Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives

Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 5:45:34 PM)
I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this. I am not talking about punishing the submissive, I am thinking in terms of guiding them to what would be considered by a Dominant to be a better outlet for that behavior. For instance, say a submissive talks too much, maybe he'd suggest she seek a job in sales, or where greeting people and making conversation with them is considered an great asset, or decide she is more of the hostess person if they have a relationship where they ever entertain other people, etc. I realize there are Dominants who just don't accept submissives who engage in behavior X, Y or Z to begin with, but I am not referring here to deal-breaking behavior, just that which might be either mildly annoying to a Dominant, or behavior he simply sees as being put to better use elsewhere. A related question (that might require a separate thread, we'll see) is: How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has?* How do they go about judging this? Do they use any particular method or clues about how much potential a submissive has? I am assuming here that all Dominants of course want to make the most of whatever potential their submissive has, but some might have more than others, depending on whatever that Dominant seeks in a submissive. I appreciate and look forward to any replies. Thank you. - Susan

Homestead -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 5:53:19 PM)
I can only do this if they don't put on a show to look better. Beyond that it's all about if our individual quirks will balance out. My key is this. If a relation makes me feel energized and excited, it's a good match. If I feel drained and stressed,verging on going into depression,it's not. You cannot "redirect" negative energy,only avoid it.

SusanofO -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 5:55:08 PM)
Thanks for the reply, Homestead! - Susan

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 5:55:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this. My perfectionism and need to know everything about someone. A former master helped me immensly learn how to channel this positively into productive work, seeing beyond the control issues and self centeredness of it as well as to use my insights to actually GET into people and learn from them and how to return back to help them, rather than just feed. quote: How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has? Time and judgement. Let's face it, some doms suck at this, some doms don't need it or really care about it. And, once again, all people judge others potential in all relationships. How do we judge our child is right for a particular school program? How do we judge our husband has potential for something? This isn't a dom thing, or even a dom/sub thing, it's a "judging the people around us" thing.

SusanofO -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:02:59 PM)
LA, thanks much for the reply. I know there are Dominants who don't care about this, and am sort of wondering how many really do care about taking the time to do this (I was going to ask that outright, but didn't and so am glad you brought it up). I can think of reasons why it might seem non-worthwhile (as in if someone is an energy vampire, as Homestead mentioned) and I know some are really not looking for a relationship, but more superficial connections (or relationships that require less "giving" in this particular sense, for whatever reason), But- I am wondering still, how many Dominants out there are interested in re-channelling negative behavior. Maybe Daddy Dom types have more patience for this? No, that would be a generalization I know...but I am wondering how they decide if it's "worth it" or not, now that you mention it... I am not asking because I think I have bad behavior that needs re-channelling (of course I suppose that would be up to a Dominant), but out of sheer curiosity.

popeye1250 -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:05:28 PM)
Susan, a clarification on the second part of the question? "Potential?" As a sub or slave or pertaining to anything else?

SusanofO -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:09:59 PM)
popeye: To clarify: Well, as a submissive, yes, but also as a person. I read a thread by ownedgirlie in some thread on this forum that indicated that since she's known her Master, she's accomplished some amazing things. I happen to be pretty self-motivated, but - when someone urges me on in a particular area by saying they think I could be really good at area X___, it can make a tremendous difference in whether I pursue it, and how much energy I put into doing that. Whether that is pertaining to a career move, or a hobby, or whatever. I am not trying to sound self-centered here, by asking these questions. I am just plain curious, and also, I have a feeling that whatever a Dominant encouraged me to pursue would somehow benefit them as well, in some sense. - Susan

amayos -> RE: Gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:27:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has? How do they go about judging this? Do they use any particular method or clues about how much potential a submissive has? I am assuming here that all Dominants of course want to make the most of whatever potential their submissive has, but some might have more than others, depending on whatever that Dominant seeks in a submissive. Beyond the obvious process of base selection, I find many hours of conversation gauges potential best. Through consistent exchange of ideas and information one can begin to understand the motif of another's personality, and how it is best suited for use. Time and patience are good tools to employ here.

DoctorDubious -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:29:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO *I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes* re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this. I am not talking about punishing the submissive, I am thinking in terms of guiding them to what would be considered by a Dominant to be a better outlet for that behavior. - Susan Dear Susan......and all gentle readers.... "re-channelling" is NOT the way I'd describe it, but I think I understand the question. Suppose you have a powerful D/s relationship, but you cannot be together as much as you might like. This seems pretty common here on cm.... oui? I suspect it's pretty common for subs to long for more attention, more talk, more beatings perhaps, more bondage, more intimacy, more sex, more... more .. more.... from their distant Dom. That's not a bad thing, quite understandable, really. But... she might get whiney... needy.... and that's not fun for anybody I know. Here's an idea... --get yourself really sweaty (not that hard on this, hottest of all summers) --rub an item of clothing all over your chest, armpits, cock, balls, ass, legs..... make it really smell of you.... -- grab her by the hair (you want her to FEEL your power) and rub her nose/face rough;fierce/strong all over those same places (and if you enjoy it, so much the better, eh?) This tactile, aggressive, forcing piece is important.... -- now make sure she smells/feels/sees/touches/licks both you and that piece of clothing. *Repeat until response to both is VERY similar. Pay close attention to her non-verbals. -- let her worship/adore/kiss/whatever both your body and the clothing, and rehearse whatever you want her to do./// Does the name Pavlov ring a bell here for anybody yet? If you have to be apart, now she has an object of worship/service/love that can serve rather nicely in your absence. There's hundreds of ways this simple, and rather common technique can then be refined. As amayos says, get a nice red apple and think a bit. DD, a smelly old goat. PS... why so much emphasis on smell? Well, did you notice I worked her in all the senses... see, hear, touch, taste, smell. More senses, more powerful and automatic associations. But smell........ aah, that goes straight to the reptile-brain. Smell is the only human sense not "moderated' by any of the modern, more-evolved brain structures. Owning her reptile-brain is far more interesting than her cortex. PSS.... selectively adding* the right physical/emotional stressors to a simple scene like this can make this anchoring/association process much more powerful, and more importantly, much less consciously "voluntary" and unconsciously automatic.

Homestead -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:33:46 PM)
As Amayos has mentioned,(wisely) time and sounding each other out. People have potential in many ways. But selfish as we all are..What potential is, is how another will enrich our lives. But to be worth making the investment of work, time and effort-the honesty to show it's presence, or lack thereof is crucial.

SusanofO -> RE: Gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:35:43 PM)
Thank you for your answer, amayos! - Susan

Homestead -> RE: Gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:38:01 PM)
Question susan. On a personal note,what qualities do you have to offer that would make you worthy of this investment?

michaelGA2 -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:40:10 PM)
from what You have stated, Sir, this requires actual interaction. how would You suggest such things to occur in order to change said behavior (using myself as an example) in order to prepare the subhect for possible, future interaction. how would such suggestive "re-channeling" be affective when distance is a factor?

SusanofO -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:40:19 PM)
Doctor D: Wow. I do have to say this is something I did Not know before especially the part about the sense of smell being the only one not moderated, etc.). It's a sweet and powerful idea. I really think you probably just did everyone in a long distance relationship a favor! - Susan

DoctorDubious -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:43:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has? How do they go about *judging* this? - Susan Dear, dear, dear, Susan.... and all gentle readers.... Did the triple-dear make ya flinch a tad? I hope so. I just fucking explode when people think they have the right to judge their fellow man. Look, I know everybody is different, and has different ways of being in the world. But all this fucking "evaluation" of people makes me want to puke. Who the christ am I... or anybody else to run around "gauging potential?" What's the logical conclusion to all this ranking of the relative merits and potential of our fellow human beings? Eugenics? Racial cleansing? Hitler's final solution? Those all come start from a place of evaluating the worth of our fellow humans. Hey..... some folks are right for you to be with., Some folks are NOT right for you to be with. But all God's children are right, and good and perfect... .... and all god's children have far more potential than we will use. I say, do your best to love 'em all. Stop fricking-well evaluating people. Smell 'em and see if the pheromones line up. Lick 'em to see if they have "good taste". Talk to 'em and see if the values line up. Fuck 'em and see if the kinks line up. Play with 'em and see if the fun lines up. But neither you nor I have any right to evaluate our fellow man. DD

marieToo -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:50:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has? How do they go about *judging* this? - Susan Dear, dear, dear, Susan.... and all gentle readers.... Did the triple-dear make ya flinch a tad? I hope so. I just fucking explode when people think they have the right to judge their fellow man. Look, I know everybody is different, and has different ways of being in the world. But all this fucking "evaluation" of people makes me want to puke. Who the christ am I... or anybody else to run around "gauging potential?" What's the logical conclusion to all this ranking of the relative merits and potential of our fellow human beings? Eugenics? Racial cleansing? Hitler's final solution? Those all come start from a place of evaluating the worth of our fellow humans. Hey..... some folks are right for you to be with., Some folks are NOT right for you to be with. But all God's children are right, and good and perfect... .... and all god's children have far more potential than we will use. I say, do your best to love 'em all. Stop fricking-well evaluating people. Smell 'em and see if the pheromones line up. Lick 'em to see if they have "good taste". Talk to 'em and see if the values line up. Fuck 'em and see if the kinks line up. Play with 'em and see if the fun lines up. But neither you nor I have any right to evaluate our fellow man. DD What if our "fellow man" was going to have our well-being and safety in his hands? Should we not evaluate, discern and "judge" whether or not the person is suitable?

popeye1250 -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 6:52:12 PM)
Susan, after talking with a person for an hour or so you can tell a lot about them if you ask the "right" questions as the good Dr. here could attest to I'm sure. As for channeling a sub's negative energy into something constructive, say if she wanted to be naked all the time, I'd take her down to "Masters's Gentleman's Club" about twenty minutes from here and tell them to "put her to work" earning $2,000 to $3,000 per week that she could bring home and split with me. How's that for channeling?

SusanofO -> RE: Gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 7:01:59 PM)
Homestead: Wow - now we are getting personal and I am quite self-conscious (no matter what it seems like) but I suppose your question is fair game, since I am asking a rather personal one myself, I suppose, in this thread. Please keep in mind, though, that I was asking in this thread topic in general terms, for ideas. Truly (and nobody believes me, yeah sure Susan, he). Well - listen UP! It's true. If I want to ask someone a really personal question, I'd e-mail them. This thread is meant to evoke theoretical responses (but I am a submissive, so I'm not a gonna tell anybuddy what to do as far as replying, he)...but - persoanl examples are nice, too. Me? Well - I am humble (really) but: I Will Answer You (we ex-Marketing majors just never say die). Note: Thanks for the question. I am answering it (see page here below). I am not flattering myself by printing this paragraph, just clarifying. I am not seeking a partner currently (but will be in 2-3 months). I am not "advertising myself". I want and need good friends here, though, always, and have met a few. And- you did ask, so here we go. -I do consider myself to be very giving. I just have never really "gotten" the whole greed thing, or the who-has-to-get-the credit for whatever thing (because I couldn't care less. It's the work or process I enjoy, not the blue ribbon, awards ceremony part). Although I confess to occasionally appreciating the words "thank you" or some word of encouragement. -I have a good sense of humor -I am non-judgmental when it comes to some human foibles that seem to drive other people nuts sometimes (name one and I will tell you if it's on the list, he). I do have things that I consider grounds for banishing someone from my life forever, but the road someone needs to travel to get me to that point is pretty long (usually). -I am nice looking. I know I don't have a pic up. I am not Julia Roberts, but have been described more than once as "striking"(this note is only applicable if one is focussed solely on the superficials, and am promising nothing to anyone as far as how they'd perceive what I look like. I am not ugly. I am also not Ms. Universe (I am 46. But a darn well-preserved 46, I think, thanks to having a mother who practically beat into me that it matters.Thanks, mom, I suppose that paid off). I am also not overweight (although I suppose I should maybe start sticking to some kind of workout routine, but I do I walk 2-3 miles, several times a week, try to fit it in. Although this week, it's been too damn hot to do that). Hazel-green eyes, dark auburn hair that is medium length (to the bottom of my neck), and 5'6" and 12o-125 pounds (figured I should elaborate since there's no pic). Size 6-8. - I have lived a fairly comfortable existence thus far, but have never been what I consider "spoiled", or a "Princess" type. I know how to work hard (sometimes very hard), and I also know the value of a dollar, and would not waste anyone else's money (and would make try to make sure they didn't waste mine). On the other hand, I can be very generous with friends and relatives. - Being a bit older, I know I don't know everything. In fact, the older I get, sometimes the less I think I know and the more there is that could be interesting to learn (really). - I have a brain and like use it in various ways, from trying to hold up my end of a conversation, to being able to research something, to loving to read, to learning new things. - I am very empathic, and would give many people who might not deserve it the shirt off my back if someone else didn't try to stop me (my mother always said this about me, and in retrospect, it's probably mostly true. Of course, I'm not a complete idiot that way...so I see this as still a good trait). - I am not a wimp.* When the going gets tough, I try to hang in there. I've had a few surprising life lessons in this area, and have found that giving up too early is usually a way of not giving myself credit where credit may be due. On the other hand, circumstances do exist where it is better to know when to fold'em, so to speak. Discerning the (sometimes fine) difference between these two circumstances might be one of life's lessons for me to better learn (who knows)? I could go on, but am starting to feel like a braggart, and also very self-conscious. *But - thanks for the opportunity to answer, he. - Susan

SusanofO -> RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 7:16:46 PM)
Doctor D: As far as how the word "judging" can be connoted, re: Judging somone's potential, I agree with you, and I can appreciate the egalitarian and well-reasoned response. To clarify: I was thinking more about how people judge whether to encourage a submissive to pursue activity X, Y or Z. Kind of like your dad, or a college counselor might do (even in regard to bdsm activity, although I do realize that for bdsm activity, that mostly depends on the Dominant's interests, much of the time). I am thinking for you, you'd get a lot of feedback from the submissive person re: What they thought as well, but - *I am wondering what this whole "evaluation" process would be like for some Dominants. What goes through their head when they look at a submissive and see this so-called "blank slate" I've read so much about? I relaize this is probably hard to answer, and I know it does require time and patience and getting to know someone. Maybe it's not a good question. I guess I am thinking there is some "Dominant trick" or clue to doing this nthis out there I perhaps know nothing about? I mean, (no slam to any Dominants out there, certainly not you, intended) besides perhpas thinking: "Wow! I can train her to make great submarine sandwiches, screw like the energizer bunny, and get me a beer whenever I want one?" If there exists some "agenda" more expansive than that one (immediately above), how is its existence determined? I apologize for the sharp tone there - it wasn't meant to sound that way (truly). But, ya know what I mean? (if anyone doesn't, you don't have to write back, or do, and I can clarify further I guess). And I realize I am no judge of anyone's "agenda" as far as training their submissive - people do have a right to whatever makes them happy... - Susan

popeye1250 -> RE: Gauging potential in submissives (8/2/2006 7:18:45 PM)
Hmmm, works for me!

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