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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:29:25 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blckmlslv

Any slave should be honored to hear the voice of his/her superior. To end the conversation without the approval of the superior is unacceptable.

She isn't his superior.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to blckmlslv)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:46:27 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		 I really think you overreacted here.  While it is quite annoying to be interrupted, as well as rude, people make mistakes.  I would think that any sub who read this would be terrified in your presence and possibly make an even bigger mistake out of fear. 
 
Having said all of that I would like to address the bigger issue that I see in your post which is that he wasn't your submissive.  He was in no way obligated to you to act in any manner other than common courtesy and simple plain manners.  He made a mistake and you grossly overreacted with far worse treatment of him.  Certainly not something to be proud of much less brag about.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:46:36 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline 		Oy Vey

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Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:49:10 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I've never felt it was wrong for a sub to be the one to bring a conversation to a close. I like to be natural when having a conversation with another person, especially in the initial stages of getting to know someone for a potential relationship. Then again, I need to have a balance of vanilla and D/s in my relationships. Being interrupted mid-sentence would annoy me, however. My guess is that he just wasn't that "into you", or someone came in the room and he needed to exit quickly.

Be well,
Julie


I don't need or want balance between vanilla and Ds but until I actually own someone or until we are in a formal training contract, what protocol is there to follow?

Other than being polite I don't think there is one.

Why do some of us complain about protocols not being followed and then also complain when bottoms or submissive assume we are in a scene with them? Why should any of us have it both ways? I think it just sends confusing signals.

Now if you are in a Ds relationship with someone and telephone protocol is important that should be something you cover. Don't assume that others are going to know the rules in your head until you have communicated them. Once you have communicated them then certainly you should expect them to be followed.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:52:05 AM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i'll take that under consideration "IF a Mistress ever contacts me in any of the given manners You mention, Ma'am. (smirk)

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 10:16:49 AM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

fast reply:

quote:

there is not time to extricate yourself politely from a conversation


Oh sure there is.  It takes no more time to be polite than it does to be rude.  This is actually a pet peeve of mine too.  I don't believe I have ever made someone talk on the phone with me when they have other things that need to be attended to but a simple, "Ma'am, I am sorry but I have something that came up, may I leave now?" goes a lot further than something that indicates he's bored and wants to go do something else. 


This is assuming, of course, that the person is alone and may speak in the tone and with similar words you are referring here too.  Another possibility is that they already have been partially overheard and they need to terminate the call without alluding towards who is on the other end.

Some people keep their submissive side completely hidden from those around them, for their own reasons.  Each person needs to define how they will live their life and who they will share it with.  Some have the luxury of being open, others do not.  Some embrace it, others confine it. 

However, going back to the root issue, being polite to someone is never a bad thing, and one should strive to do so unless circumstances dictate otherwise. 

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 10:31:29 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Well, I'll have to agree to disagree here.  Regardless of whether or not there is any kink or D/s mentioned, I think there is always a way to be polite and I can not see a lack of time being a reason for being rude.  No d/s references have to be mentioned in order to be polite.  It's something I practice when on the phone with vanilla friends.  I wouldn't be rude on the phone...I expect others to give me the same courtesy.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to planomaid)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 4:11:02 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blckmlslv

Any slave should be honored to hear the voice of his/her superior. To end the conversation without the approval of the superior is unacceptable.



I differ from this viewpoint in that a slave is slave to that individual's owner, not everyone else.  (Nor do I look on a slave as being inferior.)  The way in which the gentleman broke off the conversation by interrupting was indeed rude by common etiquette.  However, I would be inclined to allow them to explain themselves at the next conversation.  If there was not a reasonable explanation, or if it became a habit, then "hit the road jack."

Lady Ursa

(in reply to blckmlslv)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 5:45:42 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I cut off a phone communication a few years back with a potential dominant after ...she was doing everything possible to pick a fight with me on the phone.

...I was obviously to blame because she wrote me a few times after that to talk about how I "screwed it up" and I'd have to beg for a second chance. I'm not sure what else she wrote because I put her on ignore from that point forward.


(Couldn't have said it better :)   )

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 6:39:54 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline 		someone made a huge mistake. Being familiar with marathon [several hours] phone calls, i can state that there are simple civilised ways to 'interrupt', and that it may be hard for one or the other to say good-bye, but....[polite cough] harumph, what ever happened to manners? he got what he deserved.

[i didn't get a harumph out of that guy. -Mel Brooks]

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 9:39:47 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Someone being drunk is one thing, being beligerent is another - and if someone is being rude to me, I feel no continued obligation to be polite back to them. 

And obviously, we only know one side of the story, so there is the possibility that TM was drunk ... but seriously, I'm with Kat - it takes no more time to say "Something just came up, sorry.  I'll call you back later" than it does to say "well, I'd better let you go, it's getting late."  And sorry, but those words (without hearing the tone, of course) sound like a "I'm bored with you but don't have the balls to say so" kind of thing.  Not a good thing.

(in reply to jonathan)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 11:18:53 PM   
pinksissyPA


Posts: 90
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

 I really think you overreacted here.  While it is quite annoying to be interrupted, as well as rude, people make mistakes.  I would think that any sub who read this would be terrified in your presence and possibly make an even bigger mistake out of fear. 
 
i agree completely with Miss Tress.  We don't know based on the postings the full context of the chats however there are several likely possibilities which i shall discuss;
1.)  The "Domme" was a crude and vulgar braggard which the sub had no interest in as she expressed a "Hi Ho F you" attitude complete with vulgarities and otherwise behaved in a bragging and pompous manner during the discourse.  Personally one of my pet peeves is pompous people, i simply do not tolerate their presence (even if they claim to be Domme) and have found from past experiences that they ignore polite hints that i am uninterested.  If they do that then i simply tell them sorry but i must go and terminate the discourse.  If they throw away my phone number and delete my previous emails, i am most grateful for that as i do not wish any further contact with them.
2.)  Something unexpected did come up or the sub remembered something that had to be done and lost track of time.  If that was the case he really should have said so but perhaps he had tried previously and the Domme ignored his remark
3).  The sub truly was rude, why we do not know but he may or may not have had a reason.  If he didn't recognize that he was not behaving properly then is it not the Domme's responsibility to explain this to him and allow him to explain and apologize?  After all "To err is human.  To forgive Devine".  For a "Domme" to think She is superior is merely being pompous.  If She is truly superior then it is incumbent upon Her to behave in a manner exhibiting that superiority.
 
i realize some here will probably attempt to flame me for my comments but so be it.  The ones who engage in this behavior are the "Dommes" that subs are better off avoiding.
 
Respectfully,
 
pink
 

 
Having said all of that I would like to address the bigger issue that I see in your post which is that he wasn't your submissive.  He was in no way obligated to you to act in any manner other than common courtesy and simple plain manners.  He made a mistake and you grossly overreacted with far worse treatment of him.  Certainly not something to be proud of much less brag about.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 2:00:01 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all
 
lol pet peeve's are something i know about the cut off and it is always right in the middle of talking or amybe a pause in the conversation but i had one submissive i was thinking of having and he had the strangest thing he would do if we were online and i had to do something very quic, ladies room ect  but when i would put brb he would follow with oh time to go bye and leave lol i laughed so hard i told him this not the time for you to leave but he stilll did it we are not longer talking lol  they do not get it some do but others ..............
 
mons

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 6:02:11 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		the very first lesson i learned from an online Domme (im now owned r/l) was to request permission to leave Her. that simple bit of advice helped to mold my attitude toward Dom/mes ever since, extending much farther than simply asking permission to end a chat or conversation to an entire mind-set when dealing with Dom/mes. i am a submissive, heart, mind and soul and treat all Dom/mes with respect (i know i am a reflection of my Mistress's training) until such time as They show they are undeserving of my respect...and even then i respectfully bid them farewell. but maybe that's just me.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 7:33:18 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksissyPA
...as she expressed a "Hi Ho F you" attitude complete with vulgarities and otherwise behaved in a bragging and pompous manner during the discourse. 

Not to draw straws here, but *I* am the one who used the line "Hi Ho Fuck You", not the OP.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to pinksissyPA)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 9:24:16 AM   
Shyamanty


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/3/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, everything said is valid, I admit. But, and this a "what if" remark, if by some misfortune the Mistress slides into a powertrip and the things gets off the arrangement with the sub? Altough I think this is highly unlike to happen, what if it does? Being sub/slave, the power is on the other side of the table. In my optic, the only way to get way is by rebellion or cold hard dismiss of the Mistress. I'm a sub/slave wannabe, but there is one thing I am not: stupid. If I feel toyed with beyond my limit, and if there is no other way to turn things around, open revolt is my thing.

Sorry if I sounded hot-tempered and disrespectful; the first one's true, second, not.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 9:46:54 AM   
SenseofBelonging


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		What's wrong with "i'm sorry Ma'am, it seems You and i are not suited for each other and i'd hate to waste any more of Your valuable time...may i leave You now please?"....such a response maintains the sub's dignity while getting the point across in no uncertain terms.

(in reply to Shyamanty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 10:12:25 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SenseofBelonging

What's wrong with "i'm sorry Ma'am, it seems You and i are not suited for each other and i'd hate to waste any more of Your valuable time...may i leave You now please?"....such a response maintains the sub's dignity while getting the point across in no uncertain terms.


That's fine if they are in a relationship that has rules for telephone conversations.

This entire thing though was just at the talking stage -- I didn't see a "I was on the phone with my slave/submissive" at all -- only that it was a conversation with a potential.

At that level both people are potentials. Either one can walk at any time if it isn't going to work.

Let's be completely realistic here. This is CONSENSUAL service, submission or slavery. Either party can walk at any time and if the other party tries to prevent that, that party may be looking at cops coming to their door.

Fox and I consider him to be my property but we are fully aware of that being only between us and having absolutely no legal standing and little social support. Before he was in training I didn't expect him to be any more polite or nice than I was -- once in training I expected him to live up to his negotiated contract, and once owned I expect him to honor our authority dynamic and respect our agreement. I don't fool myself into thinking he owes me more than that.

I didn't buy him at a market in Charolette and brand him and I don't have the local sheriff I can call in to track him down if he should decide to leave.

If you want someone to treat you a certain way, you better communicate that expectation clearly.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SenseofBelonging)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 10:44:47 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		There is still the common courtesey (which is apparently becoming much less common ... it must be off hiding with common sense) of being honest, and at least relatively polite.  I don't see the need to ask permission to leave, but having the balls to say "I don't think we're right for each other" is expected, in my opinion.  Not that it happens with most of them, but still - being honest rather than a coward is a good thing.

I can't tell you the number of boys who have just stopped talking to us, and if we happen to catch them online and ask them why, they hem-haw around before finally saying that they got nervous/scared/decided that we aren't compatable or they aren't ready.  That's fine and those are all perfectly acceptable reasons for ending communication - but have the fucking balls to say so instead of taking the coward's way out and just vanishing.  Out of 100s to 1000s of guys that we have talked to, however briefly, I think only 2 have actually stated something to the effect of, "I don't think it would work between us" and both of those added that they wished us luck, other things that showed there were no hard feelings.  I don't expect them to beg permission to leave (in fact, those that do annoy me) but I do expect them to be honest with themselves and with us - if we aren't compatable, then we aren't compatable, such is life ... but be a man about it, guys.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/28/2006 11:04:08 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, SweetDommes, stating clearly that things aren't working out is the polite thing to do.

It can also be a difficult thing for some people.

I don't think, however, that was the issue in the original post. We'll never know though cause all communication was cut off by the potential dominant at that point. The potential submissive was never asked why he ended the phone call the way he did or even given the chance to talk again.

Or did I misunderstand the situation in the OP?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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