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RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:23:14 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

multiple partners? it's nearly impossible to find one...LOL

This is one of the only times -- and I say this without malice -- that micheal and I have agreed on something. Give me one sweet, devoted, complex one, and I'm set!

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 21

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:26:05 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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cool, someone agrees with me...(does the happy dance)

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 22

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:26:55 PM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

My journey has led me down strange and winding paths. From seeking to fulfill an obsessive fetish, to having my spirit opened to the potential of the kinship and intimacy this can have.

After many trials and tribulations that I can only see as cleansing by fire, the way to the god road was revealed.

To travel that road has nothing to do with exhalting myself.

It's nothing more than realizing the potential I was made to achieve. The humble realization that I am merely one in a chain of a service heirachy to something much bigger. Infinitely bigger. And if I am very fortunate, to find one who will walk beside me.

It's not just about sex anymore. YMMV.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 23

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:27:42 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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And you thought I was just plain mean ... (smiling)

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 24

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:29:31 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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nahhhhh, just strategically honest...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 25

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:37:51 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

What drew me first was seeing lots of men on alt.com pursuing sex like dogs and thinking, "Gosh, I want to do that!" I wanted to be selfish and non-relational and see what it was like.

What drew me next was looking for sex that was more ... more about two people being self-aware and not doing things by the numbers. That it could be a moment of conscious expression, something worlds better than a fuck. I wanted D/s that was spiritual.

The first was easy to find (heh!). The second is much more difficult. I've found, mostly by others being kind enough to label things for me, that I love control/surrender, service and devotion and mild forms of breath play.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 26

RE: Reason to Be - 8/7/2006 9:40:08 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

How many came to the lifestyle because of the hope of multiple partners?

How much of the idealized thought of having a woman or man (refering to Dom/me and submissives) "do everything you want/hope without question" did you think attracted you?

What did you find to be the truth?

It was pretty much 180 degrees the opposite for me. I came into this lifestyle looking for one person I could have dominion over, someone I could teach and help grow into the person I wanted her to be. Beyond that most of my ideas about a relationship were pretty "Ozzy and Harriet", meaning I was otherwise pretty old fashioned. Initially I knew little about fetishes other than mild bondage, and I thought just the idea of tying some one up to a bed was the height of kink (an that seems like such a looooooong time ago now!

).

Then I started discovering the fetishes, and that was pretty cool, so now I wanted to both control her and flog her.

And then I started having submissives tell me I ought be poly, which quite honestly I had never considered. Including two that not only wanted to be my slaves, but insisted they wanted me to have other slaves (which startled me the first time I encountered that).

And the ironiy of it all is, multiple slaves is exactly what it appears I'm going to end up with... who I also happen to have dominion over... and who I also get to flog, tie up, and play with... and who as it happens also want me to teach and guide them.

Life's a funny thing.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 27

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 2:30:19 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Padriag makes a point that I've noticed also. Many subs will bring up the idea of the Dom going poly. I think this is because many experienced subs have had poly things in the past... probably due to Doms pushing them into it...haha. In any case, it seems they personally find it rewarding or find pleasure in their Dom having more than one submissive. The jealousy bent takes more of a back seat, it appears. Of course, it could be that jealousy would surface if the sub felt she was becoming less than the first sub.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 28

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 3:05:08 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

The insistence of primary partners in polyamory in placing newcomers as second class citizens is the single biggest reason these things fall apart.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 29

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 3:24:28 AM

onmykneesforhim

Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree, I have tryed the poly thing, and being in love with a Master is hard enough, but then +its try to force an alpha (female)+ on you. I love poly relationships, not the owned by more than one. I happen to think its inconsiderate to say th eleast.
omk

(in reply to Homestead)

Post #: 30

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 3:28:50 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

I tend to not do egaltarian things. I don't want a female to have equal authority with me. As far as a slave, slaves have equal status. And if they cannot realize they are part of a team that needs to work for all of us, they have no business being in my presence. There one "Apha" in my house-ME.

(in reply to onmykneesforhim)

Post #: 31

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 4:04:49 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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I came to the lifestyle because I can't be me elsewhere. I'm Poly and I'm a Dom... doesn't really going to make for a successful vanilla (It didn't, hence I am no longer willing to even entertain the notion of trying vanilla.)

And I found Poly BEFORE I found the lifestyle (Only by one relationship, but there ya go) so I certainly wasn't doing so because of any hope of multiple partners... I already had multiple partners!

I came and stayed because it is where I am comfortable being.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 32

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 4:27:32 AM

Littlesavage

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I came to lifestyle to find like minded friends and the one who I could share this side of my nature with, I'm aware that it may not happen, there's no guarantee love lasts in vanilla relationships yet alone bdsm ones.

I'd love to find someone who is all I need but I'm a realist and know thats unlikely, even if you find someone like that, people grow and change all the time, thats the beauty of our species :o)

_____________________________

Now I'm going to spread the new.
That if it feels this good gettin' used
Keep on using me 'til you've used me up.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 33

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 4:48:22 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Nice to see a local gal posting. Welcome to the boards

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Littlesavage)

Post #: 34

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 5:01:18 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I did not choose to come to the lifestyle, I was just aware of my desires from an early age and everything just flowed that way for me. I always wanted just one person. I have been monogamous in my relationships. As for idealizing anyone....I stopped doing that when I realized fairy tales do not come true. People are flawed and one you fall in love, you find that out fairly quickly.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 35

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 7:25:26 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I find the term "lifestyle" somewhat strange. I just wanted to find someone with whom I can be myself.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/8/2006 7:51:26 AM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 36

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 7:56:55 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Honestly I have never had the desire to have multiple partners. One really connected life partner would be heaven on earth for me. Sex in itself has never been the draw. That is something I can get easily, too easily. I crave something deeper and more honest. Maintaining a vanilla relationship is not enough of a challenge. It doesn't feed the hunger deep inside.

As far as having someone do exactly what I want without question, no. I place too much value on intelligence and self value for that.

For me it was the empowerment to be the person I am rather than perceptions of who I felt everyone wanted me to be. And to be pushed by my expectations of myself, my responsibility, based on the commitment of the submissive/slave, to be my best self. I need that. It is too easy for me to coast along in the vanilla world. Way way too easy. Having people depend on me and needing me creates a situation that I cannot be lazy and complaicant. If that makes any sense at all.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 37

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 8:04:41 AM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I am not prepared for multiple partners although there are some woman and men that are truely handsome and to see them squirm would be most erotic, but unless the state of mind is not equiped to enter that realm (which it is not) it just will not happen in the immediate future. Coming towards this lifestyle was not driven by a desire for multiple partners, but for what I foresaw as a depth of plausible relationship goals.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 38

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 8:30:13 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Here is another offshoot to this topic (I'm getting good as my own hijacker :)

Do people feel a greater security of having a certainty in defined roles?
By this I mean: A submissive comes looking for a dominant partner. They have a pretty good idea of what that is to them. Dominants know that they are the ones to be in charge. They, too, know what to expect.

The root of submission and dominace is the same. Submissive= compliant Dominant= control. The variations are the kinks each has. The trick is getting the people/kink/desires to match.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

Post #: 39

RE: Reason to Be - 8/8/2006 8:39:29 AM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

LotusSong.
What originally attracted me to the lifestyle was reading the Gor books about 17 years ago.
i was not aware that there was a lifestyle and there were really people that lived and incorporated all types of kinks and behaviours into their everyday life.
And the idea of being owned and controlled by another.
i had no fantasies of being shared and many sex partners, it was the sense of belonging to one person and putting all my effort into doing anything i could for Him.
i do not follow Gor as such, but it gave me the fantasy in my mind and hunger for being owned.
i'd say the need to be owned and controlled was the basis that drew me to the lifestyle.
aintbehavin

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 40

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