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CreativeDominant -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/3/2006 2:14:50 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this. I am not talking about punishing the submissive, I am thinking in terms of guiding them to what would be considered by a Dominant to be a better outlet for that behavior.
For instance, say a submissive talks too much, maybe he'd suggest she seek a job in sales, or where greeting people and making conversation with them is considered an great asset, or decide she is more of the hostess person if they have a relationship where they ever entertain other people, etc.
I realize there are Dominants who just don't accept submissives who engage in behavior X, Y or Z to begin with, but I am not referring here to deal-breaking behavior, just that which might be either mildly annoying to a Dominant, or behavior he simply sees as being put to better use elsewhere.
Well, I tried answering this when you first posted and my reply got lost...too much time to type it I guess as that is what the board said...lost connection. So...I guess I try and type faster this time. [;)]
You asked for examples. Here we go: I am a fairly organized person. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I was raised, serving in the military, rigors of college, demands of my profession, etc. It also seems to fit in well with dominant behavior...the whole control-of-self thing. I have always kept the books in my business and have always had them in order before they were given over to the accountant. My appointment book is scheduled such that I have as much time for one patient as I do for another. While I was married, I kept the checking account and savings account records and all other records organized. In my closet, my clothes are organized with an adaptation of the military way to my own civilian version. My books are organized according to general type and author so that I can go to a specific area and find what I want. The same with my C.D.s.. ~grins~ My ex called it anal. Like I said...organized. [:)]
I've related on other threads that there is a female dominant out there who was once my submissive. Now, at home, this submissive kept her life and her husband's organized. She kept him on schedule and made sure he always made his business appts. on time. One time, she came to visit me. After a couple of days off to spend with her, I had to return to work. I came home that evening to find that my personal files had been organized and that she had rearranged my closet into what she felt was a more suitable arrangement. I sat her down, thanked her for the effort and then reminded her that I had not asked/told her to do this and that she was well aware of my dislike of people getting into my stuff without asking. I noted that many people are not fond of someone doing something like this without it being cleared with them first. Especially people who others considered to be fairly organized. Chastened, she apologized. I accepted. We moved on. The next day, she asked if she could come to work with me and I said "sure" since my secretary had taken some time off to deal with some family issues. We went to work, I explained to her how to answer the phones and deal with making appointments and then, showed her how to put patient paperwork into the files and where to file them. I left her alone and returned to the front and the first patient. At the end of the day, we headed home. Went to work the second day. At the lunch break, she told me to come on back to the file room. My files...organized my way (alphabetical only) were now color-coded, grouped into what type of patient they were, and date of onset of latest visits...oh, and alphabetized within those groups. I took a deep breath, smiled and told her that it was nice of her to try and surprise me...then told her to put them back to the way they were. Told her we weren't leaving until it was done. She looked a bit stunned but she did so.
When we got home that night, I asked her if she knew why I had done what I had done. She thought about it and then, with a wry smile, she said...in a very quiet voice..."you don't need organizing, do you?" I shook my head and said "No." I asked her what else she had done wrong. That one she had a bit of a problem with. I explained to her that she had done what she had done NOT because it was something done to please her dominant but mainly because she felt her way was better than mine and in search of praise and agreement on my behalf. That doesn't work well in a D/s relationship....as DD mentioned, it can lead to a submissive doing things not to please the dominant but to please herself as she receives praise and recognition for each task.
So....I knew she was an organizer. I knew she took great pride in organizing things to what she considered a more efficient level. I knew she felt stifled in her work as a receptionist. I asked her why she chose to stay on as a receptionist when any place that had problems with organization would love to have her. She admitted that she worried that she did not have enough education to seek a higher job...like say, office manager. I urged her to rethink this...look at what she did for her husband, look what she had tried to do for me, etc.. I suggested that when she got home and went to work that she start doing more than just being a receptionist...start looking for things that needed organizing around the office...and start doing them. I also warned her not to take it on without letting someone in charge know what she was doing (remember my surprise?) so that she did not run into displeasure again.
She did so. And with each task, I praised her and urged her on. She now works as the office manager of a 3 doctor clinic, "in charge" of them and 3 staff people.
Now...this example is an illustration of what worked for me in turning something that admittedly is a "positive" but which was "negative" in my case and in our relationship into something more "positive". This way worked with her...it might not with others. Deciding whether it will or will not depends a lot on the people involved. I'll have to get to your second question later.[:D]
quote:
*A related question (that might require a separate thread, we'll see) is:
How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has? How do they go about judging this? Do they use any particular method or clues about how much potential a submissive has? I am assuming here that all Dominants of course want to make the most of whatever potential their submissive has, but some might have more than others, depending on whatever that Dominant seeks in a submissive.
I appreciate and look forward to any replies. Thank you.
- Susan
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