Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/29/2006 9:58:47 PM   
Veryfewcan


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well it is like the old saying. It takes more muscles to frown than smile. But them many people chose to frown.
Things happen, but no matter what, it never hurts to be polite. And that is in every aspect of life. Sometimes people in the lifestyle forget that it goes beyond the closed doors. A submissive is always polite, if they are indeed submissive. A Dominate must be too. It is part of being in a civilized society.

_____________________________

I used to be lost. I was wondering about all that???

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 6:15:31 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

and I offended you in what way?

TM


You didn't. I was just making a joke, trying to move away from the anger that was growing in this thread.

Mission not accomplished, I guess.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 8:08:37 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'm certainly not angry... Merely clarifying for those who jumped to the conclusion that the prospective boy in question was never informed of My expectations with regard to protocol.  It so happened that the man was mature enough to understand our previous communications, absolutely none of which the opinionated flamers here were privy to.

By leaving the DVD comedy on when I called, he demonstrated a lack of basic manners. 

By interrupting Me mid sentence, he demonstrated boorishness. 

By ending the conversation without even a graceful, demure or supplicative exit, he demonstrated to Me that he is not the kind of man I would consider to be truly biddable or solicitous in nature; an absolute pre requisite for any sub of Mine.

His most recent follow up email that expressed his pleasure with our recent conversations, asking Me to please call again, simply confirmed My original conclusion that he is unfortunately just fetish chasing; what I and My colleagues would refer to as a 'pig male', used to having his way, who is merely dabbling about with the fantasy of submission, very likely with either a drinking problem or an ingrained incompatible personality streak, and not suitable for further consideration.

Quite franky I'm surprised by the vehement protests of today's Dommes who think protocol is not essential to great service by a sub.  They are missing much by way of the dynamics of a more formal D/s interaction, and in their opinionated condescension are and probably never will be aware of what they're missing.  I don't understand the brouhaha.  I'm simply searching for a more sophisticated, well trained or innately biddable sub than they are.

If I missed your attempt at humor, I apologize.  I always enjoy your posts, littlesarbonn.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 7/30/2006 8:20:23 AM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 8:34:15 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I'm totally not into formal, and high protocol ... not my thing.

But I still totally agree that the guy (even without the other information) was out of line to cut you off like he did.  That, to me, has nothing whatsoever to do with protocol, and everything to do with basic freakin manners that most people seem to have lost.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 8:42:16 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		SweetDommes,

I caught your post on the other thread regarding basic manners and I agree wholeheartedly with you!

Try high protocol one of these days.  You may find that your sub drops deeper into subspace because of attention to formal protocol.  That was the basis of My training as a Domme years ago, and is simply ingrained in My technique and behavior now.  The more formal the behavior required, the deeper they seem to go.  Just My experience.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 9:43:09 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

SweetDommes,

I caught your post on the other thread regarding basic manners and I agree wholeheartedly with you!

Try high protocol one of these days.  You may find that your sub drops deeper into subspace because of attention to formal protocol.  That was the basis of My training as a Domme years ago, and is simply ingrained in My technique and behavior now.  The more formal the behavior required, the deeper they seem to go.  Just My experience.

TM


I wouldn't like it if my sub only treated me with that level of respect as a result of training/high protocol.  The kind of behavior you described would piss me off if he was doing it to anyone, not just me.  What if he did that to one of my parents? How embarrassing.  I'm with SweetDommes; the kind of behavior you described really goes beyond a BDSM dynamic and is more about common sense and manners.  The problem is that the kind of sub you described might be one of those types that could be VERY attentive and blow you away with the right protocol and manners -- When he WANTS something from you.  Then it's a real slap in the face when you see the real side of them and they are not in the mood, are bored, or are showing their true colors.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 2:24:14 PM   
pinkpet


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		This "potiental sub" sounds like a complete jackass. If he has happened to find this thread I bet he laughed so hard, even harder then when he was watching his movie because he got a huge reaction out of you, on here anyway.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 4:39:39 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:


I don't expect submissives who are talking to me to ask for my permission to leave, but if they interrupt me, or just vanish - then they are done.  Saying that they have something to do (and it needs to be something specific, not "oh, I gotta be somewhere") is perfectly acceptable, I tell them to have a nice day and that I hope we get to chat again soon ... if they are wanting to get out of the conversation for one reason or another, then I expect them to be honest, even if they are vague (i.e. "I don't feel that we are really clicking, so while I've enjoyed talking to you I don't think it would work between us" - or something similar). 


Honesty is a great way to end a conversation with a Domme a sub realizes it is not going to work by being way to revealing way right away. That tends to always make a Domme uncomfortable from my experience or quickly realize it is not going to work out either and end it themselves. Of course, only really works if your unique in some way and don't get a Domme who is not bothered by it.

-mellian


_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/30/2006 6:54:13 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Thanks to all who responded! Even you, Tress, you witchy old thing.

TexasMaam


i'm glad you were tickled by all the responses, including *my* MissTress's response too.  i am also glad you feel free and able to post anything you have a mind to ... however your flaming of my MissTress does not tickle me.  i would run away from you as fast as i possibly could!


_____________________________

~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/31/2006 12:56:33 AM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Once upon a time there was a beautiful Dominant woman who was considering a rather fetching, new submissive boy.  The had met via IRC and that interaction led to a telephone conversation.  During this conversation the boy was very polite as he wanted this Dominant to consider him for a collar.  During the telephone call the Dominant told the boy that they would be meeting in person and that he should wear a pair of black shoes, a black leather belt, a clean pair of levis jeans and a white t-shirt, pressed.  She told him were to meet and what time. 

The boy arrived at the meeting place 15 minutes early and waited until just minutes befor the assigned time of the meeting.  He then entered the restaurant and asked the host for her table.  He was shown to her table where he stood beside her table with his head bowed and his hands behind his back.  His feet were shoulder width apart.  The Dominant was just finishing her dessert and coffee and quized him while he stood in the restaurant.  After 15 min. or so she told him that she was done with him and that he might leave.  The boy backed away three steps and then turned and left the restaurant.

Two days later the Dominant called the boy and told him that she wanted to see him again and set a time.  She told him that a friend would be picking him up.  Once again she told him how to dress and what time to expect his ride.  The boy was dressed as instructed and was waiting on the curb as ordered.  The 'friend' drove the boy to a private home where he escorted him into the living room.  In the living room was the Dominant and 4 other people.  The boy approached the Dominant and stood just behind her as he had determined she prefered from his research.  The boy was questioned by the 6 people present and he addressed each of them in the manner in which he 'knew' they wanted to be addressed.  The boy had done his research well.  The Dominant woman dismissed the boy when they were finished with their conversation and bade her 'friend' to drive him home.

It was later discovered that the 6 people present discussed the assets of the new boy and if he would be a good addition to their little group.  It was decided that they would give him a chance.

This boy grew and learned in the community and is now a Dominant and leader of his community.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always loved this story!!!

I believe in protocol and I believe in being polite.  I see nothing wrong with expecting someone to act in a way that you find pleasing if that person is trying to gain your attention and your approval.  This does not mean that I expect everyone I meet to act in a way that I would find pleasing.  It does not mean that I expect everyone to act in the manner described above.  It does mean that if you want me to consider you for a relationship that you do your research, learn how I like to be address, and know what I expect out of people.  Of course there will be times when someone steps wrong or makes a mistake.  A mistake in protocol is very different than simply being rude. 

Wickad

(in reply to apb)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/31/2006 8:56:45 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Try high protocol one of these days.  You may find that your sub drops deeper into subspace because of attention to formal protocol.  That was the basis of My training as a Domme years ago, and is simply ingrained in My technique and behavior now.  The more formal the behavior required, the deeper they seem to go.  Just My experience.

TM


I'm entirely not formal - and high protocol just seems stiff and cold to me.  Holly and I neither one enjoy it, and tend to choose to be with others who feel the same way ... so I somehow doubt that any boy who is comfortable in our house would drop deeper or quicker into subspace because of it.

While I do appreciate your advice, if you've read my posts in the past and not just the ones on the two threads about this topic, you would know that your advice is not exactly appropriate to my personality.  We have rules and expectations, but to have anything formal ... I think we'll pass.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/31/2006 9:09:50 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I do not mind limiting My pool of potentials. The more stringent the selection criteria, the smaller the pool of fish.

Responses on these boards are no indication whatsoever of the interpretation of protocol by those who do not post here on the boards.

I have friends and colleagues who share My views. I have an exemplary sub who understands the protocol that I expect and who makes tremendous effort to follow same. I have no need to 'expand My search to a forum' that shares My exact views on protocol.

I'm not looking for acceptance from you or from any other member here at CM.

I'm looking for another sub, and shall continue to do so.

I am not looking for an untrained clueless newbie.

I am looking for a mature, experienced sub who understands rudimentary D/s protocol without My having to hand him a nifty little list of do's and dont's along with a plethora of definitions.

My profile and website are quite clear and self explanatory and I receive more communications from hopefuls than I can respond to. Many of those hopefuls find Me via reading the boards here at CM. I post My preferences here certain in the knowledge that some of them are reading and paying attention.

I'll stay right here, thank you very much. Get over it.

TexasMaam


I think you took my reply a bit too harshly.

I didn't say to leave this board, I suggested you expand your search to a place where there are clear ideas of the protocols.

But you are fine just the way you are? Then why complain about his behavior or try to tell others that they must do things the way you wished he had done things?

There is no universal way.

As you just said to me: Get over it.

Either tell folks what you expect or let it go when they don't meet your expectations.

Don't expect others to believe what you believe or do what you do and please don't try that "he's not mature enough" line to try and say your way is some universal way.

There is no universal way.

Now, later on in the thread you say you did inform him of your expectations. Great, well done, good job and be happy you found out he couldn't follow them before you invested more time and energy.

Your way is still not the way for everyone. Is it not a universal.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/31/2006 9:16:10 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/31/2006 10:43:21 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I personally dont mind if they ask Mistress may I go now? and I dont need a reason like dinner is burning...lol

On the subject of listening to them ramble on some fantasy Nope dont think so,I dont need to hear it nor do I want to hear it.I also dont want to hear about certain real life adventures .

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/31/2006 11:08:32 PM   
Delightb32


Posts: 18
Status: offline 		Gracious! TexasMaam needs to realize that obviously he did not want to be hers so the fact that he has lost his chance seems to matter only to her.  Additionally, if this was posted purely as a way for her to communicate what she wants in a submissive, than I would suggest posting it in a profile instead of on the message boards.

Finally, I will add that when talking to people, basic manners should be observed, but expecting protocol of any type when that protocol has not been agreed to previously is rediculous.  One person's protocol is not the universal code.  If a Dom decided I was no longer worth his time because I did not ask his permission to stop speaking to him, then I would be grateful that I had learned that he was not for me.  I don't want a Dom who tries to control everyone to whom he speaks and I don't want someone who wants an undiscerning slave.  I want someone who recognizes that submissives aren't inferior and that they have life situations also.


(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 8/4/2006 7:20:48 AM   
dogthing


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston
quote:

there is not time to extricate yourself politely from a conversation

Oh sure there is.  It takes no more time to be polite than it does to be rude.


Sometimes crazy distracting things happen during phone calls. If your sub suddenly saw flames coming out of their kitchen and realised that they'd left someting cooking when the phone rang, it might be that their slightly curt hangup line was still a lot more polite than just yelling a four-letter word and slamming the phone down to run off and firefight.

Imagine that you are on the phone and looking out of the window, and you see your cat asleep on the neighbour's warm drive, and their car is slowly backing out, and the rear wheel is heading directly towards Tiddles. Surely etiquette should allow you to make a hurried "sorry, gotta go", hang up, and then run off to save Tiddles? If you wait to hear the reply ("No, first you shall explain to me exactly WHY do you have to go, little man!"), and then hang around long enough to apologise and respond properly and allow LaDomme to have a satisfactory last word, Tiddles may end up squashed. Sometimes you have to choose between action and talk.


Or maybe his wife walked in.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 8/4/2006 8:13:33 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

Or maybe his wife walked in


Which is more likely than the fire and squished cat in situations where someone is rude and abrupt when leaving a conversation.  There's a huge difference between an actual emergency situation and "well I guess I will let you go because I have a show that is much more entertaining than you."

< Message edited by MsKatHouston -- 8/4/2006 8:16:27 AM >

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to dogthing)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 8/4/2006 9:13:22 AM   
dogthing


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps he was deliberately trying to get himself dumped.


(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 8/5/2006 6:27:51 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		While on the phone last night with a potential sub, suddenly, in mid sentence, he interrupted Me and said: "well, I'd better let you go, it's getting late"...

This is a pet peeve of mine too and has nothing to do with BDSM.

If YOU need to go, then say "I need to go" or if you are striving for manners "Excuse me but I need to go."
Saying "I'll let you go" implies that _I_ am the one distracted or needing to get off of the phone. Which means that if I am being interrupted constantly (kid, roommate, cell phone, etc) then it's appropriate. As for subs, the first time they say "I'll let you go" on the phone, I tell them how I feel about it. Your options are either to say YOU need to go, or to ASK me if I need to go. Hell, saying "you seem busy so I'd rather talk later" is fine.

But that's my pet peeve

(in reply to dogthing)
Profile   Post #: 78
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109