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Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/10/2006 10:41:34 PM

bmysub

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

I am a young master, I need some help with learning how to be a master. what I would like it an experienced master kind enough to show me and teach me to dominate someone. I am only 20 years old and not just some horny young dude looking to get off cause I am not. I am genuenly looking for a teacher. but by no means am I looking to BE dominated.
Thanks,
Lord X

[Mod Note: email address removed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 8/11/2006 5:29:28 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 2:27:31 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Well, I am not one to be a mentor or trainer, but....
Doesn't it strike you as somewhat pretentious for a 20-year-old who is admitedly brand spanking new to the lifestyle to sign off as "Lord X"?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 2

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 4:45:28 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

my advice is simple ..... learn to walk before you learn to run . many of us earned the title of Master along the way. .... take the time to learn to be a Dom first . the Master will happen all in due time.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 3

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 5:04:33 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Look around you both online and in real life. Other Dominants who you may respect each have their own strengths and weaknesses, but it is unlikely any do all things in exactly the style that would suit YOU.

Take responsibility for your own learning, don't abdicate it by relying just on one person and saying "Teach me", work out the skills you need to work on, seek advice from those you find who impress you in that area. Learn... then look at another skill you want to work on, find other people, other resources to learn from, develop your own style based on who YOU are.

Don't try to become someone else, Make YOU better. Master yourself, then you are in a position to Master someone else.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 4

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 5:05:45 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Leading by example means more than spoken words....

In many ways, you exemplify every predjudice I have with "young" doms in the lifestyle too soon, but I've faught that battle often enough lately and I'll tackle a few basics for you - to give you a leg up, so to speak!

So back to my opening sentence: "Leading by example means more than spoken words...."

As Arpig pointed out, you sign off as "Lord X" - yet you have a nic all in lower case.... Considering your profile is somewhat of a shocker, MOST ESP YOUR ATROCIOUS SPELLING, I'd suggest you start from scratch and delete/post a new one. Everything you do personifies who you are, esp as a dom. So you can't spell if your life depended on it; but you are on the Net - which means you can use a pc - which undoubtedly has word processor programs - which probably have a *spell check* capability! Note, "Notepad" does NOT!

For me, "Dom" is who I am, not some costume or hat I occasionally choose wear! No-one taught me nor can teach you "to dominate someone".... It's a capability you already have - or you don't! "Leather" does not make you a Dom, either - think "costume"....

You want respect; start earning it! Go read some Dom profiles for a start and learn to accept you can't spell and show some nous to overcome that very visual fault ALL subs will notice. Attention to detail is something most subs appreciate if they're gonna trust you with their safety and well-being.

You're a lucky fella, I've deliberately not mentioned "life skills" as part of a budding dom's education....

Focus.

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 5

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 5:32:29 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

If you decide to take Focus' advice and scrap your profile and start over I'd like to make another suggestion. Choose a nic that is not kink or D/s related unless it's clever or has some special meaning to you. Use a nic that relates something of who you are rather than being so generic.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 6

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 6:17:59 AM

MistressMaamNH

Posts: 211
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

To "Master" something...you must spend a great deal of time, energy and effort Learning about the subject-which means all aspects of it, to know which works best for you. You begin this by reading all you can get your hands on. You say that you are into needleplay and a few other things....I wonder what that means. Where do you get your needles, what safety health precautions do you take, how do you get rid of the used needles, do you re-use them...so many things to consider. Once you have read all you can on the topic of BDSM D/s, then you will find out where your interests are, and what to explore further. Next, I wonder, have you joined a local munch? Meeting real life people who have similar interests is next way to learn about something in a genuine, tangible.

I, too, agree with the other posts...you really need to do something with that profile. Attention to detail is so very important if you want to even begin to contemplate having someone place their health and safety in your hands. First impressions are so important. When the written word is your first and primary means of communication, making sure that you make the necessary effort to come across as articulate and intelligent is so very important. Spell-check takes only a moment, and can make such a difference.
That's just some food for thought.

MMNH

_____________________________

Let Me lay you softly, down onto the thorns...

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 7

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 6:26:38 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

There's a lot you can do on your own to find your way in WIITWD. There are a lot of good books that will give you insight and help you find where you fit. Greenery Press has several such as The Loving Dominant, The Topping Book and books on s/m like SM 101, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. Consensual Sadomasochism is another good one.

Ask questions here on things you are curious about. You'll get feedback. Take from it what resonates with you.

Get involved in local groups and go to munches, etc. if possible. Watch, listen, learn.

Redoing your profile is a very good idea.

No one can teach you to be a master in my opinion. Being Dominant is a part of who/what you are, being a Master takes time and to be one you have to first master yourself because if you can't be master of yourself, then how can you be master of another?

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 8

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 6:34:35 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bmysub

I am a young master, I need some help with learning how to be a master. what I would like it an experienced master kind enough to show me and teach me to dominate someone. I am only 20 years old and not just some horny young dude looking to get off cause I am not. I am genuenly looking for a teacher. but by no means am I looking to BE dominated.
Thanks,
Lord X

[Mod Note: email address removed]

I also would suggest that you find a local group where you can meet others who would be willing to show you some techniques. When I first decided to seriously pursue a sub, I was already comfortable with my dominating style, but needed some experience with implements like floggers and canes. I was fortunate to find a local group where I was able to try things under the direction of experienced Dommes.

I would caution you against listing things you are "into" if you haven't tried them in real life. Needle play is not something to take lightly.

I don't really see the big deal with using the name "Lord X". A name is a name. I don't think saying you are a "Lord" makes you one, and I would hope that submissives would realize that when meeting you. If they are simply looking at the name you use and equating that to your experience, then there are other issues to worry about.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 9

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 6:46:21 AM

SaphireLynn

Posts: 145
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

No one can teach you to be a Master it is who you are... Now you can be taught to Top another. You are new to the lifestyle with no real experience yet you are seeking a slave... that makes no sense.You have lots of lifestyle Loves and Likes but if you have no real experiences they should be courious about... The first thing you need to do is learn to Master yourself you. your profile says you want kinky sex, someone to clean your house and serve you when you want, and someone to make money for you.....LOL well sounds good... but there are lot of Masters out there that a slave can choose from so why would they choose someone that does not know how to be a Master. So find a Mentor to teach you...but look in a local group. Someone who can show you the ropes and then when you have mastered your own ability try and seek out a slave.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
~~~Anne Bronte~~~
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 10

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 7:32:54 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

The best advice I have to offer is to get out from behind the computer and go to real time things. Use the computer as a tool (yeah, I know...I've got a profile too....'cause maybe, just maybe, someone is here looking for me.). Being in SD, there should be plenty of active groups. Your only problem with most of them might be your age...a lot of groups on the east coast are 21+. I have no idea about the west coast.

A list of groups I found in Cali. I'm sure this is NOT a complete list:
http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=CALIFORNIA&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

Also, read. Read, read, read. Start with Jay Wiseman's "SM 101", Guy Baldwin's "Ties that Bind" and John Warren's "The Loving Dominant". The first is a "how to" book that focuses on safety. The second two will help with establishing and maintaining a relationship, not just tell you about how to find a kinky sex partner (I'm assuming what you want is a relationship...that seems to be indicated in your profile.).

Go read Heart of Master by Master Steve Sampson. If this speaks to you, consider events that have spiritual components such as the APEX Academy in the Butchmanns Tradition and Southwest Leather Conference.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 11

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 8:22:54 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

To learn something, first you need to identify what you want to learn to do. What does "being a master" mean? Remember, you get to define the specific meaning of "being a master" for yourself. Raven, Fire and I all appear to identify with the word "master," and our specific behaviors or articulations of "being a master" differ.

Once you figure out exactly what you want to do and learn, I imagine you'll have an easier time getting good advice on the forums, developing a reading list, and finding people to talk with face-to-face.

Monica

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 12

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 11:42:24 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear bmysub aka LordX, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Unfortunately, becoming a Top, Dominant and or Master, is not something you go through a drive-through, like McDoms or BurgerKing. If it was that easy, it would be as easy to go to subs`r`us and pick a sub off the rack.

My questions would be, if you would want to be slave to yourself. If you say no--you're spirit isn't there, just the lust for control and or power. When you would be a slave to yourself, then perhaps you might be ready. It takes a lot of responsibility, honor (keeping your word/promises), to be honest with building trust, not build trust as to screw somebody over as the ultimate goal. Master does mean having slaves labor and give you their paycheck, so you can spend foolishly and live a lavish lifestyle. It isn't about being a warden, prison guard, control freak either or, hurting people just because you can. Today's slave/submissives are valuable and they know it. They are the ones who pick their owners. You can only hope they'll pick you. Masters can only invite their interests and perhaps you'll be lucky.

May I please have you consider yourself as for public consumption. How you carry yourself, how you dress, how you speak -- is how people start forming an opinion. I highly recommend attending many support and education groups as possible, read and research. Go to dungeon parties and watch. Select a mentor or at least, talk to those who have their skills down solid.

The myth of being a Master, is having great whip and or bondage skills. Actually, it is just one aspect of being a Master. Masters wear many hats and all the associated duties with it. Masters must be relationship managers, problem solvers, protectors, medically smart at the least-first aid smart, provider and sometimes a teddybear. Much will be required of a Master. Each encounter with slaves/submissives is a learning experience. Being in the lifestyle a long while, owned many a slave--each slave taught me a lot. The worst thing a Master can do is to not see, not listen, not hear and not feel all the experiences that come across their path. The learning experiences never end, unless you die. Your duties are not just physical but, mental, emotional, spiritual as well. You can ruin someone easily and healing is extremely hard under the best of circumstances.

You're steps in asking for help is a honorable one. Everybody starts their journey one step at a time. Patience is so very necessary and comes when the time is ripe, not when your pride/ego says it is time.
In addition, you have to overcome the bias of age and the horny men who come into the community, to rape, plunder and pillage. If your intent is to become a good Master --be patient with those established in the community, as they must feel comfortable in sharing their skills with you and, respect earned. Respect is a mutual one for all that cross your path. Choose your time to be wise, around the community and away from it. Being polite and well mannered will never be a flaw of character and will serve you well, your entire life and in your learning journey.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 13

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 12:36:48 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
Masters must be relationship managers, problem solvers, protectors, medically smart at the least-first aid smart, provider and sometimes a teddybear.

Before my girl tries to say otherwise... I am NOT a teddybear!

LadyHugs, as usual your post was right on the button

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 14

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 12:39:13 PM

spoilt26981

Posts: 91
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: London UK
Status: offline

But Master,( cutest little voice)

i do truely believe you are a teddy bear you have all the quilties of a teddy bear

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 12:48:40 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I am NOT full of cotton, my nose is NOT a button, teddybears do NOT have size 13 feet, teddybears are not 6'2" and I have yet to meet a teddybear who can wield a flogger well at all

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to spoilt26981)

Post #: 16

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 12:50:19 PM

scottjk

Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

<sighs>

Okay, people. Can't you keep it simple? He's asking for a place to start, don't overwhelm the guy for pete's sake!

Lord X, my guess is that you're not ready for a lot of things until you establish a solid foundation in your knowledge.

Books are an outstanding start, as SweetSarijane pointed out, The Loving Dominant and Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns are excellent books to help with that foundation. That way you can at least understand where 'most' people are coming from.

Next, locate local groups that get together for lunch or dinner and talk. They're local support groups called 'munches'. It's to socialize, not to find a sub.

From there, you might find some local clubs to participate in. They often have social events and seminars to augment your learning. You might find some one there that may be willing to mentor you. Some of these clubs even have libraries.

Importantly, decide for yourself what is good for yourself. Seek advice, but don't assume "It's a rule." Well, with one exception: Safe, Sane, Consensual. Google that one. :)

Yes, rework your profile and clean it up. It's fine to have one, and it's okay to say that you're new, learning. Just don't expect to have your door beaten down.

I'll also suggest sexuality.org as a source of information, book reviews, terminology, essays, and so on. So far, I haven't seen anything that comes close to it.

One final word.... No one tells you who you are. You define that for yourself.

I've seen quite a lot of people telling subs and doms that they are not sub or dom based on thier own narrow definitions. Ignore 'em. Don't even respond to them.
As long as you follow the concepts of "Safe, Sane, Consensual" with all your heart and determination, you'll be righteous.

Good luck, and enjoy your journey.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 17

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 3:00:24 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Even though you haven't asked for it specifically, I'll give you a few tips on your profile because that's where most subs go once you contact them.

For starters, it's BDSM; not BDMS.... Not a big error in the great scheme of things but it does demonstrate *ignorance* and *sloppiness*.

Having or not having a "leather" pic is unlikely to tip the balance either way on what a sub thinks of you. But highlighting its relevance to yourself sends a message in itself....

Good luck finding a slave who's "DRAMA FREE" - there's no such thing, at least not if you want one who's also a living, breathing human being. For the record, there's no such thing as a Master who's drama free, either!

If you've never done anything as extreme as needles, then you're NOT "into it"! Ditto with "dehunanization" (dehumanisation?) - what do you even mean by that because it's not nearly the same as, say, objectification? Such a care-free attitude is gonna land some poor sub in the Emergency Ward!

As I said previously, go read some Dom profiles then post your own - complied and written IN YOUR OWN WORDS! Cut down on the wish list of what you might be into and emphasise what you *know*! And if you like signing off as "Lord X", it orta be your nic. But at the end of the day, monikers and leathers are window dressing and the more emphasis you put on them, the more people will think you're trying to hide or divert from substantial shortcomings.

Focus.

(in reply to bmysub)

Post #: 18

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/11/2006 3:15:48 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Good luck finding a slave who's "DRAMA FREE" - there's no such thing, at least not if you want one who's also a living, breathing human being. For the record, there's no such thing as a Master who's drama free, either!

I wasn't going to bother posting anything at all on this thread, because it's all been said before.

However, when I read this I just had to speak up and say I STRONGLY disagree with this statement. One may not ever encounter a dominant or submissive who hasn't got a history, but drama doesn't automatically come with being human, and it certainly doesn't automatically come with being dominant or submissive. There is no drama in my life. Hasn't been for decades. I won't allow it, and neither will the Kaptin.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 19

RE: Need some help in learning to be a master - 8/12/2006 2:53:41 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

Good luck finding a slave who's "DRAMA FREE" - there's no such thing, at least not if you want one who's also a living, breathing human being. For the record, there's no such thing as a Master who's drama free, either!

I wasn't going to bother posting anything at all on this thread, because it's all been said before.

However, when I read this I just had to speak up and say I STRONGLY disagree with this statement. One may not ever encounter a dominant or submissive who hasn't got a history, but drama doesn't automatically come with being human, and it certainly doesn't automatically come with being dominant or submissive. There is no drama in my life. Hasn't been for decades. I won't allow it, and neither will the Kaptin.

I'm in awe.... No money problems; no health issues; no demanding kids; no aged, ill or over-bearing rellies to cater to; not some pain in the butt boss or even neighbour - nothing? All may be lush and fertile in your World but the majority have something they hafta deal with; even learn to live with regardless....

Drama; issues; baggage; history; whatever - surely anyone who's actually lived for any period of time has made mistakes or had circumstances foisted on them that actually disrupt an otherwise "Brady Bunch" existence and I happen to think it's unrealistic to expect to find anyone "drama free". So the OP's young; chances are he seeks someone around his age and judging by the rate of teen suicide, the young aren't guaranteed exemption from drama, either.... And never mind the minefield of drugs, violence and peer pressures the youth in this age face that were comparatively miniscule when I was 20.

I've never met anyone who's perfect but that's not to say some don't exist. Between "drama free" and "dehumanisation", I was starting to wonder if the OP even knows that slaves are generally fallible human beings anyway. Youth, inexperience and an apparent concept of slaves being unblemished pieces of meat is a worrying sign to me. To that end, he does deserve credit for seeking a mentor because he needs one....

Focus.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 20

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