got to do with whether I choose to reply to some random guy that has chosen to hit me up on the net. Now, bare in mind that this talk is based on guys that 'take the time and effort' right? RIGHT??? So let's take this guy that mailed me at the end of March this year. He's mailed me before, but obviously doesn't remember that. I, however do. I very clearly remember the photos he sent me. I'm perplexed by this mail, with ALL ITS effort, and so much apparent attention to my profile [8\|] Please also bare in mind that at the top of the mail it states that this guy has no active profile [:D] hi nice profile and pics . you also seem real which is becoming rare on here . Im a male submissive although i do have a dom side that ive not really explored much yet on a bdsm level .. id say im more of a natural submissive on a bdsm level but there is a switch side waiting to get out :) im very genuine , good company , love all the usual nice things in life away from bdsm . im into a wide range of bdsm , most of what you mention in profile . im not a fake or a time waster , i have a profile on fetlife and been attending some fetish clubs and munches on and off for the last 5 years in London although ive not been to anything for over a year now . im on here looking for a variety of things , but my main goal would be to meet a woman who is into the scene for a ltr , doesnt really matter if domme-switch or submissive , would just be nice to have a partner /gf who is into the scene and both understand and get each other . other than that id be happy to meet a woman to serve , play or just general friends . anyways would be great to chat sometime :) have you had much luck meeting anyone from here yet? Am I supposed to bother with this cut and paste? Am I supposed to be flattered by this? BTW, this is not the first repeat C&P to drop in my inbox, and so this is also another reason why, even if I had advertised, I wouldn't always reply to men. Needles

DocStrange -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 3:29:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick quote: What I said, was I think you should respond if you are advertising you are looking for something and you get a genuine response to your advertisement. Yeah, we know, you have told us over and over, and we have told you why we think you are wrong, but you just continue to mansplain away. Here's an idea, how about you pay attention to the shit we say, instead of just continuing to insist that we owe anybody a response. I am an Engineer, I could not stop my mansplainations if I wanted to.......even if I could it would do nothing to remove the big stick up your ass.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/6/2017 8:34:16 PM)
LOL First the mansplaining, now the put down because I did not bow down to your superior manly wisdom. It would be funny if it weren't so very predictable. And the irony here is you are doing exactly the sort of shit guys do when we say "Thanks, but no thanks" that leads us to not want to bother. [:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/7/2017 4:59:59 AM)
quote: The ones that do get a response even if not compatible are the ones who make me smile in their first message. Yep. This hints at the only way I think it can work for both men and women: treat it like the written equivalent of a flirt with a woman who you've found yourself standing next to when ordering a drink at a bar. Read a her profile, say something in no more than a few of lines that refers to it, say something that'll make her smile, then leave it at that. She doesn't need the pressure of more than that; you (the male) don't need the aggrievement of an hour's writing that elicits no reply. Well, works for me, anyway. I usually get a reply; if I don't, I'm only fleetingly disappointed.

needlesandpins -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/7/2017 7:16:26 AM)
Yep, I'd go with that. Some of the stuff I see in these threads makes me wonder at just how much time people spend upset over the fact that no-one responds to every post they make in the forums too. Needles

DocStrange -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/7/2017 10:02:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick LOL First the mansplaining, now the put down because I did not bow down to your superior manly wisdom. It would be funny if it weren't so very predictable. And the irony here is you are doing exactly the sort of shit guys do when we say "Thanks, but no thanks" that leads us to not want to bother. [:D] You are the one throwing the insults at people to start with and all along. The exact thing you have been whining about men doing, you have been doing from the start of this thread. Seems you have forgotten about your “gratuitous” and other insults you have been dishing out. Then when someone responds back to your insults you suddenly cry foul. Congratulations on demonstrating what a hypocrite is. And yes, I am very predictable. I am always going to call out your BS.

LadyPact -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/7/2017 10:22:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DocStrange Replying to all at this point: For the topic of “Some men just don’t get it” LOL I might change that statement to most men don’t get it. Well in reality, it’s more of the wankers don’t get it (in more than one way I might add). If you think my post here stems from rejection emails from this site or other websites, you would be wrong. I have seen firsthand the sheer mass of unsolicited emails a Domme gets from this site including the hate emails. The “fat and ugly” response seems to be the most common rejection response email. I think that is ironic in a way. If she was truly “fat and ugly” why did you contact her in the first place? Ah, but I digress. I did serve a Domme here from the boards for a good while years ago. I did see firsthand exactly what many on here have stated. So I do get it (and more the one way I might add [:)] ). I wouldn't have gone this far, as to say it's more of the wankers that don't get it. It's not always somebody's fault if they don't have the up close and personal understanding of the subject because they don't have the experience of having an SO who sees the other side of this. It's only when a person is close enough to their counterpart that it's shared what really transpires in random emails OR they have tried the 'experiment' of having a female profile themselves. An associate may know about the volume. Maybe hear about the extreme cases, but not the entirety of the content. OK, I wanted to say a word about this: quote: ORIGINAL: DocStrange For the unwanted contact from this site, it would be nice if CS would update their email controls to help with that. That and have active mods again killing the fake profiles. But I think that will not happen. Maybe your understanding is different than mine. I've never seen CS delete inactive or 'fake' profiles unless there was a scammer or otherwise nefarious issue.

WhoreMods -> RE: Feeling Entitled for a Reply (4/7/2017 10:25:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins Yep, I'd go with that. Some of the stuff I see in these threads makes me wonder at just how much time people spend upset over the fact that no-one responds to every post they make in the forums too. Needles How dare you probe that wound, you nasty person, you?

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