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RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 7/31/2006 8:08:21 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I agree that what is the central point is control. Like ravenMuse, I know my temper, but as a matter of principle I will not punish when angry. I will wait till I am calm and collected then decide on what punishment will be metered out, when and where it will occure..

This is exactly what i was thinking. If i did something wrong, i was never punished for it that day, or even the day after. Master would always wait until He got His emotions under control before punishing me.

If a dominant loses control of himself/emotions while punishing, it can have harmful effects.

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Post #: 21

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 7/31/2006 8:53:57 PM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

I don't punish.

I adjust.

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 22

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 6:48:58 AM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

never punish in anger!! simple rule!! if you have to ask you must know deep down it isnt right.

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Post #: 23

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 9:12:55 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

It is NOT EVER EVER ok and is abuse.

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(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 24

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 1:26:25 PM

trixr4kids

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for your messages. In reading your responses I have learned hitting whiile angry is human, but hitting in a blind uncontrolled rage is never OK even in D/s. Thank you for the clarification as I did not consider anger could ever be OK & now I see it's not the anger, but the amount of control.
And for krikket - I too have only spanked my kids in a very controlled setting when they were little, and I was angry some of the times it happened. You helped me see anger-possibly OK and hitting them as a reaction to their unwanted behaviors is not.
Again thanks to all of you,
tirxr4kids

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 25

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 1:28:36 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Anger makes for poor judgement calls.

We are also 'stronger' physically when angry. I think punishment while feeling angry is playing with fire.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 26

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 2:27:04 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I don't punish.

I adjust.

lol. that was cute

(in reply to Homestead)

Post #: 27

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/1/2006 2:38:47 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Yes

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(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 28

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/2/2006 4:17:52 AM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

Ok, if we are talking about punishment and not some "scene play".... this is my way, I believe that a Master should never punish when angry...I tried never to when I raised my children, I try never to with my slaves.... I try to always take time to cool down, and discuse with my slave what she did so there will be no doubt why she is being punished......when anger that is not in controle is involved I feel that I , as a Master, have failed to be the Master that I need to be.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 29

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 1:27:00 AM

JustaDom

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Anger, like nearly everything else, has degrees to it. If I drink at a bar or party and I want to drive home, I know I can have a certain number of drinks over however long and I'll be safe and legal to drive. Drinking alcohol and driving is not a black and white issue, it is an issue of what your blood alcohol level is.

I can do the same with anger and punishment. If I were to get so angry with a submissive that it would affect my judgment, I would delay punishment until I'm satisfied that I'm in the right frame of mind again. That being said, I am more disappointed than angry when I need to punish someone and so anger is not much of an issue for me. Many submissives would rather take a beating than to hear their dominant expected better from them.

I've punished when I've been angry and I'm sure I will again in the future. I don't lose control over myself easily and become some kind of monster nor have I seen another dominant do so. Frankly, it worries me that some in the scene automatically equate anger and punishment with abuse. Hopefully, as adults, we are more in control of ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard than risking abuse every time a dominant is angry with their submissive and determines they need to be punished.

I have no argument or disagreement with dominants who make it their personal choice not to punish when they are angry. I hope that they see it as a choice though and not some BDSM dogma. Choose to do so or choose not to do so, just don't think that “Thou shalt not punish when angry” is the missing eleventh commandment.

Joe

“Take a deep breath. Calm down...have some dip.” George Carlin

(in reply to SirDarkside357)

Post #: 30

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 5:01:06 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

well said JustaDom

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Post #: 31

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 5:11:40 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

{quick reply}

I personally would never strike anyone in anger. Mainly because it is rare that I get angry & it takes a lot to get me angry.

It is of my opinion that punishment & discipline should never be a reaction to an event. I use punishment & discipline in a pro-active manner. Before something can go wrong I will discuss hypothetical situations with my sub & describe what types of punishments that may be utilized if said offense occurs. These are marked as guidelines as to any offense that may be considered similar.

The long & short of it all... I don't want to punish. I would much rather offer my sub the support & guidance in order to preform within acceptable limits. Mistakes happen... mistakes really aren't punishable offenses. Mistakes that happen over & over, now that can be seen as willful disregard. Willful disregard would most likely lead to release.

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 32

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 11:25:08 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids

I would like to know if you think a Dom who strikes a sub in anger during punishment is OK, or would you consider it non-consentual abuse?

IMO,hitting or punishing when angry is a good way for someone to get hurt.
Physically and emotionally.
When a submissive forgets to put the seat down he gets a whack,but I am not angry...I am stern.

I try to apply the same techniques I did when disciplining My unmentionables when they were younger.

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(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 33

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 11:39:02 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

If I find my self often angry with someone.......I'd try to find out why.

It's pretty arrogant to punish someone for having the wrong personality to get along with me.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 34

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/3/2006 12:08:46 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to know if you think a Dom who strikes a sub in anger during punishment is OK, or would you consider it non-consentual abuse?

i'd consider it a non issue and put my dukes up!

Anger is not fer ME! Nor anyone who has the intention of touching me in any way shape or form.

Dur.. who needs this type of bullshit in their life?

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(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 35

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/7/2006 10:07:42 PM

KnightinBlack

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

never punish in anger....

Correct misbehavior.... Maintain control.

Anger clouds judgement.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 36

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/8/2006 5:31:22 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixr4kids

I would like to know if you think a Dom who strikes a sub in anger during punishment is OK, or would you consider it non-consentual abuse?

In a word no. But as Estring summed up, its the loss of control most people experience when angry that is the real problem.

Punishment is not, and should not, be about revenge or getting even. Punishment is about correcting a behavior so that it does not or is less likely to occur again in the future. The punishment itself serves as a consequence to that behavior which discourages the behavior.

When punishing I think it is very important that the slave understand exactly what they are being punished for, that there is a clear association between the punishment (consequence) and the behavior that is being corrected. There should be no ambiguity about this.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 37

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/8/2006 6:10:32 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

My Master hasn't been angry with me before ( I asked him)........He's been frustrated with me. Absolutely.

I certainly know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of someone's anger though.........not in a physical sense but even a *rant and rage* can be horribly upsetting/frightening and damaging when directed at you.

I've also been punished to the point where I have bled.........with no anger at all.

I don't even have to ask myself which I'm more comfortable with.

As Estring said........it's the control aspect , not the anger.

agirl

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 38

RE: Anger. Is there a place for this during punishment - 8/9/2006 12:56:00 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to know if you think a Dom who strikes a sub in anger during punishment is OK, or would you consider it non-consentual abuse?

Yes it should be a loving sweet mmm kissy kissy strike during a punishment.

Rather then a loving sweet mmm kissy kissy strike because the sub/slave did something extraordinarily well.

That makes sense.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

(in reply to trixr4kids)

Post #: 39

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