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One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:23:17 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

littlesarbonn said something I wanted to address in another thread, but I didn't want to hi-jack it so I thought I'd start a new one.

He said:

quote:


I'm kind of strange about the whole monogamy thing. I demand monogamy of myself when I'm involved with a dominant woman, but she can do whatever makes her happy.


Actually, not so strange. My ex had several playmates, and I was encouraged to have the same. Just didn't ever feel inclined or motivated to do so.

I enjoyed seeing how happy the freedom to play with other women made him. I didn't feel the need to do so out of "what is good for the gander is good for the goose". For me, it was just one of the inequalities of our D/s relationship that made sense.

What are other people's take on this idea?


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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:26:15 PM   
formenteralady


Posts: 76
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		yeah I don't think that's so odd,  I mean if you are in a happy contented relationship sometimes that's all you need.  It's really about choices, and haveing the choice for me. :D    

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:27:39 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy.. 

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:37:48 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy..



Sometimes it's better in theory than in practice. My two submissives *want* to be mine, are dedicated to making me happy, and so are intellectually accepting of the other (and the fact that I want them both.) But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:40:17 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		My Dom allows me with permission to meet Others, i just have not asked for permission since for me there is no one else that can compare to Him.  I know He is not planning to be monogomous which almost made me look else where but would rather share a wonderful Dom that makes me feel delicious than to have another that does not.  If i were the one making the decision i would love for Him to be monogomous but since it is not my decision i have to decide what is best for me.  And there is no doubt in my mind He is best for me.

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:49:46 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Ma'am i can understand how Yours' feel, because that is how i am.  i would not, however, even consider a Master Who wanted others... it's just the way i am wired and i cannot change that in me.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 7:57:02 PM   
MzMinx


Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		well said diamond and cinful  *smiles* .... its about what is right for you.. what works for you and your partner/s ...

I see nothing wrong with  one person being fulfilled with a single deep comitment to one  .. whilst that one has multiple, be they deep/long term  or short term

Its is about what fulfills you... wht brings you contenment and delight

I have been in many different variations of  polyamory ... one of which lasted 10 years ... and although my Mentor has  left this realm....  His wife who was monogamous with him for 30 plus years .... is  still a special friend of mine  as are  his children and grandchildren (i being namesake and fairygodmother to one of them)

She never felt  she missed out on anything .. even though he had many   submissives through their marriage ... For her it was the right and correct thing to not only  be monogamous with him.... but allow  him the freedom to seek others *smiles*  

and between He and I ...I was given absolute freedom....  what I choose to do with that  evolved over the years .. for a long time  I didnt  seek any others .... then it was short  interactions *smiles* .. evolving as I did .... but  it never effected the underlying dynamic or conection we shared


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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:13:41 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the text that was quoted by the OP in this thread.



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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:19:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Whatever works for you.  If you accept and are fulfilled by a relationship in which you can go out and party with whoever but your partner can't, then go for it.  If you accept and are fulfilled by a relationship in which they can go out and party with whoever but you can't, then go for it.

In my relationship, all of us are open to doing pretty much whatever the heck you want with whoever the heck you want to do it with.  I don't do this because of a need for equality, I do it simply because it's the relationship that works best for me.

As is it, my Boston partner is married and has several regular women he dates and plays with, and neither of my live-in partners are seeing anyone else at the moment. 

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:35:38 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		The fact that you could if you wanted to makes a difference.. the fact that you didnt was your choice and what made you happy

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Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:48:25 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation.


These things are rarely uncomplicated. Nor is life always a smooth road. I imagine had my ex and I stayed together we would have moments when this situation would have had its issues.

Hope things work out for you.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:50:24 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the text that was quoted by the OP in this thread.





LOL Somehow that doesn't come as a shock.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:52:04 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMinx

I see nothing wrong with  one person being fulfilled with a single deep comitment to one  .. whilst that one has multiple, be they deep/long term  or short term

Its is about what fulfills you... wht brings you contenment and delight



Exactly. No one has exactly the same needs. That doesn't automatically mean a relationship isn't compatible.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 8:54:57 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

The fact that you could if you wanted to makes a difference.. the fact that you didnt was your choice and what made you happy


Actually, no, not really. Had he decided I was to belong to him, exclusively, it would have just been part of our D/s dynamic, and I'd have enjoyed it as a sign of being owned, his treasured property.

Upholding the dynamic was what made me happy.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to enigmabrat)
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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/7/2006 10:15:48 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
For me, it was just one of the inequalities of our D/s relationship that made sense.

What are other people's take on this idea?


 I agree with you. I've thought about this a lot lately, as I'd very much like to explore cuckolding in the future. The subs I date now are aware of my interest and wouldn't be thought of as potential for longer term if they weren't "theoretically" interested in the same...or at least so devoted that they are willing to subject themselves to my peccadilloes.

I know myself well enough to say that I would have to have a very strong primary D/s relationship to feel safe to explore this area. I cannot be poly, as my emotions will not stretch that far...but, having it be about what I want physically and my slave's devotion to me, that I can and will do.

However; what's mine is mine and I don't like sharing my toys. They'll have to accept that to be considered for long term as well.


< Message edited by abytchgoddess4u -- 8/7/2006 10:29:54 PM >

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/8/2006 11:31:49 AM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy..



Sometimes it's better in theory than in practice. My two submissives *want* to be mine, are dedicated to making me happy, and so are intellectually accepting of the other (and the fact that I want them both.) But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation.

Take one sub by the hair on the back of his head with your left hand, take the other by the hair on the back of his head with your right hand.  Bang their heads together and tell them how lucky they are.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/8/2006 11:36:41 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think to have different needs than your partner is a very common thing. I think to allow your partner to be who they are most comfortable being is rare. I'm glad in the BDSM world we generally don't all assume everyone has the same needs and most are open enough to be up front about it. It's a good thing in my eyes as long as everyone's needs are being respected.


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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/8/2006 11:44:40 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Ideally I suppose I think that this attitude is wonderful, for me it would not work. I decided I wanted mutual monogamy. It is a hard limit, but I respect other people's choices. There are risks with everything and if a person calculates this risk and decides to do this that is their consensual choice.

My Dom has told me he isn't interested in poly or play with other women. It was one of the things that appealed to me, because I knew that once we entered into a dynamic it would be monogamous. There are too many risks sexually to expose oneself to. I was tested and he was tested before we were intimate. There are new STDs emerging that we cannot be tested for, so casual sex is out as far as I am concerned and that would be a deal breaker for me. I want to be with one person and be monogamous for the rest of my life and do everything I can to keep a smile on his face when he gets randy.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/8/2006 11:54:07 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am just never going to judge anyone for their life choices. However, for ME, I see honesty and comunication as being primary. I don't care if someone wants 30 partners as long as they are honest about it. Sort of goes along the line of 'whatever floats your boat". For me, I sincerely doubt I would want multiple sexual partners but I wouldn't rule it out. It would take a special group of people to make it work.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: One-sided Monogamy - 8/8/2006 11:59:05 AM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		I've known people even been involved with a male Dom that believed in one sided monogamy. It's not something I wanted then or now. He stated that he had needs that needed to be fullfilled because we were long distance and since I couldn't be there for his every need that he would do what he needed to do to be fullfilled. It was a frustrating situation for me and while I'm not knocking anyone's personal choices for my own personal situation it's not something that I would ever agree too. I tried to be tolerant of his needs, but the situation did nothing but cause a rift between the two of us and it diminished my trust for him because of the way he started out about it. However, with that being said. Had he allowed me the choice of finding another partner for sex while we were in different states I never would have acted upon that offer, but would have felt more secure with the situation. With all that being said this is another one of those to each his own kinda situations if it works for you then go for it and if it doesn't well then stay away from being involved in a situation like that.

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