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Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 7:18:20 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		(for me) 

Because once sex is a focus.. play becomes something that is put up with to get to the prize.  I like the carrot approach  :)

(I posted this just in case no one knew :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 8/8/2006 7:53:56 PM >

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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 7:25:24 PM   
TheOriginalBitch


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		Because by taking sex out of the relationship, the slave can focus on building the relationship.  The relationship will have time to grow, develop TPE and learn about your partners needs, wants and desires. Too many relationships end too quickly because sex is thrown in at the begining and there is no relationship to support it. Now don't get Me wrong sex or as I prefer to call it making love will happen, but not until the relationship has evolved quite a bit. I won't go to a bar and pick someone up, I sure won't go to a Dungeon and pick up a slave. Sex or Making Love is reserved for that special someone, or for a reward.... Yes the carrot dangle technique works quite well.

Mistress
"The Original Bitch"

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(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 7:30:19 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		To cut out those who want ... (giggling) ... "slam, bam, thank you Ma'am."  As a way to winnow out guys who just want to "try things out" with no commitment to the process. 

And it's the carrot thing, too.  Once I find someone I enjoy, I like playing with someone's sexual energy, but don't want that to be an expectation.

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(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:01:51 PM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		SM isn't a sexual thing for me, and in some situations sexual excitment can detract from SM.  So I can see why a Mistress wou.ld want to avoid it.  There's also the bombardment by fakes, the desire to not want to look fake, not wanting it to be a focus of discussion, not wanting it to be expected, and I'm sure there's some other decent reasons to deter it from initial discussions.  Of course there's many fine reasons for not specifying no sex as you mentioned.  If a loving relationship formed, I would venture to guess sex would start becoming involved even with people who specify no sex.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:04:33 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

"...Because once sex is a focus.. "



It's funny (and I know you were asking from a woman...to a Domme...but...)

It's rather strange...God fucked over the whole gig.

I'm a sub.  (48...couple weeks).

(Ooooops....male sub).

You've focused on why sex is so secondary.

This is just one reason why the sexes differentiate (I'll get to that).

It's funny...I wonder why so many women my age don't want to cuddle...enjoy...swim in the moment....(I was there, by the way {and quite ready}....15 years ago).

(Just thought I'd let you know).

(Which is why the whole "cuckold" thing has such prescience {to me})...

But I digress.

God messed up.

He should have called me.  I'd have told him "HEY!!! God!!! Here's the deal...all the chics I want to bone are too old for me {I'm 27}....no....wait...they're too young for me...{I'm 43}..."No...wait...they look fine but they don't know enough Beatles tunes"...

"...God...you know my number...I would be more than happy to tell you my preferences...I'm listed..."
 
I'm telling you...God needs to be more in tune with how my couch goes with my duvet' and...if I have to figure out where that 20 went that I'm certain was in the center console.

************
Oh...the differentiation:

Well...we're different (you and I). 

Sorry...the explanation doesn't actually get much more complicated than that.

Sorry about that.


< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/8/2006 9:03:28 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:06:39 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Dam and here I thought this was going to be yet another thread started by a male wanting to know what's wrong with sex and slavery. boy am I disapointed.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:09:36 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		And here my style is 'all about the carrots', and not in a selfish way.  I guess I can distinct 'sex' from 'not necessarily sex for me'.  But, we're talking about a 'just a guy' Dom vs. Femdoms.

Not to quibble, but shouldn't this thread be in the 'ask a Mistress' section?

Jeff

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(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:11:58 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

"...Because once sex is a focus.. "



...God fucked over the whole gig.



Oh no She didn't (weg)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:13:08 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		Because if you don't, you get absolutely fucking INNUNDATED with offers of sex.  Explicit ones.  I'm sorry, but strangers telling me how good they are at oral sex just make me go "yuck".  Especially when it's dead obvious that it's a wank-off form letter. 

It's not that I don't like sex.  I do.  But not with strangers, please. 

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:20:45 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

Because if you don't, you get absolutely fucking INNUNDATED with offers of sex. 



(I'd just like to say...I have NOT been inundndated with offers of sex...and frankly...I'm pissed).

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:30:12 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

And here my style is 'all about the carrots', and not in a selfish way.  I guess I can distinct 'sex' from 'not necessarily sex for me'.  But, we're talking about a 'just a guy' Dom vs. Femdoms.

Not to quibble, but shouldn't this thread be in the 'ask a Mistress' section?

Jeff


OOOPS!  I totally zoned out on that one..If the Moderators need to move this there.. please do.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:32:18 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		*shrugs*  Me dunno.  You'd think, with a profile explicitly written to ask people to write only if they are interested in making friends, and please don't write with explicit offers or sex or kink, I would get fewer of these than a profile on CM that didn't specify those things.  In addition, my main profile photo is of the old 40 lbs heavier pre-weight lifting/healthy low carb eating me, with no makeup and in drab work clothes.  So you'd think I would not get a lot of sexually explicit email offers.

But I do.  Well, maybe not a lot, but enough to piss me off and make it obvious that a lot of people don't actually bother reading profiles.  If you have a secret to NOT getting these, I'd like to know about it.

*checks your profile*  Oh yeah.  I see your secret.  You're male. 

Hmmm...maybe I REALLY need to revise my profile pic.  **searches teh intarweb for pictures of big hairy truck drivers**

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 8:33:54 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I used to specify no sex to weed out the ones who werent interested in service.  When yuo say no, then only the truly serious ones make it past that to find out more.  Being the Domme, I could always change my mind and decide I did want sex later in the progression, but I prefered to find boys who didnt see it as a major point.

My 2 cents
DV

And LTRsubNW, you can have my offers. I get more now that I actualy put in my profile that I have someone under consideration than I ever did before.  I dont understand that...

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 9:18:04 PM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

*checks your profile*  Oh yeah.  I see your secret.  You're male. 

Hmmm...maybe I REALLY need to revise my profile pic.  **searches teh intarweb for pictures of big hairy truck drivers**


It's true that will get you less messages (read almost none), but it's lonely without any mail to read when you're bored : (

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 9:40:05 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToServeIsToLive

It's true that will get you less messages (read almost none), but it's lonely without any mail to read when you're bored : (



I would have to be pretty freaking bored to want to read misspelled attempts at very bad pornography aimed in my direction.  About the only amusement I'd get from it is to post it for everyone to laugh at, but that practice is discouraged here so I'm limited to printing the absolute worst of them out to share with friends at the local Munch.

(in reply to ToServeIsToLive)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/8/2006 10:21:35 PM   
MissAbby


Posts: 36
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Chicago suburbs
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

So you'd think I would not get a lot of sexually explicit email offers.
But I do.  Well, maybe not a lot, but enough to piss me off and make it obvious that a lot of people don't actually bother reading profiles.  If you have a secret to NOT getting these, I'd like to know about it.


Hi Najakcharmer,

I do not get a lot of sexually explicit email offers although like you I am looking for Friends Only.  I think the main difference is that I do not have a picture up. 

Also My profile begins... "***Not Currently Seeking a Play Partner or Relationship***"  although I'm not sure how much that weeds out the spank-and-wanks because they probably don't pay much attention to a profile.  I do still get offers to serve Me, but they are polite.      

It's probably the picture that causes men to fall in LUV with you and they just can't control themselves!  hehe... 

All of your base are belong to us. 





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(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/9/2006 12:28:56 AM   
MsGothUk


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: Nw London/UK
Status: offline 		I dont have sexual contact with any subs I play with, it's a personal choice.

(in reply to MissAbby)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/9/2006 1:26:44 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		because once sex is involved they can no longer chatge money and claim "I am not a whore"

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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/9/2006 1:31:57 AM   
MsGothUk


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: Nw London/UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

because once sex is involved they can no longer chatge money and claim "I am not a whore"


where in the question did it say Pro Dommes?

(in reply to Arpig)
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RE: Why do (some) Dommes specify no sex - 8/9/2006 8:34:13 AM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAbby

All of your base are belong to us. 



LMAO!  It's good to know I'm not the only one here that remembers that.

The Ever-Nerdy,
MrsShadows 

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(in reply to MissAbby)
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