When is it time to stop trying?

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When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:05:51 AM

lilserenity

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

I think this is an appropriate question to ask..When shall W/we stop trying to find that special O/one? I ,myself will always be searching but not as much anymore. I have met my dozen of Doms and either they were drunk or they were uncaring and inconsiderate. Its not that I didnt try all types but more to my tastes..I have been online for 9 years now in June.I have helped many online met wonderful people online and offline..I still havent found my O/one.The Only One I did find died a week before W/we would of met and we were online together and on phone for 2 years..We were going to meet for New Years but he passed away due to COPD,diabetes..So I been searching slowly since but I found One more but money and distance stopped U/us from being together.. So I would like to get E/everyones' output on this. What happens when you get N/noone to step in Y/your life. I guess perhaps dreams are peoples reality after all...... smiles serenity
I'm not a quitter only a doer but it does make a person wonder what will happen if it dont happen for Y/you... be well and take care to A/all.

_____________________________

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

Post #: 1

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:12:33 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

i'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss and i fully understand what you mean about being online and not finding The One. i have been online for over 10 years now and my search has left me bitter. i shall refrain from making your forum turn bad by saying anything further. may you find what you're looking for.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 2

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:13:11 AM

bluelace001

Posts: 62
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline

Just some food for thought, Master always tells people he found me after 40 years of searching , and i came along when he had stopped looking. Somethings when looking so hard we can't find it, but when we just stop searching so hard, wonderful things happen to come into our lives. Who knows, maybe it's right there in front of you, and you don't see it simply cause your searching for an idea of what you want, not what could be. (hope that made sense)
bluelace_V
(property of Viper_001)

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 3

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:16:17 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

It is a tough question to answer because I am one that believes you should never look. You should always focus on yourself. Self-discovery, happiness, etc and it will come to you. If you go looking for it you are going to attract the trash along with the occasional gem and you will find yourself very frustrated.

However, if you choose not to take My word for it, then I think you need to reevaluate your search techniques, because obviously they are not working for you. It is time to find new hunting grounds. Ditch the bars, ditch the internet (there are FAR more stories of failure than there are for success at either of these). Get out of the house. Attend functions. Meets and munches.

I urge you to stop looking and embark upon a journey of self discovery, but if you simply can not do that then revise your strategy and do not give up.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 4

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:26:49 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I have met my dozen of Doms and either they were drunk or they were uncaring
and inconsiderate.

It seems like you have a pattern of choosing Doms with issues. Sit back and think about how you came to meet these men. Look for something different moving forward. Don't follow the same pattern you did with these men.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 5

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:32:57 AM

SavageEu

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

I have to admit, the only time I have ever found anyone was when I stopped looking for the One. Of course I consider it possible to have more than the One so that might be a moot point. I find that if you are looking for a certain all encompassing person you fail. Instead I have found that by relaxing, expecting nothing, forging friendships with like minded people, that it sometimes grows into something wonderful.

_____________________________

"Yes, Dorian, you will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit"

--The Picture of Dorian Gray.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:35:08 AM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageEu

I have to admit, the only time I have ever found anyone was when I stopped looking for the One. Of course I consider it possible to have more than the One so that might be a moot point. I find that if you are looking for a certain all encompassing person you fail. Instead I have found that by relaxing, expecting nothing, forging friendships with like minded people, that it sometimes grows into something wonderful.

I second this, from experience!
When I wasn't looking, it found me.....

Brat

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to SavageEu)

Post #: 7

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:35:10 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Yes, there seems to be a lot of drunks out there. They promise you the world when they're under the influence but "can't afford" to travel.
And loads of married guys too.
I wouldn't "stop" until I found a nice sub.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 8

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:39:00 AM

Yang4yin

Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline

I think we often try too hard. Like others have said, the best relationships usually happen when you're not actively looking.

(Like your avatar, SirKenin. I'd like to "steal" it.

)

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 9

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:50:00 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

lol. Go ahead. It might even be possible to find a bigger one using Google Image search.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Yang4yin)

Post #: 10

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:51:06 AM

SavageEu

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Offtopic:

SirKenin's avatar is awsome. I saw it and just got jealous heh, seeing the taijitu in motion like that perfectly intertwined was marvelous :)

_____________________________

"Yes, Dorian, you will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit"

--The Picture of Dorian Gray.

(in reply to Yang4yin)

Post #: 11

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:52:18 AM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

I urge you to stop looking and embark upon a journey of self discovery, but if you simply can not do that then revise your strategy and do not give up.

i cannot give you better advice than this.

and that avitar is awesome, took me a minute looking at it to sort it out

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 12

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 11:57:39 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

When I first came to CM my line was I was here to lurk and learn. That progressed to finally putting what I thought I wanted into words that might ~bait~ the right Dom. Although I followed that tried and true email, chat and first meet (usually a cup of coffee if local) the one's I hit it off most with were states away and when the first chance came to meet in person I took it. .... I've met somewonderful people.
Yet, not *the one* ... sure something about each was close or it would have never gotten to the travel stage. What I realized for me was that I was too hopeful, didnt ask the right questions and had issues of my own to fix long before I found a relationship that would work. I needed to know myself better .... so I removed all the ~bait~ and stopped looking. For me, what I've realized is I've grown alot. And in looking back I belive I've known my Master all along. Time will tell, but I'm not jumping into anything.
Good Luck to you!
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Yang4yin)

Post #: 13

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 1:28:43 PM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

Many people say they find their one. But I am not sure there is one perfect
mate for anyone.  I could be wrong about this, but the more dominant a guy
you seek, the more you will have to change for him. Of course, there is always
the possiblity of meeting a dominant guy who meets all your needs,
fullfills all your fantasies, and looks just how you would want him to look.
But you may have a greater chance finding a guy who is willing to change
a little for you, if you are willing to change a little for him. If you are willing
to overlook some of his deficits, he may be willing to overlook some of yours.
The truth is the longer you look, the fewer potential partners will be interested
in you. If you are just meeting drunks and substance abusers, you need
to ask yourself why this is. You can use this site to do a search for
partners who are compatible. People can grow together. Seek a partner
who is capable of love, whose interests interest you. Go to fetish clubs
and ask the owner to introduce you to guys he knows.   Or just meet
the guys there, and sit down and talk to them. Do they just want to
talk about sex, or are they interested in your life and how you are doing?
Stop trying to find the special one, and start looking for one that makes you
laugh, and won't take advantage of you.

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 8/6/2006 1:34:36 PM >

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 14

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 1:43:04 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

It is a tough question to answer because I am one that believes you should never look. You should always focus on yourself. Self-discovery, happiness, etc and it will come to you. If you go looking for it you are going to attract the trash along with the occasional gem and you will find yourself very frustrated.

I urge you to stop looking and embark upon a journey of self discovery, but if you simply can not do that then revise your strategy and do not give up.

~ easy smile ~

Yep. Just exactly what He said.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 15

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 3:14:31 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I dunno....I'm sorry about your woes. I met my two former Masters before on line entered into my life.... met them off line... both on accident. Sense coming on line... I've not even searched. Have had a few doms i've talked to... met.. but that's it.

If it's ment to happen.... then I think it will... and not before then. But then again... that's my own opinion on it. Good luck.

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MmakeMme)

Post #: 16

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 3:15:50 PM

formenteralady

Posts: 76
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

I tend to fancy that thier are a bunch of people out thier that we love in many ways, but that thier is no one pre-set person who will come along, and well Zing-Boom, you fall in love. I will say I believe in deep connected love, just like I believe in a shallow love bettween two free spirits, but maybe for now instead of focus on finding that outside love you should tend to those who are already in your life that share bonds of love with you already, be they romantic or not, and by cultivateing that, perhaps you will find you are more open to the one you have been dreaming of.

That aside I am very sorry to here about the one who passed. My heart goes out to you in your loss of a loved one, it is always hard I know, unfortunatly I have had two friends die suddenly in the past year.

Peace be with you.

(in reply to MmakeMme)

Post #: 17

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 3:33:04 PM

MissDeb

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline

My dear one ... I am so sorry to hear of your loss and of your need. Allow Me to say that with seven {some say nine levels} of submissives and an equal number of levels of dominants, finding the right person is all too often complicated and long. In addition, as has been noted in many threads, finding the One on-line only adds to the difficulty and complexity. I am pleased to hear that you are not totally giving up. I think that would be the worst thing that you could do, though, as also stated, sometimes when we stop searching - that is the time when we finally locate what needs to be found. Many years of experience also has taught Me that often what we seek is much, much closer than we expect, even to the point that we never look in such location. I have trained young women in the way of submission and domination for many, many years and as I read, I thought of the one with whom I spoke who told Me that in her medium size town there just was no one - so she looked only on the Internet. To make a long story short, I asked about her close neighbors and it seemed that one just down the street from her had grown close - coffee nearly every morning, problems with their spouses, frustrating sexual lives, and so forth. I suggested that she might find an interest in the lifestyle if we moved slowly and carefully to determine a level of trust and interest. In the end, I ended up training them both until they were ready to stand on their own. To My knowledge they are still together and enjoying each other .... If I can be of help, or if you'd just like to talk ... send Me a note in reply. May wisdom guide you ...xx

(in reply to formenteralady)

Post #: 18

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 3:57:19 PM

deltadawn

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilserenity

I think this is an appropriate question to ask..When shall W/we stop trying to find that special O/one? I ,myself will always be searching but not as much anymore. I have met my dozen of Doms and either they were drunk or they were uncaring and inconsiderate. Its not that I didnt try all types but more to my tastes..I have been online for 9 years now in June.I have helped many online met wonderful people online and offline..I still havent found my O/one.The Only One I did find died a week before W/we would of met and we were online together and on phone for 2 years..We were going to meet for New Years but he passed away due to COPD,diabetes..So I been searching slowly since but I found One more but money and distance stopped U/us from being together.. So I would like to get E/everyones' output on this. What happens when you get N/noone to step in Y/your life. I guess perhaps dreams are peoples reality after all...... smiles serenity
I'm not a quitter only a doer but it does make a person wonder what will happen if it dont happen for Y/you... be well and take care to A/all.

Live every day without searching. When it is right, it will happen. I would become active in your local community though. Get out there, see what is happening, and become part of the big scheme of things. Though it is possible to meet here online, one should never limit themselves to online.

Good luck to you
dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to lilserenity)

Post #: 19

RE: When is it time to stop trying? - 8/6/2006 4:24:37 PM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I think that what WhipTheHip said is fair advice. :) Resently a dominant friend (okay, kinda maybe, might be at some point more than a friend, but I might be wishfull thinking and am full into a tangent now... back to topic) said to me when I was talking about someone I have met four times. "So you think he might be your prince?" He said that in a mild, curious, mellow tone.

I told him that I was thirty seven. That I had no desire for a prince, but would love to find someone who was a good person, that I could trust without reservation, someone I could respect. That's what I want, not a prince, not an ideal, not a fantasy, someone real.

My hope is that she takes her search more into the real world and face to face events. She will meet many more people who are serious about this stuff.

< Message edited by WillowRain -- 8/6/2006 4:25:29 PM >

(in reply to WhipTheHip)

Post #: 20

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