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RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 11:17:25 PM

MasterKalif

Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
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for me personally there is a strong connection between bdsm and sex...this lifestyle would have little attraction to me if I did not get some gratification in some way. The dynamics of sexual activity have in a way to do with submission and being in charge. I think amayos has stated this very clearly.

(in reply to Draydenscandide)

Post #: 21

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 11:29:23 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
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I dunno, for me, living is sensual and I feel more alive for having freed myself of so many behavioral limitations. I'm quite unashamed to say that I enjoy the sexual fringe benefits of owning toy. The ability to exert my authority over her is not overtly sexual in itself, outside of actual sexual activity, but the knowledge that she is available as my sexual plaything is always there.
While I concur with those in the "It's not about sex" camp, I don't disagree with Amayos' observation. Strip us of our sex drives and many would likely find WIITWD less appealling. Not all, to be sure, but many. As Freud theorized, our sexual identity plays a large role in how we react to enviromental stimuli.
Based on my personal observations, I believe the majority feel that sex is a component of BDSM, although not necessarily the primary consideration.
Timothy

(in reply to Draydenscandide)

Post #: 22

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 4:43:25 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

The bdsm part of our lifestyle is about sex, the M/s part is not.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 23

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 6:20:56 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

I've done some of my most intense scenes where I never so much as undid a button on my shirt, let alone bothered with sex. But my MOST intense, did have sex as some part of the entire scene.
Required? No.
Desired? Not always.
Excluded? Rarely.
Used to good effect? Almost always.

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 24

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 6:30:11 AM

BenignPlague

Posts: 52
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

My life in this respect, while it may have sexual elements to bdsm, does not include sex (for the most part, 99% of the time).

As a switch, my motivations for the two activities vary...

I enjoy submission as a means of physical and psychological conditioning; a sort of body hardening and preperation for the business world's necessary obedience.

As for dominance, I get a charge from the art of it all, from having a person become my living canvas, to shape her moans and shrieks, color the tone of her flesh as I see fit and the like.

Sex for me is and always has been a romantic thing for people I love and trust. Sometimes that's a kinky partner, but more often, I view BDSM as a playful hobby, but one that I am deeply involved in.

Sure, not as socially acceptable as building model planes, but I like hanging things from my ceiling too.... ;)

(in reply to Draydenscandide)

Post #: 25

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 7:03:10 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

whipped,
Is it all about the physical act of sex in some form or fashion? No.

It is all about sensuality. To me, and fortunately for beth too, our M/s dynamic is 24/7 foreplay. Sometimes it leads to a physical sex act, sometimes a physical BDSM activity, often it leads to both. The dynamic generates eroticism. Our "rules", daily rituals, and interactions stimulate mental and emotional sexual electricity. Our compatibility on this level is one of the reasons we find it easy to maintain a 24/7 M/s relationship.

But I wouldn't say we are "always on". To me that implies that we are acting in our roles. I think we are just "always us", being free to live true to our nature. We compared relationship notes when we first met. One of the things we had in common was that our prior partners thought we were "sluts". Well when two "sluts" get together it's pretty sexual. Combining that with having compatible BDSM desires and you end up having a hell of a good time!

We just wish we didn't take so long to find each other. We've both committed that in the next life we'd live next door to each other and play doctor while growing up.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 26

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 7:43:41 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Sexuality is often linked to the form of human dominance and submission we speak about, but not always in the immediately discernable way many envision in sensational BDSM scenarios. I feel the stratum from where sexuality lends its deeper influence is a vastly complex world of the braided relations between the mind and the neuroendocrine, of the cognitive and animal portions of one's brain—where imagination, ego, elaborate emotion and instinctual desire cannot be so easily parsed and separated. I feel if we were to strip sexuality from us, our topography of behavior and motive would change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.

i agree. It begins in my mind at first, and i do have a wonderful imagination. But then, my mind joins with my body, and it is a whole littany of sensations and stimuli working in conjunction with each other, but yet i can, only at times ,been able to feel when they separate and when they join. i have been taken to that primal place, where i was reduced to a beast, and i felt like it, and if i wasn't bound, i may have attacked. But to me, that is more than just the cognitive or the physical, it seems there was a bit more. i believe that our sexuality is the primal drive (much like a low level assembly language) that brings us together, and like you said, there are those who will disagree, but the subtle nuances and gestures are always there, as in the body cannot lie, no matter what the brain and mouth are saying.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 27

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 7:47:52 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
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For some of us, BDSM is the ONLY way we can get "heated up" enough to have intercourse.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 28

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 8:55:19 AM

MasterRoissey

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

I can not separate My need for BDSM/power exchange from the psychosexual... although it certainly does not need to involve the physical acts of "sex" everytime.

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(in reply to Draydenscandide)

Post #: 29

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 8:59:15 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken

. . . but the subtle nuances and gestures are always there, as in the body cannot lie, no matter what the brain and mouth are saying.

Very well said. I believe sexuality has its tendril in many of the things we do, including what we may consider unrelated. When speaking of dominance and submission, it's influence is usually in the mix—even if you merely serve as a simple house servant for a Lord or Lady. The psychosexual portion of one's mind is a very large and shadowy web.

< Message edited by amayos -- 8/2/2006 9:22:52 AM >

(in reply to raiken)

Post #: 30

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 9:11:16 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

FastReply here--

Let me get this straight. I'm still allowed to fuck my slave, right?

And, like, enjoy it too?

Just checking.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 31

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 9:17:53 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

FastReply here--

Let me get this straight. I'm still allowed to fuck my slave, right?

And, like, enjoy it too?

Just checking.

Send pics, please. Thanks.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 32

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 9:18:14 AM

Taylore

Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

No. Sex may, sometimes, at Masters wish, be a part of it, but it is a very small part of our relationship.

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 33

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 9:24:56 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

For Me, BDSM and M/s are all about how I express and experience My sexuality. It doesn't mean that I can't have sex without BDSM, nor does it mean that I have sex every single time that I engage in some form of BDSM. Sexuality and sensuality are the underlying currents that run through My M/s relationship, as well as any kind of BDSM that I engage in. Sexuality and sensuality are what attracted Me to BDSM in the first place.

There has to be some kind of sexual tension or chemistry in order for Me to be fully and completely involved and connected in any kind of play. I can still swing a flogger or whip or what-have-you without it, it's just not as much fun for Me.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 34

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 9:59:04 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
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Speaking only for myself, sex has absolutly nothing to do with my relationship with pain

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Post #: 35

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 10:28:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I can get totally into sadistic mode without any sexual thrills at all. Then there is the whole dominant bossy bitch nurturing thing that is sometimes sexual and sometimes not. Just depends on the people involved and the dynamics between them.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 36

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/2/2006 11:28:22 AM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Even if they say "It's not about sex!" the fact is that they would not choose to engage in bdsm or in a relationship with someone who was not of a compatible sexual orientation- which means on some level sex is a part of their choice.

for me personaly this is not accurate, i am hetero, and quite secure in it. I have been flogged by men and by women, and i have to say that a man has given me the greatest beating to date.

now do i compleatly seperate S&M from sex? no, when involved with one the other is almost like desert. nice but not required

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 37

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 12:37:04 AM

leatherorlace

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Maybe I'll look for an adobe hacienda closeby so that, I can show you how to use those speculums. heheheheheeee
Gentry

We just wish we didn't take so long to find each other. We've both committed that in the next life we'd live next door to each other and play doctor while growing up.

_____________________________

Merc & beth

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 38

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 8:07:28 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

For me, BDSM is all about the expression of my sexuality. It is so intertwined, that I cannot think of one without the other. If I think about sex, I think about BDSM. If I think about BDSM, I think about sex. I consider BDSM to be the trigger to my sexual arousal.

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A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to leatherorlace)

Post #: 39

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 8:19:58 AM

SCORPIOXXX

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline

I am totally with SexyRed on this one -- and others who feel the same way! While I can enjoy sexuality at any level (including the "mellower" vanilla times) there just is nothing like the intensity and emotional bond that BDSM sexuality brings to two people!!!

I simply do not understand how or why some can separate BDSM from sex: it is so primal, so entrenched in the ancient reptilian part of our brains and selves that I feel thos who do separate them are lieing to themselves, however unconsciously they may do so...

Geeze Red! Wish we didn't have a continent between us, lol!

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 40

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