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sub for me? - 8/13/2006 6:45:44 PM   
sweetabuse


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		I have been in a D/s relationship for 3 months. Now my Master wants to bring in a fem sub for me. I don't want to be Dom over anyone. I know and understand that my Master's decision is final. Is there any way to approach this  Am I being disobedient by not wanting another person in our relationship. Any feedback would be more than welcome.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:03:48 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Ah, I'd say that he's bringing in the sub for HIM, not you.

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:04:41 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Have you inquired what his expectations are for the level of interaction between you and this person? Is it merely for play purposes or is he attempting to develop your dominant side? Is it possible that the other submissive is merely for him? While the dominant does have the final say I couldn't fathom functioning in a top role if I wasn't inclined to do so. There are certain things that you really cannot fake.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sweetabuse)
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RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:06:26 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		It would stand to reason your Master has final word yes, provided his final word did not violate your agreed upon limits, which you should have established prior to engaging in the relationship.

If you engaged as a no limits sub/slave then this should not consitute a limit. Your profile says you are straight so I'm curious as to what was discussed and agreed upon regarding bisexuality or girl-girl play as your Master may wish?


(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:25:52 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Did you discuss this before you agreed to be collared by this person, I would think that this would be something that one would not fail to negotiate before they fully committed to a dynamic. If he never discussed it with you and just sprang it on you, I find that somewhat disturbing... I think this post is at least valuable in helping submissivs determine the limits they have before they sign them away... just some thoughts.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:44:49 PM   
sweetabuse


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		First of all, thanks to everyone that has replied.
Now, to answer some of the questions.
Yes, we sat down, discussed and set our limits.
A third party was not an option for either of us.
We both agreed we wanted a one on one  24/7 relationship.
This idea was sprung on me. And it is for play purposes, not an addition
to our family.
And I have not been collared.

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:51:29 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		He is violating your agreements that you have in place. Don't put up with that. He can't just go change the rules unless you let him. I wouldn't put up with it from my Dom at all.

We might have "play" partners in the future. We have negotiated that this will be a decision we both make, and if one of us is at any point uncomfortable for whatever reason we call it off. The important thing always will be maintaining a healthy relationship where we are getting what we agreed upon from the beggining.

If you don't want this then it's time to make some choices about what you do want.


_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:55:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Then you have to think about where you want things to go and if you want to engage in this for him. It is all your choice so do what is right for you. I wouldn't do it, but that is just me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 7:59:27 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect he is attempting to make it more palatable by saying the sub is for you, when in essence this is probably not the case...if one on one was agreed then he is attempting to push your limit...the ball is in your court..if you do permit this, I am wondering what other limits agreed upon will be crossed...Tempting

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 8:09:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Exactly Tempting! Some people get off on edge play and enjoy their limits tested, Im not one of them, and I would feel slightly betrayed if it was just foisted upon me without it being agreed to first as equals. Before I give up control over some aspect of my life, I am an equal while deciding if I want to, otherwise how can I consent to it? We negotiate every new thing we do, and if it should continue because I am not collared yet. Collaring is once we have worked out all those details and want to commit for life in a Ds sense, until then I give consent for every new thing he does to me before he does it. I then decide if it is something he can do any time he pleases. It just makes sense this way for us.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 8:46:02 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Ah, I'd say that he's bringing in the sub for HIM, not you.


What da' sailorman said.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 8:54:26 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		If you don't want it and are uncomfortable with it, speak up. You say one on one was the original agreement. Perhaps reminding him of that is in order. He's violating or attempting to violate the original agreement. It's up to you whether you go with it or say no. 3 months is not enough time to have a well established relationship that can handle bringing in a third either in my opinion even if both desire it. You are not obligated to follow along with a breech of agreement. If he's doing this, what other areas of agreement will he change or discard at his whim?

And I agree with those who've said it sounds like it's for him not you that he wants to bring in a third.

< Message edited by SweetSarijane -- 8/13/2006 8:55:46 PM >

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 9:30:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		A lot of doms try to sweeten the "surprise of a new chick" by making the original sub the "one in charge" to placate some of their worries and insecurities.

It's a horrific situation all around, but sadly many subs fall for it in order to "be a good sub."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 9:42:58 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He is violating the agreement and therefore I would think trust would be an issue, at least if I were in your shoes it would be with me. If he can't keep his word then why bother with him? I would say this sub is for HIM not you, thats just an excuse to get/make you to accept it.
You need to stand firm or you need to walk away. Don't compromise yourself for this so called *Dom*, because a true Dominant stands by their word and their sub.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: sub for me? - 8/13/2006 10:14:46 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		First, even if it wasn't against the original agreement, it's too soon to be adding a new person - a relationship of only 3 months is not likely to be stable enough to survive the addition of a new person, even without serious reservations on either part of the original couple.

Second, it is against the original agreement, so remind him of that, and if he still pushes, then leave - he can't keep his side of the bargin so you can trust him; you are no longer obligated to keep your side of the bargin.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: sub for me? - 8/14/2006 2:30:01 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Like everyone said, the sub is for HIM and He thinks if  He gives you some control over the sub, you will like it.  i am exactly the same way, i couldn't top anyone with any degree of joy, it would be a chore not unlike cleaning the litterbox.

i had the same thing happen to me in an uncollared relationship... i then asked permission to contact the sub which He granted.  Guess what... the sub was NOT aware it was going to be a "poly" arrangement even though she knew i was His current sub.  She was basically agreeing that a 3some would be tolerable but she wasn't into it.  What a disaster that would have been had it happened!  Sweetie, Doms are men, not superheros and sometimes they just think with the smaller head.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to sweetabuse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: sub for me? - 8/14/2006 3:08:19 AM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		sweetabuse.
i agree with what has been said by everyone so far in their advice.  3 months into a realationship is too new, the two of you are still working things out, and a third would obviously complicate things.
You state you are not collared.  To me, that says that you are still in the negotiating stage and you are not obligated to just sit and take whatever decisions he makes as final.  Once collared, and if you have stated no limits then that is a different story.  Right now you still have a voice in what you want in the relationship and have a right to have your voice heard.
i was wondering, if he is suggesting bringing in a third, if he has one that he has picked out already?  Has he been in contact with other subs and working on a relationship with them, while working things out with you these past three months.
For me, i would be upset if i was in serious negotiations with a Dominant and He was in negotiations with another sub at the same time if i was not aware of this.
You are not a door mat and do have rights to be in a relationship that fulfills you, and it sounds like the idea of adding a third is not something that you want as was agreed on at the beginning of the relationship.
This is just my opinion on the information given.
i hope that this can be worked out.
aintbehavin

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: sub for me? - 8/14/2006 7:28:40 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I say you should sit down and tell him this makes you uncomfortable and that he said this was to be a one on one relationship.  When Master and i were in the negoitation stage i told him that if i was to be his i wanted to be his only sub and he agreed.  i think you should tell this Master you don't want to Dom this sub you want to be the only sub in the relationship and see what he says.  if this sub really is for you then maybe he will be ok with it, but if she is for him he will try to get you to accept it.  Don't let him force you into anything you are not comfortable with. 

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: sub for me? - 8/14/2006 7:36:34 AM   
MSUBLACKGIRL


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		Like everyone else said before me...Don't do it. He is behaving selfishly, and attempting to violate the terms of your previous agreement. If you let this slide, then it could have dastardly effects in the future.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: sub for me? - 8/14/2006 9:37:53 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		fast reply

The problem is not with the "Dom", it is with you.  The line in your profile sums up the problem in a nutshell, 
"Desperately wants to be collared".  When you wonder how you got into a siutuation such as this and why it is happening just remember your own words.  Lose the desperation, turn your brain back on and there will be no need to ask stupid questions because your entangled with morons. 

K   



(in reply to MSUBLACKGIRL)
Profile   Post #: 20
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