mp072004
Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005 Status: offline
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As a person in a relationship, you need to decide whether the terms of the relationship are to your liking. You may set your own terms, as well. If you don't want to swing, and your partner does, you have a couple of options. You and he can negotiate that he swings and you don't. That seems like it might work, as it looks like swapping isn't excessively important to him. If that compromise is not acceptable--if he must have you swing, or you must have him swing--then you're not well suited to one another, and you should end the relationship. Unless, of course, you actually want to consent to things you don't want--sublimating desire, obedience, subjection, and all that. If that's how you are primarily fulfilled, it sounds like incompatibility that causes emotional or other distress would work well for you, because it would offer you a lot of opportunities to do something you don't want to do in order to make your partner happy. (Note: this is not facetious.) A given person can engage both in BDSM and swinging, sure. Why not? Swinger groups are usually "experimental vanilla," so spanking might go, but I doubt a sound caning would be welcome at a swinger party. However, one can swing (or swap) among BDSM relationships, thus allowing the two to coexist simultaneously. Besides, simple inequal power (i.e. d/s) readily works with all sorts of activities, including sexual ones. After all, all it means is that one person in the relationship is in charge, and makes more decisions than the other. Brainwashed? That's confusing, and seems to absolve you of responsibility--always troubling. You liked this man, found most of his behaviors attractive, so you wanted to come to find the rest of his behaviors attractive. Nothing wrong or odd about that. Just note that if you realize that you find only a few of his behaviors attractive, and are working on persuading yourself to like the rest of his behaviors, you're probably not right for one another. In any event, it looks like you are experiencing a lot of definitional confusion, or, at least, imprecision. It would help you to determine what you each are using "poly" and "swinger" to mean, and agree on meanings for the words. Then you can talk clearly about the terms of your relationship. Good luck. Monica
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