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A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 9:02:21 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi there,

I wonder if there is a place in the bdsm world for a top, who is just mildly dominant.  It seems every sub is searching for super dominant guys.

With love, lashes and endless hugs,
michael 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 9:34:02 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Of course there is. I can't imagine why there wouldn't be. Gosh, there are probably lots of submissives who want to start out slowly and with someone "milder" - maybe if they themselves are new to this kind of thing (or for other reasons also, perhaps). I also think you might want to consider Not judging yourself (if you are, which you may not be) according to what may well be others' subjective conceptions of their own rating on any scale of "Domliness" (all of that has always seemed pretty subjective, and in the eye of the beholder, to me. Really. How could it not be)?  

Considering the many types of people (and the number of them) who enage in bdsm, and the expansive range of activity under the bdsm "umbrella, I am sure you can meet someone who thinks you are right for them. 

A remark someone made a week or so ago is came to mind, for some reason, when I read this thread posting of yours. It was:

The person is so much more important than the role. And I thought that was such a valable, memorable comment. Because, in the end, one is going to have a relationship with a person, not just a stereotype. I think they can grow as people separately, and together the influence eachother, also. Whoever knows what that will bring? Something good, hopefully. Welcome. And good luck.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/31/2006 9:45:36 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
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RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 9:34:12 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		I read your profile. I'm not sure that "mildly" dominant covers it. You might want to search out the "Daddy Dom" threads, and see if that hits a chord.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to WhipTheHip)
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RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 9:59:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

Hi there,

I wonder if there is a place in the bdsm world for a top, who is just mildly dominant.  It seems every sub is searching for super dominant guys.

With love, lashes and endless hugs,
michael 

Despite appearances, you're actually the majority type out there.  Just be yourself and you'll be able to find someone who fits well with you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 10:05:09 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Just as there are all types of Doms there are all types of subs.  Be patient and you'll find the right one for you. 

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 7/31/2006 10:49:08 PM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		I agree...Just be yourself...I personally adore the Daddy Dom type, which is something that may strike a cord with you.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to nefertari)
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RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 3:13:16 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi there,

      Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I never heard of a DaddyDom.   What is it?   I would rather
have a partner that acts like a grown women, than a little girl, though I'm flexible.   I part of the thing is I
am more into bdsm, into into D/s.   Everytime, I tell a sub, I'm not a superdom dom type, they tell me that
they need the super dom type.  After a while, it gets pretty discouraging.   I am an erotic, sexual sadist.  
Everytime I've ssid this to a sub, they say "How aweful" and run in the opposite direction.  I feel a lot
of guilt about sexual desires and my sexual fantasies.  I could never really hurt someone for four reasons:
1. It is against the law, 2. Anything actually physically damaging is a major turn-off.  3. Most importantly,
I could never do anything that causes anyone emotional pain, and 4. It would violate my moral code
which I have dedicated my life to following.  Despite this, every time I have ever told a sub I was
a sexual sadist, they have invariably said, "How awful" and run in the opposite direction.  Finally,
I have a "rape fantasy."   Now, I know rape is a horrible crime, and may women are destroyed by it
and suffer lifelong depression from it.  Still, having the fantasy is not exactly the same as being a
rapist.  Yet, every time I have said this, the sub becomes indignant, and tells me how awful I am.
They say rape is all about power, and not about sex.   That might be true, but it turns me on
thinking about the power, such criminals have over their victims.  I crave having that kind of
power.    On the other hand, I am not a violent person.  In fact, I am pretty much incapable
of violence.  I would have thought, that this, too, was an asset, but find a lot of females a
ttracted to really violent. abusive guys.  I managed a hotel, and saw this over and over again.

  I don't know. I remain unconvinced there is a place for me in the bdsm world, even though
I have been obsessed with it from before I even knew it existed outside my fantasy.

With love, lashes, and endless hugs,
Michael

(in reply to fyrekittyn)
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RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 3:33:28 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip
I part of the thing is I am more into bdsm, into into D/s.


You are the opposite way around to myself. I'm D/s oriented but enjoy BDSM (But its an add on, just play, not important) Guess what, I have just as many problems because of it. Sometimes I can't seem to move for falling over girls who are looking for BDSM play and not much else. Just the way things pan out.

Is there a 'place' for your type... absolutely. Just be honest and upfront about what you want and offer... believe me, what you are looking for IS out there.

Oh and no, from what you've said, you are not a Daddy Dom, you are a Top... nothing to be ashamed of. Too many of them strutting around playing at being Doms when they are actualy Tops.... But from what I've seen, Tops (And bottoms) are by far the majority!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 4:11:23 AM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		I  LIKE  Tops ...
I find they are wonderful  for me to play with ....all the fun and non of the submission just right for me since I am a S/M switch but a D/s Domme

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 5:21:52 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Too bad, there is no edit feature. My last post was so filled with errors, I couldn't
understand what I wrote.  So, I am reposting it with all the grammer errors corrected.
Serves me right, for wrting a post 3 in the morning.

Hi there,

     Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I never heard of a DaddyDom.   What is it?   I would rather
have a partner that acts like a grown women, than a little girl, though I'm flexible.   Part of the thing is I
am more into bdsm than into D/s.   Everytime, I tell a sub, I'm not a superdom type, they tell me that
they need a superdom type.  After a while, it gets pretty discouraging.   

     I am an erotic, sexual sadist.   Everytime I've ssid this to a sub, they say "How aweful," and run in
the opposite direction.  I feel a lot of guilt about my sexual desires and my sexual fantasies.  I could
never really hurt someone for four reasons:   1. It is against the law, 2. Anything actually physically
damaging is a major turn-off.  3. Most importantly, I could never do anything that causes anyone
emotional pain, and 4. It would violate my moral code which I have dedicated my life to following. 
Moreover, I really care that my partner gets maximum pleasure from a scene.  For example, while
my partner is tied up, I demand they produce a certain number of orgasms, if they don't they get
tortured more.  I extract the orgams using vibrators, directing a water massager on them while they
are tied laying on their back in the bathtup, and going down on them against their will. 
Despite this, every time I have ever told a sub I was a sexual sadist, they have invariably said,
"How awful" and run in the opposite direction. 

Finally, I have a "rape fantasy."   Now, I know rape is a horrible crime, and may women are
destroyed by it and suffer lifelong depression from it.  Still, having the fantasy is not exactly
the same as being a rapist.  Yet, every time I have said this, the sub becomes indignant, and
tells me how awful I am. They say rape is all about power, and not about sex.   This might be
true, but it turns me on thinking about the power, such criminals have over their victims.  I
crave having that kind of power.    On the other hand, I am not a violent person.  In fact, I am
pretty much incapable of violence.  I would have thought, that this, too, was an asset, but
find a lot of females are attracted to really violent, abusive guys.  I managed a hotel, and saw
this over and over again. 

For my partner's pleasure, I could occassionly be a bottom, but I could never be a sub
outside the bedroom.

I don't know. I remain unconvinced there is a place for me in the bdsm world, even though
I have been totally obsessed with it from before I even knew it existed outside my fantasy. 
In a lifetime of looking, I've never found a sub interested in what I have to offer.

With love, lashes, and endless hugs,
Michael

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 6:53:40 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

Moreover, I really care that my partner gets maximum pleasure from a scene.  For example, while
my partner is tied up, I demand they produce a certain number of orgasms, if they don't they get
tortured more.  I extract the orgams using vibrators, directing a water massager on them while they
are tied laying on their back in the bathtup, and going down on them against their will. 
Despite this, every time I have ever told a sub I was a sexual sadist, they have invariably said,
"How awful" and run in the opposite direction. 



Ok... some people are really really really silly in the things they fear.. My question is.. when you tell them you are a sensual sadist do you actually DESCRIBE the acts you are describing here? I only ask because if someone told me they wanted to do that to me... sub or no..slave or not... the only direction I would be running is to the bedroom pulling your ass along with me.. LMAO

PS>. maybe instead of saying you are a "sexual sadist" which may have some scary connotations to some you could use "sensual sadist" which means the same but is more warm and fuzzy LOL

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
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RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 7:08:06 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with being an erotic, sensual sadist. I am an erotic, sensual sub so that is great for me. If people are running away from you, you are either not explaining yourself enough or they are seeking something else.

Personally, I wish there were more sensual, erotic Tops around here and less of the structured, D/s types.  I get the opposite that you get, I am told I am more of a bottom when some expect someone much more into the structure and protocol of service, when this is much more definitively about sex for me.

I also agree with JessieMe; if someone suggested the activities you suggest, I would be, when are you coming over, LOL?

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 8/1/2006 7:09:41 AM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to JessieMe)
Profile   Post #: 12
Have I scared you away yet? - 8/1/2006 9:28:54 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi all,

> If people are running away from you, you are either not
> explaining yourself enough or or they are seeking something else.
 
I've never been given the chance to explain myself.  As soon
as I say, I'm a sexual sadist or have rape fantasies, no
further communication is possible.  
 
I am really glad to have found this place.  I want to thank all of you
for your positive comments.  The thing is I really would like to
be a dom, and have a sub, though I probably don't exude the 
dominance most female subs crave.  But maybe I could learn.
Just as subs learn to be a sub, I don't see why a dom can't
learn to be
 
People say be yourself.  But we all have some flexiblity in who
we are, how we act, and who we become.   Moreover different
people bring out different sides of our personality.  It would be
nice to have a sub, that could bring out my dominance.  I do
have a dominant streak, but not lot of guys who are very
controling.   I am not controlling at all.  Though I might enjoy
it if given hee chance.  But I guess subs want guys who
are naturally controlling.   I don't know.   I guess this last
statement is the one statement that is definitely true.
 
Other undomly things about me is I try hard to please,
try hard to have peace, and try hard to give pleasure.
 
Then again, a lot of subs are frightened away when
I tell them some of the extreme things I fantasize
about like skewing a female on spit that enters one
one opening and exits the mouth, covering her with
oil, and roasting her alive above a camp fire.  Then
eating her. 
 
I had this fantasy before I saw pictures of it drawn
by some artist.  I just did a Google search to find
the name of the artist, and found it is a pretty
common fantasy, that boards and chat rooms
are dedicated to it.  I don't think subs understand
that in the fantasy, there is no blood.  The sub is
not in agony as she is being roasted.  And it is
something that can be done to the sub over and
over again. 
 
When I tell subs this, they think I must be
crazy.  The fact is I vitually faint at the sight
of blood, I cringe from real violence, and am
a vegetarian.  I can't explain the fantasy, only
that it is far from reality.  Or put another way,
there is a difference between real torture and
bdsm torture.  Likewise, I like knife play, but
would never cut or damage the skin.  Even
piercings disturb me.  I like to see the female
body natural, unblemished, and intact.
 
I would like to find a sub who craves being
"forced" into exhibiting her body to unsuspecting
strangers.  Who craves her body to be used as
a sex toy.
 
Have I scared you away, yet?
How sane am I?
 
These are not real questions. I am hoping you
still think I am sane, and am hoping I have not
scared you away.  Still, I curious to know what
others really think.
 
With love, lashes and endless hugs,
michael
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 



(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Have I scared you away yet? - 8/1/2006 9:52:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you've got a lot of stereotypes, generalizations and illusions about yourself and how you would work in the scene.

Slow down and explore some more and figure out the truth of things for yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Have I scared you away yet? - 8/1/2006 9:56:28 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Ok..let me see.. if someone told me these are my extreme fantasies when I have not gotten far enough into a relationship to really understand the context of them.. yeah.... I would run screaming as well...

Are you REALLY telling people these things early on?? If your goal is to keep them hanging around long enough to think you are sane.. WHY?

< Message edited by JessieMe -- 8/1/2006 9:57:17 AM >

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 9:59:33 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

Hi there,

I wonder if there is a place in the bdsm world for a top, who is just mildly dominant.  It seems every sub is searching for super dominant guys.

With love, lashes and endless hugs,
michael 


I have in fact found the reverse to be true. Most female submissives are looking for a lesser variant of the whip-wielding Balrog, and many dominant males, in their elaborate ruse, cannot bring themselves to be excessively draconian. The wired world you are querying at this very moment is populated for the most part by traditional romantics attending the masked ball of Eden's dark side.

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 10:17:57 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I really wonder how many subs could handle the reality of the fantasy men they seem to desire.

The strict, centered and successful Male sadist who takes care of property, but tolerates no nonsense from it. Would they crumble in the face of him?

< Message edited by Homestead -- 8/1/2006 10:18:11 AM >

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 10:19:36 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Hip, you'll do alright, just slow it down a bit and take your time with a prospective sub. There's room for all types in this lifestyle.
Myself, I'm a "kind" Dom and not a Sadist in the stictest sense but can inflict pain if I know a sub likes it.
I also like a lot of the activities you listed especially the "forced orgasms" part. You'll find someone sooner or later who'll fit what you're looking for.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 10:41:41 AM   
breathless1


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I really wonder how many subs could handle the reality of the fantasy men they seem to desire.

The strict, centered and successful Male sadist who takes care of property, but tolerates no nonsense from it. Would they crumble in the face of him?


Crumble?  maybe throw myself at his feet.

                                        breathless one

_____________________________

the truth is in the eyes.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A place for a mildly dom, top? - 8/1/2006 4:45:42 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

I read your profile. I'm not sure that "mildly" dominant covers it. You might want to search out the "Daddy Dom" threads, and see if that hits a chord.


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyrekittyn

I agree...Just be yourself...I personally adore the Daddy Dom type, which is something that may strike a cord with you.



Hmmm. Two responses now which seem to associate the Daddy dynamic with some sort of mildness.

How do these unfortunate rumors get started?

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 20
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