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RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 8:28:51 AM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped

I personally have only experienced bottoming in S&M and LOVE it to no end. To me, before "joining" the lifestyle i thought that it was a form of kinky sex. My personal thought have changed dramatically. I know that the vanilla community does see BDSM as sex but i still am not sure about this side of the fence.

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

thanks for the answers and not flaming the hell out of me.

This lifestyle is lived as many different ways as there are people who claim the BDSM lifestyle. How you chose to embrace it is entirely up to you.

Personally, I prefer the service aspect of the lifestyle and enjoy my house being structured similar to a manor house of the Edwardian or Victorian era. Something about slaves running around a house in uniforms that just seems so right to me. But as some would say, that's "my game".

Others, totally find their fix through the kinky sex and public dungeons. Still others are very private and don't let anyone know who they are.

The sky is the limit. Read, ask questions and get out in your local community and meet people. Even if what they do, is not what you do, you can still learn from them. Some, like myself have created websites and others have published their experiences and knowledge, both as an effort to help share and educate with what we have learned. I have yet to meet someone unwilling to help someone learn.

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 41

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 8:36:12 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

This might be a bit weird to understand.

For me BDSM isn't necessarily sex but sex is always Ds or SM for me.

I see being dominant as my sexual orientation and not just a choice of activities I do. However there are several things I can do as a dominant or a top that are not innately sexual.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 42

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 11:08:15 AM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

For me it can be both. I have done scenes with very little or no sexual contact that have been very fulfilling. And I have done scenes that with out the sexual contact they would not of been fulfilling at all. But for me I need some sort of a conection/chemistry for me to want there to be sexual contact and for me to be able to truely let go in that aspect.

aurora

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 43

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 1:38:08 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

First off, I'm using bdsm as "the stuff we do" and "lifestyle" to be "relationships I am in."

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff with someone I have no sexual connection with whatsoever.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff AND sexual stuff with someone I have no sexual connection with whatsoever.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff AND sexual stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

I can also submit to and do bdsm stuff and NOT sexual stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

Frankly, a huge majority of people into bdsm link it somewhat to their sexuality. Even if they say "It's not about sex!" the fact is that they would not choose to engage in bdsm or in a relationship with someone who was not of a compatible sexual orientation- which means on some level sex is a part of their choice.

I agree and have participated in each of these scenarios as well. My ultimate preferrence is for a mixture of BDSM...D/s...romance and sexuality (not asking for much....just everything

)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 44

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 3:19:04 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Sexuality is often linked to the form of human dominance and submission we speak about, but not always in the immediately discernable way many envision in sensational BDSM scenarios. I feel the stratum from where sexuality lends its deeper influence is a vastly complex world of the braided relations between the mind and the neuroendocrine, of the cognitive and animal portions of one's brain—where imagination, ego, elaborate emotion and instinctual desire cannot be so easily parsed and separated. I feel if we were to strip sexuality from us, our topography of behavior and motive would change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.

Greetings gentle readers....

I think I agree with what Amayos is saying...
if what he's saying is ....

It's almost all about power, sex, and power and sex plus power, plus sex.

DD
PS.... I'd throw in the word love somewhere, but I'm sentimental that way.
PSS..... Freud, Neitzsche, Foucault and others
were there first with the power/sex/powerformulations...

PSS... I had no idea that I had "braided relations",
all I tend to recall is a few branded ones...

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 45

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 3:34:02 PM

TaoInDominance

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline

I think BDSM can be at it's best when the people involved are connected intimately and when physical intimacy is involved. However, it can also be intense without either, and a given kink can be even better without that connection or with or without just plain old do me casual sex. It really depends what you are looking for. I can express body art or my love of rope without having sex, and objectification play can be great and maybe sometimes better without a sexual or intimate connection. There is a person I know where we even have a mild antagonism between us, but in a takedown scene our interaction is electric and we both get a lot out of it. I have also used BDSM to show care and create, affection and even protection/comfort/security. Part of the wonder of BDSM is its diversity.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 46

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 8:06:24 PM

Khiaya

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

For me BDSM has always been about an emotional release, so while I enjoy it on many levels, it has never been about sex for me. I have had scenes where there was sex, however that wasn't an integral part for me. I can do scenes with complete strangers that i have no connection with and no desire to get intimate with, or someone that i desire or even love and it's all the same for me.

_____________________________

We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

(in reply to TaoInDominance)

Post #: 47

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 9:24:44 PM

Needleddtits

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

Yes,most times, but not always. It enhances the experience, but sometimes, ya just not in the mood, ya know........

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 48

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 9:32:40 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Tao, well put, yes, I too think that this lifestyle can make two people even closer and more intimate.
Much moreso than a vanilla relationship.

(in reply to Needleddtits)

Post #: 49

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/6/2006 11:34:45 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

Absolutly not. For me, there is nothing sexual within it at all.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 50

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/7/2006 4:13:21 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

BDSM is lyrical to me. It is a symphony with words and it is not scientific or cold. I can flog in a left, right pattern like a black shirted machine keeping time without having sex, but my lyrics lack rhyme when it is only sensation play or using one small part of the D/s dynamic. When we cross that invisible border into the new state of us, the music is going to flow at the same speed as the gondola we ride drifts down the canal. Sexual things are likely to happen in such a place.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 51

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/7/2006 5:36:14 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

For us there is the M/s dynamic first, then the kink. The emotional and mental aspects are more important than the play, though the play is part of it.

As far as vanilla sex goes Master and i indulge almost daily(i do serve Mistress in this fashion too but some how bi sex does not seem to fit vanilla) yet is always affected by the M/s relationship, if only as the foundation of who we are to each other.

Your may have the kink without the M/s or you may have the M/s without the kink though i think most enjoy a mix of both.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 52

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/7/2006 5:37:23 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I agree and have participated in each of these scenarios as well. My ultimate preferrence is for a mixture of BDSM...D/s...romance and sexuality (not asking for much....just everything )

So why are you still in Georgia?

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 53

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/7/2006 7:57:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Tao, well put, yes, I too think that this lifestyle can make two people even closer and more intimate.
Much moreso than a vanilla relationship.

As well, the vanilla lifestyle can make two people even closer and more intimate, much more so than a bdsm relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 54

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/7/2006 8:20:14 PM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

wow, i expected a half dozen responces at best. thanks to those that have posted there thoughts here.

i just want to say that CM and all the folks on here have helped me a long way on my voyage of discovery, so once again thanks

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 55

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/8/2006 1:23:49 AM

sierraflowr

Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline

That was very well said.
to me, as a Dominant, i am very sadistic and get aroused by the scene itself. I may allow my husband relief if warrented, but rarely does the scene include sex at that time.
As a submissive it is hard for me to have the mindset of sexual release along with the pain part of it. i just don't seem to be able to connect the two.
Flowr

_____________________________

~flowr
O};-
When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 56

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/8/2006 6:43:35 AM

arfetishman

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

For me, BDSM is all about the expression of my sexuality. It is so intertwined, that I cannot think of one without the other. If I think about sex, I think about BDSM. If I think about BDSM, I think about sex. I consider BDSM to be the trigger to my sexual arousal.

I consider it pretty much the same way. Having a woman wriggling over my lap when giving a OTK spanking is defenitly arousing to say the least.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 57

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/8/2006 6:54:49 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

For me BDSM and sex go together much like ice cream and an ice cream cone. I like both parts independently, but when brought together it bonds them in ways that make it a better overall experience for me. It's like a yin/yang there are two halves that fit so well together it leaves no gaps between them and it appears they become one.
For example I have had a few Dom friends I never had oral or genital to genital contact with. Some of those scenes are my favorite most memorable mind blowing scenes I've ever had. There was sensual contact where my private zones were manipulated, but not in sensual ways. Some scenes are not about sensual stuff.
I have also had a ravishing hot scene where I was required to service him off and on over the course of a two hour scene and in the end he took me very forcefully. That crescendo after the intense power exchange was a deeper union than I could have ever had in vanilla ways. Over all for me power exchange play & sex are two separate entities that can boost the intensity of the other as they feed each other well.
Suzanne

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 58

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/8/2006 7:00:06 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped

I personaly have only experienced bottoming in S&M and LOVE it to no end. To me, before "joining" the lifestyle i thought that it was a form of kinky sex. My personal thought have changed damaticly. I know that the vanilla community does see BDSM as sex but i still am not sure about this side of the fence.

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

thanks for the answers and not flaming the hell out of me.

*gasps in shock*

you mean...there's "sex" involved...WOW!!!!

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 59

RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/8/2006 7:50:11 AM

destinykitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

For me the best BDSM relationship I have had did not involve sex in any way. I was a slave to a gay man and loved it. I felt loved and needed but never was there any desire for sex. For me it is the way I live my life and not all about sex after all who can really be about sex 24/7?

Destinykitty

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 60

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