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deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 9:28:38 AM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hello everyone one CM I don't post here very often ,but I do try to keep up  the topics.My quesion isn't to upset or offend anyone. But after reading some very open and serious messages this morning.. I find myself asking,should  we Mistress/ Masters also require a full detail of ones childhood. as well as the back ground check and personal info. Do we really ever know who is asking to serve. or taking one into hand. Do we understand their mental state. are they using us to punish them for what they feel noone else has.or think they deserve? Is it really submission ? or just self punishment?

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A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 9:55:14 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think background checks are essential in this day and age. I ran one on my now collared sub before I went to meet him over 2 years ago. I had met him on the internet so I wanted to be sure what he was telling me was the truth. Sure enough he checked out exactly as he said. There's nothing wrong with playing it safe.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MistressSophia)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 10:34:13 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		In my opinion in all the relationships i have had childhood stories always come out in general conversation as does what you do for a living, hobbies etc. Surely you should be interested in each others pasts not just as a background check? It could also be reversed, Should we subs / slaves ask about a potential masters childhood?
Do we really ever know who is asking us to serve them. Do we understand their mental state?



_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MistressSophia)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 11:53:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		YOu should feel free to ask for anything which you are also willing to give up of yourself willingly.

I personally would not be willing to give up serious personal history for someone I was just meeting for a first date.  That level of social closeness is not something crossed into quickly or without care and frankly I'd be worried about someone who WOULD be willing to divulge so much so fast.  And I wouldn't meet someone who felt it was necessary for me to do so.

As far as background checks, if you want to take the time, resources and energy for it, then you can (again, you should be willing to have the same done for you) but I have never found them necessary.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressSophia)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 12:06:49 PM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I think before one serves or even meets. They have as much right to ask all and any questions they need to to feel safe.And get a feel for the oher person.AFTER ALL ISN'T THAT THE WAY TRUST STARTS?

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A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 12:19:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia
I think before one serves or even meets. They have as much right to ask all and any questions they need to to feel safe.And get a feel for the oher person.AFTER ALL ISN'T THAT THE WAY TRUST STARTS?

Like I said, you should feel free to ask for anything that you want.

However, it's basic sense and courtesy to provide anything you are asking the other person to provide (that's part of the trust thing).

It's also perfectly fine for the other person to say "That's over my social boundaries, no thanks" and walk away.

If someone asks for something I consider inappropriate to give at that time, I will simply tell them.  If they insist, then we don't meet.  If you (any persons who asks this info) cannot understand the concept of social closeness, then we shouldn't meet anyway. 

You're right, it is about trust.  Before meeting someone, I have very little reason to trust you with anything serious about me.  Trust is a series of leaps of faith, and there are many leaps I won't make just to meet someone for the first time.

It hasn't really been an issue for me thus far, I'm living with two fabulous men now who I originally both met online.  My first date with both of them was nothing more than dinner at a restaurant and I knew nothing of them except their general interests, their phone number, voice, and where they lived.

Why do you need to know so much to feel safe in a general public place?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressSophia)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 12:25:58 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Getting answers takes asking the right questions...
Knowing what questions to ask and processing them in the same perspective given is where the trouble lies in my humble opinion. 
It's always the questions we dont ask that become pit falls.

Q

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 12:32:00 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		I think background checks are rediculous.

Sure if they're applying to serve you as a . . .Housekeeper or something sure.

But these relationships shoudl be relationship, you spend time together to learn about eachother.
If its not a relationship, then its a job. Then sure, ask for credientials, hell ask for a resume, background check etc.

If someone requested a background check on  me, I'd tell them to get fucked.


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I am KarbonCopy's signature

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 1:23:29 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Well if I were in your position I'd get a copy of their driver's license and car registration.
As a male I don't feel the need to do that with a female sub.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 4:38:08 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		one word,
 
conversation.
 
cheshire.

(in reply to popeye1250)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 4:57:56 PM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		I would hope that anyone would ask permission before having a background check done on someone.    If someone informed me after the fact they had done this it would be a relationship ender.  Sneaking around behind someone's back to check on them doesn't get trust off to a good start.

Second, unless they have a criminal record or are married saying they're single they aren't of much use.  Criminality only shows up if they have gotten caught.  Its not an indicator of what they might have done without anyone knowing. 

If I felt so insecure about meeting someone I wouldn't meet them at all. 

(in reply to cheshireboy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 5:24:43 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

If someone requested a background check on  me, I'd tell them to get fucked.



yes! yes! yes!

if someone wanted to do a background check on me before we had coffee, i would consider him a freakin psycho.

and if i were to ask the man for his dl#, etc, how is HE to know *i* am not a freakin psycho or someone out to do a little identity fraud???


(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 5:31:42 PM   
MistressTexas


Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		I think if I had a small child in the home, or ran a business from my home (other than as a Pro Domme) where there would be financial, or personal records lying around.... Then yes I would require a background check, if only for the safety of my child or my investments. However under most other circumstances, I would proceed as I would in a completely vanilla relationship, and not ask for a background check... Although come to think of it, I would probably ask for a background check in either of those situations even in a vanilla relationship.... but I'm an odd one.

(in reply to pissdoll)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 5:43:22 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		why do i need to know how much money a man has before i meet him for coffee?
or after i have had one dinner with him?  and if the day ever came that i had little people, why on earth would i bring someone into my home i barely knew???

these issues being brought up are all a failure to take time to get to know someone.  everyone wants instant gratification and a quick high.  a background check does NOT make up for a lack of common sense....and the months (if not years) it takes to get to know a person properly.

(in reply to MistressTexas)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 6:03:16 PM   
MistressTexas


Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Regardless of how well I think I know someone, if I have a young one in the home, I am going to make damn sure whoever I am bringing into my home doesnt have a charge against him/her for anything like assault, statutory rape, fraud etc etc. Regardless of whether or not the charges were dropped. I don't give a damn about how much money someone makes, but there is no garauntee of how forthcoming someone will be with police charges that could be threatening to me, my livelyhood, or my family.

(in reply to pissdoll)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 6:17:51 PM   
JoanFrost


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Is this even a real topic, or is it some online punk'd equivalent? Are you serious!?!?!

We've each of us got this wonderful ability programmed right into our DNA--- works in conjunction with neurotransmitters and neural pathways and the like--- it's called, "intuition." If you're so out of touch with your own inner voice, gut reactions, intuition, "sixth sense," or whatever else you wish to call it, perhaps it's you who needs checking!

ITA with Pissdoll's assessment. If you aren't comfy with someone, there's a REASON! We pick up on all sorts of non-verbal cues from other people, from body language to pheromones; the messages are as old as the animal kingdom itself. If you get a bad feeling, trust it and go no further. Why is it that everyone wants to second or third or tenth guess such sublime simplicity and complicate things with background checks? (edited for punctuation)

I hate that it's so freakin' trendy to just dismiss any first impression we get of a person, why? Because it's judgemental! Please, by all means, judge! Maybe if <Insert Name of the Victim of Some Recent Headline-Grabbing Horrific Crime Here> had really looked inward and made a judgement, rather than trying to remove all discriminatory (little aside here: that word does NOT mean "racist") tendencies from her/his thoughts, s/he would still be alive today. Maybe not, but I think it might drastically reduce the WTFcrime rates worldwide if people would just excercise a little bit of thought.

Guess what? I met a person on this very site recently, and after a very brief exchange online we elected to meet for coffee. In broad daylight. In a public place. The meeting went well, we had a fair amount in common, and spent an enthralling 2 hours together in a coffee shop, discussing politics of all things. At some point in the conversation, he indicated to me he has a conceal and carry permit, and carries a weapon with him pretty much always. Not only did I not run shrieking from the building, my pulse rate didn't even increase. Know why? I'm not stupid, I choose well and safely, and I'm not about to go for a private meetup with a total stranger. In other words, I'd not have been there in the first place if I'd had any fears about him turning out to be the next Manson. Oh, and although I have encountered plenty of crazies, they usually have a whole host of dead give-away characteristics which identify them as such. I wear my seatbelt to go to the end of my driveway. I cut my wee ones' food into small pieces. The list goes on and on. And included in it is that I don't hang out with people about whose character/sincerity/intentions/sanity I have ANY concerns. It's not that difficult.

Joan

< Message edited by JoanFrost -- 8/6/2006 6:27:31 PM >

(in reply to pissdoll)
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RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 6:30:27 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I'm lisensed to carry a concealed firearm in South Carolina and in New Hampshire. (Already posted this on another topic)
I've had background checks done on me by SLED (S.Carolina Law Enforcement Dept) and the N.H. State Police to get those lisenses. If you have any type of criminal record you can't get a CWP.
In my case anyway I'd be willing to make a copy of it and to show it upon meeting. And I'm told by Police Officers that I know that these are very thorough background checks, much more involved than a Private Investigator would do.
So ask someone if they have a CWP (Concealed Weapons Permit, or Permit to carry) If they do it'll save you $100 or whatever it costs for a background check
I would think that in any case that you would want some type of I.D
If someone is not willing to show you any personal I.D. I'd say to move on!.

(in reply to MistressTexas)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 6:40:37 PM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		i am a sub, but i have no objection of a womam checking any one out. i have Secret Service clearance and have been checked many times. i have no problem with being checked out. This lifestyle is supposed to be fun,, but also SAf E...GO PACK  

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 6:55:58 PM   
JoanFrost


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		I hold a professional license issued by the state where I live, and said licensure requires a thorough criminal background check. I have worked with persons with developmental disabilities, and in order to do so had to have my FBI file pulled. There's a difference, unless you're a ProDom/me; those are jobs, and you sign consent upon application for the license or employment to allow your personal info to be obtained.

If I'm such a poor student of human behavior that I need to rely on some contracted third party to provide me with information on a person for what amounts to a date, I certainly have no business involving myself in high-degree-of-difficulty, high-potential-for-disaster if not handled properly, D/s interactions! Unless you understand the people that become your playthings, and can grasp what it is that makes them tick, you really might ought to consider some other creative outlet, preferably one with less potential for inflicting irreparable damage.

(in reply to servantforuse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: deep back ground check - 8/6/2006 7:57:29 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Being that I was one of those that posted in that partical thread..hehe.. I am open and honest about my life. I am as open here about my history as I am with others. Yeah it has not been a picnic, but that doesnt mean that I am not a healthy person either. I am one of the sanest people I know, and I am nuts. Having said that, if once knowing me someone wanted to run a background check, I dont honestly know how I would feel. If there were unmentionables involved then I wouldnt mind, but as adults I would expect that another use thier own judgement. That is the best meter we have. The shallow levels of hell that I have enountered have only enrichened the person that I am, nothing more. Look at it this way, if people can survive and rise above these types of things wouldnt that endear them more. Sorry wasnt meaning to side track anything...

Lee


_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to MistressSophia)
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