Questioning Dominants

Questioning Dominants (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 11:53:20 AM)
I have one rule so far on these boards with how I comport myself, I am not allowed to call any specific dominant a "fake" dominant. I am not allowed to question how dominant someone is or judge this. I am not allowed to insult someone specifically about how they treat their property either. I can disagree with it, but I cannot be snarky in a personal way about it. These things would embarass my Dom and I have little trouble in complying with it. I did this a couple of times before he gave me this rule, but now I live under it I will of course comply. It doesn't mean that I have to agree with everything I read, it means that I must be civil in my disagreement when it comes to that disagreement, and I must respect other people's relationships by not being insulting and undermining them on this public board. I know everyone has different rules for themselves and for their submissive in how they handle the above, and I am interested in hearing if there are those who live by similar constraints or enforce them on someone else that posts here. If you do have these sorts of constraints are they hard for you to follow?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 11:58:56 AM)
The rule I've generally given and lived by is- pick the timing of your question well, and don't ask questions as an avoidance tool. This means I have to train others on what "good timing" means over time and that there will be mistakes and learning curves. Other than that it's just normal manners I'd expect anyone to have.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 11:59:39 AM)
Interesting question. I am to protect his property first and foremost above all else. While he wishes me to be a respectful human being to people, and to be kind and forgiving (when warranted, which I suppose is subjective), should I find myself under "attack" by any person - submissive, dominant, vanilla, or otherwise, I am allowed, expected, and required to say anything he himself would say. My #1 rule from the day he began training me, is I submit to him and no one else. That was a hard one for me, but it was one of several which allowed me to rebuild my non-existant self esteem.

KatyLied -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:00:23 PM)
There are a few posters I am not permitted to respond to. And there are some posters my Dom has placed on "block" (under my cookie) for various reasons. I try not to judge other's relationships because my own relationship is not traditional in the sense of how many here would define a D/s relationship.

gentlethistle -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:05:48 PM)
I'm almost certain that my dominant has never read these forums and therefore never seen any of my posts. Therefore, there are no explicit rules relating to how I conduct myself here. However, I make each post on the assumption that he might read it. Laura

missturbation -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:06:54 PM)
My rule from Sir for posting on the boards is to always be respectful. I do find it really hard at times and have failed a couple of times.

juliaoceania -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gentlethistle I'm almost certain that my dominant has never read these forums and therefore never seen any of my posts. Therefore, there are no explicit rules relating to how I conduct myself here. However, I make each post on the assumption that he might read it. Laura These rules apply just as much in real life as they do on the board. He has also told me he cannot judge another's submissiveness, it isn't for him.. just like I have no basis to judge another's dominance..

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:21:00 PM)
My Master reads my posts. Sometimes I can be opinionated and am reminded of that. Some people that post and constantly post negative remarks I just don't respond to. Its not worth the trouble.

IndigoDadesi -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:47:06 PM)
My slave treats others, regardless of orientation, with the same respect he receives from them. If that means that he is rude to some members of the comunity they must have deserved to be treated as such by their treatment of him. If there is one thing about my slave that I trust to no end it is his judgement of others. So if some of his posts make me seem like a lesser person to those they are directed at or even to those who read them, Im not really concerned.

LadyHugs -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:47:07 PM)
Dear juliaoceania, Ladies and Gentlemen; As a dominant, I am rather secure person, so I do not make any restrictions on my slave(s) and or submissive types in regard to interactions with other dominants. The slaves/submissives realize that they represent me, as far as behavior and attitude. There is a way to respond without making it personal and, should they have something personal; I like to be informed and talk it over before a response is given. Respect is a two way street. Unfortunately, not all follow this practice. I wouldn't mind having any slave of mine to ask and explore other dominant's minds. Growth is important to any individual in my keeping. If they find better--so much the better. I rather see them soar on cloud nines, happy and content. When they no longer seek then they have found their bliss. The only unhappiness I would have, if the questions were personal attacks. It is proper to remain on the topic and debate all sides equally, until it has reached it's conclusion. Sometimes, there are no winners or loosers but left 'as is.' I make sure that I am known for not knowing 'it all' but, knowing a lot. I never stop learning and my teachers are all of you. It may be the same with others. Our duty is to pick what holds meaning and or value in our (in a general sense) minds, hearts and spirits and weave them in with those other threads of information/knowledge and or skills, creating our robes that embrace who we are as independent people and independent people who join with others. No dominant is identical. Each of us have many things to offer. True, we dominants are human, we do make mistakes and everything humanity is known for. My question would be, should a slave or submissive make an inquiry--How may I be of help. That is my spirit and my mindset when any approach me. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:50:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi If that means that he is rude to some members of the comunity they must have deserved to be treated as such by their treatment of him. For me, someone else's forgetting their manners is never an excuse to forget my own. I treat people politely because it is the standard of behavior I have for myself- not based on whatever behavior the people is around me. that would give them far too much control over my behavior. Except for extreme cases, there's never a reason to deviate from this standard.

behindmirrors -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:57:59 PM)
The biggest rule is that I belong exclusively to him. I do not accept to doing anything else with anyone else without his full knowledge and permission. The next rule on this is I treat everyone (regardless of their "status") with the respect they deserve. This, as he explained it to me, means that I don't have to show respect to someone who does not treat me with it. He trusts my instinct on this and will call it to my attention if I am wrong...thus far, though, that has never happened. I fight my own battles should I need to, and he's there for assistance should I need it as well. Submissive does not mean "doormat" to either of us. Picking fights is not so much my style, so I try to avoid it, but I am by the same token unafraid to have an opinion. I do try to be polite, though, to everyone...even if they don't deserve that effort- I reflect on him, and I have manners better used than forgotten. behindmirrors.

JessieMe -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:58:31 PM)
I always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt but sometimes... a dumbshit is just a dumbshit and Sir has no problem with me calling it like I sees it.

catize -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:58:36 PM)
First of all, juliaoceana, I have yet to read anything from you that is less than respectful. Often times I read a post of yours and marvel at how you can get your point across in the nicest possible manner. I myself cannot always manage that. My opinion is that not everyone who labels themself "MrMrsMasterMistressDomliness" is due respect, but I digress. Since your dominant has made this a rule for you, I would suggest several things. One: How do you show your respect to your dominant when you have an opposing opinion? Use that same strategy here, couching your words in respectful terms. Two: If its something that just makes your blood boil and you can't refrain, type it in a word document, get it out of your system, and delete it. That has worked for me anyway!

darkinshadows -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 12:59:46 PM)
I think something to remember julia is that no matter how much you may think you are being polite and not passing over an insult, and no matter how much you believe that your words maybe simply questions or passing over another point of view, there will always be some people who take your words and misunderstand them, or see them as pedantic or stubbon or any number of different thoughts. And in the same breath, there will be people who you misunderstand - simply because you cannot understand where they are coming from and they may be feeling that they are not. Communication in the written form like this can always be misunderstood. People will get insulted, even when the intention was never there. I speak as I feel and if someone has a problem with that, that is their decision. Personally, I do not believe in fakes, wannabees or words to that effect. I wouldnt call someone that, simply because I do not feel like that towards anyone. One persons fake is another fantasy, one persons wannabe is anothers somebody. As long as I am true to myself and my dominant, nothing else matters. Peace and Rapture

IndigoDadesi -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 1:07:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi If that means that he is rude to some members of the comunity they must have deserved to be treated as such by their treatment of him. For me, someone else's forgetting their manners is never an excuse to forget my own. I treat people politely because it is the standard of behavior I have for myself- not based on whatever behavior the people is around me. that would give them far too much control over my behavior. Except for extreme cases, there's never a reason to deviate from this standard. And I completely agree with this. It really does depend on the situation. I guess I could have just said that I trust my slave's judgement in general. When I say that he can be rude I mean that he is honest in a way that the people he is refering to usually dont appreciate. I suppose it could be called lack of diplomacy. All the same I understand the need to have standards for your own and your owned's behavior, I guess my standards are just...different than yours.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 1:08:32 PM)
I have one rule for her concerning posting on CM. She is not to take up for me if I become involved in a tough discussion. I like to think I am competent enough to handle my own fights. Of course, I tend to avoid childish arguments, but it happens to all of us now and then. She, as are most of the subs who post, is very intelligent and able to swing a metaphor like a very sharp sword.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 1:20:17 PM)
I've never been involved with a prolific poster, but if I were, I would want him to comport himself in a respectful manner towards everyone, with the occasional allowance for calling an a**hole just that if someone is being one. I would be embarrassed if my sub/slave behaved in a way that I would deem generally disrespectful, and yes I would set boundaries for his behavior in public if he weren't already a respectful gentleman... I seriously doubt this is a problem I would run into though, as I'm not generally attracted to rude/insensitive people. M

Calandra -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 1:29:05 PM)
I have a similar rule in my home julia. I do not allow mine to pass judgement upon anyone regardless of their power identity. Cubby must say Sir or Ma'am when speaking/typing to a Dominant regardless of the way they themselves comport themselves. Quite often, whats on the inside of a person does not show effectively on the outside. In the case of newer Dom/mes and sub/slaves, they are so busy working on what's inside, that they often make mistakes in ettiquette and attitude. Unless a person is imposing themselves in real life upon my slave, he is to remain calm and respectful, and let me handle any imporoprieties on the part of the offensive person.

popeye1250 -> RE: Questioning Dominants (8/15/2006 1:33:21 PM)
Julia, you're always respectfull in your posts to other people. Conversely I think Dominants shouldn't question a submissive's status either, you know that "are you a "real" submissive" crap!

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