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RE: The silence is deafening - 7/29/2006 11:50:21 AM   
LiliesDoGrow


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I never will understand the need for someone to have a certain "look" before they are deemed viable human beings.

Eliot Spitzer (that big headed tall democrat Abraham Lincoln looking guy running for Governor of New York,) to me is one gorgeous man. I had the privledge of shaking his hand during a campaign stop. He exuded the most serene of vibrations. Hopefully he's as honest and caring as he appears and speaks to be. On the flip side, I've always admired and thought of Michael J. Fox as a sexy, handsome man. And he's stepped up the plate of being a "man" by taking his physical challenges out into the public arena knowing this act will help many others. The reason I point out two known people is to show how humans are more than their fleshy components. It is all about the inner workings that make us attractive or not.

At 5 ' 7 I'm taller than the average woman. Lotsa lotsa guys don't like tall chicks. Why on Earth would that bother me? What could I possibly have in common with a bloke who would devalue me simply because I'm tall? Or because of my ethnicticity? So I guess I don't understand public forum complaining about a faction of people who don't want anything to do with someone because of a shallow reason. (women who prefer taller men.) It's not going to change any one's mind. People like what they like. Find someone who likes you. That's pretty much all we can do.

One of my best male buddies is 5' 7. He has no problems with women because in his mind, he's ten feet talls and behaves that way.

(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/29/2006 12:05:55 PM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		After all of the hoo ha that was going on with responses, I had to go back and reread the OP just to get some clarity... LOL

OP: You are right in that there are a lot of shallow, vain and otherwise not open-minded individuals in this world.  You are right that there is, at times, too much focus on physical beauty and you are right that men are looked at negatively when they focus only on the physical appearance of women.  Though I don't agree with your concept of a "sloppy body" I don't think there needs to be a huge arguement about it... agree to disagree.

To the OP and those that got defensive because you feel you've been rejected by someone because of your appearance... who cares?  I agree with chesireboy when he said "bring on the rejections" if that is going to weed out the ones that you KNOW you don't want to be with.  Simply put: If you care about appearances, then expect the other person to care too - and don't be offended if they reject you.  If you don't care about appearances, then deal with the vain ones and hope that you find someone that also doesn't care about appearances.  Like generally attracts like.

It is interesting to *me* just how angry people get when they don't take a step back and look at the big picture.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/29/2006 5:58:06 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cheshireboy

you know the good thing about an early rejection, based on something as trite as looks? you know they ain't for you....with that in mind....bring on the rejections!!!!
 
cheshire



I totally agree...bring them on...lol

I get some emails (believe it or not..lol) of men that are attracted to me...and that's all they talk about...it really turns me off...all I can think is, if I gain a pound or something happens to alter in any way, the way I look, he'll be a memory.   I want someone who will stick with me no matter what.

So I say to the OP...thank your lucky stars they show their true colors early, instead of a time of trouble when you really need them.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/29/2006 6:22:09 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiliesDoGrow

I never will understand the need for someone to have a certain "look" before they are deemed viable human beings.

Eliot Spitzer (that big headed tall democrat Abraham Lincoln looking guy running for Governor of New York,) to me is one gorgeous man. I had the privledge of shaking his hand during a campaign stop. He exuded the most serene of vibrations. Hopefully he's as honest and caring as he appears and speaks to be. On the flip side, I've always admired and thought of Michael J. Fox as a sexy, handsome man. And he's stepped up the plate of being a "man" by taking his physical challenges out into the public arena knowing this act will help many others. The reason I point out two known people is to show how humans are more than their fleshy components. It is all about the inner workings that make us attractive or not.

At 5 ' 7 I'm taller than the average woman. Lotsa lotsa guys don't like tall chicks. Why on Earth would that bother me? What could I possibly have in common with a bloke who would devalue me simply because I'm tall? Or because of my ethnicticity? So I guess I don't understand public forum complaining about a faction of people who don't want anything to do with someone because of a shallow reason. (women who prefer taller men.) It's not going to change any one's mind. People like what they like. Find someone who likes you. That's pretty much all we can do.

One of my best male buddies is 5' 7. He has no problems with women because in his mind, he's ten feet talls and behaves that way.


Very nicely stated. I agree with all that you said and could not have said it better.
I would like to add however that from other extreme, I think most people do have a thing or two that turn them off or that "repulse" them.   For me, and I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings, but no matter how wonderful a man may be, if he is wearing a toupee, or if he does the swoop, I cannot get past it.  That is just one example.  I have 2 other things that I cannot deal with physically, that I wont mention.  Hopefully most people wouldnt rule someone out based on height, weight, hair color, eye color, breast size and stuff like that, but there has to be a lack of repulsion in the person.   

(in reply to LiliesDoGrow)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/29/2006 9:31:45 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

...
I think most people do have a thing or two that turn them off or that "repulse" them.   For me, ... if he does the swoop, I cannot get past it. 


Yeah. Nike apparel is a hard limit for me too.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/30/2006 7:12:25 AM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		Intelligence, character, and strength of will are personal fetish's of mine.  Looks are very important too.  I really really very badly want them looking at me.

Yea yea, I know a physical attraction is important, I'm no different.  Doing the best with what you have, that's all that matters I think.  Oh, and I do love a Lady in glasses, another fetish of mine.

Big boobs, small boobs, big ass, small ass, round shape, "media model" shape.  It's what's inside that counts.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/30/2006 7:19:23 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I see this height thing on most of the "dating" sites. At first, I used to be bothered by it because I'm 5'5", and that means I'm shorter than the average. What used to fascinate me (back when it bothered me) was that a woman who was 5'0" would have a requirement of 5'10" for the man she wanted, indicating that by simple natural selection methods, we shorter people were going to become extinct. If you think that way.

Now, I don't care. If a woman is hung up on height, I don't want her. I won't pursue her. And I don't care.

What I am finding these days is women are more attractive to the fact that I have several advanced degrees in several fields. Those that are obsessed with height, I don't care. I even have close female friends who talk about how they can never find the guy they want, that guys are all really bad, and all that, but then they proceed to make laundry lists of the requirements a guy was fill in order to interest them. And then they complain further that there "are no single, nice guys". Again, I stopped caring.

So, you are armed with two possibilities you can use to react. You can complain about it and act as if the world is against you (because it probably is), or you can say screw it and pursue ONLY those people with whom you have an actual interest. These days, I don't pursue a woman because she's young and hot (an old failing of mine from years back), but I find a woman I'm generally attracted to, but then I focus on her intelligence and personality. If those two don't scream out for me to pursue, I don't start the journey.

Some people are over consumed with laundry lists of the perfect person that never get fulfilled, or they get fulfilled by someone who's not exactly what he claims to be. I gave up that years ago, realizing that if someone wants me cause I filled a laundry list, I probably didn't want her in the first place, and the kind of person I'm seeking is not so superficial that it would cause me to want to create a thread about her desires in the first place.

(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/30/2006 8:38:58 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I prefer taller men because it more readily triggers those lovely feelings of submissive helplessness.  I'm also more visually attracted to guys who are in decent shape (I'm not big on muscle-bound body-builder types), but obviously that isn't what I go by alone.  My husband happens to be only about four inches taller than I am and is definately out of shape right now.  I married him for who he is and not what he looks like.  Would I be excited if he lost weight?  You betcha.  Will I ever abuse him or dump him if he doesn't?  Not a chance.
 
zuma

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockerinform

I find it interesting that many women, vanilla, kinky, whatever, seem to desire a "tall" man.

Sometimes they even name a height. (by the way, I am 5'10" and male, and could not care less if I am considered "tall" or "short").

These same women seem to leave out details about themselves.....such as height, weight, bust, waist, hips.

Sure, we'd all want to be liked more for who we are than for what we look like.  But I read something interesting......a man once wrote,

"A man admiring a woman's body can be said to be admiring her intelligence, good taste, and strength of charachter".

Maybe there is some truth to that?

Maybe the opposite is true?  That sometimes a sloppy body does not hide a heart of gold, but hides a weak willed, sloppy, insecure, lazy disgusting person?  Maybe sometimes "BBW" means "Fat, lazy and snotty about being fat and lazy"?  Maybe just sometimes?

Maybe, just maybe, it isn't a crime to be just as interested in
a woman's body as you are in her mind and personality?

But, no........that wouldn't be "politically correct".    I am a man, so it is okay to weed me out according to height.  But if I want big tits and a slim waist, I am a sexist pig.........



(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/30/2006 8:53:04 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I state in my profile that someone should be 5'8 or more ONLY because I am 5'7" and do not want anyone to feel uncomfortable if I wear heels, which I do often. I otherwise have no requirements for height or any other physical characteristic, simply because I have been attracted to a variety of men, sizes and shapes.

We all have our physical preferences as I keep saying, but I don't list them. I think it is more important to list your cerebral, emotional, lifestyle and interests preferences, because those things are usually not as negotiable as physical ones are.

P.S. I was married to a guy who was 6'2 in perfect shape. I divorced him for other reasons. My ex is 5'7" and stocky. He was the hottest man I was ever with.  Go figure. 

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 7/30/2006 8:54:48 AM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The silence is deafening - 7/30/2006 10:39:16 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I had to re-read the first post a few times there to catch the meaning of it without gritting my teeth at the wording.lazy, unkept=overweight thing like that picks my a** a fair bit so I wanted to make sure I was reading the content not just the words.

I prefer taller men, but then I'm 5'9 (My husband is 5'8) But then I also do primal play which is very physical and unless my play partner knows some really good take down moves and pressure points, getting me down is going to be problem and they might get hurt. I fight back, I bite I kick, and I'm encouraged to do so in that moment (see Knight's post in regards to primal play)   
The person's character and moral traits are what draw me to them, but, really we all have certian things we find attractive to look at. It is when the superfician becomes the final say in chosing a partner that I have issues, we are all so much more than the skin we wear, but just like the clothes we chose to wear, we will be judged by them. It sucks and I hate it, trust me. I've even been barked at once by a total stranger, talk about a self esteem killer. But then I just felt sorry for that guy since he had to be rude to a total stranger just to make himelf feel better and that is truly sad.    We also like to emulate what we find pleasing to look at.

My stats ht, wt are all listed in my profile,


denika

ps. Not all play requires brute strength I enjoy all diffrent kinds and I can be put to my knee's with a whisper as quickly as with a hand. It's all in the confidence of the Top/Dom/me


(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/23/2006 4:38:24 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I'm more interested in how tall the man is laying down, on his back....( - think about it)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/23/2006 5:02:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am 5 foot 10, I have dated men that were 5 foot 8, and I cannot picture myself with anyone shorter. We all have preferences, and I am sure men have rejected the idea of dating me because I was "too tall" for example... that doesn't bother me. I want to be with someone that likes all my attributes and is not overlooking "flaws". We all have standards, and I am sure you have your own standards, so why worry about other people's?

My Daddy is 6 foot 1, I did not choose him for this. I would have wanted him if he was 5 foot 8.

Men have attempted to date me for my chest size, they are about as transparent as it gets. I like my body for the most part, and I want  my Man to enjoy it too, but if that was his whole agenda in spending time with me, well hell yes, that would make him a pig. He isn't a pig though, and that isn't his motivation for spending time with me.

Personally I think that most people outgrow the necessity to be with a certain body type to become involved with as they realize 1) they aint so hot themselves and 2) they would rather have a brain attached to the body they are fucking. Until men are evolved enough to get this, they usually suck in the sack if memory serves me correctly (the more shallow the pool, the less fun it is to swim in).

So I would not worry about being PC, and instead  I would worry about my own personal growth as a human being and date people I found interesting... let the chemistry go where it goes.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/23/2006 6:25:23 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lockerinform

I find it interesting that many women, vanilla, kinky, whatever, seem to desire a "tall" man.

Sometimes they even name a height. (by the way, I am 5'10" and male, and could not care less if I am considered "tall" or "short").



Of course it is perfectly fine. These people are openly stating their preferences and being true to themselves. Pity them if they should bow to sheepish thinking and conform to another's standards. The word tall can be substituted with ethnicity, class, education, money, background, etc. While you have chosen to complain about the supposed height discrimination that exists, there are plenty that wouldn't have you for other reasons as well. The difference being is that certain things are not openly discussed, that would be in poor taste. But you can believe they are more than implied.

There are men and women that wouldn't dream of becoming involved with someone that didn't have a successful career, earn a particular amount of money, hail from a prestigious background, have several degrees under their belt, practice and/or have experience in BDSM, and so on. In all things we must be honest and truthful with ourselves, even if that yields a different response than someone might have preferred.

For what it's worth I prefer tall men. I wouldn't dream of dating someone without class and culture. Intelligence, breeding, and character are things I cannot compromise on. We each have those nuances that we are willing to be flexible about, and others that are soundly rigid and written in stone. So while there is some merit to your argument, there are also legions of men that demand a beautiful woman on their arms when their looks are less appealing. What do you say in their defense? Food for thought.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 4:17:31 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

There are beautiful people that soon get very ugly when you get to know them and there are not so beautiful people that soon get gorgeous the better you get to know them. The outside stuff either fades or get horribly disfigured by plastic surgery, I think that I prefer to find the inner beauty and whatever is on the outside is a bonus.


So true, so very true. Never judge a book by its cover; you might just miss a great story. Personally i prefer those whose lives show in there faces, on their hands. Scars tell a lot about who you are and what you have done, wrinkles show smile lines, to me that is an indication of someone who has spent a great deal of time happy.
 


_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 5:21:06 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Physical may or may not be an attention graber but once that attention is grabbed it takes personality to hold it.

Yep I fit the whole tall, dark thang. At 6'2" and definatly not built like a twig, I am hard to ignore. When I walk in a room, people tend to notice. That is partly physical and partly as a few have put it "Owning the room just by walking in"... AKA I am confident and it shows.

But once two folks get talking, it isn't about what they look like, it is about who they are as people. All the important stuff for anything more than simply a one night roll in the hay, comes from within!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 6:00:03 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Lashra. Not every woman out there is superficial.

As far as my preferences. A guy with nice broad shoulders, long black hair, pale skin. Basically a vampiric version of Fabio. Bascially Mr. Nonexistent except in movies.

However, I have been gifted with two plump short haired, short boys who are the cutest things on the planet! A skinny well porportioned, somewhat flat chested, also not too much taller than me, female slave. I prefer people closer to my height. They are easier to cuddle with. Ultimately it is the personality behind the body I am more concerned with. By the way I am 5' 3'', 220lbs. Breast size, about an A cup. I don't really have breasts, and sort of want to get rid of what I have.

Do I think people should be judged by their weight? No. Weights change, personality doesn't. Anyone can lose weight. It just takes them finally getting fed up with it and deciding to change. I want the body of a body builder, and so I have started to change it. I'm not really dropping pounds more than packing on muscle. However, there is nothing wrong with the woman or man who decides to stay plump. Admittedly, yes a good personality can come in any shape, and yes I have met fat people who were a pain in the ass. However, mostly, it is the thinner population of America that seemed to be full of assholes. At least that is how it felt growing up on the bottom of the social totem pole. I was constantly harassed about my weight growing up.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 6:25:34 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		i like tall men because i am only 5'0" tall even though my 6' tall friend told me i should sav the tall men for the tall women.  I think i like tall men because they are a perfect foil for my height, But i never turned a guy down based on his height. I was once with a guy who was only 5'5"  it was fine, but i am glad my Master is 6'

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 11:31:13 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong in having preferences. If you prefer tall blondes with artificially improved breasts, then look for them. But just as you have preferences, so do they and be prepared for your preferences not to be theirs.

I prefer taller men. Saying that is fine, saying that short men are all insecure, control freaks would not be okay.

There's nothing wrong with you looking for a woman who is hw proportionate. There is something wrong with you characterizing every woman who doesn't fit your preferences as "fat, lazy and snotty".

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 1:35:23 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The OP says:


sometimes a sloppy body does not hide a heart of gold, but hides a weak willed, sloppy, insecure, lazy disgusting person?  Maybe sometimes "BBW" means "Fat, lazy and snotty about being fat and lazy"?  Maybe just sometimes?

Maybe, just maybe, it isn't a crime to be just as interested in
a woman's body as you are in her mind and personality?


He did not say ALL women- he said sometimes...
 
I personally admit to being shallow.  I like lean men.  I want them to be physically active and care about how they look and present themselves.  If I offend men here by stating MY personal preference, I am very sorry. 
I also freely admit that had my slave- whom I adore- been what I consider to be obese- or were he sloppy about his appearance- i would not find him sexually attractive.
 
Humans judge by appearance. We judge by what someone has or does not have.  And when someone is obese and wears only sweat pants and sneakers, and refuses personal grooming, well, they are perceived as a slob. 
 
I think there are many gorgeous big women, who take meticulous care of themselves who are bright, fun, active and look fantastic.  BUT let's face it- most fat guys look like slobs. To me, anyway.  
And a few large women seem to give up after gaining a few pounds and forget to present their best features in a way that is positive.  These same women cop attitudes about their size, and I have observed more than one become what I would refer to as "snotty". So I think the OP has a valid point. 
 
Women are also shallow and look for certain traits in men, and men do as well, and this is a good thing.   
 
I hope I haven't offended anyone.  Just wanted to state MY opinion.

_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.



(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: The silence is deafening - 8/24/2006 1:38:55 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I've dated short, tall, thin, fat, attractive and ugly physical beings.
It's their heart and who they are in their spirit that is my key focus in deciding if I date them or not.
I think we all have the concept of what body type makes us sweat just standing there next to someone of that stature, look etc.. but to allow the physical to be most important or a real requirement only hurts the insecure closed minded person who says it has to be that way.
For example I am very insecure with short men as I'm 5'9. It's not a reflection of how I view them, as much as how I view myself. I do not like the fact I'm large and not some little 5'1 petite size 0 woman. Being with a small guy makes me more sensitive to the notion I'm feeling like I'm viewed as a giraffe. It's my personal insecurity that directs me to be attracted to big guys. Also my daddy Dom complex would feel like it fit better if I could feel small in his arms or lap. Would I accept a guy who's 5'2 and everything else I needed? Yes.  That's because I may be insecure, but I'm smart enough to compensate for my shallow/insecure initial responses. We all have them, how we use the notions as tools is what decides who we really are.

< Message edited by onestandingstill -- 8/24/2006 1:39:41 PM >

(in reply to lockerinform)
Profile   Post #: 60
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