RE: Lunch Shaming

RE: Lunch Shaming (Full Version)

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Aylee -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:39:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub It is not humiliating to communicate with a parent about their childs lunch account. Communicate with a parent through humiliating their child by stamping the message on the child's physical skin? For the world to see? WTF? Is that the only way you know how to communicate with parents? As a mother of three children, I am shocked that anyone would consider a need lunch money stamp on the arm to be humiliating. I, personally, think it sounds like a wonderful idea. Children cannot loose a stamp on the arm like they can a note. I can also say that MY children would not be shamed by a stamp on the arm. For one, I would not freak out about it. I would just deal with the issue. I would also say something like, "Oh, sorry about that, let's take care of that now." No negative emotion is being expressed so there is no reason my children would associate a lunch money stamp with bad things happening. I also do not freak about things being spilled, the occasional piece of glassware being broken, getting dirty outside, or interesting sartorial choices. I do, however, communicate with the school. That is less than common in the town I live in. If the teachers get a 30% "showing up" for parent-teacher conferences, they count that as a "win." It is a county that is depressed economically and it seriously impacts the students at the schools. I disagree. It is ridicculous to stamp a kid. They are a human being not a bulletin board. In a world of text, email, etc, there is no excuse for something like that. Have you ever handed a child a stamp and ink pad? What about stickers? Markers? Pens? Finger paints? Make-up? Children LIKE decorating themselves. They also take their cues from the adults. As long as everyone is matter-of-fact about it, the child will be fine. People get stamped for all sorts of stuff. Going in and out of bars, amusement parks, zoos, roller rinks, concerts, and a plethora of other things. And I will re-iterate, there are MANY parents that do NOT respond to the school's phone calls, text messages, emails, or notes home. But this is a stamp. It washes off. I am quite sure that several of the posters here could turn the whole thing into a traumatic event, but it really is just a stamp.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:40:27 PM)
quote: No, actually, you justified that stamping on your child was perfectly okay for lunch money collection reminders because you feel that people feel it's no big deal in your area. But think about how this child will look to other children? Will they get bullied because of it? No Greta they don't. Because as I already explained, they pretty much chalk it up to the parent forgetting. Even the kids know this. Same with reminders that inevitably go out about people who pay late on field trip fees, class party fees, etc. There are always people who forget and wait to the last minute, day of, and the kids are aware of this, they are aware of reminders, and they don't think anything of it. They just let those things pass over their heads and expect that the adults will get everything handled in time for their little worlds to go on. For the adults that can't do that, other adults are usually watching to see if someone needs help and we do what we can to help them and step in if necessary. The woman who handles the lunch program at my son's school is a woman that I worked with for several years at another school. She cares for the emotional well being of students as much as any teacher I have ever worked with. She does everything she can to take care of those kids as if they were her own. And no one bullies my kid. First if all, I wouldn't put up with it. More importantly, he is a 2nd degree black belt. He wouldn't put up with it. But the truth is that it isn't an issue. Not the one you are trying to turn it into anyway, all the way over there from the other side of the world with no view. Now please just STFU.

tamaka -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:40:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. Yes. If anyone had ever stamped my kid like that they'd get a call from my lawyer.

tamaka -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:45:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: No, actually, you justified that stamping on your child was perfectly okay for lunch money collection reminders because you feel that people feel it's no big deal in your area. But think about how this child will look to other children? Will they get bullied because of it? No Greta they don't. Because as I already explained, they pretty much chalk it up to the parent forgetting. Even the kids know this. Same with reminders that inevitably go out about people who pay late on field trip fees, class party fees, etc. There are always people who forget and wait to the last minute, day of, and the kids are aware of this, they are aware of reminders, and they don't think anything of it. They just let those things pass over their heads and expect that the adults will get everything handled in time for their little worlds to go on. For the adults that can't do that, other adults are usually watching to see if someone needs help and we do what we can to help them and step in if necessary. The woman who handles the lunch program at my son's school is a woman that I worked with for several years at another school. She cares for the emotional well being of students as much as any teacher I have ever worked with. She does everything she can to take care of those kids as if they were her own. And no one bullies my kid. First if all, I wouldn't put up with it. More importantly, he is a 2nd degree black belt. He wouldn't put up with it. But the truth is that it isn't an issue. Not the one you are trying to turn it into anyway, all the way over there from the other side of the world with no view. Now please just STFU. Who the fuck are you to tell her to stfu. Fuck off yourself.

Aylee -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:49:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. How many times should the school call? How many times should the school text? How many times should the school email? How many times should the school send a note home? How far in debt should they let the parents get? What do you want them to do? Call Social Services and have the child removed from the home for neglect? Have the parents arrested? Fined further? Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. A lunch money stamp just does not fit the definition. Shame results from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards. The parent MAY feel shame in a stamp situation. It is highly likely that the parent may even project that feeling onto the child. So, again, the definition does not really fit.

Aylee -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:52:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. Yes. If anyone had ever stamped my kid like that they'd get a call from my lawyer. And THIS is why we cannot have nice things.

tamaka -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 8:55:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. Yes. If anyone had ever stamped my kid like that they'd get a call from my lawyer. And THIS is why we cannot have nice things. Nice things? You can have nice things. Stamping a kid for something like that is not a 'nice thing'.

tamaka -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 9:13:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. On top of that! They would rather throw away the food than feed the child who didn't pay. So just because the child didn't pay, they rather the food goes into the bin than just don't waste it since it's already there. All these practices are ridiculous. Sure. And i would have the guidance dept get DSS involved if the parents are not handling their basic responsibilities. (Paying for/providing lunch for their kid).

Termyn8or -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/7/2017 11:12:20 PM)
Well, not to go off on a tangent here but how come lunch is free in prison but not in school ? T^T

Wayward5oul -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 4:06:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. Yes. If anyone had ever stamped my kid like that they'd get a call from my lawyer. At which point you would make some hardly noticeable stamp that most kids ignore into a huge news story where all of a sudden everyone would be asking why, when there are free lunch program available that you are not using, and after emails and phone calls reminding you about the empty lunch account, you still can't pay for your child's lunch. Then the focus becomes your financial situation. That is when your kid gets bullied and everyone is looking at you.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 4:09:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: No, actually, you justified that stamping on your child was perfectly okay for lunch money collection reminders because you feel that people feel it's no big deal in your area. But think about how this child will look to other children? Will they get bullied because of it? No Greta they don't. Because as I already explained, they pretty much chalk it up to the parent forgetting. Even the kids know this. Same with reminders that inevitably go out about people who pay late on field trip fees, class party fees, etc. There are always people who forget and wait to the last minute, day of, and the kids are aware of this, they are aware of reminders, and they don't think anything of it. They just let those things pass over their heads and expect that the adults will get everything handled in time for their little worlds to go on. For the adults that can't do that, other adults are usually watching to see if someone needs help and we do what we can to help them and step in if necessary. The woman who handles the lunch program at my son's school is a woman that I worked with for several years at another school. She cares for the emotional well being of students as much as any teacher I have ever worked with. She does everything she can to take care of those kids as if they were her own. And no one bullies my kid. First if all, I wouldn't put up with it. More importantly, he is a 2nd degree black belt. He wouldn't put up with it. But the truth is that it isn't an issue. Not the one you are trying to turn it into anyway, all the way over there from the other side of the world with no view. Now please just STFU. Who the fuck are you to tell her to stfu. Fuck off yourself. Hey tamaka, go meditate or something. Your hate is showing.

InfoMan -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 4:12:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or Well, not to go off on a tangent here but how come lunch is free in prison but not in school ? T^T Because technically lunch isn't free in Prison. What, do you think that prisoners lazy about all day on their bunks or spend all their time lifting weights in the yard? The Prisoners work as part of their incarceration and rehabilitation, often times full shifts. Yet for all that work they do, they are on average only paid ~0.10 cents a day. So while they don't pay for lunch in prison... in the same breath, they don't get paid to do hard labor either. If you really want to math it out - they technically are paying between 15-20 dollars a meal.

InfoMan -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 4:39:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee As a mother of three children, I am shocked that anyone would consider a need lunch money stamp on the arm to be humiliating. I, personally, think it sounds like a wonderful idea. Children cannot loose a stamp on the arm like they can a note. I can also say that MY children would not be shamed by a stamp on the arm. For one, I would not freak out about it. I would just deal with the issue. I would also say something like, "Oh, sorry about that, let's take care of that now." No negative emotion is being expressed so there is no reason my children would associate a lunch money stamp with bad things happening. I also do not freak about things being spilled, the occasional piece of glassware being broken, getting dirty outside, or interesting sartorial choices. I do, however, communicate with the school. That is less than common in the town I live in. If the teachers get a 30% "showing up" for parent-teacher conferences, they count that as a "win." It is a county that is depressed economically and it seriously impacts the students at the schools. psychologically it would have a negative impact on the child which would breed contempt and hatred for their parents, as it is literally the Children being punished for the faults of their parents. You may think nothing of it, but this can easily boil over into shouting matches and slammed doors because for the child it is legitimate proof that the parent does not have the skill or capability to raise them. You may think nothing of it, But that stamp is a symbol of the parents inabilities to responsibly care for the child. And it would enrage me to no end if a child of mine came home with a stamp on their hand implying that they couldn't pay for lunch. The child is my responsibility and thus you should take up any grievances about that child through normal acceptable channels. Branding the kid with a literal mark of shame for them to carry through out the day only makes them a target for bullies is not an acceptable channel and only serves to psychologically undermine my parenting because you are physically and emotionally punishing a child for what could be a simple clerical error.

tamaka -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 9:45:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: No, actually, you justified that stamping on your child was perfectly okay for lunch money collection reminders because you feel that people feel it's no big deal in your area. But think about how this child will look to other children? Will they get bullied because of it? No Greta they don't. Because as I already explained, they pretty much chalk it up to the parent forgetting. Even the kids know this. Same with reminders that inevitably go out about people who pay late on field trip fees, class party fees, etc. There are always people who forget and wait to the last minute, day of, and the kids are aware of this, they are aware of reminders, and they don't think anything of it. They just let those things pass over their heads and expect that the adults will get everything handled in time for their little worlds to go on. For the adults that can't do that, other adults are usually watching to see if someone needs help and we do what we can to help them and step in if necessary. The woman who handles the lunch program at my son's school is a woman that I worked with for several years at another school. She cares for the emotional well being of students as much as any teacher I have ever worked with. She does everything she can to take care of those kids as if they were her own. And no one bullies my kid. First if all, I wouldn't put up with it. More importantly, he is a 2nd degree black belt. He wouldn't put up with it. But the truth is that it isn't an issue. Not the one you are trying to turn it into anyway, all the way over there from the other side of the world with no view. Now please just STFU. Who the fuck are you to tell her to stfu. Fuck off yourself. Hey tamaka, go meditate or something. Your hate is showing. No hate involved. Just feeding you back your own crap. You deserved it... the universe agrees with me. Go dig in the dirt some more.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 10:17:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul quote: No, actually, you justified that stamping on your child was perfectly okay for lunch money collection reminders because you feel that people feel it's no big deal in your area. But think about how this child will look to other children? Will they get bullied because of it? No Greta they don't. Because as I already explained, they pretty much chalk it up to the parent forgetting. Even the kids know this. Same with reminders that inevitably go out about people who pay late on field trip fees, class party fees, etc. There are always people who forget and wait to the last minute, day of, and the kids are aware of this, they are aware of reminders, and they don't think anything of it. They just let those things pass over their heads and expect that the adults will get everything handled in time for their little worlds to go on. For the adults that can't do that, other adults are usually watching to see if someone needs help and we do what we can to help them and step in if necessary. The woman who handles the lunch program at my son's school is a woman that I worked with for several years at another school. She cares for the emotional well being of students as much as any teacher I have ever worked with. She does everything she can to take care of those kids as if they were her own. And no one bullies my kid. First if all, I wouldn't put up with it. More importantly, he is a 2nd degree black belt. He wouldn't put up with it. But the truth is that it isn't an issue. Not the one you are trying to turn it into anyway, all the way over there from the other side of the world with no view. Now please just STFU. Who the fuck are you to tell her to stfu. Fuck off yourself. Hey tamaka, go meditate or something. Your hate is showing. No hate involved. Just feeding you back your own crap. You deserved it... the universe agrees with me. Go dig in the dirt some more. Tamaka, your hatred of people based solely on their orientation or chosen role, things that have nothing to do with their interactions with you, are well established on these boards. What with all the unprovoked malice that you have spewed at people in these forums, if the Universe agrees with you, then it is a universe that I do not care to know. And I don't know where you are getting this digging in the dirt crap. That's the second time you've said that. Are the voices talking to you again?

Lucylastic -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 10:20:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee And THIS is why we cannot have nice things. Perfection[:)]

Wayward5oul -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 10:33:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InfoMan quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or Well, not to go off on a tangent here but how come lunch is free in prison but not in school ? T^T Because technically lunch isn't free in Prison. What, do you think that prisoners lazy about all day on their bunks or spend all their time lifting weights in the yard? The Prisoners work as part of their incarceration and rehabilitation, often times full shifts. Yet for all that work they do, they are on average only paid ~0.10 cents a day. So while they don't pay for lunch in prison... in the same breath, they don't get paid to do hard labor either. If you really want to math it out - they technically are paying between 15-20 dollars a meal. They do have free and reduced lunch programs. Everywhere. Just a matter of filling out the paperwork.

sloguy02246 -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 11:13:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. How many times should the school call? How many times should the school text? How many times should the school email? How many times should the school send a note home? How far in debt should they let the parents get? What do you want them to do? Call Social Services and have the child removed from the home for neglect? Have the parents arrested? Fined further? Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. A lunch money stamp just does not fit the definition. Shame results from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards. The parent MAY feel shame in a stamp situation. It is highly likely that the parent may even project that feeling onto the child. So, again, the definition does not really fit. Gosh, this brought back a memory - and a smile. My kids were about 13 and 11 and I had been out of work for quite a while. The kids came home from the school on the first day and brought all the schedules and fee tables, which included a form for "reduced price or free lunches" for families with financial problems. My spouse asked if we should fill out the form (we qualified for the "free" lunches at the time), but I said no, I didn't want my kids to bear the "stigma" of receiving free food because their family was (temporarily) poor. So, we continued to give both kids money for lunch every day. Fast forward about 6 months. My daughter comes to me one evening and asks if she can take an item in the refrigerator for lunch the following day. I say yes, and then ask if she still needs money for milk or juice. She says, "I guess so, but I wish I had one of those special cards that Jenny has. All she has to do is take her food and milk, show her card and they wave her through the lunch line." I ask what card she is talking about and she says, "It's a card they give to kids whose parents don't make enough money so the kids get lunch for free. Boy, if I had one of those cards, it would be so cool." So, far from being stigmatized, it turned out that my kids viewed getting a free lunch as "cool." Just another valuable lesson learned, courtesy of my children.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 12:23:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 And it's cowardly. Instead of being brave enough to call the parents and demand for the money. They bully the child by stamping on them. On top of that! They would rather throw away the food than feed the child who didn't pay. So just because the child didn't pay, they rather the food goes into the bin than just don't waste it since it's already there. All these practices are ridiculous. We call, we email, we call again, we send notes. We never throw food away and I am not aware of any district that does this. We do not stamp, but at least a stamp could not be lost like the notes are. You are hysterical over some off the wall shit that makes the news and is exaggerated. You see and hear what you want to. So again, when can I expect you to send me a blank check, or make a donation to ANY school in the states to help pay off these charges?

kiwisub22 -> RE: Lunch Shaming (5/8/2017 2:07:41 PM)
https://www.educationviews.org/unpaid-meal-charges-cost-sfusd-over-half-a-million-dollars/ Greta, this is why there is a stamp, and articles in newspapers. This is why kids have to bear the brunt of their parents irresponsibility. And this is just one district - abet, a big one. In my area one small school district had over $6000 in unpaid debt from parents. That's a lot of money being diverted from ALL the kids.

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