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RE: totally frustrated - 12/24/2006 5:25:49 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LiliesDoGrow

sometimes we reveal too much information and overwhelm potential partners to the point that they disentergrate and run. Part of my self discipline, that inner voice within me says when I experience repetition of unpleasant experiences with others, I look for the common demoninator. That for some strange reason much to my chagrins always points back to me. I'm doing something to drive people away. I need to look within to stop certain attitudes and behaviours in order to attract the type of person I wish to associate with me.
Lily

This is the approach i took myself and it proved to be the right choice ~

(in reply to LiliesDoGrow)

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Post #: 41

RE: totally frustrated - 12/26/2006 12:51:11 PM

Novamine

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/2/2006
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I can so relate to this thread. I have met 3 "Doms" face to face and after I told them I wouldn't sleep with them on the first meeting they never contact me back. I am not nieve enough to let a stranger tie me up and make me helpless. I have yet to meet a Dom that is willing to build the trust. Just because we are submissive that doesn't mean we are easy. My heart is connected to my body and I give neither away easily

(in reply to top4yuus)

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Post #: 42

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 6:56:54 AM

fantasy69maker

Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
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It could simply be at some point they discover its not going to work.They Do honestly like and care for you so they try to let you down easy.
Sad but possable

(in reply to top4yuus)

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Post #: 43

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 7:05:39 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Well, would you be amenable to loosening up on say the second or third date?

LOL, and welcome

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Novamine)

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Post #: 44

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 8:50:28 AM

ADomlesssub

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtsurrender36

This post might come more out of anger and if so i'm very sorry.Let me first say that when i meet a new person (Dominant) i feel i am transparent. i want the Dominant to know up front what and who i am. what my needs are as a submissive etc. As a submissive i expect the same respect from the Dominant .my time and energy is being wasted!
  Why do i keep running into these ppl who say they want everything i want .Wwe are cruising along and i'm thinking Wwe are both on the same page and BAMMM i get hit with either no more phone calls,they disappear..All of a sudden work takes them over,,Its funny work wasn't taking you over while we were talking. are they married..are they playing games. are they just not true to the lifestyle..do they get their jollies off on playing games. what is wrong???
    i'm sooo frustrated i just sometimes want to forget this lifestyle. i have soo much in me and want to serve and be with someone that is truely a Dominant,someone who is sincere,and that is true to His word...why is that soo hard to find?

i usually find meeting people in person - sooner rather than later helps!!

good luck
snarf
x

(in reply to swtsurrender36)

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Post #: 45

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 10:45:12 AM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

apparantly i'm really stupid in believing and most of all trusting a persons truthfullness. next time it will take a lot longer for me to open up in any fashion.

Sometimes I think that I have a big "S" on my forehead. Not for subbie either, but for stupid. I am still new to online, but have learned quickly that you can't believe everything you are told. Makes it tough on the "real" and "honest" folks out there.

< Message edited by pattiann -- 12/28/2006 10:48:21 AM >

(in reply to acctonthelook)

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Post #: 46

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 10:57:43 AM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

Damn, I could have used that when I was in the Nav!

I could still use that; I hate polishing those damned boots, lmao.

To the OP, I have to agree with many of the post I've read so far, take a look at yourself and figure out if YOU'RE the one setting yourself up. Don't give out too much info at first. But, later if the correspondence continues, start to share about yourself, but make sure the sharing isn't onesided. And maybe wait a while before trying to set up a meeting. Rushing things, as life has taught most of us I'm sure, often proves to be the wrong move.

(in reply to Amaros)

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Post #: 47

RE: totally frustrated - 12/28/2006 10:59:05 AM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pattiann

quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

apparantly i'm really stupid in believing and most of all trusting a persons truthfullness. next time it will take a lot longer for me to open up in any fashion.

Sometimes I think that I have a big "S" on my forehead. Not for subbie either, but for stupid. I am still new to online, but have learned quickly that you can't believe everything you are told. Makes it tough on the "real" and "honest" folks out there.

I'm sure it does Pattieann. But I have meet with alot of Dom's from our neck of the woods. I have only had one "bad" experience and it wasn't that bad. He said he was 40. In reality he was closer to mid 50's perhaps 60. His picture was a complete lie, but it was easily mended at dinner. As far as meeting anyone who was just crazy and creepy, I have not meet anyone like that........yet ;)

(in reply to pattiann)

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Post #: 48

RE: totally frustrated - 12/29/2006 7:33:58 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
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As long as you are true to yourself that's what's important. Have faith, don't get so jaded and frustrated that you loose sight of the rewards this lifestyle can bring. try not to become so hard you loose the softness and submission, in you either.

i too (as many of us have) have had online bs and just move on. i don't get emotionally attached until in person several times. you learn to develop a think skin, if the lifestyle sits well with your nature. i consider it a lesson in patience and does help in being submissive. it also allows me time to really get to know people.

even in person, i've been hurt. i consider it their loss. i may not be perfect, but i am surely obediant and wanting to please to the best of my ability.

stay true to you and try finding social groups on yahoo in your area and join. get to know people in person. reach out to others in your area that may like to have a friend. have you ever heard it's not what you know but who you know? *smiles-have faith in yourself until you can have faith in a Master*

(in reply to swtsurrender36)

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Post #: 49

RE: totally frustrated - 12/29/2006 7:48:45 PM

synrgy33

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
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Even when you spend hours upon hours speaking to someone. Invest time and money to spend time with them face to face. Welcome them into your home, into your life. You still get burned.

You learn to swallow your hurt pride, chalk it up to experience and step forward and know next time it might be different without giving up.

Had that happen to me recently. Spent time getting to know a bottom. I won't call him a sub. Spent TONS of time with him, showed him stuff through play even though I was nervous myself. We had a good time, alot of laughter, alot of warmth. I do think I came out on the high end of the deal here, but it still does hurt that I got no phone call, no nothing before he began to delete his accounts. It sucked! But lesson learned.

Syn~

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to top4yuus)

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Post #: 50

RE: totally frustrated - 12/31/2006 6:38:05 PM

VeryMercurial

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Joined: 6/5/2006
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Welcome to the online world. Just take your time and really get to know the person you are dealing with.
There are some serious people online.

(in reply to swtsurrender36)

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Post #: 51

RE: totally frustrated - 12/31/2006 10:16:28 PM

asubmissiveheart

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Joined: 11/20/2006
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welcome to the internet

(in reply to dawntreader)

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Post #: 52

RE: totally frustrated - 12/31/2006 11:07:47 PM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
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i know some who presented themselves as Doms and Masters to me admitted they did not really think things through, they thought it was what they wanted, but discovered it wasn't really for them... tales that did not feel good to live them, but the Doms were being as real as they knew how to be. Could be you are running into inexpereinced men living a fantasy they have never realized before. You may want to chose someone with real time experience. At least they will have a realistic idea of who and what they want. They would probably also have some experience in molding you.
In any event, do not give up hope. Fakes, posers, and wannabes were a dime a dozen in clubs back in the day too... the internet did not create them. People who are determined, manage to find good mates despite these types.

Be Well~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)

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Post #: 53

RE: totally frustrated - 1/1/2007 7:12:53 PM

mellian

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Joined: 9/6/2004
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Yes online sucks, but becomes an even bigger problem when the local reallife bdsm community sucks as well and lacking. :/

-mellian

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Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

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Post #: 54

RE: totally frustrated - 1/1/2007 7:28:41 PM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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LOL...now that can be a problem.

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Post #: 55