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ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

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ORIGINAL: SusanofO

What I am wondering, really, is - is this something most Dominants discuss with a submissive? or is it just a sudden declaration one day: "I've decided you will do X"
(not that that would be bad - it would of course depend on the relationship and the Dominant and submissive in question). 

I know that sounds like a stupid question (probably is) - and it's probably a matter of individual style, but - I still am wondering just how this process works.

I strive to attain a level of trust in which it is unnecessary to discuss my reasoning.  I accomplish this, to a greater or lesser degree depending on the circumstances, by taking the time to explain my reasoning from the the beginning of the relationship.  I find that this incrementally builds an ever-increasing level of trust by demonstrating that I have solid reasons for that which I require.

Many times, my thought processes run in directions that toy has not considered.  My willingness to explain myself in the beginning, when she was too unsure of herself and our relationship to question my motivations, has paid huge trust dividends.  She knows that I'm not inclined to be arbitrary in my directions so she's less inclined to hesitate.  She believes that I have good reasons for what I do and what I require of her.  Belief is a lever and the ability to inspire belief an even more powerful tool with which much can be accomplished
. 
The fine line for me is ensuring that she retains a willingness to do a mental double-check.  It might just be my own personal paranoia, but I really do prefer something short of blind obediance.  Then again, I think that, rather than paranoia, it's simply my willingness to concede that I sometimes lose track of critical details.  I do prefer to maintain a balance wherein toy asks for for confirmation when it appears likely I've given her directions that I might regret.

What I find important, however, is that even when it appears that I'm setting myself up for disaster, I can still inspire (not coerce) obedience.  I collared toy just over two years ago and helped her make the internal transition to owned property less than a year ago and yet the dynamics of our relationship run so smoothly that it feels as if we've always been a team.  It is an incredible synergy and I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't discovered it already.

Timothy

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

I strive to attain a level of trust in which it is unnecessary to discuss my reasoning.  I accomplish this, to a greater or lesser degree depending on the circumstances, by taking the time to explain my reasoning from the the beginning of the relationship.  I find that this incrementally builds an ever-increasing level of trust by demonstrating that I have solid reasons for that which I require.

Many times, my thought processes run in directions that toy has not considered.  My willingness to explain myself in the beginning, when she was too unsure of herself and our relationship to question my motivations, has paid huge trust dividends. 

Exactly!

She knows that I'm not inclined to be arbitrary in my directions so she's less inclined to hesitate.  She believes that I have good reasons for what I do and what I require of her.  Belief is a lever and the ability to inspire belief an even more powerful tool with which much can be accomplished
. 
The fine line for me is ensuring that she retains a willingness to do a mental double-check.  It might just be my own personal paranoia, but I really do prefer something short of blind obediance.  Then again, I think that, rather than paranoia, it's simply my willingness to concede that I sometimes lose track of critical details.  I do prefer to maintain a balance wherein toy asks for for confirmation when it appears likely I've given her directions that I might regret.

What I find important, however, is that even when it appears that I'm setting myself up for disaster, I can still inspire (not coerce) obedience.  I collared toy just over two years ago and helped her make the internal transition to owned property less than a year ago and yet the dynamics of our relationship run so smoothly that it feels as if we've always been a team.  It is an incredible synergy and I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't discovered it already.

Timothy