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DoctorDubious -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 9:41:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Doctor D:
*I am wondering what this whole "evaluation" process would be like for some Dominants.
What goes through their head when they look at a submissive and see this so-called "blank slate" I've read so much about? I relaize this is probably hard to answer, and I know it does require time and patience and getting to know someone.
- Susan
Hey all........
Sounds to me like what's wanted is the answer to....
.... "How do you know if you should enter a risky,
strange unbalanced-power-type-relationship..."
#1. all relationships are risky
#2. all relationships are unique, thus strange
#3. all relationships have unbalanced power,
but D/s types are more extreme, and more conscious of it.
#4. for me, it's not about evaluation, or the grotesque idea of "her potential"
it's about "do we fit together"
*****************************
I quoted a great Mary Oliver poem on another thread
that is IMHO just full of wisdom...
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=464300&mpage=2&key=񳉵
She says "you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves"
That's about the best BDSM line I've ever read....
.... though the first line of that poem is "you do not have to be good"
..........which is so radical almost nobody will really grok it, especially me.
Here's how this old goat tries to figger out
if somebody might work out as a friend ....
quote:
ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Smell 'em and see if the pheromones line up.
Lick 'em to see if they have "good taste".
Talk to 'em and see if the values line up.
Fuck 'em and see if the kinks line up.
Play with 'em and see if the fun lines up.
DD
Basically, you gotta see the person in person, several/many times.
You cannot rely on mere words.
A variety of situations, especially involving "play"
in the vanilla sense of enjoyment...
Use all your senses, and observe carefully.
Test for physical attraction/chemistry/heat in several innocent situations.
Trust you intuition..... BUT give it lots, lots, lots,lots to go on....
Don't rely on mere words,
as some very dubious men have learned how to talk sweet,
how to ask the right questions and play them back romantically, ... etc...
If you get really serious,
fuck 'em a time or two
(or whips, or clamps, or cherry pie, or whatever sex is to you...)
Then..............
pick a fight and see how he/she reacts....
You may as well have a good fight early,
'cause you will surely will have one later anyways.
(I am not kidding about this, either).
But surely all this is more or less
what any sensible person does anyways... right?
(except the Dubious Plan of picking a fight)
DD
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